loz

[lavenderprose]

Things that are ACTUALLY in the Shane Hollander Mic'd Up compilation that we all wish we could watch through the portal:

- "Hey, how was your summer? Good, good."

- "Mic'd up. I'm mic'd up. Don't."

- "Have you ever been to Greece? Told Ilya I would ask you."

- "What? No, man, he didn't say that. He said he was gonna get your ass. Yeah, man, he only fucks one ass. Yeah, I mean, I would say fuck you too but--"

- "Heeeey, davai, davai. Great assist. Hah, no, don't come closer, I'm mic'd and you know I don't trust you."

- "The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal Tiger Towel Paper Towel Power Play. The Royal--"

- "HEY MATHESON. You ever been to Vegas? I said, you ever been to VEGAS? I hear they let the good hockey players go there in the summer but I feel like you wouldn't know that."

- "FUCK. Hey, ref, what the fuck was that? Oh, you didn't see that? Fuck you. No, you stay there, my husband's gonna talk to you--fuck you, put me in the bin then, this is bullshit--"

- "You have the smelling salts? Yeah. FUCK--"

- "I am mic'd. Remember I am mic'd. Nope, not even in Russian."

- "Oh, yeah, the pickle video was funny. Harris said it got a lot of views, so. Yeah, no, he actually really does love pickles that much."

- "Sinclair, you got something to say? Yeah, I'm better at hide the pickle than you are at hockey. You want to ask another stupid question?"

- "You know, I run a charity too. Oh, I just assumed that you were doing some kind of Make-A-Wish thing out here with your wingers, since it looks like this is your first day on the ice."

- "Oh, hey, look. Jackie and the kids are waving at us. Okay. Okay, Rozanov, that's enough."

- "Mic'd. Mic'd. Mic'd."

- "Hello Hockey Night, welcome to my husband's shoulder pads--" "Fuck OFF, Rozanov."

- "Great goal. Great goal. Lyublyu tebya. Yes, baby, you did that."

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[dysphorie]

[iii-days-grace]

indeed i was not

[ex0tic-butters]

can't stop thinking abt shane getting an autism diagnosis and being scared to tell ilya and then the conversation going very similarly to when shane told ilya he was gay bc ilya is sitting there like

???? yes ??? this is not news ???? did you not know this ????

[bugslibraryy]

Guysss you KNOW baby Shane had a favourite soft toy like a lovely little bear- he literally named it ‘little bear’ that is so nice and soft he rubbed its little paw for comfort to sleep every night and it went EVERYwhere with him from when he was old enough to reach for it, tiny little toddler Shane running around the house dragging little bear behind him took it with him to kindergarten and on holidays and school camps and always his comfort, even going in to high school little bear was shoved under his pillow.

Then he thought he was too old for that kind of thing anymore and he got packed away and anyway one night Shane and Ilya are at Yuna and David’s for dinner and they are like oh Shane we got out some of your old stuff cause we moved some stuff to the storage locker etc etc and go through this book and see what you want to keep. And Ilya is doing his important job of being Shane’s chair while Shane goes through the boxes and Ilya reaches around Shane to pick up little bear who is squished in the box and he is like “who is this” and Shane is like oh just a toy and David is like ?????? Just a TOY! That’s little bear! And he’s telling Ilya how Shane wouldn’t EVER part with the soft toy for like the first six years of his life and the one time he had drive back two hours on a road trip to the hotel they’d left because someone little bear got left behind and when Shane woke up from his nap and realised it was like FUCK all hands on DECK we gotta go find this guy.

AnWAYYY Ilya is like omg ! This is a very important guy !!!!! How do I not know about him and like maybe he’s gonna cry a little because he’s thinking about tiny baby Shane and oh god. And then he tucks little bear under his arm and it’s ridiculous and he’s carrying him around the rest of the evening and teasing Shane a bit abt it and Shane just scoffs and deflects and then when they get home Shane realises Ilyas bought the toy home with him and he’s like Ilya 😠🙄 drop it and Ilya is like I was not kidding he seems very important to you I do not think he should be in david and Yuna’s storage locker !

Anywayyy Shane comes out of the shower and Ilyas laying in bed and little bear is next to Shane’s pillow and Shane is like 😠😠😠 Ilya. And all rolling his eyes and huffy puffy abt it and Ilya is like Shane. And grabs him and pulls him into bed and he is like why are you being so bitchy to your old friend and Shane gets all kinda quiet and chewing at the inside of his cheek and he’s like well. Isn’t it kinda lame and embarrassing. Like you don’t think I’m like lame for having him all that time like Ilya I was 14 before he got packed away! And Ilya is like big pretty eyes at Shane with that frown he gets when he is not happy how Shane is talking about himself. And Ilya is like Shane no I would never be like this- I think it is sweet and I feel sad that you had to give him up. I like anything that makes you happy and i am also serious I like this guy he is very cute and was best friends with cute baby Shane so I am big fan of his work. And Shane is all shuuudduppp and huffy and pushes at Ilya’s chest but he leaves little bear in the bed, tucked somewhere near their heads and that becomes little bears new home, between all of Shane’s nice interior designer pillows, and he goes with Ilya when he and Shane have to be apart and Shane catches Ilya on a bad day, napping with the stupid thing smushed to his chest and it kills Shane and then Ilya tucks it into Shane’s neck sometimes when he’s upset and overwhelmed and Shane’s heart is just 💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫 because he can just be fully him wit Ilya’s and there only ever love no judgement just love love love

[heymacy]

#he gets it

[perlukafarinn]

Shane does an interview after they're outed where he says, kind of off-handedly, that the one thing that still bothers him about having to keep their relationship secret for so long is that there are no pictures of them together as a couple from those years.

Someone clips it and it goes viral.

Over the next few days, Shane and Ilya's mentions start to get flooded with pictures. Mostly it's screenshots from various games they played against each other, meticulously picked through by dedicated fans to find every moment Shane and Ilya looked at each other on the ice.

Some screenshots get shared by hundreds of different people because they stand out so obviously: Shane and Ilya meeting each other's eyes during a face off; Ilya looking at Shane while his back is turned, naked longing visible on his face; Shane chasing after Ilya with a small but delighted grin.

There are also pictures from press events, award ceremonies, behind the scenes at All Stars. Seemingly any time Shane and Ilya got captured in the same frame gets dug up and shared.

Finally, a couple of weeks later, the director of Shane and Ilya's CCM commercial posts outtakes from their shoot. It's captioned 'Took a bit of digging but I knew I still had these somewhere! I had to make my contribution to the #HollanovArchives even though this must have been a while before they got together. These kids had crazy chemistry, right from the start!'

Shane hasn't responded to the onslaught yet, too overwhelmed by the (slightly terrifying) dedication of their fans as well as the fact that he now has dozens of pictures clearly displaying his and Ilya's love for each other during a time in their lives when it was so desperately hidden.

He does respond now, sharing the director's post with a sincere (and publicist-approved) caption thanking him and the fans.

Ilya also shares the post, tacking on 'yes if a while means a few hours 👅' like he didn't cry when Shane showed him the videos.

[scunthotter]

So as much as Ilya likes being domesticated, I cannot believe that man has given up clubbing. He's been a little clubrat since he was able to get in the door of Moscow clubs at way too young of age.

Ottawa has a fuckass nightlife but whenever they're in a city with good clubs Ilya goes out and drinks and dances and at the end of the night (the agreed upon negotiated time) Shane shows up and Ilya "picks him up" then they go back to the hotel for nasty hook up sex.

For Ilya this feels like having his cake and eating it too. He gets to be his sleazy clubrat self, then he gets to take home the hottest man in the club and have nasty sex with him, then he gets to end the night snuggled up in his husband's arms.

[criticaloser]

just saw someone say “shane doesn’t know he’s autistic so ilya doesn’t know either”. y’all. come on. he might not KNOW the word for it but that man is googling “why boyfriend cry when touching velvet” “why boyfriend gag at mushy texture” “boyfriend can’t keep things out of his mouth like toddler” EVENTUALLY he stumbles upon the right combo of words to get “autism explained” search results

[gosiksmallspace]

Years into the future, publicly out and married Hollanov, playing together for the Ottawa Centaurs, are being invited to the All-Star Game. But they are invited to play on opposite teams. Organisers want to promote the event as bringing back the old ‘rivalry’.

And Shane and Ilya love to play on the same team, but playing against each other was always very exciting. And they are competitive. So they agree. 

New hockey fans are confused because they only know Hollanov as married, and yes, they saw some old recordings of Boston vs Montreal games and they know that the rivalry was legendary, but can the hockey husbands do it again now? They are married and they're so in sync with each other now!

Meanwhile, old hockey fans are treating it as the return of the legend. It’s fun to watch Hollanov beating other teams together, but them playing against each other? Again? After everything? It just brings so many memories! Nostalgia hits the hockey world hard, and the social media buzz is absolutely insane. 

The actual All-Star Game viewership is at an all-time high, and it’s not enough to say that Hollanov delivers. Because them playing against each other is pure madness. It’s electric, it’s competitive, almost brutal, and it is the most exciting game hockey fans have ever seen. Shane and Ilya are both captains of their teams, and they are giving their all. Usually, the All-Star games are calmer, more fun, but it's obvious that the married couple treats it more seriously than the Olympics. 

Harris gets so much material to create at least a month's worth of best on ice moments from that event.

And maybe, maybe Ilya and Shane kiss on the ice after. Passionately. Very passionately. They could fall on the ice during the kiss and not care. Shane forgets his no PDA rules.

So let’s say it’s good that Cliff Marleau and Hayden Pike (Ilya is sure that he was invited by mistake, or they desperately needed someone to fill an empty spot after someone couldn’t come) are there and separate them because the kiss is heated and they don’t look like they plan to stop anytime soon, and children are watching this whole thing!

Shane and Ilya do not come to post-game drinks later. 

Nobody is really surprised.

[daddario]

Ilya's self soothing behaviors

[snap-crackle-cunt]

what shane says: im gay

what shane means: i can never love a woman in any way resembling the way i love you and when i tried she called my shit IMMEDIATELY so what im trying to say is i can't sidestep whatever we are the way you can, i will never ever love anyone but u

what ilya hears: somewhere along the line of our multi-year situationship that began with me immediately sucking ur dick, i have determined that i like men.

what ilya says: ya no fucking shit bro what

[shanerozy]

The worst fucking part of all this is... that all I want is y o u.

[rylandsgrace]

AJ: "Was it always a conscious choice for [Ilya] to always touch Shane's face?"

CH: "That's [Connor] living in the character."

HR Intimacy Coordinator Chala Hunter (link)

[galecstatic]

OH WE ARE ALL GOING TO HELL EVERYONE STRAP ON

[kosmogrl]

[qalbtalk-deactivated20231105]

“…use things to have good days.”

[narcissistcookbook]

the loading screen trying to convince me to use even one of my 3000 consumables

[the-seelie-court-official]

"that doesn't sound sincere- it sounds rehearsed" is one of the most devastating and fucked-up statements you can make to anyone in the neurodivergent/ADHD/Autistic/Schizophrenic/Disordered Personality sphere. yeah bitch it's rehearsed. because i wanted to get it right when i said it

[themasterfold]

me when the disorder that makes it difficult for me to communicate makes it difficult for me to communicate