Ace and Cake

Half of what I write is written in text to speech, so it probably won't make sense pronouns are a mystery that can be worked on after I fix my life minor

[cobwebkitten-deactivated2020101]

reblog if you’d like one of these in your inbox

- ask me things you want to know about me

- why you follow me

- what’s on your mind/what you’re thinking about

- a compliment

- make me choose between two things

- ask for advice

- tell me a secret

- things you associate me with

- anything!!!!

[cathartidae]

ⓘ You can Bite your Friends.

[cathartidae]

ⓘ reblog to fuckign BITE your mutuals

[rice-w0lf]

om

[carmillatism]

BE. MORE. VIOLENT.

[theofficialpeanutgallery]

I honestly find Testament V SO funny.

Like, yeah, yeah, God's trying to pull a Tolkein elf move and die of despair, whatever.

But with the lines "I looked into the abyss, but the abyss averted its gaze" coupled with the repetition of "I am hollow" has me howling

God gazes into the abyss. Millions of white eyes stare back. Eight REALLY BIG eyes stare for a second, and then look away abruptly, clearly embarrassed by proxy.

Shade Lord begins smacking him, projecting their thoughts directly into his brain: "GO FIX THINGS FOR YOUR KIDS! DON'T BE LIKE MY DAD! HE SUCKED!!"

[dragonslayer26806]

read this as testament as in the Bible it was really confused and thought I must’ve missed something in the bible

[beifong-brainrot]

V! Avid really is just the "men be like "i'm fighting demons”, and the demons be bisexuality" meme except there actually was a demon

[dragonslayer26806]

The demon also be medical gaslighting

[joeyclaire]

my mom’s trans allyship is on another level

[joeyclaire]

she once called my friend’s deadname “that stupid thing his mom calls him”

[asideoftrashplease]

I was once talking to my 75 year old Chinese dad in passing about a trans friend of mine not getting along with her family and he asked why and I said err, because she's trans, dad.

He asked: "Oh, was she the only son or something before *waves hand*?" and I was like, warily, no she has two brothers. And he responded with a great deal of confusion: "Then what's their problem?!?!"

Later on: "Anyway, even if she WAS the only son, that's not her problem, that's THEIR problem. They should have had more sons if they were going to be bothered about it."

[jackdaw-kraai]

Knowing what I know about chinese culture there’s something so beautifully simple about his logic of “no son to carry on family name/look after them in old age/all the other stuff? Skill issue! Should’ve had more sons! Should’ve kept the family unit strong yourself! Blaming your daughter for your own failure of family planning is W E A K!” and then he learns there are more sons and it completely breaks his train of logic because if yes to more sons then why issue?? You have two others and you’re mad you don’t have three?? Whack. Greedy.

I can already envision him as an ancient lord of a powerful house looking down his nose at the latest messenger bringing gossip from the house of his offspring’s friend and going “now they have a daughter to marry into another family for powerful alliances and two sons to take over her former duties and somehow they’re still complaining about their good fortune? They shall not survive the winter.” and then sipping his tea with all the grim satisfaction of someone about to watch an unnecessary soap opera of drama unfold from a safe distance or something

[knightfisherr]

what’s the ecological niche of the watchers

[dragonslayer26806]

@definitelynotshouting

[knightfisherr]

what’s the ecological niche of the watchers

[blackdykegirlblogger]

ik pride is all ppl think of when june hits but i also wanna say HAPPY CARIBBEAN AMERICAN HERITAGE MONTH BITCHES ‼️‼️‼️

[dragonslayer26806]

Hey can you guys watch my oven for 30 minutes its important

Hopefully nothing happens!

[cattreats4humans]

i dont have 30 minutes so ill delegate this task

she'll watch it for u surely

[dragonslayer26806]

The pie is now capable of speech

How?

[dragonslayer26806]

the pie is now saying slurs

I don’t think it can say that one

[dragonslayer26806]

Hey can you guys watch my oven for 30 minutes its important

Hopefully nothing happens!

[cattreats4humans]

i dont have 30 minutes so ill delegate this task

she'll watch it for u surely

[dragonslayer26806]

The pie is now capable of speech

How?

[cattreats4humans]

[dragonslayer26806]

i love being your mutal

[dragonslayer26806]

Hey can you guys watch my oven for 30 minutes its important

Hopefully nothing happens!

[mephistopheles]

i bring a sort of “you should maybe interrogate your so-called ‘preferences’ to make sure they’re not literal textbook examples of severe unconscious bias” vibe that my woke gay friends dont really like

[digitalmyyth]

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

[beardedmrbean]

[thestuffedalligator]

They’ve been rebuilding the Tower of Babel, but this time they have a team of linguists on site. Every time God smites the builders and invents a dozen new languages, the linguists have a dozen decently sized translations in about a month and work can start up again.

The linguists have been really into it. They say the new phonemes are fascinating. As for God, I assume that at this point he’s just curious to see how far this goes.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

To keep us on out toes, God gives the next group of builders an extra place of articulation called the flongus between the pharynx and the glottis, creating an entire new column of the IPA chart with sounds between sounds that are literally physiologically impossible for non-flongled people to replicate.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Improved symbols for the flongal plosives ("gacks"), flongal trill ("hacks"), flongal fricatives ("groans"), and and the flongal lateral approximant ("moans")

[inthefallofasparrow]

Update: The builders have now simply switched to communicating entirely through a universal sign language like they should've done to start with. No sounds need be spoken, flongal or otherwise. The Tower steadily rises. Be seeing you soon, God, you little bitch.

[koth-harvest-final]

update: the builders are all speaking different sign languages now

[quietwingsinthesky]

did i tell you guys i failed at being sexually harassed at work today?

[quietwingsinthesky]

okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where he’s going to be a sex pest, namely: “Do you know where the term ‘blow job’ comes from?”

and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!

his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Man’s Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.

So I Answered It.

and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you can’t just say “oh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940s” without first explaining that ‘blow’ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain it’s fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-

i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. i’m sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didn’t realize he wasn’t looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.

anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe don’t start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.

[i-speak-graffiti]

🫵 HEROES in the tags