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@deadrabbitjimmy
So, some guy on reddit replied to me with "give me a break," and I thought it would be funny to pretend I was his boss and give him permission to take a break. Dumb little joke.
But, then, he must not have felt like being the setup for a corny punchline, so he deleted his comment, and now it looks like I just sent him to the shadow realm.
Like my "sick burn" was too much for him, and he went off to reconsider his life choices.
Watching something called Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls (sort of like the Angry Videogame Nerd movie, but for an even more niche internet micro-celebrity), and I was like, "Hey, I have that exact same oddly-posed werewolf figure!
It's the only thing in this movie that's gotten any kind of reaction from me, and it's still terrible.
If you're reading this you need to tell me the name of your favorite black character NOW‼️
Alex Hardison (Leverage)
Hubert from La Haine (1995)
Dear Men Writers
Lesser known facts when writing women:
High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.
The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.
Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.
You can’t hold in a period like pee.
Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.
Feel free to add your own.
- Bras leave red marks on the skin under and around boobs and it is a magical experience when taken off.
- Make up can take anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes depending on how skilled you are.
- Taking hair out of a ponytail after wearing it for hours does not make it perfectly straight when it comes down.
- Hair when wet sticks to the skin it no longer flows, idiot.
-When women with long hair kiss, turn around, do anything, their hair falls in the way.
- Stockings are itchy and tear like wet paper bags.
- Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different. - Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble - Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn - Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink” - EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING
-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief. If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.
Putting a tampon in isnt a quick bend-poke-done kinda deal. It involves cubicle yoga, messy hands, numerous curse words as you realise it isnt in correctly and have to take it out and start again with a new one.
Yes to all of this. But also:
If her hair is in an updo, one does not simply remove a hairpin to send her hair cascading down her back. No. If her hair is an updo, it will take at least an hour and an extra set of hands to remove the 137 bobby pins that are holding her hair in place. Furthermore, there’s probably a can’s worth of hairspray in there, intended to withstand category 2 hurricane winds. There’s no cascading happening here - the best you can hope for is a misshapen nest of hair to clump and poof unattractively in the back while it still remains flat against her scalp.
This is one of the funniest posts I’ve seen in a while (especially if you read all the comments), but also really depressing because at 42 I still judge myself as having failed for not matching up to all these mythical stereotypes despite knowing they’re impossible
^^^This though
The odds of a woman having smoothly shaved legs and armpits are directly proportional to the amount of skin her clothing bares and/or the amount of fucks she gives at that particular moment.
GLASSES ARE NOT COSMETIC. If we whip them off, we do not become gorgeous fashion models. We become squinty.
-most women wear bras. Yes, even when they are trying to dress sexy. Because bras make boobs look perkier and rounder, which is something men apparently find sexy, so being a seductress or femme fatale is not an automatic reason for a female character to not be wearing a bra.
-a good bra will hide headlights, or at the very least drastically reduce their noticeability. A women with enough pointy nipple issues will opt for a padded or molded bra to hide them.
-women’s nipples do not automatically become hard pyramids visible through any and all layers of clothing the second they become even slightly aroused. They are not the female equivalent of boners. And even if their nipples do get hard, the bras they are almost certainly wearing (because even a goddamn succubus with big, honkin’ knockers for seducing men is gonna have those painful puppies in some kind of boob sling) should keep those pointy nipples from being visible to every other character in the scene, JIM BUTCHER. YES, EVEN LARA RAITH WOULD WEAR A BRA ONCE IN A GODDAMN WHILE.
if you’re being tied up and tortured in a freezing underground dungeon, then you probably have more important things to pay attention to than how hard somebody’s nipples are, jim butcher
- Wearing a bra that doesn’t fit HURTS. It’s not sexy to wear a bra that’s “two sizes too small”, it’d make your clothes hang oddly and you’d have a weird, uncomfortable “quad-boob” effect and your back would hurt, BEN AARONOVITCH.
Also, after removing a too small bra, there’s gonne be angry red lines on the boobs and ribs and the lady is not going to want them to be touched by anyone for a good long while
-Not all women wear heels. Those things hurt and are hard to balance in. They can also mess up your feet and back pretty bad.
-Lips aren’t just naturally red “as if she’d been drinking wine but they were just like that without makeup cause she’s so perfect,” my dear little Kvothe from ‘Name of the Wind’. Also, girls do not naturally smell like fruit or flowers, it’s either perfume or something she’d been eating recently.
I’ve been appreciating this post but now it’s back very specifically calling out my problematic faves and I don’t think those male authors realize how much it totally takes me out of the story for a moment when they commit these errors. It does nothing useful for the plot and is annoying for half of the audience
Is it weird that I’m female and wasn’t aware of a solid third of these?
I mean, all writes take note. I basically live in man land when it comes to protagonists so I don’t know half these things despite being a woman
(Most) Women do not look at themselves in the mirror and compare their breasts to fruit. Any sort of fruit. Especially melons. Please save us from the melons.
Also we are not aware of our breasts at all times. I do not walk down a flight of stairs and think “oh golly my breasts are bouncing so much right now”. They are as much as natural part of our bodies as arms. Do you constantly think about how your arms are moving? Sure you may be aware of them, but paying full attention? Doubtful.
Also: women working out are almost never sexy. They’re not glowing or glistening or (kill me) *sparkling*. They are red and sweaty and gross just like all the dudebros doing their time with the dumbbells. Stop ogling fictional women at the gym, TOM WOLFE.
I love this post.
I never understood why men feel the need to address all this telltale “feminine” awareness when writing women. Like once in grad school one of my male colleagues wrote from a female character’s POV and was like sure to notice how her feet felt in high heels and all the women’s lifestyle magazines on the coffee table and also that like, her breasts were “heavy” or some shit. I write male characters all the time. Not once have I ever stopped to make sure they notice the weight of their own balls or been hyper aware of their chest hair or some bullshit like that. ????? why????????
Love this. I’ve been cackling to myself for good 20 mins reading all the comments as well but the last reblog had me dying like can you imagine!!
“Chad was late. He had an important meeting to get to and was mad at himself for oversleeping.
He quickly washed and brushed his teeth and then ran downstairs, his balls bouncing playfully in his pants.
Do I have time to make a coffee? he thought. He decided he did so went into the kitchen and switched the kettle on. As he was waiting, he noticed his thick, curly chest hair was poking through the button gaps of his shirt. He giggled to himself and tucked his manly fuzz back in, hoping it wouldn’t happen during the meeting.”
Men, do you see how jarring and stupid this is!?
No, men actually do notice their balls all the time. Unless we're wearing briefs (and many men do prefer boxers), our balls are going to be bouncing all over the place. If the weather is hot enough, they dangle, and we have to be careful not to sit on them.
So, yes, women writers, male characters should be thinking about their own balls as much as possible.
Draw Yourself with Divorce Dog
Every few minutes, the subtitles in this movie will just give up in the middle of a sentence.
As if people are just trailing off instead of finishing a...
Subtitles on Cliff Twemlow movies continue to find new and innovative ways to be terrible.
"Cal, the small cop, shoved his left forefinger up as far as it would go into his left nostril, lightly touching his ivory-handled handgun..."
-Black Samurai #2: The Golden Kill, Marc Olden
Wait for it
Que weno
is anyone going to tell the people in the notes who are calling the driver an idiot that they did not, in fact, wait for it?
(or that the driver that other people so clearly see is, in fact, not)
ok fuck that got me
This is how I imagine a lot of religious people think road side rescue works.
Me for most of the video: "Jeepsus."
Me at the end of the video: "Baby Jeepsus."
This is the kind of movie where they pan across a room to show you it's empty, and you're just like, "Whose elbow is that?"
Is that somebody's kid, just hanging out on the set of this horny French vampire movie?
Every few minutes, the subtitles in this movie will just give up in the middle of a sentence.
As if people are just trailing off instead of finishing a...
AI "upscaling" is a disease.
Look at this opening shot from Taste of Fear, AKA Scream of Fear (1961):
Looks fine, right? Some trees, some cars, all reflected in the water.
Now, here's the same shot from a "4K" version I found on youtube:
It looks worse, right? A bunch of detail is missing. Okay, sure, but is that all? Am I on here whining about a bit of lost detail?
Let's look a little closer.
You've got this car in the original shot:
A little blurry, maybe, but it's a car. Here's the "upscaled" version of the same car:
That's... not a car. I don't know what it is, but it's not a car. And look what they did to the shoreline. It's like an idiot's idea of an Aztec pattern.
The whole image is like this, no understanding of what's actually supposed to be there, just weird machine-generated guesses. Random boxes and patterns everywhere.
And faces. The stupid fucking machine put faces in there:
Who the hell is this guy? He's not supposed to be in the movie.
Makes the film basically unwatchable because you can't concentrate on what's happening. All you can concentrate on is how weird everything looks.
The thing is, even if you were lucky and your parents taught you how to clean, they probably didn't teach you how to clean the stuff you clean stuff with, like brushes, mops, sponges, rags, and so on. Or how to clean your cleaning appliances, like a dish washer, clothes washing machine, and clothes dryer and its ducts (if you have a ducted dryer), or a carpet cleaner, vacuum, Or how to clean up clean messes, like spilled bleach or detergent.
My parents threw away all of these things (even the vacuum cleaners and the dryer) when they got too dirty to function, because no one even told them THAT they could be cleaned. Cost them thousands of dollars over the years.
All I'm saying is that cleaning is not intuitive, and not knowing how to clean is not a moral failing, but it is something you can learn.
I'm going to reblog this post with resources for learning how to clean things and how to clean cleaning things (I'm not at my desk at the moment). If you have any favorites, please feel free to add them in too!
I like this video because it does a great job of introducing the basic foundations of house cleaning (and because he doesn't use bleach, which is a common allergy in addition to being awful to inhale). He also talks a little about how to clean a vacuum. And why you shouldn't put grease from your pots and pans down the sink drain. I also love that he mentions that different houses and different people have different needs and different versions of what clean and cleaning looks like.
He doesn't mention though that the toilet seat comes off. I take my toilet seat off to clean under the hinges and clean the seat more thoroughly once a quarter.
This is another video from the same guy about cleaning and depression. This advice, especially at the beginning, can feel really really difficult and oppressive to hear. However, I find that it's generally pretty solid. But I'm autistic and so is he, so that gets a massive Your Mileage May Vary stamp on it.
I have a favorite part of this video. It's from 10:52 to 12:36. I think we could all use to hear that. There's a HEFTY pause after that one. I promise the narration does come back.
I'm also going to recommend KC Davis' book "How To Keep House While Drowning"
Oh, hey, it's Midwest Magic Cleaning. Crazy to see it in the wild.
I've been a fan of this guy, on and off (currently off), for about twenty years. His name is Mack Leighty, better known on the 2000s internet as John Cheese, and he was a comedy writer. I still have a couple of his self-published books.
He's a weird guy. Had this habit of starting websites and then just deleting them with no real explanation. Probably something to do with the autism.
At some point, he ended up working for Cracked.com, writing a self-help column and I think running the whole columns section in general. He used that position to sexually harass female writers, and he was eventually fired because of that.
Of course, I've got no problem with people starting over fresh and putting past crimes behind them, but it does kind of bother me that he publicly promised one of his victims that he would give up his internet presence for good, and Midwest Magic Cleaning is him breaking that promise. There are also accusations of him using the channel to raise money in some less-than-honest ways.
Still, though, it's good cleaning advice.
i love the point in the hero’s journey where he gets bent over and railed until he cries
Don’t leave this in the tags
This is probably the greatest movie poster ever made:
Cthease Cforhrist.
Reblog if your art project has not, does not, and never will make use of generative ai at any point in your creative process.
Fuck AI. The same goes for writing.
Yeah.
Fuck AI, and fuck writing.
Please no druge
