Modern Major Shitposter

supreme-leader-stoat

This is a vent post, feel free to ignore

supreme-leader-stoat

Your latest Long Manga Title Parody post reminded me of this real one I saw recently.

Wait, that's hilarious

cookingwithroxy

Fun little series for a while, the Hero's parents are just insanely OP.

Insanely OP parents is a very fun story premise. I'm reminded of the one where a dude gets kicked out of the hero party and so he goes back home and promptly fucks all the other party members' moms, who then party up with him to go show their kids how stupid they're acting.

The anime about an exorcist who exorcises ghosts with sex (a sexorcist if you will) is my current anime of the season

Normally i would add a gif but for some reason no one has made any so here is a screenshot of a spanish tiktok

Surprising absolutely no one, I thought you were talking about a different anime about a dude who exorcises ghosts with sex.

.....name?

Technically he doesn't have actual penetrative sex with the ghosts, he just uses his magic eyes to see which part of their body will make them experience orgasm and then uses his magic fingers to touch them there, whereupon all their negative feelings are exorcised along with their climax.

Deatte hito Tsuki de Zecchou Jorei, or in English Climax Exorcism with a Single Touch.

The anime about an exorcist who exorcises ghosts with sex (a sexorcist if you will) is my current anime of the season

Normally i would add a gif but for some reason no one has made any so here is a screenshot of a spanish tiktok

Surprising absolutely no one, I thought you were talking about a different anime about a dude who exorcises ghosts with sex.

beardedmrbean

probablybadrpgideas

deck of random things, grab a bunch of random cards from different things (mtg, uno, normal playing cards, tarot cards, etc) then put them in card sleeves and shuffle it. interpretation of the card drawn is up to how convincing the player is.

one of my coworkers has this sticker on his water bottle and it sends me into hysterics every time i see it

So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.

Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)

ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.

Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace

HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE

via @kagaminilen

mysteryteacup

[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]

ardanelvilyafeanturi

Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic

baygeethefirst

Well, THAT was a wild ride

dajo42

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

computationalcalculator

my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament

idontgettechnology

I tested this theory in the wild the other day at work. I was on a call with my department lead and a few other folks and I replied to an email the DL had sent me, thinking that, because he was on this call, he wouldn't notice when I sent it and would not catch me multitasking.

However, he replied to said email within five minutes, asking a question that required an answer. So I answered and was like "Also, I was going to apologize for answering emails during this call, but I see we're both here at the Devil's Sacrament, so I don't think an apology is necessary."

I watched him read that on screen and try not to laugh. And then at the end of the call as everyone started saying goodbye, he goes, "Hey, MJ, I meant to tell you. I like your shoelaces."

And I looked straight into my camera, stone cold serious, and said, "Thanks. I stole them from the president."

And the rest of the team was like, "What...the fuck...?" before he abruptly ended the call for everyone.

So now my DL and I know this about each other. He could be any one of us.

libraryogre

At a certain point, the appropriate response to "What were you doing at the devil's sacrament" becomes "stealing shoelaces from the president."

sensiblereblogifposts

Reblog if you were stealing shoelaces from the President

mothnem

Well what ELSE were we supposed to do at the devil's sacrament????

couldtransitionsaveher

It's been a minute, so I want to do a quick follower maturity check:

What was the last movie for adults* that you watched, and when did you watch it?

*not necessarily r-rated, a lot of r-rated movies are really for teens.

couldtransitionsaveher

Sorry about this. Someone I know at work called Superman 2025 adult fiction and I just about broke out into hives.

robin-hood-for-freedom

I am currently watching star trek ii the wrath of khan