The Wrath of Con

An Authorized Account of Anecdotes and Alliteration by Gwen Sanger- 24, Trans Lesbian, Geek Culture Enthusiast. Proud member of the Let's Dub Project. Warning: May Contain Homestuck Nuts.

[welcometomybrainstation]

benoit blanc living across from a retired nate and sophie and instantly having beef with nate. they keep inviting each other over for dinner (sophie and phillip get along fabulously) and dinner keeps turning into a furious battle of wills as nate and benoit argue over courts of law, and more importantly what to do when such systems fail individuals. sophie and phillip blithely continue discussing what broadway production they might catch next over the sound of two brilliant minds whirring at 200 miles an hour

nate and sophie insist they dont have any children, but at irregular times of year and any hour of the night, they are visited by three young people. benoit manages to waylay the one named 'hardison' by the lifts, once; phillip catches 'eliot' out in the hallway grumpily fixing the doorbell to nate and sophie's apartment a few months later. the third, however, they've only ever glimpsed as a flash of a high ponytail, or squeezed between the other two, blocking her lithe frame from view.

(some nights they hear a yip of delight followed by a metallic zzzip going straight down past their windows, but that probably has nothing to do with anything)

sometimes, after cases that dont mete out the justice benoit knows the world deserves, or when a rich asshole has enough money and power up their sleeves to get away, despite it all, nate and sophie like to come by with dessert and sherry, and stay later than usual, until the whole affair entire is unravelled. a few weeks, sometimes months later, the inevitable happens - the rich asshole's web of lies pulls taut, exposing them to the authorities and the world in an almost ridiculous set of circumstances.

benoit likes to think of it as divine justice. phillip has his own suspicions.

[post-it-free]

I love this. With my own slight change: benoit and nate are at odds because benoit keeps uncovering issues with Nate's assumed history, which annoys nate (as a point of pride), BUT he can never quite...prove anything, which irritates benoit. I like to think they are grumpy rivals to cover how much they like each other. Like every time benoit and phillip come over, there's a new detail to Nate's story, or a new item on his shelves. And every time nate and sophie go over, benoit has laid out just enough items, or asks questions to get Nate to trip up.

Again, not because nate is trying to con benoit, and not because benoit wants to catch nate. It's how far they can push "i know" "i know you know" "i know you know that i know" etc

[post-it-free]

Nate: i mean, he all but accused me of commiting wire fraud against those crypto guys!

Sophie: well, to be fair sweetheart, you did.

MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE HALL

Phillip: you said you'd drop it if you couldn't find that painting behind the curtain

Benoit: there were PAINT CHIPS, im sure he had only just moved it

[welcometomybrainstation]

@post-it-free AKDKDJDJSJ YOU GET IT. every week they find more reasons to engage in nemesis behaviour (essential enrichment for any half-decent detective/mastermind - phillip and sophie know how to look after their SOs!)

Sophie: you absolutely cannot wear that to dinner, nate. i insist

Nate: whats wrong with my shirt??

Sophie: the third button hiding the button cam hardison got you for fathers day, among other things.

ACROSS THE HALL:

Phillip: benny dear, explain to me again why you are currently rearranging all the furniture in our dining room? im sure i dont have to remind you dinner is in five minutes

Benoit: i told you, i need nate to sit on my right so i can check if he really is lefthanded, but i cant just tell him to sit there or he'll be suspicious! now help me angle that lamp so itll shine in nates face when he turns his head to look at me during dinner

[sweatervesto]

IRON THRONE: Paradox Kangaskhan, Fire/Normal The pilot never develops past its infancy. It cobbles together a protective suit resembling its genetic ancestor; the suit allows it to survive a war-torn future.

[parkayquarts]

now im imagining what pride events in ankh morpork are like

[parkayquarts]

there will EXCLUSIVELY be kink at the ankh morpork pride parade

[wondersmith-and-sons]

(via @takiki16)

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

(Tags via @romanceyourdemons)

Extremely correct response, leaving out the inevitable debacle over citizens declaring counterfeit genders in order to have rarer pronoun pins to sell to collectors in the underground pronoun market.

Dibbler, only mildly discouraged, eventually realizes he can sell embellishments for your pronoun pin, which he claims will upgrade your gender.

Also of note is that there are no cops present at Ankh-Morpork Pride. This is not because they aren't welcome (everyone knows Nobby is as kinky as they come), but because the festivities include throwing bricks at the City Watch building and they are busy trying to make sure they still have a place to work the next day. The Night Watch prepares each year with a barricade, and pre-marriage Vimes always collects the good bricks so he can save for a house. Nobody is really sure where the tradition came from, but it's good fun and usually nobody gets hurt too badly.

The bricks are provided by Vetinari, who considers it a good test of city infrastructure and training for the Watch.

[skarabrae-stone]

Cheery would 100% march in the parade. She'd get Nobby to go with her, but Nobby would be completely oblivious as to why (he assumed she just wants company).

Moist von lipwig would have pride-themed stamps made; these would inevitably have some kind of issue, which would create some outrage and ultimately make the stamps more valuable as collectors' items.

I don't get the impression that Ankh Morpork ever had anti-sodomy or crossdressing laws, so I don't think the queer community's history with the police would be the same as it is in the real world. Especially because Cheery Littlebottom literally started the Dwarf trans/feminism movement as an officer of the Watch, with the Watch's support.

Dibbler would totally sell pride flags with the wrong colors (and then insist it was the "new, updated version" if anyone questioned him)

The nobility are all scandalized, meanwhile the Seamstresses Guild has a float in the parade

Adora Belle Dearheart is deeply involved with at least one queer organization and is one of the main organizers of the Pride festival, but refuses to answer any questions about why

Ridcully decides the wizards should be involved, and Ponder Stibbons should make a float and organize the refreshments for them to eat while riding on the float. Ridcully's concept of allyship is loudly saying, "Well done, that man!" and pointing at anyone he thinks is exhibiting particularly queer behavior.

Madam Sharn and Pepe release a whole new line of Pride-themed chainmail

Bengo Macarona is embraced as a gay icon

Reg Shoe decides the main pride event is too corporate, and organizes an alternative pride parade for the same time and place; this immediately gets subsumed by the main pride event. Some Omnians show up to Pride to protest and Reg is delighted to have someone to fight with.

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

More from the tags, I love all of you

[tasty-tiktoks]

[notbecauseofvictories]

Any thoughts on Discworld daemons, if you don't mind me asking?

Vimes has a mutt.

There’s really not a nicer way to describe her, a bow-legged cross between a terrier and a feral sewer rat, mostly the color of dishwater. And she doesn’t really clean up—it becomes more embarrassing after he’s married Sybil, whose pygmy hippo daemon can go from placid river god to defensive bellowing ferocity in seconds flat, and might as well have stepped from the Morpork coat of arms. But even freshly cleaned and trussed in a gold ducal collar, his daemon looks like it was dragged backwards through a nasty bit of the Ankh.

she’s a patient tracker, though, and a rat-worrier and a sheep-herder and a snarling, protective beast—there must be some wolf in that mongrel of yours, Wolfgang tells him on that snowy plain, and Vimes figures it’s pretty likely, he’s got a wolf in him too.

Vetinari has a golden orb-weaver, who only occasional deigns to make an appearance—usually resting on the back of Vetinari’s hand, as if to make a point. (There are heads of guilds with enormous bull daemons who shiver in fear of that little spider, on that pale hand.)

Carrot has a frankly impressive lioness, whose presence made the whole watch-house fall silent the first time Carrot walked in. Vimes had been a little taken aback at the sight of her, gold and somehow not of their world, standing in their grubby and undistinguished midst.

(No one has ever asked Carrot about her, not even Angua, who has her own lovely wolfdog daemon.)

Moist has a mockingbird who perches on his shoulder, the same color as dust and utterly forgettable. (In his old glory days, he would sometimes bring a turtle or mouse with him, hiding her under his hat—sorry, wrong daemon is not an ironclad alibi, but it’s enough of a distraction to run away.) She gets along well with Spike’s terrifying peregrine, though she’s a little too excited by the feeling of being snatched out of the air in Moist’s opinion.

William de Worde has a hedgehog, who immediately curled up in a ball when faced with Sacharissa Cripslock’s ermine. (It took a while to get him to relax.)

Witches tend toward cats—or women with cat daemons turn out to be witches, they never quite decided that one. Granny Weatherwax has pure grey cat, utterly unremarkable in every way but that. (She has always been privately disappointed in him, for it. She would have preferred something a little more imposing, more obviously witchy—which, of course, is ridiculous, it is choosing that makes a witch, not her nature. But still.)

Nanny has a fat piebald cat whose amorous adventures with other daemons rival Greebo’s—he’s been known to slip off for days, only returning when Nanny is called out. Magrat has a cream shorthair who looks very handsome beside Verence’s—slightly excitable, a little graceless—hare. Even Susan, though technically not a witch, has a cat daemon, a sleek black thing that likes to play with the Death of Rats when he’s bored.

Tiffany is among the few witches who doesn’t have a cat daemon—hers doesn’t settle until she faces the hiver, until she ushers it through the black door to its death. Afterwards, Tiffany Aching knows herself to be a witch, and walks the downs with her sheepdog daemon at her side, her hat full of sky.

[roachpatrol]

Sgt Colin has a mild, pleasant brown toad, a sit-and-see kind of predator. Something with the patience to outlast storms, and droughts, and long frosts. Something with a set territory and a bottomless stomach, something that can launch itself sudden, startling blur to become the last thing the unwary insect ever sees. 

Nobby Nobbs, well— no one actually knows what his daemon is. She’s as matted and filthy and scrofulous as the rest of him, a dark, oil-iridescent clot of fur— or are those bristles? or matted feathers?— nestled in between the collar of his breastplate and the dirt-stiff rim of his shirt. Rat? Pigeon? Spider? No one wants to ask. No one wants an answer. Sometimes she will extend one scaly, brittle claw out into the open air, and he will deposit into it a sugar cube, or a coin, or a bright little shard of glass, and she— whatever she is whatever she’s named— will retreat into the comfortable hollow of his armor, purring and pleased. 

She can scream like hell though, and frequently will. 

Dorfl, of course, has a phoenix— when he opened his mouth to speak his first word, there she was, a scrap of flame, on his tongue. 

[nestofstraightlines]

I love roachpatrol’s thoughts. The image of Dorfl’s daemon being born is beautiful.

I think witches would have birds, like in HDM. I see Granny with a goose; Nanny with a robin-red-breast and Magrat with a corn crake. Agnes has a nightingale and Tiffany a curlew.

[hvkryter]

Through the piping lines of the Unseen University, there are bees.

No one knows where they come from. No one knows what they eat or where they keep their hive; they buzz softly but in a way that it sounds like many mechanical things clicking together, and when they rise all at once, it sounds like the beginning of a voice.

And always, they cluster near the parts of Hex; the tubing that runs through the University like a hermit crab in a shell just right for it, and a careful eye notes that their buzzing matches perfectly to Hex’s eternal noise; the clicking of the clockwork, the tapping of the keys, the steps of the ants.

The students swear they have never seen the bees more than a short distance away from Hex, and always around the senior wizards or the High Energy facility, and they move around Ponder Stibbons like a particularly noisy halo so he looks like an apiary angel.

Mr Stibbons tells the truth when he says there were never any bees until they turned on Hex. And one day, in the moving of the machinery, there arose but just one single perfect bee.

No one knows when the swarm came. Just like no one knows when Hex became something more than the sum of parts.

But when the bees fly and Hex is working, buzz and machinery a duet, it sounds like the voice of a soul.

[elodieunderglass]

The undead still have souls, which is why they’re allowed in the Watch, and by extension integrated into human-dominated society. Reg Shoe’s parrot is a transparent, repetitive thing with a small tinny voice, like the echo of a kitten at the bottom of a tin bath. But that’s just Reg Shoe.

Of course dwarves have souls; strange ones, but theologically undeniable. There have always been mutters that dwarves steal the souls, or that the strangely-silent animals are actually trained pets; but they do seem satisfyingly dwarvish, the sombre badgers and mole rats and burrowing owls, and they generally don’t cause trouble, and one must trade after all.

But Cheery’s pink fairy armadillo is instantly recognizable as a daemon, and a nicely dwarvish one to human sensibilities, a very small burrowing animal. Though to the dwarves, the fussy little thing with its delicate pink armor and pristine white fur is a slightly embarrassing thing to have on public display. Not only that, but the daemon speaks in public - allowing his high, breathy, querulous voice to be commonly read as male, implying that Cheery is by extension female.

At her interview for the position at the Watch, she gathers her courage in both hands and introduces the daemon to Vimes as

Roz’querkluftertz

, her heart hammering at the wrongness and intimacy of it. (Vimes helpfully points out the location of the spittoon) and she says “No, it’s, er, a kind of pink, er, rock,” and Vimes’s face goes all hollow and he sort of stares off into the distance, and she can practically hear the rusty machinery of his brain trying to process this new information on How Not To Be A Racist Prick To The New Diversity Hire into something he can make sense of.

”Is it,” Vimes says finally, the last mental gear clunking into place, where it appears to stick.

“It’s a very pretty sort of rock,” Cheery says humbly, trying to help. “But quite rare and I’m sure it hasn’t come up in conversation before.”

”Not like gold,” Vimes says sourly.

”Probably not,” Cheery says carefully, trying to avoid the pitfall trap that is talking about gold among dwarves.

Her daemon himself pipes up suddenly in his high, scholarly little voice, and Vimes looks at him in surprise: “Roz’querkluftertz is not considered valuable to dwarves at all, in the sense that gold is inherently valuable; it is,” - and here Roz’querkluftertz gives his fussy little academic cough, “considered hr’azdkha, which is to say, valuable because of its work or properties; namely, in the case of this mineral, being useful to alchemical research, as well as being beautiful, in the homely comfortable sort of way that is rarely reflected in songs. And, of course, pink.”

”Never heard a dwarf’s daemon talk before,” Vimes’s terrier says. Her voice is beautiful, deep and hoarse and husky, like a smoke-broken bar singer.

”We’re a bit odd,” Cheery says.

”You’ll do,” the terrier says.

”I’ve always liked, er, pink,” says Vimes, pitching himself courageously along the conversation, and Cheery’s heart sort of goes out to him a bit, because you can see that somewhere behind that casually hurtful sneer, in that dark and ill-kempt machine of his brain, the man is trying to be Good with a capital G, and most people don’t care that much.

”Me too,” she says, her hand curling around the little tube of Violently Pink Like The Blood Of Thine Enemies lipstick she’d bought in the market that morning. “I’ve always liked pink.”

[elodieunderglass]

Someone just liked this post from a million years ago and it reminded me that “Roz’querkluftertz” was actually some kind of Pune, or Play On Words, and I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS, so I had to back-google it,

and it’s a mashup of the German word Rosenquarz (rose quartz) and the Saxon term “querkluftertz” (cross-vein-ore).

THAT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY ELODIE WHY DO YOU MAKE SO MUCH WORK FOR YOURSELF???

[petermorwood]

It IS funny, and witty, and clever. If the peculiar titles and quotations of Mr Nutt’s Überwaldean philosophy texts (in ”Unseen Academicals”) are anything to go by, that sort of mashup would have been right up Terry’s street (Rührwörtergasse 7a).

This whole sequence is pleasing in many different ways.

[dedicatedfollower467]

If I may:

Trolls, it is commonly believed, don’t have daemons. It’s one of the salient points in the ongoing dwarves vs. dwarves debate, not to mention one of the reasons why humans generally find trolls to be rather unsettling.

Among the trolls, however, it is well known that your soul is something you make, or something given to you, or something you keep on you. It might be your grandfather’s club or a favorite boulder but it’s something that’s intrinsically yours.

Detritus’ soul is a special helmet which cools his brain down so that he can think more quickly in the Ankh-Morpork heat. It was made for him by a dwarf, which many trolls feel isn’t really *proper* for a troll’s soul, but no one is going to fight him on it. Cuddy’s daemon had put extra special care into helping creating it before they vanished into a cloud of golden Dust.

Rincewind’s daemon is an opossum - a strange little creature that doesn’t mesh well with the rest of the world, and would rather run or play dead than fight, but is mean as hell when backed into a corner.

Archancellor Ridcully’s daemon is a bull moose. Wizards are the sort of fellows who tend to have same-gender daemons as often as they have different-gender daemons. (Because women and wizard magic just don’t naturally mix, of course.) The moose is huge, gets in the way pretty much constantly, and really can’t be brought down by anything short of the world ending.

Ponder Stibbons has a crow, one of those dangerously intelligent corvids that know how to use tools and can count. She has a sharp wit and often says what Ponder is thinking but would never actually say aloud. It’s a rather annoying habit, as far as Ponder is concerned.

No one knows what the Librarian’s daemon was before he became ape-shaped, or if she changed at all between then and now. She is, of course, a female orangutan who only says “Ook!” and becomes just as angry as the Librarian when someone uses the m-word.

Young Sam’s daemon has a habit of mimicking his father’s daemon, except quite less scruffy. Sybil has sometimes walked into the nursery and caught all four of them sound asleep, Young Sam on Vimes’s chest and a big-pawed, fluffy golden retriever puppy curled up with the mud-colored mutt.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Death, of course, doesn’t have a daemon. Anthropormorphic representations don’t. There’s no soul there, no personality, he simply is.

So it was a bit awkward when one showed up for him one day.

He tried ignoring it for a bit, in the hopes that it would go away on its own, but it kept following him around all the same.

Albert suggested that it might have been better if it was something a bit more… deathly. A raven, maybe, or “a black dog. One of those ones with the red eyes. That woud be good, very fitting. People expect a black dog. Or just anything black really— you can’t go wrong with black. But this…” Death just stared at him in a rather unnerving way, until he stopped talking and suddenly remembered something urgent that he had to go off and do, right now.

Fortunately, most of Death’s… clients… are a bit too preoccupied to ask about the snow white kitten with the striking blue eyes that he keeps tucked into his robes.

[friendlyfrankenstein]

Cities, in theory, do not have a soul. Cities are Cities. But in theory, anthills don’t have souls, either. And the difference between an anthill and a city is the kind of thing that Wizards will cheerfully debate until only one of them still has any voice left and is thus the victor, and also, probably, is also Ridcully (as his champion inability to ever be out-talked is arguably part and parcel to why he’s still kept his seat). 

But sometimes, Vimes gets to thinking about rats. He’s never seen anyplace in the city that doesn’t have rats. Doesn’t matter if it’s Ankh or Morpork, he’s seen as many rats in cramped little broken-cobble alleys as he has grand paved streets. And frankly, the rats you get in *nice* neighborhoods can be far more vicious brutes. Not that the trashed-street types are nice creatures. Just the kind that have escaped every last ratter, or who know how to hide where no one can see or care what they’ve destroyed until it’s too late, who laze on stocks of food left to be expensive, are not animals he’d ever want to be left with his hands tied around. 

And sometimes, on a very long night and his third cigarette, he thinks about how his wife ‘never has the heart’ to abide rat traps being set in their home, because somehow she thinks they’re ‘poor sweet little dears’, and, somehow, he could swear, just like everyone else, the rats just can’t seem to bear to disappoint her. Somehow while their food may be nibbled on, and there may be an odd hole here and there (which his daemon occasionally snuffles at when Vimes is in an antsy mood or has to go somewhere in any form of neckwear), her faith is rewarded. 

Sometimes, around about the fourth cigarette, he thinks about how well informed Vetinari is. Even in places where he can’t imagine anyone reaching him to talk. Not unless they can move through walls. 

But he rarely thinks much past that, as he’s usually called away by something, even if it’s a headache. 

And in the darkness, in all the little spaces, somewhere, everywhere, in the city that never really sleeps, a thousand thousand and thousand more beady little eyes and paws are busy seeing and seeking and exploring, living, and regrettably, pissing just about wherever they see casually fit to. 

And the turtle swims on. 

[theboyandthebluebird]

Wirt’s Inferno-- A Comprehensive Guide to Over the Garden Wall as Dante’s Inferno

It is commonly known that Patrick McHale’s Over The Garden Wall is a modern retelling of Dante’s Inferno. Two young brother’s, stuck in purgatory, wander through an Unknown in between as they nearly drown in a lake. The journey they go on mirrors that of Dante’s classic journey deeper and deeper into hell, with each episode representing a different layer. 

So, what is Dante’s Inferno, and how did we get here?

Well, as a VERY Italian individual who also happened to grow up in New England, having Italian stories passed down to me from my Nonna and Nonno, as well as an English major who loves analysis and good old fashioned literary parallels, I can’t help but feel like I was somewhat meant to share this. So here we go. 

Buckle in for a ride, because we are going to hell and back. Literally. 

The Inferno is the first part of Dante’s The Divine Comedy, a 14th century epic poem written by Dante Alighieri. That’s right, Dante is not just the name of the main character. Dante, the author, wrote himself traveling through hell with famous, and even to Dante ancient, Roman poet and philosopher Virgil.

The version of hell we see in the poem is distinct to Dante, just as the Unknown is distinct to Wirt. Is is their vision of what the afterlife, or purgatory, would be. 

So we have our parallel protagonist. Wirt is our Dante figure. Both are nerdy, insecure, artistic, write poetry, wear red hats, and are in love with a girl. 

(Dante is in love with a girl named Beatrice, where our bluebird Beatrice gets her name, and Wirt is technically supposed to be in love with Sarah as the equivalent but as a self proclaimed Wirtrice blog FIGHT ME they both love a Beatrice).

Both, also, have a companion. 

The comparisons between Greg and Virgil are less exact than Dante to Wirt. Retellings, are, after all, just that, it’s not exactly the same or there would be no new story. Greg as a younger brother occupies a different relationship role than Virgil, who is a friend and if anything for knowledgeable then Dante in the Inferno. Like Virgil, however, he is musically/ artistically talented. Greg, we can see, gladly breaks out into improvised songs and gives us chart topping #1 hits like Potatoes and Molasses. Now I’m not sure if Virgil was spinning any beats on their way through hell, but both certainly occupy a similar artistic space.

Next, of course, we have Beatrice– who guides our pair further and further into purgatory. Both are redheads, both are adorable and both make me proud to be a pale Italian ginger. (And as previously stated our main protagonist is in love with them). 

And last but certainly not least, we have the Beast, Over the Garden Wall’s version of Lucifer.

This is more difficult to trace back to the Inferno specifically, Depictions of the devil and Lucifer across various cultures are as old and numerous as my college debt. However, the description of Lucifer in Dante’s epic poem are shockingly spot on to what we see in the Beast’s design

- multi faced

-horned

Some pretty clear imagery was pulled here, with tree branches standing in for horn imagery. Both are tricksters, deceivers, and travel through all layers of hell. The Beast does this through, as Greg calls them, turts). 

The Beast can most definitely be seen as a general symbol for Lucifer, as many villains are, but there is undeniable inspiration from the Inferno’s specific depiction of the Devil. 

Alright, we have our cast of characters. Each character has their counterpart in this retelling, with enough enough clear paralleled characterization and imagery to be a clear reference, while being different enough to be new.

Now, what about the journey? The plot?

The most fundamental commonality between Dante’s Inferno and Over the Garden Wall is that both of our characters take a spiritual, emotional, and life changing journey through some kind of hell, or purgatory. Both of these are tailored to their own unique visions, fears, insecurities, and seen through their lens. 

There are ten layers of hell in the Inferno, and it is no coincidence there are ten episodes of Over the Garden Wall. So let’s go through one by one.

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi che continuano leggere questo inviare.

I. The Entrance/ The Old Grist Mill

Dante’s Inferno begins with Dante finding himself in a strange, mysterious forest, unsure of how we got there– precisely how Wirt and Greg’s journey begins. There is a slight difference, though,  in that Wirt and Greg begin their journey already inside the Unknown, whereas Dante is in the forest right outside the gate to hell. A gate which reads “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate”– “abandon all hope, ye who enter here”– marks the entrance. The woodsman gives Wirt and Greg the same warning, giving us a sense at the end of the episode that we are finally entering into the true danger of the Unknown. 

This is not an official layer of hell, but the entrance, and at this place both characters are attacked by wolf like animals. Dante is attacked by three different creatures, one of them being a she wolf. At the end of the episode, Greg saves the day. Dante, too, is saved by companion– Virgil. The plot of this first leg of the journey is, affectively, the same. 

(why the image from the literal family show so much more terrifying than the one from the gothic Italian epic through hell I can’t) 

II. Limbo/ Hard Times At the Huskin’ Bee

Limbo is the first actual level of hell, where people who where neither good nor evil are sent to wait. Often this includes pagans who did not believe in God during their lives. They wait for heaven, for salvation and something more. The subtle torture? Is waiting for something that will never come.

In Over the Garden Wall, we go to the town of Pottsfield, a dreary, boring town where we see a distinctly pagan group of pumpkinhead skeletons waiting for the harvest. It should be noted that EVERYONE in the Unknown is supposed to be dead, as seen with Quincy Endicott’s grave being seen in the real world. Yet these are the only skeletons we come across in the entire series. 

What are skeletons a symbol of? Death, but also passed time. It’s a mark of time and erosion. The citizens of Pottsfield have spent so long waiting for the harvest– the newfound salvation that will never come– that they have eroded away into skeletons. They have waited, and waited, and waited.

This video here– made by TREY the Explaner on YouTube, also notes that salvation by Christ is also compared to a harvest often, and that Enoch represents the figure of Minos. 

This is a video I watched in my research which mostly reaffirmed my findings and observations, but also noted some things I missed. I’m not going to pretend like I made this observation myself, and credit goes to TREY for this next bit. 

In the Inferno, travelers encounter King Minos, the Judge of the Damned, when exiting Limbo. He is described a giant, immortal creature who judges those who enter into hell and determines the extremity of their sins. Often depicted with a serpent tail, he wraps his tail around each soul, the number of times dictating which layer they will be sent to. 

Enoch, like Minos, is the leader and judge in this layer. He is larger than all the other townsfolk, who overtly states to With, Greg and Beatrice that he has to “punish them for their transgressions” . He sentences them as they exit, just like Minos. Enoch’s design is also large, and serpenty. Enoch has streamers and hisses, as TREY points out in their video. 

The similarities are actually uncanny when you really look at it. 

Once again, the Enoch observation is brilliant but NOT mine. This is from TREY the Explorer’s video, which was posted over five years ago, and you should go and support it through this link right now. 

III. Lust/ Schooltown Follies

The first level where people are punished, the level of lust punishes those who commit just that, lust. And the concept is all over the place in this episode, with Ms. Langtree– who LITERALLY sings a song called “Ms. Langtree’s Lament” and spends the entire episode yearning. 

Oh, Ms. Langtree, you lustful sinner you.

Truth be told, lust is my least favorite sin/ level in the Inferno. I’m ace as, well, hell, and I often can’t relate. I thought this would be my least favorite episode and parallel due to this, and yet it’s not. 

In the Inferno, souls are blown back and forth by a giant storm. This is meant to symbolize how lust blows people back and froth aimlessly in life. We see this with Ms. Langtree throughout the entire episode. She’s spiraled into a depression, thrown around emotionally to the point she can hardly stand. 

She is, emotionally, blown back and forth. In fact, whenever we enter the school in the episode we hear wind sound effects. The school is the level of lust, and Ms. Langtree it’s main soul.

IV. Gluttony/ Songs of the Dark Lantern

This is probably one of my favorite episodes in regards to following the Inferno, truth be told. Here, gluttons are punished for being gluttonous– overindulgent, wasteful, and over consume.  One of the most common depictions of gluttons is wasting away in a tavern eating and drinking, so it makes sense that this episode’s prime location would be an inn. 

And what do we see? Overindulgent inn customers, who from the moment Wirt and Greg arrive boast about their lives.  We also see Greg indulge in large piles of food, leaving behind stacks of plates. He is constantly eating throughout this episode.

There is more food in this episode than any other one, though it should be noted the people at the tavern are never seen eating it. This is a reference to the punishment of gluttony in the Inferno– though they ate excessively in life, they cannot eat in hell.

Yet that is hardly where the gluttony parallels stop.

For one, the most notable characteristic of Gluttony is that it is constantly raining, and outside of our quaint little inn it is pouring. We see this emphasized when the action is taken outside. 

This circle is also guarded by Ceberus, a three- headed dog from Greek Mythology, and we see a dog guarding the inn by blocking the door. 

It is also important to note that this is the episode where Wirt is labeled as “the pilgrim”. This is a direct reference to him being Dante, as Dante’s journey through hell was said to be a “great pilgrimage”. 

V. Greed/ Mad Love

The circle of Greed corresponds to the episode about rich people whose mansion’s are so big they can’t even tell that they’re connected– what a surprise!

The greed and harboring of wealth is fairly overt in this one, needless to say. In the Inferno, those guilty of greed are forced to push bags of riches for eternity, unalloyed to keep any of it. Endicott is a perfect example of greed. He continues to harbor wealth, believing it will make him happy. 

Yet his giant mansion does not make him happy, and directly leads to the very thing torturing him (the “ghost”). The punishment here is not as direct as in the the other episodes, bur rather more metaphorical. He is emotionally empty and tortured by his cold, money driven exploits. 

Another important plot point in this episode is the need to acquire two cents in order to ride the ferry to Adelaide’s. This is one of the more blatant references to the Inferno, where, like in Greek Mythology, Dante and Virgil must pay two coins to the ferryman Charon to ride across the river Styx and reach the next level of hell. 

VI. Anger/ Lullaby in Frogland

At first glance, this seems like one of the more abstract episodes to compare to the Inferno. It’s where those who were aggressive, violent, and full of rage are punished. We are on a ferry with bassoon playing frogs. 

However, the episode manages to draw some fantastic parallels. The circle of Anger in Dante’s tale is represented by a muddy, swampy wetland. Dante and Virgil do not have to pay to cross the river like most, and take a boat across. Wirt, Greg and Beatrice also do not pay the two coins, since Greg threw them out, and catch a ride on a ferry through the muddy swampland. 

I guess Endicott was right, Greg does have some sense. And we end all rolling in the mud, just like the souls in Anger. 

Speaking of which, you know what else there is a lot of in this episode? Anger.

Anger when there is no bassoon player. Anger and a chase with the frog police. Wirt’s anger when he finds out Beatrice lied to them.

The episode is the central turning point of the series, and it works beautifully with this layer of hell. The exit of Anger in the Inferno is the City of Dis, whose walls separate  the passive sins, from the  active ones. This is the point we have reached in our narrative with the reveal of Beatrice’s betrayal as well. 

I would also like to include another addition from TREY’s video at the end of this section, which I did not observe or come up with myself, which is that in the City of Dis, Dante is confronted by three furies. Like the fates, they are old hags. 

And who do we get in this episode? Adelaide. An old hag, whose scissors channel imagery of the fates in Greek Mythology, who use scissor to cut the string of people’s lives.

VII. Heresy/ The Ringing of the Bell

Heresy, one of the worst sins one could commit in Dante’s time, is the punishment of practicing any faith outside of, in this case, Catholicism (though broadly speaking it is the practice of any religion outside of the accepted one in society, which depends on the context). They are punished by being constantly burned or set on fire.

 In this episode, there is not only an array of candles around the house, but an emphasis on the fire by Auntie Whispers. The entire episode has a pagan, witchy feel– these same candles are arranged in what looks like ritualistic way, perhaps to try and get the demon out of Lorna. 

Which brings me to the most obvious point and reference, in my eyes.

The plot of the entire episode is literally that of an exorcism, casting a demon out of a young girl. 

If that is not a theme of heresy, I don’t know what is. The aesthetic of this episode is entirely what Dante’s hell considers heresy, and the plot of driving out a demon an all too familiar Catholic narrative. 

Magic, sorcery, and witch imagery are more prevalent in this episode than ever, and though more abstract than other episodes I believe the parallel could not be clearer. 

VIII. Violence/ Babes in the Wood

Violence, though fairly self explanatory, is is a bit complicated in the Inferno. It’s broken up into parts, or rings– violence against others, violence against oneself, and worst of all, violence against God. 

The punishments in the circle of Violence are gruesome ones– those in the first ring are left to drown in the boiling blood of the River Phlegethon, since they reveled in blood in life. In the Inferno, Dante and Virgil cross the river to enter the Wood of Suicides, where those who took their own lives are left to transform into trees. 

Oh gee, where have we seen this before? 

The tree imagery is arguably the most blatant reference to the Inferno in the entire series. After floating down a river, the boys wander through the woods. Wirt, having given up in despair, lies down and begins to turn into a tree. They have floated down the River Phlegethon, and entered the Wood of Suicides. 

There is a lot more detail and nuance to the rings of circle of Violence in the Inferno, but the episode follows the basis of Dante’s journey through it quite well. Wirt’s attitude and sadness, his laying down and almost turning into a tree, can even be read as an allegory for suicide.

IX. Fraud/ Into the Unknown

Like episode 5, our flashback episode is one of the more difficult ones to parallel to it’s counterpart in Dante’s Inferno. In the Inferno, the circle of Fraud is complex and made up of various ditches, or bolgias. What’s interesting, however, is that the episode of Fraud is the one what takes place in the real world. 

Fraud is deception, lying, and manipulation, and not only does the episode take place on Halloween– a night full of fraud where everyone pretends to be someone or something they are not– Wirt himself is a fraud. He never shows his true self, due to his insecurity, and in an attempt to win over Sarah.

The episode follows a bunch of teenagers. And what bigger frauds, or pretenders putting on an act, are there than teenagers trying to survive in a public high school?

Thieves are amongst those punished in this circle, and this is the episode where Greg reveals he stole his rock fact rock. 

Both Wirt and Greg have committed sins applicable to this circle. The punishment for this circle is falling down a pit or trench into darkness. And that is precisely how this episode ends– Wirt and Greg falling down into a pit of darkness. 

TREYs video also points out that Sarah’s costume could be symbolic to the winged creature Geryon, whom Dante and Virgil encounter at the end of this circle. Like a bee, Geryon is winged with a stringer, though he was a humanoid upper body. Geryon leads Dante and Virgil deeper in hell, while Sarah arguably leads Wirt and Greg to the Unknown. She is the reason they end up there in the first place. 

Lastly, there is the “eat your dirt” comment from Beatrice, which when researching and rereading the Înferno to look for similarities I immediately thought was a nod to one of the worst punishments in Fraud– deceivers who told lies being forced to eat human waste, as it represents what came out of their mouths during life. This, to my surprise, was also noticed by TREY in their video, and discussed. It is a subtle nod, yet this imagery being in the episode which corresponds with this circle, and never being brought up again, cannot be a coincidence. 

X. Treachery/ The Unknown

The worst layer of hell, where Lucifer himself is found due to betraying the highest power of all, God himself, Treachery is depicted in the Inferno as a cold an barren wasteland. This is a stark contrast to the pit of fire hell is commonly described as. This is because Lucifer’s giant wings beating freeze everything to ice and cause frigid wind gusts. Like in episode three, the weather in the final episode of Over the Garden Wall parallels it’s equivalent in the Inferno. 

It is snowy, cold, barren, and we open with Beatrice being blown around in a giant windstorm. And in this episode, like in this circle, we find the Beast. 

People in the circle of Treachery are punished being frozen, looking upward at the world but unable to move or ge tout of the eternal cold. This is precisely what the Beast does to Greg to fuel his lantern. 

In the end, both Dante and Wirt contort the Beast, or the Devil, in this frozen tundra, and eventually escape and return home. Their journey’s have changed them however– spiritually, emotionally, and in maturity. They have literally been to hell and back.

And so, our retelling of Dante’s Inferno comes to an end. 

Patrick McHale’s masterpiece is more than a retelling of Dante’s epic poem– it is stooped in American colonial folktales, German fairytales, and more. However, the Inferno is most definitely it’s bones, it’s outline, and a core part of what makes this stunning piece of art work. 

[waitingtorespawn-deactivated202]

imagine thinking theyre straight

[miraculousvn]

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[thunderflcwer-moved]

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If you haven’t heard the Mumford and Sons version of this song, listen now and prepare for tears.

[prompt-master]

Naegirigami living together like

Makoto: has anyone seen my phone?

Byakuya: I know where it is.

Makoto: perfect! Where?

Byakuya: Go ahead- tell us where, Makoto.

Makoto: wh- you said you knew where-

Kyoko: Just think about it for a few minutes, and the answer will become clear

Makoto: WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS WITH YOU GUYS???

-Rach

————————————————–

GOD YEAH DJXKSLXKDKKXKD i love tell em Naegi jokes so fkin much. Naegi is just so used to their antics that he just goes along with it

[vicked-witch]

Listen, they’re underrated as hell ❤

[flamingthespian]

[ariespetal]

This is pretty stupid, but I drew it so I’m posting it here

[sskyguy-blog]

                   the tragedy of anakin skywalker (x)

[luckyjak]

#no but really#why wasn’t anakin a crechemaster#why did they let him major in stabbing?#star wars#queue (tags @cadesama)

OH GOD NO BUT THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. how did the jedi not think of that?

what is anakin’s biggest weakness? attachments.

you know who needs lots of attachment? babies. small children.

anakin should not have been made to study murder: he should have been put in charge of Small Things. He would have bonded with all of them instantly, and it would have given his life Meaning and Purpose.

He’d bond with the kids, but he’d be able to move on because they are Bigger now and they have to go to the Big Kid Class but he still sees them around all the time, and it finally teaches him how to let go of his attachments??? He’d find a kid that he’s particularly fond of and go to Obi-Wan and say “I have found your newest padawan.”

this could have fixed so. many. things. ;_____;

[angelqueen04]

Heh, and Anakin would keep picking Obi-Wan’s padawans for him, and it would be annoying but damn if he wasn’t right every single time.

[ialreadyreadthatfanfic]

BUT CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE HOW ANNOYED PALPATINE WOULD BE his life would be never-ending string of trying to get a hold of Anakin (I mean, would Anakin give him a time of day if he can spend it with small kids who absolutely adore him instead?)

he keeps comming over the years, but it’s always like

BEEP

“Anakin, my boy, we haven’t seen each other in a while—“

“I’m sorry, Chancellor, now’s not the best time. I’m tutoring a class.”

BEEP

“My dear boy, I wonder if we could meet for a chat—“

“Well, it can’t be this week, we’re going to Ilum, but maybe later…”

BEEP

“Anakin, I’d like to—“

“I’m terribly sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan Kenobi answers. The apologetic tone might be just a tad exaggerated. “Anakin is on a trip with younglings, he must’ve left his comlink behind accidentally.”

BEEP

“You’ve reached Anakin Skywalker’s private comlink. Leave the message after the tone.”

BEEP

“It’s such a shame that Council doesn’t consider sending you on this campaign, considering the lightsaber skills you demonstrated when I was last visiting the Temple, Anakin.”

“Thank you, Chancellor, but this is precisely why I need to stay behind. In fact just the last week, the Masters decided I should take over some advanced lightsaber classes, considering senior Padawans accompanying their Masters on the frontlines need the training. I might take the Bear Clan along, make it a learning opportunity for the young ones—“

Palpatine closes his eyes slowly. He knows this from experience; Anakin won’t let himself be budged from the topic of little monsters for at least another half an hour.

BEEP

“Ah, Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin left his comlink behind again, he’s in class—“

BEEP

“Anakin, I hoped you—“

“Oh! Chancellor,” the voice on the other end is distinctly female, and Palpatine recognizes it after a second. Kenobi’s second Padawan. He barely restrains the urge to gnash his teeth. “Um, Skyg—I mean, Master Skywalker can’t pick up now. I can tell him you called? It’s just that he was helping me with forms, and he forgot his comlink, and he’s probably already in crèche…”

BEEP

Then there’s that one time when an actual youngling picks up the call. The less said about his reaction to that incident, the better.

BEEP

“—fortunately, they were all right in the end. But in my opinion, this should never happened in the first place, Chancellor.”

Palpatine snaps awake. Was that… was that anger? Finally, the hours of listening to worthless drivel about Jedi younglings paid off.

“My boy, I absolutely agree,” he begins slyly, but before he can continue, Anakin steamrolls on.

“I think Jedi Order is too deeply entwined in the conflict! I honestly don’t think even senior Padawans should be anywhere near battles, not to mention in command of GAR, but now even younglings are acceptable targets for Separatists and pirates! Master Yoda and I were talking about this lately, and—“

Palpatine swallows a scream of rage with some difficulty.

BEEP

“Forgot his comlink again, Master Skywalker has. With younglings, he is.”

Slaughtering younglings moved to the top on the list of things Darth Sidious will do after taking over galaxy some time ago.

[grand-duc]

this post keeps getting better and better

[suzume42]

More please! Tagging @systlin, @beautifultoastdream and @karama9

[karama9]

That is what the Council would have done if they were smart. Seriously. Here’s Yoda saying Anakin should not be taught because he senses too much fear in him, and it’s fear for the people he cares about, something everyone present realizes fully because when it comes to his own safety, Anakin couldn’t be more reckless. Then Qui Gon announces he’s training him anyway, someone points out he might fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the Force, and nobody, NOBODY, thinks that MAYBE giving him a job that’s more about caring than killing might be an idea. Nope. Okay, we’re training him, let’s foster the loose canon aspect of his personalities, make him a war general and keep pushing him into vicious battles to the death. Sounds perfect for his mental health. The Jedi Council were a bunch of idiots with their head so far up their own asses even a lightsaber shoved up there to the hilt would not provide them enough light to see further than their own noses.

I think I got lost somewhere in this metaphor. You get the point.

[beautifultoastdream-deactivated]

After ten years, Palpatine loses his patience and decides to change his plans. Fuck it, Skywalker has kids now–two adorable little moppets who can be captured, broken, and twisted into twin powerhouses of the Dark Side. Torture one while the other watches, convince them Daddy doesn’t love them, easy-peasy.

Unfortunately, he fails to reckon with the fact that not only is he going up against Anakin Fucking Skywalker, but that Anakin Fucking Skywalker is the surrogate father/big brother/best friend/cool teacher of ninety percent of the current Padawans and young Knights in the Order. And while the Council might make decisions and talk about the Will of the Force and stuff, those Padawans and Knights only care about the fact that the man who scared away the monsters under the bed–made it feel less lonely and frightening to be away from home when they were small–is now hurting and scared for his own children.

Just like Palpatine always wanted, Anakin ends up leading an army. An army of young Jedi who smash the ever-loving shit out of everything “Darth Sidious” can throw at them, rescue the terrified Skywalker twins, and drag the Chancellor hisownself before the Senate with conclusive proof that he’s an evil Dark-Side-wielding bastard who kidnaps adorable kids.

Attachments FTW.

[systlin]

God, YES

[systlin]

Luke and Leia would have grown up with 500 brothers and sisters of assorted species.  Whenever you see Anakin there are 10 kids with him, occasionally actively hanging off of his arms or riding on his shoulders. (Anakin looks downright gleeful about this). Padme thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever.  

20 years later by the time “A New Hope” would have begun, Anakin is 45. Padme is the new Chancellor. Luke and Leia are finishing their own Jedi training. 90% of the current young Jedi order calls Anakin ‘Dad’. He has amassed the galaxy’s largest collection of refrigerator art. After that incident with Chancellor Palpatine 15 years back, Yoda was forced to admit to Qui Gon’s very smug force-ghost that he was right. Everything is right with the galaxy. 

[dreamer-wisher-liar]

I am so sorry this ate my brain and then things ran away from me. I AM SORRY.  So. Anakin leads an army to retrieve his children and it’s this twisted version of everything Sidious ever wanted and he’s prepared for that.

But Sidious always underestimates how love changes things. And while he’s prepared to fight Anakin’s devoted army of former crechelings, he underestimates how that’s changed the rest of the Order.

Because Obi-Wan is quieter about whom and how he loves but doesn’t make it any less strong. When Obi-Wan loves someone it is unconditional and unyielding and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves Anakin Skywalker. Then the twins are born and Anakin is bashfully about it but he’s not ashamed and of course Obi-Wan has to know, he can’t imagine Obi-Wan not knowing his children (Obi-Wan totally already knows, he has been rolling his eyes about this for months and waiting for Anakin to come to him so he doesn’t spook him or for Padme to knock some freaking sense into him, which she does, because not-dying Padme is scary post-pregnancy and not willing to deal with the stupid anymore) and then Padme hands him Leia and everything stutters to a halt for a moment because oh, oh no, Anakin has found him another padawan.

There is no one Obi-Wan will ever love as fiercely as Anakin, except for Anakin’s children, who may as well be his own children. And he knows from the moment he first holds her that Leia will be the greatest Jedi he ever has a hand in raising.

(It becomes a joke among the Knights and Masters at the temple after the Skywalker twins arrive. If you even think that you might like to take Leia as your padawan, you can feel Obi-Wan glare at you no matter where he is in the galaxy.)

And when Sidious kidnaps Anakin’s children – his future padawan – Obi-Wan is the only Jedi in the galaxy who can put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder and say we need a distraction to do this safely, trust me to bring them home for you. Anakin will lead the frontal assault and tear down all of Sidious’ carefully constructed plans. Obi-Wan will sneak in and safeguard their children and bring them home.

That’s the plan, anyway.

Here’s what none of them expected:

When Luke Skywalker came screaming and red-faced into the world, an ancient, meddling, troll of a Jedi Master who had vowed never to take another padawan felt it and thought: fuck.

Whereas Leia is, even as a child, stubborn and willful and silk hiding steel, Luke is twin balls of sunshine. Raised among Jedi, he is so bright a presence it hurts. Even raised among Jedi, he wears his heart on his sleeve and has absolutely no guile and he pouts when the cafeteria doesn’t serve his favourite dessert but will cheerfully walk across the room and give it to someone else if he senses that person is still hungry. The first time Luke sees Yoda he stares at him, all big blue eyes and pudgy baby hands, then grabs his ears and won’t let go. Everyone is horrified. Yoda harrumphs at him and tell him, “Patience, young one.” He toddles after Yoda from the time he can crawl and no matter how grouchy Yoda seems he never actively dissuades him from it.

After the twins enter the temple, Anakin always knows not to worry if Luke is missing from the crèche. Yoda will escort him back sooner or later.  

(He’s always much more worried when Leia disappears because, yes, Obi-Wan will bring her back but they’ll have always gotten into trouble in the meantime.)

Yoda does not confront Darth Sidious. Yoda does not lose his duel with the Sith lord and become diminished because of it. Yoda is with Obi-Wan, sneaking into his stronghold to see the twins safe. Yoda cannot go Sith hunting when Luke is in pain and gently clinging to him, his arms around his neck, bruised and bleeding and smiled at Yoda when he saw him because Luke knew he would come.

(Sidious cannot win, with them. Leia would risk her home being obliterated rather than betray her righteous cause. Luke would willingly walk into flames rather than give up on those he loves. It hurts, oh it hurts, to see the other in pain, but Leia can watch Luke being hurt and know there are more important things at stake than the two of them and Luke can watch Leia being hurt and trust that they will be saved.)

Sidious escapes but his Empire falls before it solidifies. He will never be as powerful as he needs to be.

(It’s Anakin who notices there is something wrong with the clones. He’s not their General but Obi-Wan is and Obi-Wan is a good general. When Obi-Wan is hurt, they’re all nosey and worried and Anakin – all but glued to his former Master’s bedside when it’s really bad and first and foremost a mechanic – can tell that something is wrong. He’s not always with them so it never becomes familiar, it never becomes normal, and it niggles at the back of his brain until he’s sitting in front of Obi-Wan’s bacta tank –  old training bond humming between them because Obi-Wan hates drugs and hates being sedated and he stays quieter and heals faster if Anakin is there to keep him calm – and Rex walks in to check on the General and Anakin turns around to look at him and he sees it.

The Jedi Order quietly deprograms the clone army. They trace the chip back to Palpatine. Padme and Bail Organa and Mon Mothma start quietly amassing information against him and his allies – enough for criminal charges, pushing Sidious to show his hand and try to kidnap the twins.)

Obi-Wan takes Leia as his Padawan the second she’s old enough for it to be proper. They are scarily well matched. If he was the Jedi’s best hope to keep planets from succeeding during the war, together they can talk whole systems into rejoining the rebuilding Republic. 

Yoda leaves Luke in the crèche until the day before his thirteenth birthday. Everyone is worried except Luke (who knows he is meant to be a Jedi and knows Master Yoda is meant to teach him and trusts this, since he was raised in the Temple. It’s easier to have faith when you’ve always had it and it’s never been wrong). Fourteen Jedi have tried to ask him to be their apprentice. Yoda bashed twelve of them over the head with his stick before they could and Luke turned two down himself, the last three days before his birthday. He spends his last day as a twelve-year old following his dad around, both of them a little clingier than usual. Anakin has always thought that Yoda intended to take Luke as his Padawan but he’s literally hours from aging out and he’s seriously considering comming Ashoka and begging her to come act as backup, when Luke suddenly hugs Anakin hard and quick and Anakin looks over and sees Yoda waiting in the doorway.

Anakin hugs Luke back very, very tightly and then he lets him go. Luke already has his few things packed and waiting. Yoda harrumphs at him. “Ready, you are, padawan mine?”

Luke’s smile is blinding. “Yes, Master.”

Leia talks star systems into rejoining the Republic. Luke returns the Fallen to the Jedi. Dooku is the first and most fleeting (having not been killed by Anakin) – having been betrayed and split from Sidious – Luke finds him when he’s dying and gets Yoda to him in time for him to pass them information on Sidious’ new schemes and die a Jedi, with his old master at his side. There are others, after that, who Fell during the war and didn’t think they could ever return from it. Luke, bright and shiny and full of faith, sees them, thinks, I can fix this, and brings them home one by one.

After the second Return, which is unavoidably public, Leia and Obi-Wan look at each other and enlist everyone they can to begin working to make Luke the new poster boy for the Order. Luke is intensely embarrassed by this and a bit bumbling and shy about it, which just makes it more attractive to everyone. It also keeps the spotlight well away from their rebuilding efforts, which are way easier when there’s less press exposure.

Sidious, who would still like to capture and corrupt the twins, eventually stops trying with Luke because there’s only a 50/50 anyone he sends after him will come back and between years of Yoda’s training (ie dodging his stick), Luke’s innate Force sense and his dumb luck he’s practically impossible to kill.

(Sidious dies ignobly at the hands of a new apprentice, one of the Fallen who Luke has been trying to save. His defeat was always going to be someone else’s redemption.)  

[ialreadyreadthatfanfic]

#I HAVE SO MANY FEELS ABOUT THIS META#GUYS#LUKE GETTING TO BE YODA’S PADAWAN PROPERLY MAKES ME SO HAPPY#OBI-WAN AND LEIA ARE A DREAM TEAM#THEY ARE FRIGHTENING TOGETHER#PADME IS SO PROUD#LUKE IS A LITTLE BALL OF WHINY SUNSHINE AND YODA JUST DELIGHTS HIM#MACE LAUGHS AT YODA FOREVER ABOUT IT#UNTIL BEN FUCKING SOLO COMES ALONG AND MACE IS ALL MOTHERFUCKER#I AM ALSO GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE THAT PIECE OF META BECAUSE BEN AS MACE WINDU’S PADAWAN ARGH#I WANT TO WRITE ALL THE STORIES IN THIS VERSE (via dreamer-wisher-liar)

You people need to tag me when you write, I keep missing good stuff like above!

[scribblebunnys]

Oh GOSH!

Everyone predicted Leia would eventually leave the order to follow in her mother’s footsteps but the SCANDAL that erupted when she married a former smuggler had the gossip rags going for years. Because circumstances sometimes change, but the Force will always find a way for certain absolutes. They have one son, and adopt several wayward young people along the way. 

Anakin is delighted by his grandson for all that he’s sad that he couldn’t share him with Obi-Wan, who passed just before he was born. Ben would follow his grandfather around like a baby duck and hated sharing him with the other younglings. He’d get so angry when he felt Anakin was giving the other children more attention than him. Anakin would gently explain that he couldn’t play favorites, but Ben would still react with anger and find a place to pout alone. 

He is five when he finds a nice secluded spot in the gardens, barely visible from the main path. A fountain sits in the center and Ben lets out his frustration by throwing small stones into it. He doesn’t notice Mace until he sits down right next to him and says “I like to come here too, when I’m angry.”

Ben is startled at first. Though he’s still small and largely untrained, no one has ever really snuck up on him before. He’s also never heard a master admit to being angry before. When questioned, Mace answers that everyone gets angry sometimes. The Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the control of it. He brings Ben back to Anakin, who apologizes to the aging master for troubling him, but Mace dismisses the apology and tells him it was no trouble at all. Anakin glances sideways at Mace; they don’t always agree on things, but he can’t help but smile. It has been decades since Master Windu last took a padawan. 

As Ben grows older he excels in his lessons. He’s smart, persistent, and so, so powerful in the Force. He’s the very top of his class, and the only one who has yet to be chosen by a master. He still goes to the fountain when he finds himself at war with his emotions. Usually he meditates alone for a while until he is able to calm down, but sometimes, when he feels particularly lost, Master Windu will show up. At these times Ben will often ask for advice, but sometimes they will simply sit together in silence. 

Ben is desperate the day before he turns 13. He doesn’t understand how he could work so hard and not be noticed by a single master in the entire temple (which isn’t true, nearly everyone knows Ben Solo and can feel the pull of the Force around him. They also know they were not meant to guide him). He almost, almost comms his uncle and begs to take him as his padawan, but ultimately doesn’t because he knows how Luke follows the Force and if he were going to take him, he would have a long time ago. (Luke is busy anyway; a small girl in the outer rim is about to turn 3.) 

He goes out to the fountain to watch the sun set. The next day he’ll go before the Council of Reassignment to be placed into a division of the Jedi Service Corps. He supposes it wouldn’t be so bad to be placed into the Exploration Corps, he’d see much of the galaxy that way. He sits and plans and wills himself to not cry. After all, the Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the mastery of it. 

Master Windu is still able to sneak up on him even though he’s doing so with a cane these days. Ben once held the hope that maybe the old master would take him as a padawan, but everyone knows Mace doesn’t take padawans anymore. His work on the Council is too important and he can’t give his precious time to a student, no matter what sort of strange bond has formed between them over the years. They sit for a moment before Ben breaks the silence. “What do you think my chances are of being assigned to the Exploration Corps?”

Mace seems to ponder the question for a moment. “Your scores in xenolinguistics is very high. You’ve also done very well in your survival field tests. You’d be a credit to the ExplorCorps.” He pauses for a moment. “Is that what you want to to do?”

Ben doesn’t give a straight answer, “It’s an honor,” he swallows the lump in his throat, “to be a part of the Service Corps.”

Mace sighs. “For someone who feels the Force so acutely, you have so little faith in it.” Ben winces. “Your patience leaves a lot to be desired. And you never really let go of anything.”

Ben is shaking. Of course. It doesn’t matter how well he does in his studies when the fundamentals of the ways of the Force is where he has always failed. He could never be a true Jedi. But it feels like the rawest betrayal when Mace says, “You can’t go into the Exploration Corps, Ben. Being left to drift through the galaxy unguided would be disastrous for you. You’d be very susceptible to the Dark Side if left alone.”

Ben’s eyes feel wet. He knows that too, though he’s never confessed to any of the masters about it. He was stupid to think he could hide it, though. The masters probably felt the Dark Side around him and rejected him outright. A bitter voice inside him resents them for dragging it out for so long. 

Then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. “I’m not afraid of the Dark, Ben. And you shouldn’t be either.” In spite of Master Windu’s gentle tone, Ben can’t bare to look at him. “Self mastery is a life long pursuit that no one ever really accomplishes. You have to take it day by day, even I’m still learning. You have everything you need, you just have to remember that it is a choice you must make and commit to every day.”

Ben sniffs. “Yes, Master.” But when Ben looks up at Mace, he doesn’t see the cold face of a stern teacher or the disappointment of an unsatisfied elder. He doesn’t even see the sympathy that everyone has been directing towards him as he got closer and closer to his 13th birthday. Instead there is warmth and fondness.

“However,” he continues, “it’s not a path you need to travel alone. At least not at first… if you’ll have me as your master.”

Ben lunges at Mace and hugs him tight. “Do you really mean it?” 

Mace huffs a short laugh and ruffles the boy’s hair. “I’m too old to say things I don’t mean.” He pulls away. “But Ben, are you sure? I’m not the easier teacher.”

Finally able to hope again, Ben gives his master (his master!) a grin. “I’m not the easiest student!” 

Mace gives an actual laugh at that. “Good!” He pulls himself up. “Alright, lets go make it official. I know that grand-daddy of yours is dying to start gloating like the gossiping old hen he is.”

[rescuemepotts-deactivated201901]

[rescuemepotts-deactivated201901]

I HAD TO GIVE IT A SHOT ONCE MY TEARS DRIED

finn finds ahsoka one day in the market place. she barely has a chance to react to the feel of a veritable cannon ball rushing in her direction before her arms are full of exuberant toddler.

“master ahsoka!” the little boy crows, his baby teeth bared in a gap-toothed grin. “i knew you’d find me one day!”

he clambers further into her arms, greeting rex who’s standing wide-eyed at her side, moth agape in his bushy beard. “hey commander!” he says, grin growing before turning back to ahsoka and framing her face between chubby palms. “i’ve been dreaming of you for months, master!”

ahsoka is speechless for a moment, remembering anakin’s words a mere day before, reassuring her that she’d have a padawan to train one day. she’d gone to him after the council had granted her some much needed leave and bemoaned the fact that she’d probably be the only jedi on the council to never have a padawan of her own.

do not doubt yourself, master tano, skywalker had said, his pale blue eyes sparkling at her from the midst of too many wrinkles. his arms had been full of younglings-the little wookiee girl warbling at her in agreement to his words-and she’d grinned. your master always told you that your first padawan would be undeniably special. you will find him sooner or later. here, his grin had grown and he’d dropped a little calamarian boy in her arms. or maybe he will find you.

his grin as he’d walked away from her, arms full of younglings and steps weighed down by clinging hands, had been irritating but she’d simply sighed, placed a kiss on the forehead of the sleepy little boy in her arms and told herself that skyguy was just senile. he’d retired long before this. how could he possibly know when she’d find her padawan?

she’d just have to accept she was middle-aged now and the chances of her finding a padawan were slim-to-none at this point.

she’d left the temple the next day, ready for a week of rest and relaxation with rex and cody and their massive families and she hadn’t even thought of her padawan-less state.

until now.

the little boy is bouncing in her arms, chattering at rex, at her, at anyone who might be listening.

“…my parents were going to take me to the temple on coruscant sooner-or-later. they can’t really afford to let me go but if i’m a jedi that’s going to be way cooler than a farmer,” he’s saying when she finally gets over a bit of her shock. gets over the fact that (semi) retired creche-master skywalker might be right.

sith-dammit.

“i’ve been having dreams, see? dreams of you and the little girl on the outer-rim. they thought maybe, at first, i was lying, but then they got a message from a jedi! at least, i think he was a jedi. he’s old. has long hair. but he doesn’t have a lightsaber. he said that one day soon someone would come for me and they’d be my new teacher! i think he looks nice but not as nice as you. you’re not as old as him. there were a lot of other kids around him. he said i’d know you when i saw you.”

rex’s mouth closes with a click and he leans around the little boy-who she still doesn’t have a name for-and hisses, “that sounds like anakin skywalker to me, ahsoka!”

she just nods and tightens her arms around the boy, letting the force whisper to her. she let’s herself see the child for what he is.

brightness streams around him, the force as excited as him at this pairing and she can’t help but grin back at him.

“i’m so glad i found you, finn,” she says finally, when some of his chatter has died off and his brow is starting to furrow in worry. she knows his name as well as she knows her own now. her fingers shake a bit as she strokes his cheek, boggling a bit at the way the force sings around them. obi-wan had told her it might be like this, so very long ago when she’d been knighted. he’d said that if the pairing was right, the force would tell her. and this-this felt more than right. this felt perfect.

“will you come back to the temple with me and learn to be my padawan?” she asks him and mace would have rolled his eyes at the lack of formality in her request.

but she’d never done things the formal way-she’d been trained by obi-wan kenobi after all and been friends with anakin skywalker for longer than the council cared to remember. why would choosing her padawan be any different?

“of course i’m ready!” finn shouts, wrapping his arms so tight around her neck she almost chokes.

rex grins and shakes his head, reaching out to pull her into a one-armed hug.

“congrats master ahsoka,” he says, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead and finn laughs when he ruffles his curly hair. “good choice kid,” he drawls, before heading back the way they’ve come.

[kdm103020]

So many feeeeels!  

[ishipallthings]

@anghraine @theladyragnell @operaticspacetrash

[forcearama]

Job Offer

Anakin: [dramatic and villainous] Join me, Master! I’ll give you one last chance! Obi-Wan: …fine.  Anakin: I – [Dramatic John Williams Score cuts out] Wait, what? Obi-Wan: I said all right, then. [puts his cloak back on] Anakin: [mouth agape] Wh– no, Master, you –  Obi-Wan: You offered, didn’t you? I mean if the Jedi Order and Republic are over, as you say, I suppose I’ve got to find employment somewhere.  Anakin: [with gears visibly turning in his head] Well – but – it’s just. I’m talking about the Dark Side, Master, you know that, right? Obi-Wan: Yes. What else could you have possibly been talking about? Anakin: I…right, of course. So…you’re just, fine with becoming a Sith Lord, just like that.  Obi-Wan: [smoothing out his sleeves] Hmm? I mean, I suppose, you know. Whatever you want to do.  Anakin: That…this doesn’t make any sense.  Obi-Wan: See, those were my thoughts exactly!  Anakin: [confused as hell] …yeah, so…why… Obi-Wan: [scrolling on his phone] I, too, thought to myself “goodness! That certainly looks like Anakin pledging his life to a Sith Lord, but that, that makes no sense whatsoever! We were just about to win the war, and at any rate I just saw him only a handful of hours ago. Becoming a Sith, at this moment of all moments, would be possibly the stupidest, least-thought-through decision he’s ever made, even including that time he ate those leftovers that had been in the conservator since before we left for Christophsis.”  Anakin: [makes a face]  Obi-Wan: But then I thought, “well, Obi-Wan, you’ve known Anakin a very long time, surely if he’s doing something this drastic, it must be for a very good reason indeed. A reason that is based on solid facts that he has thought through at length after having gotten many hours of restful sleep. It’s not like he’d turn to the Dark Side because he’s panicked about something and refuses to talk to anyone about it in any actionable detail, and has decided to place all his proverbial eggs in one basket that happens to belong to a Sith Lord who orchestrated this entire war from the start!” Because of course that would be idiotic. And if that were the case, Anakin should probably just shut up and get on the ship and go help his wife before I have to do something I very much wouldn’t like to have to do to him.  Anakin: [opens his mouth] [closes it] [unintelligible mumble] Obi-Wan: So, very well then. Sith Lords it is. Do I need to do anything immediately, or shall we just get on to murdering people?I I must say I don’t own many dark colors, but I’m sure we can stop at a store at some point during our killing spree.  Anakin: W– no, I mean, Obi-Wan, you can’t…like…be that way. That’s not…you’re…you. Obi-Wan: What way is that, Anakin? Did you or did you not ask me to join you? Hmm? I said I accept. I presume you are a man of your word. Whom shall I kill in cold blood? [draws his lightsaber] Anakin: I…you should. I just. [mumbles again] Obi-Wan: What’s that? I couldn’t quite hear you. [leans in slightly] Would it bother you to see me behaving in such a way? Would it disappoint you, or possibly even tear your heart into pieces to watch your Master fall so far and do such terrible things? Would you do anything, forgive anything even though that is objectively insane, in the off chance that I might see reason, because I am behaving so far beyond anything you know of me? Anakin: [looks away and stares] [more mumbling, scuffs his boot on the ground] Obi-Wan: …well?! Anakin: [pouting and picking up his cloak, already walking away] I said I’ll get in the ship! 

[gffa]

I infinitely prefer this kind of roasting of Anakin to the way that Definitely Didn’t Happen In Canon No Siree.

[jedicommuniques]

“In at least one dimension, this very event likely did happen.

May the Force be with you.”

[badlydrawnronpa]

Is a protag party allowed in this household?

[troloyunu]

If you’re still doing requests... Kaemugi? Blease

Here you go! Really enjoyed drawing this one.