Deceitfulhonesty

Hello, I'm Jason. I'm an Emergency Nurse and I have a blog. cool.

[tinderventure]

Am I doing this right?

[garbage-empress]

ye awaken with a minty butthole

how do ye proceed

[0kkvlt]

Look butthole

[garbage-empress]

ye spread ye cheeks to the nearest mirror. inside ye butthole is a bottle of DR. BRONNER'S PEPPERMINT SOAP

[0kkvlt]

Take soap

[garbage-empress]

ye attempteth to take ye soap out of ye butthole but ye buttholds fast

[0kkvlt]

Look room

[garbage-empress]

ye look around ye room. this is where ye sleep on a stinky matress without a bedframe or sheet to be found. on ye wall ye sees ye HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR (2015), ye chest o'drawers has a record player with FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS on the spindle, ye night stand has a small bottle of DR. BRONNER'S BUTTHOLE RELEASE cream. doors to ye bathroom and ye kitchen are both on ye north wall.

[0kkvlt]

Use record player use record player

[garbage-empress]

ye listen to the entirety of FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS, playing THE CHAIN four times in a row, forgetting about ye minty butthole problems.

[0kkvlt]

Look calendar

[garbage-empress]

Ye narrator tires of using pseudo old timey speech and she suddenly abandons it. The HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR is flipped to JULY 2015, on it there is a HUNKY FIRELAD, insanely toned wearing nothing but a fire helmet and a jock strap, he is partially submerged in a giant bowl of chili. Between his legs he straddles a large firehose, clearly a penis metaphor. His eyes look seductive but somehow, impatient. Like he has an important meeting to get to, a meeting with your genitals, perhaps? Oh also I guess you circled JULY, 17TH, 2015 for some reason but whatever.

[0kkvlt]

Go kitchen

[garbage-empress]

It's your kitchen. On your refrigerator sits a goblin. On the walls are two sexy calendars - both from 2015, one is SPICY FIREFIGHTIN' LASSES and the other is AGENDER ARSONISTS, maybe you wished to give the firefighters a purpose by giving them fires to fight? After all, what's a sexy hero without a sexy sexy villain? You don't have a stove, stop asking about the stove.

[0kkvlt]

Hug goblin

[garbage-empress]

You embrace the goblin. The goblin, touch starved, begins to cry on your shoulder.

[oswald-the-squirrel]

@fenrisulfr-okami

[forevernoon-deactivated20181218]

[maplebungus-deactivated20221118]

video proof that every creature is dogs

[a-melior-ate]

I love deep diving vids cause at least some of these animals have never seen a human before and they all so gagged.

[bitesizedsurprise]

CREBS….such wonderful CREBS

[creepled]

[sappyassmemes]

just wanted to share this baby platypus

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

the fake fbi twitter account is more entertaining than the real one

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

[possums-against-cops]

i would like to.. become a bumble bee. sit on flowers. be yellow. not go to school. not understand capitalism.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[topshotpicks]

[piromantic]

*travels to the other side of the country* whoa i’ve never seen these biomes bef

post cancelled i forgot biome was a real term and not just a minecraft word

[happifying-things]

that shake did NOTHING

[mysillycomics]

[transfemininomenon]

detective pikachu was a cute movie and all but the part where they drenched a mr. mime in gasoline before setting him on fire and watching him burn alive was really fucked up

[luxicaltric]

hey op i didn’t think you were serious

[animusrox]

[cryptid-sighting]

I think this is the only time in the show’s history that Hannibal was truly thrown by something a guest said.

[mothmansummer]

Hannibal spent years putting up with the weirdest stupidest shit and was defeated by a man who didnt kno there were 2 koreas

[myothertardisisonthemun]

I sent a letter today - something I haven’t done for years

It’s full of plastic bread clips

It’s for Science

[myothertardisisonthemun]

At the risk of loosing some mystery, I think I should add some context:

There’s this website-I mean, scientific organization called the Holotypic Occlupanid Reasurch Group.

They are a group of abiologists who study and classify Bread clips.

I found a species that has not yet been described:

Yay for citizen science 👍

[numberlover1729]

wtf?

[myothertardisisonthemun]

Update:

[meckamecha]

Apparently HORG is widely appreciated by pediatricians since knowing exactly what kind of Occlupanid a child may have swallowed makes removing it safely much easier

[gallusrostromegalus]

HOLY SHIT HORG IS BACK ON MY DASH!!! Also I’m so glad that they help pediatricians, that’s very nice.

[shitacademicswrite]

I want to know all about this, and also what kingdom of taxonomy Occlupanids are in. Also I just got the meaning of Occlupanid.

occlu–to close  pan–bread Occlupanid = a specimen of “bread-closers” 

EDIT: I am now reading their website, and:

Class Occlupanida (Occlu=to close, pan= bread) are placed under the Kingdom Microsynthera, of the Phylum Plasticae. Occlupanids share phylum Plasticae with “45” record holders, plastic juice caps, and other often ignored small plastic objects.

microsynthera would be small manmade items. this implies a kingdom macrosynthera, of larger manmade items. i want to see a full taxonomic tree. Also, I want to say that the difference between macro and micro is whether it’s bigger or smaller than a breadbox, but based on the above, small soda bottles would be macro, so probably not, sadly.

[shitacademicswrite]

I… may have sent HORG an email.

I am fucking loving this

[disruptor]

For each rt, good boy gets a coffee. For each like, he gets a head pat. :3

[lapinors]

[theotherwesley]

on my way to steal your garden veggies