“Florida Man” headlines as things Odysseus has done
spending 10 years trying to return from troy to ithaca:
going on one of his weird, gay little crime missions with diomedes:
stealing the palladium:
attacking diomedes for no fucking reason after they stole the palladium:
pretending to be insane by sowing his fields with salt, but giving up the ruse when someone places his INFANT SON in front of the plow:
attacking a camp full of sleeping thracian warriors armed with nothing but a bow and sword:
running away from the battlefield instead of helping diomedes save nestor:
giving his full name and address to the cyclops Polyphemus just as he’s about to escape:
chastising agamemnon for poor leadership and actually making him listen:
being reunited with his old dog Argos in ithaca:
becoming king of ithaca again after murdering hundreds of his own citizens and servants:
tricking the trojans into bringing a giant wooden horse into their city:
BONUS: achilles trying to fight a river
Odysseus is an agent of Chaos and a bringer of death.
