help-im-a-medstudent said: @medblr-of-a-sleepyhead you are definitely not running out of time! This particular patient was not a typical settled in a relationship planning kids sort of person in fact she had gone through more than enough for an entire life rather than 23 years. But dont compare yourself to others, everyone does life differently and there is no right way. Things will happen and you have your whole life!
That’s the funny thing about having kids; you’ll be dealing with 16 year old patients who are pregnant, or 50 year olds who didn’t even realise they could still have kids, but have just had one. There’s really no right time; it can be different for everyone. It’s a little shocking when you’re still in school and there are people out there with like 4 kids, a mortgage and the whole ‘adult’ thing going on, living a completely different life. Some people might have had kids at a time when their life was an utter disaster, others were in the middle of a blissful relationship. Some go it alone, others have a partner or a whole community to help.
It’s been on my mind a bit, recently, partly because my facebook feed has recently been littered with “Happy 10 year anniversary, my Love! <3” posts, and I’m like how the hell do I know people who’ve been together for ten years?!? How are we all getting so old?!? My feed isn’t very full of kids, and most of my friends (even the married and longterm coupled ones) don’t have kids, but I think that’s partly medicine; lots of people have been waiting to complete some exams or buy a house once they know where they’ll be a registrar etc. I’m aware that in most 30 something circles, it’s not unusual for most people to have kids. There’s no use comparing lives because we’re all very different. I might have been hassled to get married/have kids since I was 16, but I would never have wanted that at say, 21- with working so hard at university, running a household or having kids would have been the last thing I wanted or felt ready for. I’m sure lots of medblr probably felt the same.
I was actually gonna write about this on another post, but I might as well go off on this one; I hate that in medicine it’s expected (and encouraged) for people to put off having kids. I mean, settling down is hard enough when you’re too busy and tired to find the right person, but even people who are happily settled down often feel that it’s not a good time to have kids until well into their career. I’ve been told by multiple consultants (usually male) to avoid their specialties if I want to have kids or be happily married. My sister (a med student) was explicitly told by a female consultant that it’s best to wait until you’re a consultant to have kids. Consultant. Like for most specialties, that’d be your mid 30s to early 40s at the earliest, even if you started med school as a school leaver. If you’re someone like me, you’d be quite a bit older. And a lot of the current female consultants have done just this; it’s not uncommon to hear your middle aged consultant (female, or often even male) talking about their very young, school aged children.
As a workforce, we’re putting work far before things like having a family but we shouldn’t have to. If we’re pressured to leave it late, we risk not being able to have the number of kids we want, or even none at all. It’s sad to think of people working their whol elives to endure their patients have time with their loved ones, or get to have a family, whilst they themselves end up struggling. We risk increased risks for mother and child. I’ve seen friends struggle with fertility issues, and it’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy; I think it’s really short sighted and unhealthy if we have a system that pressures people into waiting until their fertility is in jeopardy, and having kids is risky, before they feel they can have kids. It’s wrong, and yes, I’m mad about it. Not because I haven’t had kids already; that was my choice based on my life circumstances and though being a busy med student and doctor fed into that, I feel that was ultimately my cross to bear. But I’m mad because there’s a good chance waiting til then would never be an option for me, and I resent any system where many people feel that they have to wait, because many of us sure as hell won’t be able to. With my family history, I know I almost certainly won’t be fertile at 50 or even 45. Hey, I don’t technically even know if I’m fertile now, TBH. That’ll be a problem for another day.
By all means, people need to choose what feels best for themselves and their families, and this sometimes means waiting. But having a family is important, and a fundamentally enriching human experience that people should be able to do at a time that suits them, without feeling pressured to put it off until they are middle-aged because the system makes it too difficult.
izzy806
snowghoul
2087
dededos
annaxmalina
discoholicmusic
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
