[meridiangrimm]

I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account.  "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position.  Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at a canyon* Fix this

Other casters: That’s not really how spells -

Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet.  Guess we don’t need a bridge.

Casters: How -

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at logs that won’t catch fire* Fix this

Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t -

Wizard:  I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday.  Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?

Casters: What -

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at charging dragon*: Fix this

Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE

Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems?  I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down.  I won’t forget this kindness.

Casters: *ripping their hair out* H O W

[scrap-patch]

I’m dying 😂👌

[karadin]

[peraltiago-s]

jake + the addams family

[animentality]

John Mulaney comparing Donald Trump to a horse in a hospital is literally one of the most side-splittingly hilarious and disturbingly accurate metaphors I have ever heard. 

[beaft]

going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half

[beaft]

“And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, 'Nice going, loser.‘” 

iconic

[beaft]

whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord

[your-bald-majesty]

This is amazing

[haltraveler]

Why were you a better writer than I am. It’s unfair

[jonahsimms]

4x06 - 5x13

[ninenine-brooklyn]

[dailyavengers]

Avengers: infinity war (2018)

[ladybingley]

∙ What’s your most used emoji? I like the upside-down smiley face guy. Demonstration? 

[officialyoda-deactivated2024050]

this man asked if its okay to buy an engagement ring with a skull on it and antoni went through every stage of grief in the background within about four seconds

x

[buffylives]

Love, Simon (2018) dir. Greg Berlanti

[ferfilelek]

[the-absolute-funniest-posts]

#fabulousfrogs

[thewowsignal2026]

this has to be one of b99’s best opens

[brklyn-9-9]

generally one of televisions best openings

[ohiwasonlyfallinginlove-deactiv]

please watch brooklyn nine nine 

[sar-kalu]

Seriously, this show is hands down the best

[actualhumancryptid]

One of the best things about this show is when you see a post saying ‘this is one of the best opens’, it could literally be any of them, because they’re all so damn good.

[thebestoftumbling]

[bookoisseur]

I miss this show.

[party-wok]

the way he claps when he says HOT DAMN is what makes it.

[aimee-b-loved]

Brooklyn Nine Nine is a gift and I’m SO MAD for not watching sooner.

BTW, season 4 premieres September 20.

[iloveyoualeclightwood]

the best thing about this is still the fact that the “hot damn” was improvised and thats why they cut away so fast because everyone breaks

[allisonpregler]

Might be my favorite joke of the series

[twink-on-the-brink]

HOT DAMN

[somecutething]

[grandpaq]

WHO IS THAT

[travalicious]

[mrs-jamie-wellerstein]

ONE OF MY FAVORITE COLD OPENS EVER

[lickmetilllicecreammmm]

I laughed out loud in Starbucks because of this

[iamabagfullofcats]

This is a masterwork of storytelling which is also a rollercoaster from beginning to end.

[jkateel-archive]

I needed this today.

[greyisbetterthangray-deactivate]

I tried to just scroll and move on … but I couldn’t. This is just too perfect.