Cuz the gravity is too much

Vaish || 21 || makes out with books || falls in love with strangers on a daily basis || is somehow in med school

[youngerfrankenstein]

Doofenshmirtz is kind of proof that you can, in fact, make one of the funniest characters out there by throwing shit at the wall.

He’s a supervillain, he’s amicably divorced, he was raised by ocelots, his evil ambitions only stretch as far as taking over the tri-state area, he’s in a romantically-coded/joked about rivalry with a sentient platypus, he’s a good dad, he once lost a fight with a potted plant, he was forced to be a lawn gnome. But most importantly, he never gives up.

[youngerfrankenstein]

Some additions from the notes (I love reading the notes on this):

And of course:

[internetbynight]

[fullmetalfisting]

This is so stupid because a year is how we measure time on earth. Imagine if an ant said ‘Hello we have lived in your driveway for 737 queebals 😌’ and ur like ‘what’s a queebal’ and they’re like ‘oh it’s how long it takes for the sun to travel all across the driveway 😌’ and ur like, that measurement of time only applies to beings who live in my driveway. And the ant would be like ‘😌’

[cubejello]

This is something only a 4050 queebal-old would complain about 🙄

[earhartsease]

the sun appreciates the sentiment but looks sad because she can't eat gluten

[moondustmanwise]

My Cat Needs Urgent Medical Help

I don't have the funds to save her despite the amount of pain she's in. I've made a gofundme with further information, and I beg you if you follow me to at least share it around. I need to get her to the doctor as urgently as possible, since my baby Iris is not eating and is losing weight. I'll appreciate every dollar, every cent, every reblog.

Donate to Cute Kitty Iris's Medical Bills, organized by Nicole McDowell

My name is Nicole McDowell (AKA Moondust), and I'm requesting medical funds for my cat… Nicole McDowell needs your support for Cute Kitty Ir

[bosmerbutt]

[carnationinstantbutch]

*X-files theme*

[hotvampireadjacent]

*x files theme but played on a lute*

[exhuastedpigeon]

Having "a lot" of followers on tumblr is funny because probably 80% of them are ghost blogs who haven't been on here in like a decade.

It's like, no no, those aren't my followers, that's a graveyard! I'm the caretaker of a thousands of tombs. I love them, but they've been dead for seven years.

[iamladyloin]

But on rare occasions the corpse likes to go for a stroll

[greelin]

the way being employed keeps you from video games and other various activities is so sick. genuinely demonic

[fruitsaladchewits-deactivated20]

Palestinian lady collects gas bombs fired by Israeli army. She grows flowers in these bombs.

[ilovespike]

What the AP photo story neglected to show was that this garden is in memory of Bassem Abu Rahmah, killed by Israeli forces with a tear gas to the chest in 2009 in Bil’in. The garden was planted and is maintained by Bassem’s mother.

[vonkarn]

me, walking out of a brothel: fucking bullshit

my wife: well what DID you think a brothel was

me: looking sadly at the empty bowl i brought: doesn’t matter

[hedgehog-moss]

Exactly 20 years ago (give or take a few days) like most French schoolchildren I was given a piggy bank to collect yellow coins (small change). It was a charity campaign called Opération Pièces Jaunes, to help hospitalised children, but my classmates & I were quite indifferent to the charity aspect because all we cared about was the fact that our teacher started giving us a candle in the shape of President Jacques Chirac every time we returned our little box filled with coins. 

We were completely enraptured by those candles and the way the president’s face would start melting hideously if we let them burn long enough. Without any kind of deliberation among ourselves we turned it into a class-wide contest—it was obvious to everyone that the point of the Yellow Coins charity campaign was to win many little Chiracs and melt them to make the face of our president as freakishly deformed as possible. We exchanged them for pogs and marbles. We had recently learnt about the Plague in history class, with great relish, hence one lucky girl who managed to obtain a particularly monstrous half-melted face with a big wax bubble reminiscent of a bubo sold it way above the going rate, for 12 galaxy marbles—a fortune. (I was among the losers of this auction, and commented in my diary, with deep regret, “It’s just what it would look like if the President had the bubonic plague!”) Every day after school we went round town begging passersby for coins with something akin to mania in order to get more Chiracs to burn into ever ghastlier shapes. An old lady we ambushed in front of the church praised us warmly for our charitable spirit.

Eventually our teacher ran out of candles and this odd chapter of my childhood ended as abruptly as it had started. Our class was congratulated in front of the whole school for being by far the most ardently devoted to the cause (we got ~15kg of coins.) I wonder if the principal asked our teacher what her secret was to make us collect a truly astonishing amount of coins compared to the other classes, and how he reacted when she replied that she motivated us with busts of the President. One teacher gave a Carambar for a full box of coins, another believed that helping sick children should be incentive enough, but our teacher, an expert in child psychology, was alone in her conviction that the best way to go about this was to hand out human wax effigies for her students to burn.

[hedgehog-moss]

This post is now one year old and my favourite thing about it is that no French person in the notes has ever seen a Chirac candle before, which strengthens my theory that my primary school teacher was making them herself, at home, as a hobby, and with this exact purpose in mind.

[hedgehog-moss]

Believe it or not but a few months after I made this addition, the origin story of the Chirac candles was brought to light in the French press… In this interview from late 2021, our former President of the Constitutional Council was photographed in his study with a little Chirac candle on a shelf behind him! When asked about it he explained that a member of Chirac’s party made one or two thousand of these candles back in the day, and he (who was also Minister of the Interior and President of the National Assembly) has kept his Chirac candle in his study for the past 20+ years because he finds it hilarious.

Little does he know that a few dozens of these 2,000 candles ended up in the hands of a bunch of feral children somewhere in France who obsessed over them, disfigured them with diabolical glee and went into galaxy marble debt trying to buy the most grotesque Chiracs at auction.

I’m glad that at least one aspect of this mystery has been lifted. It’s still unclear how my teacher came to own so many of these limited-edition candles (I don’t think she was a fan of Chirac or a member of his party…), and of course the thought process that led her to connect the concepts of charity drive and letting kids burn the President in effigy will remain a mystery.

[everydaylouie]

Cat Theremin (Loop)

[pygmypouter]

step and repeat

[heartofalifer]

what was this movie even 

[eddiemoonson]

A cinematic masterpiece.

[angremlin-deactivated20250312]

I CANNOT stress enough that in the Spy Kids films, Danny Trejo is literally playing his titular character from the Machete movies, who happens to be the kids’ uncle, because the movies have the same director

[lang-wich]

what this reply misses is that Machete originated *in* Spy Kids. the Machete movies are Spy Kids spinoffs

[hobgoblinhero]

I think it’s important to make clear that Robert Rodriguez, the director, says that Spy Kids and Machete are alternate universe versions of each other , while Danny Trejo, the actor, says that what happens in Machete is just what he does when he’s not hanging out with the kids

[catnippackets]

when we try to befriend cats we mimic their meows and get down on the ground to their level and try to gently coax them to interact with us right

that horrifying entity mimicking human noises at us maybe just thinks we’re cool and wants to pet us?

[catnippackets]

had to draw it

[catnippackets]

a few people pointed out that they probably wouldn’t understand what they were saying and just mimicking whatever sounds they happen to hear so I wanted to add this

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Telling myself this every day here's a meme

[greenthena]

2023 Bucket

This is a bucket. Anything you don't want to take with you into 2024, feel free to drop it in the bucket. I will be burning the contents (with Hellfire) at exactly 11:59pm on New Year's Eve.

You don't have to type anything, at all. Just reblog the bucket and your intentions will be known by the universe. Or the bucket. Or whatever you like.

[prokopetz]

Concept: a mermaid who collects human artifacts, but, like, exclusively objects that humans have dramatically cast into the sea in moments of high emotion, catharsis, or personal revelation. Each item is carefully mounted above a little index card that outlines the circumstances of its hurling in terse, clinical prose.

[burnt-kloverfield]

How many outdated cellphones does she have from businessmen who realize that Family is more important?

[prokopetz]

Fewer than you’d think. For a variety of fascinating demographic and cultural reasons, importance-of-family cell phones are considerably more likely to be hurled into lakes than oceans. She’s co-authored a paper on the subject that’s due to be published next month.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I hope it’s been pier reviewed

[kvotheunkvothe]

it’s sure to make waves

[allthingsschwab]

Victoria Schwab Tweets:

“This just in: you can love writing and also find it hard.

“I was once on a panel and another author essentially said, ‘if you don't enjoy every moment, then why are you here?’ and I was...exasperated. Creativity is a complicated beast. You don't have to love every second to be a valid participant.

“I love the ideas. I love brainstorming, and problem-solving, and I love making this better, fine-tuning language.

“I also hate drafting, claw my way through self-doubt, crawl on my hands and knees through the frustration of the unrealized.

“I'm not here because I love every second.

“I'm here because the parts I love are worth the rest.”