howdy

its dj slime on the beat they/them — main blog annnnnj

[things-that-are-not-true]

i just bought a toyota speck for $0.003

[release-the-sheep]

just witnessed something devastating

guy on the subway with one ear pierced, little gold hoop. other guy on the subway very quickly and subtly googling "which one is the gay ear". it is not the gay ear. visible disappointment on his face as he puts his phone away.

[willgrahamscock]

Your pronouns sound like someone clearing their throat

you guys find new ways to hate crime every day

[willgrahamscock]

[willgrahamscock]

my gender is now canceled everyone stop perceiving it

[minotauri]

[louder than everyone] MAN I THINK IT DEPENDS!

[cheerio-charcuterie-board]

How it feels to take a shower

[enki2]

[sadclowncentral]

just showed the gate agent the Wikipedia article for Mussels instead of my boarding pass. don't text

[thoughtcascades]

every time i get close to someone i feel like a stray dog trying to live in a house. like i don’t know where to put my body or how loud i’m allowed to be.

[aggot]

weather so nice i've decided to free a hostage

[killue]

the world is my whale carcass

[dragongirlsweetie]

hour 1 of shift: i love helping people and making people happy yay yay yay later today i am gonna go home and have fun and eat a tasty meal and work on my projects and

hour 6: if youu go to the store and buy groceriers you are a piece of shit

hour 8: if i wad 1 apples tall i could live off of one apple for a week... oh but it would rot away... no.... i hate the rot i hate the apple

[aheathenconceivably]

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

[powerburial]

New macklemore “thrift store 2”

In the thrift shop at the hospital Found some clothes they dont need anymore Put the coat on and gain their memories

[adz]

macklemore “thrift store 3”

standing at the sink while i wash my wounds

when i’m finished i watch cartoons

the man on the screen reenacts my death.

[paparoach]

[grimeclown]

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

[grimeclown]

Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

[gondorrevealparty]

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

[gondorrevealparty]

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.