I see a lot of gothic midwest this, Southern gothic that, but I have never once encountered gothic Canada. So I present to you How To Survive in Saskatchewan
The land deprived of so much colour is unforgiving.
Never try to go against the wind.
Every turn looks the same, remember that.
Sometimes roads go on for miles, sometimes you’ve left the road behind miles ago.
There’s no escape from the wind.
Don’t drive too long in one direction.
There's very little cover. You’re vulnerable and they’re fast.
Don’t go out on the grids without a guide. You’ll get lost.
If you start hearing voices, keep driving and pray they go away.
Seeing a dog run away for three days is a myth. If the dog isn’t gone in three hours, lock all your doors and salt your windows. He’ll bark. Don’t let him in.
Its best if you forget what you saw on the highway that night.
Mountain lions aren’t supposed to be this far East.
If you can’t see around the corner, stop and listen.
If you find yourself alone in the fields at dusk, an old catholic graveyard is the safest place for you to be. Luckily, they’re in abundance out here.
The gas stations carry more than just gas.
Combines won’t stop for you.
A large herd of cows is a good sign. A large herd of Bison is a warning.
Do not get distracted while driving. They’re trying to get you to join them.
Don’t listen too closely to the wind. You’re not safe from sirens just because you’re in the praries.
You may see a hockey player dancing in the snow from the corner of your eye. Do not look directly at him. He will not hurt you.
The coyotes only stop howling for two reasons: they’re chasing something, or something is chasing them.
Remember, they’re Ukrainian.
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