Fractura

i just wanna be a cute yuri anime girl

[dalilronin]

Sasuke Uchiha, I Will Always Love You

[dalilronin]

you okay?

[dalilronin]

Was greatly inspired by this passage from Chapter 4 of Jesusland by Joelle Kidd, so I made this short tribute 🥰

[dalilronin]

One Piece is like the perfect encapsulation of my bisexuality, because almost every woman on that show I'm ready to get on my knees and bark like a dog for, but then in comes just that one man who'll make me blush and swing my feet and who's not even supposed to be there . . . Zoro 😩🥵

[dalilronin]

Volition is probably one of my favourite skills in Disco Elysium. Many of his voice lines provide me with so much hope and comfort. And yet, he isn't without his flaws.

He is adamant on shutting down anything to do with Harry's ex-lover, Dora, to the point of complete exclusion.

This is the genius of Disco Elysium because it demonstrates how you can't just rely on one part of yourself, but must take into account all aspects of your inner world.

Confronting his past, his trauma, his failings and his ex-love is vital to Harry's growth as a character. He needs to be able to look directly at the ugliest parts of himself and not be annihilated by them.

Avoiding Dora entirely would mean avoiding the emotional core of his collapse. But obsessing over her indefinitely is equally destructive. The game constantly walks that knife edge.

Volition’s famous line, “You can get through this. Day by day. Step by step” is beautiful because it offers survival. But survival alone is not the same as healing. Healing requires integration, and Disco Elysium is ultimately a game about psychological integration.

[dalilronin]

Women with short hair 😩😩

Men with long hair 😩😩

[dalilronin]

There has been a lot of discussion on the damaging nature of complementerianism and I just want to share my experience as someone born male within this system.

As a man, I was taught that leadership and strength were my natural role. This is constantly emphasised in the Christian life in which I was brought up in from the structure of the church to the structure of the family.

That belief shapes how you view yourself from a young age; who you are, your place in society and how you are supposed to act. However what was supposed to be natural, was never natural for me. As a result, I always felt like I was falling short.

Unfortunately, these constant messages quickly become internalised. The weight of the dissonance between who I was and who I was meant to be greatly affected my mental health, how I saw myself and how I related to others.

Over time, the pressure became resentment. Not just for the expectations placed on me, but toward myself for not being able to meet them.

Thankfully, I've started healing. As I reflect on my identity, I've come to understand that I don't have to live up to those expectations. That my value as a human isn't wrapped up in fulfilling a specific gender role.

[dalilronin]

Dear child, heed my words

for we are mind and body

we are man and woman

we are purity and depravity

we are stars and earth

we are god and human

we are everything and nothing

we are all and everything in between

we are not one or the other, there is no need to die for the other to live

so listen child, do not be ashamed, complexity is in our very nature

[dalilronin]

I love being a feminine man, a masculine woman, everthing in between and everthing all at once ❤️

[dalilronin]

when people see me as a man wearing women's clothing and makeup and assume i'm gay, but i actually lowkey am because a i'm just a lesbian deep down.

[dalilronin]

easter reflections of an ex-christian

This is my first Easter as a deconstructing ex-christian and it’s a bit of a surreal experience. And while I do have a lot of thoughts on the theological necessity of the sacrifice of Jesus as well as the historicity of the resurrection and how I now deny all its truth claims, I’d rather reflect on the psychological and emotional weight of this holiday. 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.”  - Isaiah 53:5 (ESV) 

Easter’s main focus is of course the death and resurrection of Jesus. Our churches, sermons, worship songs and even our social media feeds, are inundated with messages and images of Jesus on the cross, bloodied and humiliated. I went to an Anglican private school so of course every year there was a very dramatic depiction of the crucifixion in a school wide chapel service. All these things are of course meant to demonstrate the incredible suffering the Jesus underwent, and the love god supposedly has for us. But there is always an inherent undercurrent of how bad and sinful we are. Intentional or not these messages carry heavy messages of shame.  

Whatever the intention, we are meant to feel responsible for a man’s suffering and death thousands of years ago. We are meant to see ourselves as unrepentant sinners. We are meant to see ourselves evil to the core. We are meant to see that the only way to save ourselves is to look upon this mangled corpse on a Roman execution device. 

I do not deny that this can be a source of hope for many and it has been for centuries. I however, as a person already predisposed to depression, only associate this message with immense shame, guilt and fear. I am the reason. I am the source. If it wasn’t for how inherently evil, how dirty I am to the very core of my being and how I can never, ever measure up to god’s standard, this never would’ve had to happen.  

And if you are a Christian, I can already see what you are thinking, “he’s so close” or “exactly.” But I don’t think you realise the psychological scars, the religious trauma or how this can heavily impact one’s self esteem.  

I don’t blame Christians; I don’t even blame the Church. I do however believe these are systemic issues inherent within the Christian system and core beliefs. Easter is a complicated holiday, it can be a symbol of hope for many, but it can also be a source of unimaginable shame and guilt for others. Unfortunately, you cannot have one without the other. 

I am learning to heal from these experiences. I am learning that I am enough. I am not broken. I am not dirty. I am not evil. I am whole. I do not need to be saved. I am human. And that is something worth celebrating. 

[dalilronin]

As soon as I heard the line "the atoms don't form us anymore," I immediately thought of Blood Sport 🥺

[dalilronin]

I've never felt like I belonged, not even in my own body.

All my life I felt like a ghost, moving through the world without being seen or heard.

But as I explore my gender identity I finally feel like I'm attaining corporeal form.

[dalilronin]

My three music moods:

- Yearning metalcore 💀🤘😈

- Depressing ah folk 😭🥀

- Girly K-Pop 🫦💕💅

[ashes2caches]

boobs are one of the coolest things out there and you can literally just grow yourself a pair if you take the right pills.

[tgirl-tamag0tchi]

Best part of transitioning into a woman (kinda), is that kissing women is now gay.

[dalilronin]

Looking forwars to this

[dalilronin]

I was in the shopping centre recently and y'know those sales people that have their stalls in the middle of the walking lanes? Well, anyways, the first one I walked past said, "Excuse me Ma'am," and then the second one I came across said, "Excuse me Sir." Just a small moment that made my little Enby heart happy.