Dear Holly Short

Captain Holly Short of the Lower Elements Police. Mother to Indigo and Jasper Short, partner of Commander Trouble Kelp and weary companion to Artemis Fowl II

[holyhand-of-bitchslappery]

Holly Short is prettier than you

It’s even canon

[dearhollyshort]

Holly Short thinks you are all beautiful badass butterflies :) <3 

[dearhollyshort]

Centaur’s gonna die today....

[dearhollyshort]

Friendly reminder that Holly Short is actually a massive dork. This has been a PSA from your neighbourhood centaur, Foaly. 

[dearhollyshort]

She should go as something scary, like BUTLER! :D

Nice, except most kids her age have no idea who Butler is so she would just look like a guy in a suit...with a toy gun...

She’s leaning towards going as some sort of animal, possibly one from the numerous Disney films she loves, gods help me...

H x 

[cathedralight]

friendly reminder that Holly once described Artemis kidnapping her and holding her for ransom as “a little misunderstanding”

[dearhollyshort]

and it’s this morally-skewed elf who is now partially-responsible for keeping Haven safe...

[dearhollyshort]

indigo’s been invited to her first Halloween party this year and is overflowing with excitement. For some reason, though, she is determined to ask the internet what they think she should go as...

Any ideas? 

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

“Not all men” you’re right. Commander of the Lower Elements Police Trouble Kelp would never do this

[dearhollyshort]

Fun day at work, wrestling two angry pixies trying to sell forfeit surface visas outside Spud’s Emporium. Foaly snapped this picture of the aftermath. 

Before you panic, the blood’s not mine. One pixie had some sort of smuggled spinning knife that he did not know how to use. At all. 

I think we found all of his fingers before we put him in the police van...

H x 

[dearhollyshort]

Serious cop couple Commander Kelp and Major Short- part 2. 

Here they are at a leaving party for some loser at their work, abandoning their children YET AGAIN. UGH. 

Indigo x 

[dearhollyshort]

Do you have any pictures from your academy days?

Not really to hand- I wasn’t particularly taking photos of myself at the time so I’d have to hunt through my parents old stuff to find it! 

H x 

[dearhollyshort]

When you get a call to come down to Police Plaza reception and you’re greeted with this sight...

(She’s still unbearably smug about her little tumblr takeover last week...her parents are not quite as impressed)

Holly x 

[dearhollyshort]

The famous tough cops Holly Short and Trouble Kelp out in the wild. 

[hollyyshort]

Friendly reminder that this is the motto I live my life by.

Because nobody knows their shit like Captain Holly BAMF Short.

[awesomecomicsansundertalestuff]

@dearhollyshort yes, so much yes

[dearhollyshort]

Oh gods I’m terrified for a world with people using me as a role model…I’m so not a good one!! H x

[awesomecomicsansundertalestuff]

Yes you are, the world has decided!!! (Strong woman, crossing frontiers in law enforcement in spite of the inherent sexism perpetuated and substantiated by a certain other woman in the office *cough Lily Frond cough.* Also, you took a broken boy and you fixed him. With little to no real effort on you part, I’ d like to add. So yeah, I can’t think of many other role models that are better. I’m sure @artemisfowlfiles would agree, though he may not admit it 😊) 

[dearhollyshort]

Ha, anyone who recognises Lilli Frond’s role in LEP’s sexism is a friend of mine, that’s for sure. 

As for ‘fixing’ Artemis, I wouldn’t say there was no effort- almost died a few times along the way ;) 

In all seriousness, though, it’s a great honour to be a role model for even just one person. I will try my best to live up to that important responsibility! 

Holly x 

[hollyyshort]

Friendly reminder that this is the motto I live my life by.

Because nobody knows their shit like Captain Holly BAMF Short.

[awesomecomicsansundertalestuff]

@dearhollyshort yes, so much yes

[dearhollyshort]

Oh gods I’m terrified for a world with people using me as a role model...I’m so not a good one!! H x

[fowl-ish]

lep authorities: holly you are NOT allowed to engage, please adhere to rule #221 in the lep handbook

holly:

[dearhollyshort]

where is the lie though...

[artemisfowlfiles]

I'm sorry Artemis. This sounds like a difficult thing to get your head around. I know if my parents tried to tell me how to live my life from beyond the grave I would be severely irritated. But knowing you, I'm sure you'll think of something. Call me if you need someone to bounce ideas off :) Holly x

I appreciate it, Holly.

There is, of course, a rather obvious solution. One that I do not believe would have been too far in the future even without my father’s meddling.

Ironically, this posthumous demand of his may have the opposite of its intended outcome. He’s tried to force the issue of marriage with his control over money because he wants me to lead a “normal” life complete with “love.”

By tying one to the other, however, he creates a potentially dangerous question: when I do marry, have I done it for love or for my family’s fortune?

My father always did have a flair to the dramatic. I feel as though I’m living in an 18th century drama.

Sincerely,

[dearhollyshort]

It’s a difficult and dangerous question for sure. Like you said, though, you have time to make these decisions. 

Frankly if you’re father wanted you to live a normal life in terms of love, he shouldn’t have effectively held your inheritance to a ransom dependent on marriage. That’s certainly not normal. Then again, having an inheritance that size isn’t normal either. Nor is talking this problem over with an elf ;) 

Chin up, Arty- you’ll sort it! 

Holly x

[artemisfowlfiles]

To clarify from yesterday, there is a difference between being intentionally antagonistic and intentionally doing something that others might find antagonistic. I try to avoid the former, but often find the latter necessary to effectuate certain outcomes. That subtle distinction brings me to my main point of today’s post:

Tara is not the only shuttle port surrounding Dublin.

It may be the largest, most popular, and most-easily hidden from humans, but it is not the only option. In the interest of not further antagonising the Council–whose “hospitality” I am currently enduring with a rather discontented Juliet Butler–I will refrain from naming the location directly. However, those of you with access to Google and approximately 10 minutes of spare time should be able to do that with relative ease given the help I’ve provided above.

A full explanation will have to wait. 

Juliet is arguing with the security troll who confiscated her Beretta (I sense an amusing climax to this disagreement), and the power is about to surge and fail in this building courtesy of Fowl Industries’ recently-produced handheld EMP device.

I expect the blackout will result in an unconscious security troll and a somewhat perturbed Council, as well as an momentarily-yet-unavoidably-disconcerted Foaly. Apologies @dearhollyshort, I expect you’ll have quite a bit of paperwork.

Sincerely,

[dearhollyshort]

“quite a bit of paperwork” doesn’t begin to cover it, Mudboy. I was meant to be having a d’arvitting day to myself while Trubs took the kids out but no you just had to go wandering didn’t you?!

You’d better hope you’re far away from that shuttle port by now, Artemis, because I’m coming to shove that neato EMP device up your nostril. 

Next time you go near an LEP shuttle port just tell me and I’ll make sure it’s Grub, he won’t be so stupid as to tell the Council.

Holly x

[artemisfowlfiles]

May I remind you, you were the one to suggest I visit Haven. I merely decided to do so by a route less-frequently used by holiday-going sprites. 

I am sure Foaly is rather discontented that his servers will be down for at least several more hours, but I did need to find a way to allow a quick exit after Juliet–I believe the accurate term is coldcocked, that officer. 

I rather hope he wasn’t part of Retrieval One, no need to reopen old wounds.

Sincerely,

[dearhollyshort]

When I suggested you visited, I meant you called me and I arranged an escort for you. As you well know, Mr Genius. 

Foaly is sulking monumentally, so much so that Trouble told him to get out of his office until he stopped acting like his toddler son. As for that officer, he’s not part of Retrieval One- they have bigger things to do than guarding shuttle ports, funnily enough. Though now you’ve infiltrated one, maybe they’ll be shipped up to make sure you don’t return to the scene...

Holly x