That post where the OP said “qu**r is a useless term” and the horrible, dumb responses she got is making me so fucking angry so get ready for another rant. Maybe it’s time I get back into my 2022-2023 Rudefem era because I’m done with these people.
OP was right. That term is a fucking HOMOPHOBIC SLUR (like it literally means odd/strange) and tells me NOTHING about your sexuality. For all I know you could be a straight person, and in that case I wouldn’t be comfortable in an LGBT space with you. We created our own spaces to have safe, welcoming places to talk, make friends, and possibly find partners. Straight people have oppressed us for centuries, so yeah LGBT spaces are a little “exclusionst” to them for a fucking reason.
And really, I don’t understand why “qu**r” is needed when there are only four sexualities and everyone fits into one of them whether they like it or not. Attracted to the opposite sex? You’re straight. Attracted to the same sex? You’re gay. Attracted to both? You’re bisexual. Don’t experience sexual attraction? You’re asexual. Works the same for romantic attraction (heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, aromantic).
These categories apply A) whether or not you’ve actually dated anyone (since it’s about attraction) and B) however the people identify. Being attracted to a male person who identifies as non-binary and also being attracted to a female person who identifies as a genderflux enby demiboy still makes you bisexual because you are attracted to people of both sexes. It’s not that hard.
So I’m gonna address some of the dumb arguments I saw on that post:
“Nobody is entitled to know my sexuality” You’re right, and you are also not entitled to same-sex spaces. Period. End. Don’t complain when you’re excluded.
“Saying qu**r is easier than saying I’m a biromantic demigirl grayace trans woman.” So you’re a trans woman who is asexual but romantically attracted to both sexes. Or you could say you’re biromantic ace. Easy. No need to use a term that others might find offensive.
“We have reclaimed qu**r, it’s not a slur anymore.” WHO IS WE?? I sure haven’t reclaimed it. I was called a “fucking qu**r” by a MAGA dude while holding hands with my girlfriend. It was used as a slur towards us and it’s still used as a slur. YOU can reclaim a slur for YOURSELF, but not for anyone else. So don’t call us “the qu**r community” when not all of us are okay with that word being used.
“Qu**r tells people I’m not straight and that’s all that matters.” No it doesn’t, because now we have people arguing “well, straight asexuals are qu**r!” So no, qu**r doesn’t mean “not straight,” at least not anymore.
“Some people don’t fully know yet.” Yes, so they should use “questioning” or “I might be LGBT.” I identified as questioning for a solid year and was welcomed into LGBT spaces as I figured things out.
“Gatekeeping sucks.” Not in spaces meant for marginalized people to come together and be vulnerable. Sometimes groups gatekeep to protect themselves. If I as a white woman want to join a group called “Unity for Black Women” (one of the groups at my college) and they say no, am I allowed to whine about “gatekeeping?” That would be stupid. Black women should be allowed to have a safe space to come together without white people intruding.
“What other word works for an aromantic pan poly enby?” YOU. ARE. BISEXUAL. You experience attraction to both sexes. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never dated or had sex with a man or a woman, if you feel attraction to both you’re bisexual.
“Well, not all bi people are attracted to men and women! Some people are attracted to enbies too!” Yes, but sexuality is about sex, not gender. It’s in the name. Non-binary people are still either male or female, so they are still included in “attraction to both sexes.”
“Sexuality is fluid, it’s different for everyone.” UGHHH NO IT’S NOT. Is everyone different in how they choose to date, have sex, etc.? Yes. But sexuality isn’t fluid, and if it feels that way for you then you’re bi. A straight person doesn’t feel attraction to someone of the same sex, and vice versa for a gay person. If you feel any type of attraction to both sexes, even if it’s 99% towards men and 1% towards women, you’re bisexual. I’m willing to bet far more people are actually bi than straight from what I’ve seen tbh.
“You don’t get to police how others identify.” I don’t, but I do get to police who’s allowed in my real life LGBT safe spaces. If you call yourself qu**r and refuse to elaborate, I’m going to assume you’re straight and therefore my girlfriend and I won’t feel safe having you in a vulnerable community space with us.
Oh, and I’m also allowed to criticize and give an opinion on how someone chooses to identify. That’s the beauty of free speech. If I think the term you use for yourself is fucking stupid, then I’m going to say it’s fucking stupid. You’re free to disagree, but I’m going to share my thoughts.
“Qu**r isn’t a slur.” Explain to me how a word that means strange, odd, or weird isn’t a dehumanizing and degrading term to use for a LGBT person?? It literally implies that we’re weird or we aren’t normal. And it’s very much a normal thing to be gay/bi, it’s been seen in other animal species. There’s nothing strange about it, but qu**r means strange. When you use a word that means “strange” for the LGBT community, it means actually strange people like kinksters and zoophiles think they’re welcome because “well, it’s a community for strange people!”
And if you want to argue “well, gay has been used as a slur!” It’s been used to insult people, yes, but I don’t think “slur” fits that word. The original meaning of gay is happy. The original meaning of qu**r is strange.
“Notice how the people agreeing with OP are TERFs and are marked red on Shinigami Eyes?” That’s an attempt to smear anyone who disagrees with you as an evil witch not worth debating with. Also, Shinigami Eyes was made by someone who is a RAPIST. Not only that, they raped a TRANS PERSON. Why the fuck are you still using that extension?? There are rumors that it’s intersexist as well and marks people with DSDs as red even if they’re not TERFs.
You’re also not in fucking danger if a terf interacts with you, lmao. An extension like that should be used to identify actually dangerous people- creeps, pedos, hackers, scammers, etc. Your life isn’t threatened and your bank account isn’t at risk just because an evil terf likes your post. That extension is dumb and reeks of white USAmerican privilege because only dumbfuck privileged people would actually feel unsafe if they don’t have an extension to identify mean women online.
“I don’t need to know the specifics, if someone says they’re qu**r I know we’re in this fight together.” JFC, I wish tumblr would stop posting about “fighting fascism” when 90% of you are too afraid to ask for extra salt at McDonalds and think it’s “trauma” to be told no by a parent. You wouldn’t know a true fight or revolution if it slapped you right in the face.
And no, someone telling me they’re qu**r doesn’t tell me we’re on the same team against fascism and homophobia. A “straight demisexual” type of qu**r is simply a straight person who needs to feel a connection before they want to have sex with someone. What the fuck would they know about the struggle I and others face against homophobia and systemic discrimination against people in same-sex relationships? How would we be in the same fight?
And let me tell you right now, if that straight demisexual dared to come into my LGBT space and claim they’re oppressed or put on any Pride flag that wasn’t the Ally one, they’d be getting throat punched. Get your Rachel Dolezal ass out of here.
I’m done now. I’m gonna try and keep this post in sane spaces but I just know they’ll see this anyway and freak out in my inbox and DMs🥴If you do- I don’t care what you have to say. I don’t debate anymore. You are worthless to me honestly. Go away. You’ve ruined the LGBT community and made it so anyone can just waltz in, effectively making it an unsafe space. I couldn’t care less what you have to say to me.
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