[itsstonerkitty]

[swan2swan]

Every episode of the Mandalorian further confirms that Yoda’s species is actually a race of ravenous nightmare gremlins and being a kind, empathetic, noble pacifist was 1000% a choice.

[mylordshesacactus]

#some human criminal: “I don’t know about you ‘Master Jedi’ but some of us just have urges that we can’t fight!”#yoda: “know what I think everytime I see a child do you? hm? ‘food’. Yes. ‘Easy prey’. ‘Helpless and unprotected it is.’#’'Eat the child do I? No. Feel the urge to eat? Yes. Base instincts we all have…learn to master them we must.”

[ethicalmemes]

An alien abduction #EthicalMemes

[theintrovertnation]

[space-parasite]

I almost slammed reblog, and then I realized this was reblogged from me. Well, it still applies!

[lolawashere-deactivated20240904]

[dechart]

@jared-wormsboy i am crying uncontrollably

[tedllasso]

#WEARAMASK

[roboco-san]

no smart appliances in this house. absolute fucking moron appliances only. my toaster is there to make bread hot not to tweet what time I ate breakfast or whatever the fuck

[roboco-san]

don't need my goddamn microwave to snitch to the nsa

[exilerose-deactivated20220711]

if i am somehow forced to own a smart appliance (likely due to lack of availability) i will figure out how to take the computer out and make it dumb

[roboco-san]

lobotomize your coffeemaker

[sharlatan-ka]

Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream... capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks... before you know it half the pint gone

[mmmskulljuice]

primal memory of rooting around in dirt for little chocolate fish

[positivity-in-pain]

[highenxugh-deactivated20200830]

Awwww😍😅

[nootall]

Lil Houndour

[wrightedgar]

Howard the Duck (1986) dir. Willard Huyck

[nonapkinsilickmyfingers777]

[07-2]

[timsutton]

[sftn-deactivated20170702]

I really am crying

[decadent-hag]

if someone asked me “What color is your heart today? Why?” instead of “how are you” I would murder them in cold blood. 

[senatortedcruz]

me checking some middle aged man out at my retail job: And what color is your heart today, sir?

[thisistemporaryiguess]

Me greeting a family of five that was sat in my section: what lies do you find yourself believing?

[kendallroy-deactivated20210425]

what are my top three feelings today? ma’am i’m lucky if i get ONE feeling MOST days

[tami-taylors-hair]

Even in this collection of ‘I read one article on mindfulness and have decided to torture my coworkers forever” nonsense,  “What lies do you find yourself believing?” is absolutely bananas and I desperately want to open our next staff meeting with it. 

Just incredible. 

[lostinhistory]

“Welcome to [library], what story are you telling yourself today?”

[gallusrostromegalus]

“hello!” I say to a nice doggy someone has deigned to let me pet.

“What thoughts have been circling in your brain?” I ask a Labrador with barely the mental horsepower to conceptualize where his own ass is.

[turing-tested]

you come to my house. you see this. 

“oh? you have kids?” “No” i reply. “…rabbits?” “No,” again I reply. you look closer. inside is a roomba. ‘its almost time to feed him!’ i say. your eyes ask a handful of questions, but you remain silent. i sprinkle a handful of dirt in the enclosure.

[clarenecessities]

there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”

[crockpotcauldron]