The BEST Restaurant Review Of All Time
And I should know, since I'm pretty obsessive about reading them.
Bad restaurant reviews are absolutely the best to read. My favorite is this one by Sam Sifton, who sadly just got promoted out of the NYTimes Dining section, here's an excerpt:
THE imaginary mailbag this week spilled forth an imaginary request from an imaginary jock. I endeavored to answer him.
Q. I need you to recommend a restaurant. I’m a 35-year-old professional in Manhattan, and I am looking for a place where I can take my boys from the office to meet this smoking-hot girl I hooked up with at Lily Pond in the Hamptons this summer.
Me and my team, we’re big into that whole meatpacking district thing. We like steak, veal. Maybe Italian food? There’s one dude from Mexico City who eats only fish, which is weird. Maybe this girl would eat fish, too. I don’t know. We’ve been to something like 10 restaurants now, and I think her favorite foods are truffle fries and ketchup. But she drinks Champagne. So maybe bottle service?
Speaking of, this place has to be exclusive. I need a little exclusivity to offset the fact that I’m taking a girl to dinner with six dudes who do math for a living, and not six girls who look just like her. Usually, she likes to eat in a room with women who look like beautiful giraffes and dudes tall enough to look down on them.
Which is, by the way, a message I totally endorse: I’m a former rugby back, 6-foot-3, 220!
Finally, if there’s a guy in the restroom who could hand me a towel after I’m done doing my business in there and washing my hands, maybe give me a mint or something? I would be into that. Old school! I would tip that guy $5 just for being there, you know?
A. Broheim, let me set you up! Lavo is a large and almost luxurious new restaurant on East 58th Street, set above a nightclub, also called Lavo. It sits across the street from another nightclub owned by the same consortium, Tao. (You know Tao, Buddhaman. It’s where Kim Kardashian had her 30th birthday party.) The menu is Italian by way of a steakhouse, and if the food isn’t totally awesome, the portions are huge. You’ll love it.
Lavo opened in September. The socialites and reality television personalities Tinsley Mortimer and Kelly Bensimon were both there on the first night and apparently put some kind of spell on the place, because roughly 70 percent of the women who eat at the restaurant look like one or the other of them.
(An exception was the middle-aged woman in a teenager’s dress who smacked her older companion in the face the other night in the front dining room. She looked like Charo’s angry little sister and was immediately taken out to the street by two men in black suits.)
Full review: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/10/dining/reviews/10rest.html
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