Das Brötchen

✨Welcome to the funny side✨

[iamnotlanuk]

New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk

[qi-mera]

More of you need to learn about these ☝️

[jadenebula]

[only-cat-memes]

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

I remember as a kid the nearby small town had a "computer expert" who had a full storefront and office. If someone bricked their computer or it loaded with viruses he'd factory reset it for them and try to get it working again. He'd also buy, refurbish, rest, and resell old computers. But the main thing he advertised was if people brought him a computer and a list of programs they wanted installed on it he'd get them all set up. Flat rate of like 20 bucks.

Didn't realize until I was older and like, looking back on some of the tech stuff my mom needed help with and knew more about how software is priced that he was pirating it. Guy had a whole business set up where people who didn't know how computers worked would pay him 20 bucks to install Microsoft Office on their laptop because it was cheaper than buying it in the store and they didn't want to be bothered with figuring out how to install programs even if they could afford them normally. Like that guy was practically printing money well into the early 2000s. Very good hustle. Only small business owner I respect.

[angelsamericana]

i love how everyone on this website interacts with each other in ways that are so socially impermissible irl. how did we get here

[angelsamericana]

like i know none of us call people we barely know "bestie" out loud. i know none of us say "i am kissing you on the mouth" in response to every mild compliment. but god i wish we did

[angelsamericana]

(recent) tumblr exclusive linguistic phenomena:

bestie (said to someone you've never spoken to directly)

so false worstie

we are holding hands

i am kissing you on the mouth

you're going in the soup

variations on "your dad looks gnc af" "YOURE INSANE"

mutuals (technically this exists on other social media but not in spirit)

[gunshots] (people say this on twitter but they say it wrong)

using periods incorrectly to. fine tune the cadence of a line

my beloved/my beloathed

hyperspecific day of the week holidays e.g. flat fuck friday

variations on gaslight gatekeep girlboss

and, of course, prev tags

[ehentalix]

I think my absolute favorite is "Thank you for the input, Tumblr user [[wildly inappropriate username]]"

[supertaliart]

I’m on the younger side for a college professor, and one of my students started saying “So true bestie” then panicked and tried to pivot and ended up with “So true professtie”

[thatclockworkdoll]

you're going in the soup, my beloathed professtie

[witch-in-pointy-hat]

Angel and devil on your shoulder except it’s Terry Pratchett saying writer’s block is fake and Douglas Adams being locked in a hotel room by his publisher so he’d actually work on his manuscript.

[discworld-heritage-posts]

Discworld Heritage Post

[catchymemes]

[doctors-star]

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.

[doctors-star]

me: oh thomas cromwell, we're really in it now. every day i get emails.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: i was on committees with the duke of norfolk. and they beheaded me.

me: yep. good point.

[doctors-star]

me: cromwell. cromwell this post has got too big and famous and people are starting to misunderstand me on it.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: oh no! you achieved too much fame and status? and now people are misrepresenting you? should we strip your lands and title? have you been beheaded?

me: YES ALRIGHT FINE

[afeelgoodblog]

Great moment

[thememedaddy]

[thememedaddy]

[thememedaddy]

[probablyasocialecologist]

“Musk talks about Mars as a lifeboat for humanity, which is among the very stupidest things that someone could say,” says Adam Becker, an astrophysicist and author of the book More Everything Forever, which outlines the messianic, sci-fi fantasies of the tech oligarchs. “There are so many reasons why it’s such a bad idea, and this is not about, ‘Oh, we’ll never have the technology to live on Mars.’ That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that Earth is always going to be a better option no matter what happens to Earth. Like, we could get hit with an asteroid the size of the one that killed off the dinosaurs, and Earth would still be more habitable. We could explode every single nuclear weapon, and Earth would still be more habitable. We could have the worst-case scenario for climate change, and Earth would still be more habitable. Any cursory examination of any of the facts about Mars makes it very clear.”

What You’ve Suspected Is True: Billionaires Are Not Like Us

[wire-smith]

I really like sci-fi stories where people have to go off and terraform a planet, or figure out how to rebuild civilization after some disaster, or ideally both. "The last ark-ship leaving Earth right before it becomes uninhabitable" sort of deal. But lately I've been coming around to this same idea, that it will always be more practical to try to save Earth than to try to start over elsewhere.

I was reading one story where the apocalypse was impossibly-rising oceans. Like, water is appearing from *waves hand* the Earth's crust or something, and literally all dry surface land on Earth is going to become underwater in X years. Part of the story was about a giant research project to invent FTL to send a few hundred humans to a nearby star which might have a habitable planet. You know what they were hoping to find? A planet with liquid water. Their plan was to descend from their starship and restart civilization using just the tools they brought with them, on a world with no life and no breathable air and the wrong gravity and the wrong temperate and the wrong sunlight and the wrong day-night cycle, just because it had liquid water. You know where else has liquid water? The flooded Earth you just abandoned. Instead of researching starship technology, you could have spent that time loading up all the same civilization-restarter tools into boats.

And this is really true of any futuristic apocalypse scenario. If you can terraform Mars to have a thick oxygen atmosphere, why not just do that to Earth? Even if you smash an ice comet into Earth and destroy basically everything, Earth will still be more habitable than Mars! It'll still have roughly the right atmospheric pressure, and magnetic field, and heat balance, and it'll still have whatever life the comet didn't kill... Same with a starshade to cool Venus. Same with excavating asteroids into city-stations. Same with abandoning Sol System entirely and heading to another star. If an ark-ship arrived in a new star system and found Earth-but-choked-by-climate-change, the crew would be ecstatic. They would never have thought to get that lucky. So why bother with the trip? Just stay and fix the damn Earth.

[itseasytoremember]

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

[barbrapleeez]

[ransomnote]

every fleetwood mac documentary i've ever watched is like "the band was at the height of their success, enjoying the fame rolling in from their #1 hit 'i know about the other woman, lindsey'. however, nobody could have sensed the tension brewing between members."

[ransomnote]

"the group initially disbanded immediately after the release of the single 'well get the fuck out if you're going to be like that', leaving thousands of fans shocked."

[twinkhole-destroyer]

and i'm not even living la vida loca