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manofmoth

dan howell I love that you remain soft and sweet in a world that tried its best to make you mean.

dan howell I love that you remain brave in a world that tried its best to make you scared.

dan howell I love that you remain silly in a world that tried its best to make you silent.

#dnp

frenetic--energy

ryan throwing a glance at naim over his shoulder in the corridor at school, beckoning, begging, helpless. follow me, he's screaming, come with me, be with me. in the crowded halls where he knows that naim is really naim, where he can watch the flow of people part around him like waves breaking on the shore—affected and interrupted and undeniably real.

ryan sickeningly relieved at turning around to see naim behind him, just in time to watch his form slipping past the tiny crack of the rapidly-closing bathroom door. ryan reaching for him with a tenderness so alien it feels like gold molten in his fingertips. naim meeting him there without pause.

fingers twined in hair. hands on waists. feet stumbling backward, dragging them toward a stall before anyone can see. whispered promises against skin warmed by skin. i know it's you, ryan's breathing against naim's neck, eyes closed against the tide of affection that threatens to sweep him out into depths so blue and dark they make him feel bare. i know, naim's throaty whisper against his ear, it's me. and it's everything ryan is himself too scared to say out loud. ryan dizzy with how brave naim suddenly seems, and holding him a little tighter.

pain being the last thing he feels. hearing the wet tear of cartilage. feeling the hot rush of blood down his neck. feeling his body wrench itself backward. watching his own hands shove naim back. then, like an afterthought, an agony so precise it's nearly blinding.

it's me, naim saying again, and ryan's sob is a guttural thing made by an animal trying to claw its way out of him. ryan rushing for the door, hand slipping in his own blood instead of stemming the flow of it, and bursting out into the corridor with heaven on his tail, yelling for help.

ryan tumbling to the cold linoleum. his arms and legs feeling suddenly thin and frail. his hand falls away. a girl is screaming.

naim's eyes, dark and wide and brimming with horror.

#leviticus

holly-hill

Thinking about Naim Reid. Thinking about Naim going to the pastor and his wife. Thinking about Naim going to a police station and coming out to a cop.

Thinking about how the beginning of the movie introduces the idea that he is so fearful — afraid of the snake, afraid of heights, and the threat of the spider. Afraid of his and Ryan’s reflection as they’re making out. He’s so scared, and he’s just a kid, and we see over and over again this childlike trust he has in the people who are supposed to help him.

Why does he go to Hunter’s parents? Obviously there was some aspect of jealously, but Hunter and Ryan were also actively hurting each other. He doesn’t just watch them make out. He watches them pelt each other with fucking rocks and I think it was scary enough for him to regress into the idea that they genuinely needed help.

So, he does what he was raised to do. He asks for help. He watches Hunter get dragged in to the dark and he goes to the cops and he asks for help. He has that nightmare and he asks his mom for help. He’s attacked by an evil entity and he runs into the gas station asking for help and NO ONE IS HELPING HIM. Not the church, not the cops, or Izzy, or his mom.

In the end at the mill, entity Ryan tells him again that they want him to be afraid. Then in the daylight IN THAT SAME PLACE his mom confirms it. She tells him he needs fear. HE ALREADY HAS IT. He was already afraid at the beginning of the movie!!!! He’s been afraid the whole fucking time !!!!

And as my good personal friend Henry Chang once said “If you cannot be unafraid, be afraid and happy.”

So, he stops asking for help. He runs, and Ryan is there, and they cannot be unafraid but they will be happy — and I guess I’ll just be thinking about it for the rest of my life

#leviticus

me-and-michael

Leviticus really said yes life will be harder because I choose to be with you but I choose to be with you despite it all

doctornerdington

Loved that the film lets love and fear exist together, without easy resolution.

#leviticus

salaciouscrumbb

and me? i noticed.

barbiekisser

i guess i wasnt gay enough cuz i only knew abt this from a different tumblr post😭😭

#leviticus #I KNEW I WASNT INSANE I PHYSICALLY POINTED N WENT HUH #??

wheelie-sick

apsychotic (not psychotic) autistic people- you have more in common with the average schizospec person than a neurotypical

nacricissa

Hullo not to pry but I am curious

What fun* traits do we share?

*traits need not be fun

wheelie-sick

there are quite a few, especially because the schizophrenia spectrum consists of several different disorders that have different (but similar) symptoms.

autism actually used to be considered a type of schizophrenia several versions of the DSM back!

Just looking at schizophrenia- it can cause things like a flat effect, echolalia, trouble discerning social norms, trouble reading other people's emotions, cognitive difficulties, social withdrawal, inflexible concrete thinking, and much else.

a lot of allistic people on the schizospec are mistaken for being autistic

wheelie-sick

#i seem to remember reading recently something about the possibility of schizophrenia#being considered a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism/adhd are already understood#rather than ‘just’ a ‘mental illness’#anyway good post

picking out this little section of your tags to say yes, you're right!

here's a link to a paper about it

here's a link to the pdf in a google drive in case that link isn't working

it's a short paper and not particularly full of jargon so if you're curious I'd definitely recommend reading it! it also mentions the mad pride movement which makes me incredibly happy

setulose

Whatttt is with the tendency of Tumblr users to seek absolution from every single person who offhandedly posts about disagreeing with something they do

setulose

I say this not unkindly, but firmly: to function as a member of a social species, you have to get comfortable with the idea that not everyone will like you

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL 😭😭😭😭WHAT TO DO 😭😭😭😭WHAT TO THINK😭😭😭😭 WHAT TO DRAW😭😭😭😭 Hey guys I think I found a glue

#deltarune

samwitcch

morning commute

#the bear #MY SHAYLAAAS OUGUHHH

marinella-ela

drtanner

The soft eyes! The forward facing ears! The question mark tail! Not to mention the poise and control! This little dude is having a blast and is SO good at it!!

black spotted tabby

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

most-sane-classicist

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

power-handmaiden

when I was in high school I had a literature teacher who had a policy of unlimited extra credit. All you had to do was read a book by a notable author (his discretion) and have a little chat with him after school to prove that you read it. No limits, no need for variety (one month I decided I really loved Kurt Vonnegut and just read everything of his I could get my hands on).

Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.

I was thinking about it again today, and only just now realized that he absolutely tricked me into being well-read, while my teenage self thought I was totally getting away with something. THAT MOTHERFUCKER. I hope he's doing well.