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[willgrahamscock]

Oh here we go. What new fucking gender is that flag in your bio

THE HUNGARIAN FLAG???

[willgrahamscock]

happy pride hungary

[chilewithcarnage]

no amount of budgeting will make up for the fact that we simply do not make enough money

[raddagher]

no amount of therapy will make up for the fact that we simply do not make enough money

[moss-wizard]

no amount of working will make up for the fact that we simply do not make enough money

[apricustar]

there's something really important in the way buck grieves in 8x16 that feels like it's being misunderstood. i keep seeing people say he was emotionless--that oliver himself gave us nothing--but i think that silence was the performance; that was the choice-- one made as protection.

last episode, we saw him collapse--on the ground wailing, can't hold himself up, can't draw a breath that doesn't feel like it's tearing him up inside. that was raw, unfiltered. that was what happens when the grief and disbelief hit before he had time to build the walls we see in this episode.

beyond an i love you, bobby's last words to buck were that the team was going to need him. and bobby's words have always carried a significant weight for buck, but these being the last? they clearly landed like a mission. a burden. a plea.

so what we get in 8x16 isn't a lack of emotion--its a man white-knuckling his way through unbearable loss because that's what he thinks he has to do in order to live up to what bobby asked of him. it's buck burying his own grief so deep he won't accidentally spill it on the people around him. it's him becoming that steady presence-- the one bobby said they need--even if it means locking away every part of himself. all the too-sharp edges of his own feelings, all the things he knows might take him under again.

because if he lets go for even a second? i truly think he worries he'll end up back on the ground again: helpless unable to fix or do anything.

oliver didn't give us 'nothing'. he gave us stillness. he gave us restraint. he's carefully calibrated, holding his breath, his posture, holding himself--because he knows if he slips, he might not come back from it. he's holding grief in his throat like it might choke him if he swallows wrong. he's trying to be what the team needs while neglecting what he needs. and it's devastating.

and it's all there if you look at him: the way buck's jaw clenches at times; minute changes to his expression before he smooths it over into careful neutrality; the way his every word feels deliberate and weighted, like he's rolled all them around in his mouth first before he speaks. nothing is effortless, everything is held.

it was heartbreaking to see. and i cant imagine how much more heartbreaking it will be when he finally breaks and lets go.

[brightlotusmoon]

I found photos of those Pallas Cat kittens born this year and bye I'm deceased

[curlicuetruth]

why do these kittens have the exact same energy as a nest of baby owls

[sanguine-tenshi]

@curlicuetruth you are very right

[curlicuecal]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I know she doesn't know what "the maximise button" is so I told her "click the square at the top right" and she clicked...the printer icon...in the middle of the toolbar. and I'm just like okay. this isn't a technology thing you are flunking basic shapes and directions. I'm turning off your computer and getting you a block puzzle. you have a master's degree

[willgrahamscock]

you can't be punk and get your shit from temu

[willgrahamscock]

"I can't afford-" they're using slave labor to create clothes that will disintegrate with one wash. get your old pants out and rip them yourself, bleach stain your shirt and use paper clips as accessories

[emolionsrawr]

*the 118 doing trauma salad*

chimney: hey, my named howard, i go by chimney, and after i proposed to my ex, she broked up with me, which lead me to being in a car accident which caused a rebar go through my head, and i brought the bowl

buck: hi, my names buck, and before i was born my brother developed cancer, which caused my parents to create me to be a perfect genetic match, they took my bone marrow and he died a week later, and i bought the nerds

eddie: my names eddie, my ex wife left me and our son after i went through something traumatic, and i bought the sweedish fish

buck: hey, my names buck, and when i was a child i used to have to hurt myself to get my parents attention, and even then it didn't work, and i bought the war heads

hen: hey! my names hen, and my ex wife got out of prison and used my emotions against me which lead me to cheating in my wife, then used that against me to try to take our son away from me, and i bought the nerds clusters

buck: hey! buck again, my first real girlfriend ghosted me after she left for dublin, and then came back three years later with a fiancee, she never broke up with me, and i bought the twizzlers

bobby: hey, my names bobby, and i watched my father lose himself to alcholol which later killed him, which caused me to start drinking at the sweet sweet age of 9, and i bought the gummy bears

buck: sup, its buck, and after i lost the first person on the job i went to a therapist who used my trauma to get laid, which i later realised was assault, and i bought the reece's pieces

eddie: hey, my names eddie, and my wife came back into my life, came back into my sons life, only to die in front of us, and i bought the malteasers

buck: you know the drill, and when my father figure was suspended pending investigation a teenage bomber who had it out for him put a bomb in the ladder truck, which caused the truck to land on me when it blew up, crushing my leg and leaving me with phantom pain, and i bought the hershey kisses

chimney: hey, my names chimney, and my dad prefers my younger brother, and i bought the tangfastics

buck: me again, after i got blown up i had a P.E in front of my whole family at my welcome back barbeque which caused my father figure to have a panic attack and not want to let me back onto the team! and i bought the nerd clusters

bobby: hey, my names bobby, and i was in an accident which gave me extreme back pain which lead me to a drug addiction, and one night after a bender i fell asleep and left the space heater on which caused my whole apartment building to burn down, killing my wife and kids as well as over 150 people, and i bought the marshmallows

buck: hey! me again, after the P.E my best friend asked me to look after his son, so i took him to the pier where we was hit by a tsunami, i found him but then we were separated for eight hours and the whole time i thought he was dead, and i bought the nerd ropes

buck: oh! me again, after the tsunami and finding out my captian was holding me back i sued the city, ruining my friendships along the way, and i bought the toffee

eddie: hey, my names eddie, after my wife died i got into an illegal fight club and got addicted, and i bought the strawberry hearts

buck: hey! me again! hi! my ex girlfriend almost got two of my friends killed because she decided a news article was more important than their lives! and i bought the toxic wastes

chimney: fuck taylor kelly

hen: fuck taylor kelly

buck: hey! me again-

bobby: okay we're down the bowls full

buck: BUT I HAVENT EVEN GOT TO THE-

bobby: no.

eddie: I also have more. My childhood trauma. My son leaving. The time I got shot. My time in the army. How I received my purple star. And so on.

chimney: Oh! I also have more. Kevin dying in front of me. My mother dying. Jonah. I could go on.

hen: I have more too! Everything with Mara. My own childhood trauma. That time my son nearly died and I was the paramedic working on him. Jonah. I can still continue.

bobby: I also have more BUT THE BOWLS FULL!

athena: what are you doing?

buck: trauma salad

athena: oh! well then my name is-

bobby: the bowl is FULL

athena: BUT I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANY OF MINE AND I HAVE A LOT

athena: Hi, I’m Athena and when I was 9 a girl in my neighbourhood went missing and then years later, we found her remains in the concrete of the conservatory of my parents house after my father had a stroke and he was them framed for her death and I BOUGHT A GOD DAMNED NEW BOWL!

buck: YAY NEW BOWL! hi it's me again your favourite traumatised firefighter, one time i got struck by lightning and died, and ended up in a weird coma dream where my dead brother was alive but my father figure was dead and i didn't know anyone i loved and i was fighting for my life, and i bought the sherbert lemons

Bobby: I was dead you didn’t tell me I was FUCKING DEAD?!

buck:... OH LOOK THE BELL IS GOING BYE-

bobby: THE BELL ISNT RINGING GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT-

ravi: *sighs* didn't even get to my childhood cancer

athena, placing new bowl down: they’ll be back. We have a new bowl to fill.

[saintmikolas]

Awsten Constantine Knight, baby

[brainfreeze27]

[photosjessl]

// 22.10.23 // When We Were Young Fest //

ig: photos_jessl