Domenic Hermes

A blog about my life. Included but not limited to; my writing, things I learn, my goals and aspirations, and the world around me.

[domenichermes]

Birthday Dinner

On the 19th, I had my 24th Birthday Dinner.

It was pretty great,being able to spend time with my family and forget everything hectic in my life for one night. All of my local family was able to come, and even one great family friend! 

Hopefully my next birthday is just as great.

[domenichermes]

Car Accident

Anyone who was getting used to my daily posts may have wondered where I want for a few days, I apologize for being irregular so close to starting this blog. On the twelfth, I was in a car accident and it took me awhile to recover and feel somewhat normal again. 

I was driving through an intersection when another driver failed to yield to me, crashing into my drivers side. While I had no fractures, I’ve honestly felt dazed and not really here the past few days. Now that I feel like my focus is coming back though I’m going to try and get back to writing a blog post for every day again!!!

[domenichermes]

Altruism

Altruism

noun

the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.

Altruism is a very interesting concept, it is the idea of selflessness in practice. It is the idea of doing things for a common good, or the good of others, without any selfish motive. I fell in love with the word the moment I discovered its existence, but have since been exposed to a counter-view that I find far more compelling.

That counter-view states that altruism is impossible, and each and every action is at its core selfish in nature.

So far, I have yet to find anything that goes against the reasoning for the above statement. I first discovered it in a debate on debate.org, a wonderful website all about allowing people to practice their debate skills online. The debate was hosted by an individual that claimed just the statement above, that all actions are selfish in nature.

His core concept was that even when you do something completely for the sake of another, you feel satisfaction from doing so. Providing charity brings joy, and therefore the true motivation for altruistic acts is the joy that they bring to the individual. He continued to argue that even when you do something that hurts you, you do so because that hurt is preferable to you, and therefore a selfish act.

It was compelling and enlightening, and made me think of things in a very different way. Since reading that debate, I often claim to be selfish when offering to help people. I know that my every action, even helping others, is truly for my own sake. I’ve found that explaining this to people makes them more willing to accept my help and charity, which is certainly a bonus to this mindset.

If any of you have a rebuttal to this concept or think that it is flawed in some way, I would love to hear! This has for a long time been one of my favorite debates and I always like to hear new perspectives and ideas on it.

[domenichermes]

A Dark World

A while back I saw a random fact while browsing the internet. Apparently when humans are left in complete darkness, they will on average remain awake for 36 hours and then need around 12 hours of sleep to feel rested. This means that were it not for the suns cycles, that would likely be the sleep schedule we humans would have.

For all of you fellow writers, I’m sure you immediately thought of the same thing as I did. This is an intriguing fact that could be so easily placed into a story! Perhaps a cave dwelling band of humans would maintain this schedule naturally, rather than within the confines of a scientific study. I’ve done some math about this sleep cycle and how it relates to our current world.

First, it is a total of 48 hours. This means that if we were to say, wake up at the crack of dawn one day on this schedule we would remain awake through the night and then most of the next day. Depending on where you are in the world the nights may be shorter or longer, but we would have 36 hours divided between two days and one night, or two nights and one day cycle. 

This is not too complicated to adapt to our regular world. Every day would become two days, and should we insist on groups of 7 days together that same amount of days in 48 hour increments would be equal to 14 of our old days.

So when you look at weeks, they do not end in an even number. In fact, as far as how many weeks there are in a year they do not even end without a decimal point until 7 years pass. In 7 years we will have 365 weeks, which means that is an odd number until 14 years pass and we deal with 730 weeks.

Odd number or no, at that point it becomes insignificant. Regardless, weeks will cut halfway between months just as they do now, poking in and out at odd intervals. The important detail to take in from all of this is that it really doesn’t change a ton about our time systems to adapt to an all-night schedule. It is different enough to provide a sense of uniqueness to our stories without causing an upheaval of our entire calendar system. 

Days become much longer, nights only slightly longer, and the entire cycle is doubled. There is also a discussion in here about how this gains us on average 2 hours a day to use productively, but I doubt there will ever be any practical or substantial conversation on switching the Earth to ‘dark time’.

Hopefully.

[domenichermes]

Never Criticize

I’m sure some of you have heard of a book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie; recently I have been listening to this through Audible while I drive or work out. It is an interesting book about the study of interpersonal relationships, or in simpler terms, how to get along well with people.

The very first topic Dale brings up is the emotional response that we all naturally have to criticism. Most people when faced with criticism will seek to justify their actions. Except for those rare occasions when we do something wrong knowingly, we usually believe that the actions we take are the best choices at the time. Perhaps because of this it is human nature to justify and defend ourselves when someone points out a perceived fault of ours.

Now of course we can all work on taking criticism gracefully, it is a very essential part of life. Honest criticism can at times be the only window into our own shortcomings and the only way to grow as individuals. It is something to be grateful for as a whole, but perhaps it should be excluded from more casual or new friendships.

In general, the lesson in Dale’s book is to never criticize others if you can help it. The premise is this; criticism causes others to become defensive and seek to justify themselves, it causes them to hold grudges against you, and in general works against the process of making friends and influencing people. 

I personally believe that criticism is a must in some circumstances. If something is a great moral affront, or is harming others around you, it may be better to risk the animosity criticism gives by speaking up. When trying to make new friends though it is much more productive to have an open mind. Share your views, but do not push people onto the defensive when it is not necessary. 

It is a good lesson, especially as presented in the book. I highly recommend it! I’ll be sharing more lessons I learn from it as I continue reading.

[domenichermes]

Sleepy Notes

For the first time in the middle of the night last night I had a sudden and pressing idea for a blog post that I knew I would forget before morning. I’m sure we’ve all had these thoughts, but this is yet another reason I am so glad to have that small little notebook around me all the time. I had it on my bedside and was able to immediately write down the note and go to bed.

Only issue? I was half asleep. My room was dark. As I wrote it I thought, am I writing legibly? I concentrated on forming each letter and was satisfied I could decipher it in the morning. If only I knew.

Or perhaps better I didn’t, I slept better not having to worry about it. In reality, that’s the largest purpose of the notepad anyways.

I woke up to find a scribble of seemingly unconnected lines all jumbled up and impossible to read. Towards the bottom I made up one word, but then it began haunting me. I was rather certain about the last word, but I had a different part to my theme! 

A breakfast break and at least 10 minutes of staring, trying to make out individual letters, I find out that there was a mistake beyond the crime of trying to write legibly at 3 am. I had forgotten that there was already a note on those lines, and the reason everything was so hard to decipher was that I had written a new sentence over the old!

Once I discovered this, I was able to work out and salvage both sentences with some effort. I suppose I should make sure the page is empty when I place it by my bedside from now on....

[domenichermes]

Arguments

We all have them, that much is certain. Have you ever stopped after an argument, or by some herculean effort of will during, and wondered how important the argument really was? They usually really aren’t worth your time.

The only productive result of an argument is a change of policy, so to speak. A change in the way one person behaves with another. This, however, can likely be achieved in much more civil ways. Why then do we argue?

For the most part, I do not believe arguments are about the subject matter alone. In fact, that is very often not the driving root behind the emotion. Arguments are caused by latent anger, and latent anger is caused by everyday frustrations and annoyances.

So in reality arguments are caused by that sore feeling in your toe you stubbed earlier, your frustration over an injury or illness that won’t heal, the fact that every time your friend says something it annoys you just enough to bother you but not enough to mention it, or maybe just that you had a frustrating time with your tie in front of the mirror this morning; and all of these petty small inconsequential things build up in your mind until suddenly you’re angry at something and all of it comes out at once.

I know that personally if I am in a sound and happy emotional place I very rarely argue. In fact, the process of debating a difference of opinion is usually creative, interesting, and enlightening. When something in your life is stressing you though, that stress needs some release and unfortunately sometimes that buildup pops on the people we care about most.

Myself and my roommate argued the other day. Was it over anything of note? No. Well, not on my end anyways, I’ll reserve judgement over his side. We rarely argue, and even rarer is it that we hold our tempers. But right now I am searching for a new job and he is adjusting to life with a kid, and both of us are strung a little tighter than normal.

It can be difficult, but these things happen. Try and unwind in a healthy way and remember that you’re in this together if you’re thrown into a similar situation. Arguing and being frustrated are part of being human, but there is no excuse for not being respectful and kind with your fellows.

The trick, perhaps, is remembering this when it truly counts.

[domenichermes]

Another Day, another Search

Hello everyone!

It’s amazing how momentum gathers once you’ve put intentions out into the world around you. I have been searching for work for around a week now and suddenly things are beginning to come together. Not every opportunity is panning out, but there are so many really exciting ones out there!

When I started using Google Calendar to organize my day, it was difficult to set 3 tasks for each day. Every day had ‘Apply to 2 jobs’ on it, some days I was tempted to place it twice. Just the other day I drove out with resumes again and handed them out to the jobs I was most excited about and the rest of my week is suddenly booked thanks to all the call-backs! At this rate hopefully I won’t have to worry about finding a job for long!

The most satisfying thing in my life right now however is the feeling of productivity. I have an interview a day for the next three days and I’ve even specified time to get back into working out amidst the chaos! This feeling of scheduling my days is so rewarding that I don’t imagine I’ll ever want to go without it ever again. 

The best part is knowing that this habit will aid me even more once I’ve actually gotten a job. I’ll never struggle to remember my schedule, and more, I’ll never have a real excuse to not fit in something important. Instead of just dithering my time away on whatever comes to mind first, the miscellaneous tasks will be pushed to whatever time is left between the tasks I know are most important.

It can seem daunting, organizing your time like I have, but I highly recommend it! Google Calendar is a good tool and I’m sure there are more out there. If anyone reading this happens to know any other good tools please do let me know!

[domenichermes]

Scary world for women.

So yesterday I was answering questions on Quora when I found one that provoked my thoughts quite a bit. Here I answer a question about whether or not women assume every friendly man is trying to hit on them. It is a question that many men have wondered, experiencing frigidity in a woman’s response to their advances.

It is difficult for a man to understand why women respond this way. I wanted to write this to give another chance at understanding to anyone who is still confused about this behavior. I’ll say this up front, being angry at women for this behavior cannot be justified. Not once you know why they are forced to behave this way. Anger for this should be directed where it deserves: At those fellow men who create the world that requires those responses.

First, I’ll share the same story I shared in my Quora answer as well as I can recall it. In one college psychology class, a professor began the first class by asking “If anyone here actively changed their behavior or appearance today in order to prevent or lower their chances of being raped, please raise your hand.”

Every woman raised their hand. None of the men did.

This alone is a powerful illustration of what women deal with, but it is not this alone. Before you shout ‘not all guys!’ lets look at the evil that women have to be prepared for.

Men will pretend to be friendly to get into a woman’s pants. They will slip drugs into drinks. They will attack women in secluded places late at night. They will abuse positions of trust to prey on people who they know will be too afraid to seek justice. They will steal underwear, take or steal photographs without permission, and look through purses, phones, or other belongings women leave unattended.

And then, there are more subtle things. Some men will react violently when rejected. They will hold grudges, spread rumors, and make life miserable once their ego has been bruised. They will stalk the subject of their lust and make her feel like no place is safe, all because she spoke her mind and it was not what they liked.

Most rapes are not even reported, and this is not surprising given the results that follow. Maybe 1/6th of these reports are actually arrested. Maybe 1/12th of those who were arrested will actually be convicted. That is less than 1% of these criminals held to justice, an absurdly small number even if you factor false accusations into the equation. Largely, society blames women for these occurrences which will happen to 1 in 6 women, and they are taught that they must protect themselves.

Unless we change that, we cannot judge them for doing what they must. That frigidity? That wariness of men? It is born rightfully of fear. What they have to lose is so much worse than us men in these situations. 

Most men encounter this behavior and say something like: “Not all men are like that. Why can’t they just give us a chance? Talk to us and find out what we’re really like instead of assuming the worst.”

What they want is a clean slate with every interaction. Fair, I believe, but not possible in the world we exist within today. What men lose in the status quo is a chance at meeting some possible friends or romantic partners, and perhaps a little bit of pride. They may feel insulted, or have their feelings hurt because they are thrown into a group with criminals of the worst sort.

What woman risk by giving these men what they want is rape, harassment, having their dignity and their lives torn apart. Being subjected to the worst kinds of torment and knowing that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, their tormentors will likely not be prosecuted or even judged socially for their vindictiveness. Men currently have their feelings hurt, but women risk their lives should they give in to the seemingly justifiable wants of men.

Understanding the gravity of the situation, how can anyone ask woman to lower their guards for strangers? Even more, anger at a woman’s carefulness is a sign to them that you may not be safe to them. You cannot respect or understand their need to defend themselves, and this tells them that you may not be capable of respecting other boundaries in the future.

If you demonstrate kindness and understanding though, you are much more likely to be trusted in the end. Show them that when rejected, you do not pout like a small man-child and throw a tantrum. Show them that if they have to hurt you, by rejecting you or simply pointing out an issue you may have, you will not react in horrible unjustifiable ways in return and attempt to ruin their lives. Show them that you really are not like all men. Becoming offended and indignant when grouped with these people and lacking understanding may just be the clearest sign that you are just like them to a woman, because it shows that you don’t even understand what she has to fear in her life compared to yours.

So if you learn from this post, and understand a little more, you may just be able to prove that you really aren’t like all the rest. You’ll direct your anger where it belongs, and withhold your judgement from these women that are the true victims of these cruel circumstances. Better yet....

You’ll be one small part of making this world a better place.

[domenichermes]

Notepad and Pen

So in yesterday’s post, I mentioned the book Fast Focus. I recommend the book for anyone looking for immediate, actionable tools for improving productivity. This post is about one of my absolute favorite suggestions the book presented, and the twist I have spun on it myself.

This is my new notepad, small enough to fit in my shirt or back pocket at all times and not uncomfortable to carry around. This is important, since I intend to have this on me 24/7. This will be in my pocket anytime I go outside, at my desk anytime I sit down to work, and at my bedside when I am sleeping. It’s primary purpose is to write down pressing and sudden thoughts that would otherwise be forgotten.

Fast Focus explains that sudden thoughts can distract you from productivity, especially if these thoughts are about tasks you need to remember later. By writing them down, you are able to close the open loop in your mind and focus without distraction. You do not need to focus on remembering the task or worrying that you may not, once its in your notes you know you can consult them later.

I have taken this a small step further. I bought a 4-color pen on amazon to organize my thoughts sooner. Red is important to-do. Blue is anything I wan’t to study or learn about. Green is reserved for writing inspiration. Black will be anything miscellaneous or extra, anything that doesn’t fit into those categories.

This has already proven invaluable. Since carrying it around I have written into it several times a day and referred to it whenever planning out my future days. I hope that someone see’s this and is inspired to do the same!

As an added benefit, I’ll never have to worry about having something to write on or with when I see someone I want to ask out either. ;)

[domenichermes]

Google Calendar

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have never been a huge fan of Calendar apps, or the huge ensemble of google services in general. Some, like google docs, I have come to appreciate but most seem unnecessary or even tedious to maintain. Until the past few days, Google Calendar was one of them.

In a book I read recently, Fast Focus, it detailed how to use your time productively and get the most out of your day and your time. One of the largest things it promoted was checklists, and also setting reasonable goals. As of a few days ago I have setup google calendar to notify me at various points in my day to accomplish certain tasks, and it has made my productivity increase greatly.

Three large goals a day is the idea. For tomorrow I get to go out and drive for Uber, and also use that time to follow up with other jobs. After that, I need to arrange and budget for certain bills and finally I have set it to remind me to apply to two more locations.

The day after that, I write for my first productive period(especially since the morning is generally the most conscious and productive period of the day,) apply to two more jobs, and do the research required for a second interview I have scheduled.

My day will not be limited to these tasks, but creating this system means that my most important tasks for each day are completed and I am held accountable for them. The best part is that I can type and arrange this on my computer, a large manageable screen with a full keyboard, and then be notified on my phone. For my interview I even set it up to notify me 2 hours before I leave and then again when I am actually supposed to leave.

For anyone on the fence, I do recommend it! I’ll update again later with tips and tricks once I’m more familiar with the app. 

[domenichermes]

Starter for a Roleplay

(So, a friend convinced me to begin a roleplay with her. Requesting vampires, this is what sprung forth as muse. I thought as an example of my recent writing it may be worth sharing here.)

Vampire hunters were always the nemesis to vampires. Jean Claude didn't know when they had discovered that he lived up in Kings-Burrow, but he found himself frantically racing through the streets of his new hometown as they pursued him now. His cloak flew in the wind behind him like a cape, sewn in muted shades of grey with red trim. Even the wind did little to coax his curly hair to flow behind him though, if anything it swayed slightly with each leap and dash, rushing back forward to create a series of loose ringlets all across his entire head each time he paused.

"Why oh why must they be so persistent!" He cried out to himself. While hunting vampires was technically illegal, few would mourn their loss in a society that viewed them as a great evil. Now that they were known by all, the best a vampire who was discovered could hope for was to be locked into a government facility and fed animal blood.

Just because a vampire could survive on animal blood did not make it comfortable. For Jean anyways, cow blood had always given him the shits. He did not think the government would care for his comfort, and so he remained hidden.

There was no time for distracting thoughts about misfortune when being pursued by hunters. Jean's polished black shoes were caught by a tripwire as he leapt from a buildings roof and he found himself flipping end to end before being pinned to the ground by a blonde haired assailant in black leather. "Oww!" He shouted as the silver knife was pressed to his neck.

Silver, really, did nothing. These hunters were always so prone to suspicion. At the very least he could count on the fact that silver did not hold an edge nearly so well as other metals, though should they kill him he may regret the slower death that a dull blade caused. "I have you now you unholy being!" She shouted as she straddled him, glaring down upon him with brilliant blue eyes. She reached down towards his mask and he barely got his hand up to grip hers in time.

"Now," He began, smirking and playing the role of an evil vampire. Rather than proclaim his innocence, he had grown to even enjoy the thrill of these encounters. "Why would a hunter care for the identity of a vampire." He asked, letting his French accent slip through. He needed as little connection between himself during the day and himself at night, his hair was enough.

Especially because the girl atop him was his classmate.

"Isn't it enough to want to see your disgusting face when you die?" The blonde girl, named Tiffany, barked down at him, still gripping the large red opera mask that clung to Jean's face. He smirked, and suddenly his other hand was embedded into her neck.

Volts upon volts of electricity discharged, sending Tiffany sprawling and twitching to the ground. He had barely stood when others arrived, all while Tiffany cursed and screamed. "You're using a tazer?" The girl said in disbelief while he slit it into a spot on his belt.

Jean shrugged and smiled almost apologetically for ruining her image of vampires and then sprinted off, dodging crossbow bolts from two more hunters before breaking into a houses window. He lifted his hand in apology, flipped out three hundred dollar bills and placed them somewhere the hunters wouldn't see them while running by, and then rushed out the front door.

These chases were always fun, but someday Jean's red opera mask wouldn't be enough. If his identity was ever discovered, least of all by Tiffany, he would have hell to pay. The best he could hope for was to get out of town unscathed, but he would need a new ID. A new Social Security number. Those were hard to come by. He hoped that he could spend the next ten years here, that would be nice.

He leapt from rooftop to rooftop, looking like some gentleman thief from an era long past as the hunters slowly dwindled into the distance behind him. Without trickery, a vampire could always outrun a human. It was as he looked behind him to check for them that he tripped, this time without the aid of his hunters.

Unceremoniously, flailing his limbs in a way a being with his age and experience ought to have grown out of by now, he bounced twice as he tripped down the slide of a roof before smashing into a house through the window.

"Aaaagh!" He screamed out, falling nearly on his neck and crumpling onto the floor, cheek cut by the glass and his mask torn off and thrown beside his face. There he lay, in his full grey and red ensemble in someone's bedroom, tall and lanky with freckles and brilliant blue eyes now scrunched closed with pain. Nowhere near your traditional image of a vampire. As he groaned out, lying just beside someone's bed among the shards of broken glass, two long sharp fangs glinted in the moonlight.

[domenichermes]

Job Hunt

I have always identified as a writer, but never before have I identified as a blogger. My projects have always been long winded and prone to interruption by life, but today I feel inspired by a man I met to change my habits. 

The past few days have been magical. I am now unemployed, but I feel more organized and driven than I ever have before in my life. I have organized my desk, my room, and my mind along with it. Many of the changes I made I learned from books I’ve read or listened to and from people I met. In other posts I will share these with you as well.

Today I began my day driving out to hand out resume’s. I had some leads to follow up on and was driving along Hwy 111 when I realized that I needed to turn back to fill up on gas. Near the Nest in Palm Desert, I pulled into a business center and had the sudden urge to get out of my car and see what I could accomplish face to face in some of these buildings.

The Nest was closed and the first bank I entered sent me along my way, but it was directly after that I met Rudy Hane.

Rudy was driving through the complex and curiously asked me what I was soliciting for. I told him that I was hunting for a job. He looked through my resume and shared some of his vast personal wisdom with me. The greatest gift he gave me today however was inspiration.

I have Rudy to thank for this blog, without him I would not be sitting here writing this as we speak. He spoke of following my passion, of sharing my job search with the world. While that is not all I intend this blog to be about it is the seed from which this entire endeavor was grown. Our conversation today was wonderful, thank you Rudy!!

If anyone in the area needs something moved, you should talk to this man! 

From there I drove back up into La Quinta, to the opportunity I am currently most excited for. Having just left the Vitamin Shoppe in La Quinta, I was shocked when I saw that they were hiring just when I was looking.

I walked in and found Mario the Store Manager towards the back. The store was amazing, filled with healthy foods and an energy that was infectious. Honestly, after seeing their selection I find it hard to not fantasize about whatever employee discount program they may have in place, their Asian foods section had some items I have never seen anywhere else!

Me and Mario were only able to talk briefly, but I believe I left a good impression. Here’s hoping that they call me soon!!