Life from a Minion's Perspective

Greetings fellow mortal. My name is classified for the moment, but in the meantime you may call me Ted. This blog is essentially a place for me to vent my frustrations and spy on engage with other Neopians. When I'm not talking about work, I'll probably be slagging off TNT or making unfunny puns. I'm a friendly person, so if you're curious just drop me an ask and I'll be sure to answer it. I now have a side account. If you wish to neofriend me (or send me gifts, wink wink), you can do so there.

[oocneoblog]

http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-c-ptsd

[devotedslothminion]

Hello everyone. I think, for my mental health's sake, I'm going to have to take another break. It might be a permanent one this time. Just wanted to let you all know before I disappear again.

Van's article gets published tonight, so... if you were waiting for that, you'll know where to look. I'm sorry I couldn't stick around longer. This just isn't a healthy place for me anymore.

[devotedslothminion]

Also, thanks for the medal!

[devotedslothminion]

With Batman on our side, we can’t lose!

[devotedslothminion]

Here’s a short playthrough of YYB for those of you who are struggling to work out a strategy. (No darigan Yooyu this time, I’m afraid, but there is a faerie.)

Good luck, everyone! 

[devotedslothminion]

@spectralneopian You wanna know why I keep winning? ;P

[nest-deactivated20181209]

binding is unhealthy. there is no such thing as safe binding; there are just ways to minimize the damage done. i’ve been binding for three years and i will continue to do so until i get surgery because the danger to my mental health if i don’t bind is greater than the one to my physical health if i don’t, but my body has been damaged over time. binding used to not hurt at all and now my shoulders and chest start to hurt if i’ve been wearing my binder for a few hours. my lung capacity is very low for a person my age because my lungs have weakened from regularly being forced to take smaller breaths.

this is not meant to discourage anyone from binding, i just don’t want another trans kid like me who binds to feel upset and misled because they learn this after they’ve been binding “safely” for a year. this is also a reason that top surgery NEEDS to be more accessible– it’s not just about mental health.

[oldface-magenta]

Binding is also more unhealthy for some than others, and not an option at all for some. Its not a thing where if you just get a good binder and follow all the precautions you’ll be ok. Ive literally never seen it acknowledged that some people can’t bind at all and it made me feel really awful about myself for a long time. Please be extra careful if you have EDS/hypermobility, POTS, low blood pressure, or if your lungs are already weak/you have asthma.

[devotedslothminion]

Don’t you know? Robots work better in the cold.

[devotedslothminion]

The Altador Cup teams as albums on the Homestuck Bandcamp page:

Altador: Symphony Impossible to Play

Brightvale: Homestuck Vol. 7: At the Price of Oblivion

Darigan Citadel: Prospit & Derse

Faerieland: Song of Skaia

Haunted Woods: coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A  [cw: gun metaphor - “Your Universe”; death, violence, hearing voices - “Temporal Shenanigans”]

Kiko Lake:  Alternia

Krawk Island: Squiddles! [cw: debt, implied murder, ableist slur, depression - “Catchyegrabber”; mild swearing, nudity mention, peril - “Plumbthroat Gives Chase”; death, crying children - “Squiddles the Movie Trailer - The Day the Unicorns Couldn’t Play”; off-key singing - “Mister Bowman Tells You About the Squiddles”; death mention, guilt-trip, unexpected eldritch horrors - “Let the Squiddles Sleep”]

Kreludor: Homestuck Vol. 8 [cw: alcohol mention, knife mention, gun mention - “I’m a Member of the Midnight Crew”]

Lost Desert: The Wanderers 

Maraqua: The Felt [cw: high pitched rewind/fast-forward noises - “Omelette Sandwich”]

Meridell: Genesis Frog

Moltara: Cherubim [cw: snakes, skulls - (album cover art); Flowey laugh - “The Lordling”]

Mystery Island: Medium [cw: water/ocean/diving sound effects - “Light”]

Roo Island: Homestuck Vol. 1-4 [cw: stuck record skipping effect - “Nannaquin”]

Shenkuu: Homestuck Vol. 6: Heir Transparent [cw: ableist slur - “Game Bro”; blasphemy - “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”]

Terror Mountain: One Year Older [cw: explicit lyrics, shouting - “Nic Cage Song”]

Tyrannia: Mobius Trip and Hadron Kaleido [cw: hunting mention - “Dawn of Man”; ableist slur, drug mention, dying mention - “Fly”; mortality, claustrophobia - “Lies with the Sea”; mind control, death threats, dying mention - “Pumpkin Tide”]

Virtupets: coloUrs and mayhem: Universe B [cw: mass murder, injustice - “Squiddle Song”; aggressive barking - “Bec Noir”]

[devotedslothminion]

Bringing this back! Please check it out, you don't have to like Homestuck (or even know it).

[valkylander]

Even if you don’t care for Xweetoks or the Virtupets team, you have to admit, Sela Pretore is a cutie.

[valkylander]

And for the record, so is Keetra Deile.

[devotedslothminion]

GOOD JOB TEAM

[neopianlyfe]

Here’s why you love SOSD but hate SS

in short simple terms, its not worth playing SS while you can be more efficient playing SOSD.

I did some time-calculations and small maths in order to find out what game is most worth your time, and which ones are not.

I did this by calculating the time it takes to get to each valid score and multiplying that by the number of games it takes to get a full point towards your rank.

Yooyuball (YYB): 180s per game * 1 game per point = 180s per point. HOWEVER, for each goal scored (no matter which side) the clock decreases by 8 seconds. So, for the bare minimum winning (1 goal for you), it would be: 172s per game * 1 game per point = 172s per game.  STILL, you can get less time by scoring or letting the opponent score on you. I took an average of 10 goals between the two. 180s per game - 80s of scoring time = 100s per game * 1 game per point = 100s per point Slushie Slinger (SS): 162s per game * 2 games per point = 324s per point

Make Some Noise  (MSN): 9s per game * 12 games per point = 108s per point

Shootout Showdown (SOSD): 6s per game * 12 games per point = 72s per point

So, SOSD is fastest, then its YYB (with scored goals), then MSN, then SS by far. You can always improve time with YYB (more goals), MSN(type faster) & SOSD(shoot faster), but you have to wait in SS, which makes it so ineffective.

So JumpStart… maybe consider a rebalance soon?

Happy Altador Cup XII!

EDIT: For SS: It takes 2 games to equal 1 rank point, not 3. However, the time it takes to make one rank point is still not worth it.

[faegrundo]

is the strat not to start slushie then go play sosd/msn while they line up? or is that not allowed anymore?

[neopianlyfe]

you sure can! you can def save time doing that, but I would definitely be careful because Jumpstart is trying to crack-down on hackers/score senders and might think you’re one of them. I know last year many players who played legitimately got banned for their dedication to the game. 

[christinaplaysneopets]

Wait, but aren’t there minimum scores you need to get to earn points?

[devotedslothminion]

Playing two games at once is considered cheating at flash games, and if you're frozen for that you won't get your account back. Don't do it. Watch a video instead or listen to a podcast while you're playing Slushie Slinger.

[royalboybun]

CY’S YYB METHOD

HAPPY ALTADOR CUP!!!! this is only my third year playing the cup so I’m sure I still have a lot to learn too but for now I’m happy to help you guys out!!!!! I’m gonna break this up into segments since there’s a lot and the guide itself is under the cut. Also I’ve never looked at any guides by anyone else so if it’s similar to anything preexisting I promise it’s pure coincidence!!!!

(I prefer to play with my team on the right, going for the opponent’s net on the left. If you play the other way, just mirror this on the other side!!!!)

Keep reading

[devotedslothminion]

Van is really excited right now! I just found our article’s been held over, which (unless anything’s changed) almost definitely means we’ve been accepted into the Neopian Times!

[devotedslothminion]

I'm excited for the cup, but I'm going to be sensible here and cut down my workload - maybe I'll only aim for rank 20 this year. As attractive as drowning my sorrows in Yooyuball would be, I'm going to remember my limitations here. My reduced workload is so I can recover my mental health, not so I can play a hundred or so games every day for a month.

[devotedslothminion]

I am a professional, therefore I gladly wear all proscribed safety equipment so that when I take off my lab coat and safety glasses at the end of the session I can pretend that I’m Superman.

[devotedslothminion]

I dislike strong summer and strong winter. Give me cool spring weather any day!

[srsfunny]

Reflective Illusion

[devotedslothminion]

This is how they filmed Star Wars.