Dysfunctional Roommates

Eager Teigr Who are we? We're two roommates who have severe Old Couple Syndrome. Amused Duer I need to unload our bullshit somewhere.

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Recreation of a true to life conversation between roommates.

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Colours

Scene - Roommate is playing Stardew Valley. Topic of conversation is Sebastian, one of the characters in the game.

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Me: He looks like you! Purple hair that's more on one side.

Roommate: No he doesn't - he has black hair!

Me: Your computer is black, compare that against his hair - his is purple!!

Roommate: Noooo, anyway my hair is blue! *holds up a lock of her hair*

...

*looks at it*

.... okay so this bit is purple but at the top I'm blue!!!

Me: *mumbles* All the hair in this conversation is purple.

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Roommate Problems #4

When you plan to go out to be social and end out acting like an old couple

Roommate: Are we going out for a meal or drinks

Me: Meal!

Roommate: Is it just going to be us or are we going to invite people?

Me:... *pisses self laughing, and we share a look acknowledging the couple-ness of that sentence*

Me: ... Do you want to go to Yo Sushi?

Roommate: I was just about to fucking say that! ... Or we could be more interesting.

Me: What about Wagamama?

Roommate: *didn't hear properly* Wagawowo?

Me: xD!!!!!

Roommate: Wagamomo?

Me:.... *typing this down*

Roommate: Waga mo jo?

[livingwithroomies]

A conversation I had with R, I still stand by the idea…

[human-camera]

^ Another Roommate Blog. It’s great to hear that crazy roommates exist elsewhere in the world. xD

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Another gem from my roommate and I’s fb messages.... as you can see that was the end of that convo until a month later. xD

[dysfunctionalroommates]

nuff said.

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Roommate Problems #3

When you still get surprised about how much you actually know about each other.

Scene: On another group chat a friend broke her toe and I (text on right) said how AD had also broken her toes before... then this msg came through:

[thebestofyoutube]

HAHAHAHAHA Reblog and Send to Your roommate 😂😂

[human-camera]

Amused Duer and I played Mad Libs… we’ve never cried so much.

[yikyakapp-blog]

[dysfunctionalroommates]

YES!

[dysfunctionalroommates]

the signs as college roommates

aries: jumps into bed and hurts a part of their body, promptly asks "did you see that?"

taurus: labels everything in the shared fridge as "mine," shares it anyway

gemini: accidentally slams door at 3 in the morning, apologizes loudly

cancer: is never home due to how many things they are involved in, is only home to eat ramen and binge watch netflix

leo: rearranges everything in the shower according to how much soap is left in the bottle

virgo: does homework due in a month, questions your work ethic

libra: orders a pizza with everything on it to make sure they didn't miss your favorite topping

scorpio: falls out of bed in hysterics and complains about all the cute people on campus

sagittarius: spends the time they should be studying watching old youtube memes

capricorn: is silent for hours, and suddenly screams "FUCK" about forgetting something that they were supposed to do two hours ago

aquarius: looks up from laptop on a sunday night and shakes their head silently before getting back to whatever it was they were doing

pisces: mutters under their breath while cleaning, the muttering is actually old taylor swift songs

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Geographically Impaired Roommate

Today in one of our lovely conversations, my roommate asked me where Birmingham is, as she’s “never been” -

Me: ... You’ve been to Birmingham - we went 2 years ago to that photography convention.

Roommate: did we?!

Me:.... did you just get onto a train with me, without actually knowing where we were going?!

Roommate: You seemed to know what you were doing so I just kind of followed you!

Anyone else have a friend like this?

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Me after sharing an old and overused joke between me and my roommate: You know, I will miss the old jokes we have when we move out and the new ones that won't be made.

Roommate: Yeah... or we can just go to the same care home.

Me: God no.

Roommate: I will put that in my will.

(Moment of silence)

Roommate: Wait I will be dead!

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Roommate Problems #2: Mishearing each other

Roommate: *makes happy noise*

Me: What?

Roommate: I thought I ate all the porn but I've just found another one!!

Me: EXCUSE ME?!

Roommate: I've just found another prawn! *eating curry*

[amusedduer]

When discussing how only imbeciles break their little toes to a friend who had done just that my roommate cuts in saying that it is fine, AmusedDuer has also broken her toes.

I don’t remember ever saying that I had broken my toes to @eager-teigr so I proceeded to stare at my toes to see if they looked weird, later realising I don’t look at other people’s feet enough to know what looks weird and what doesn’t.

I texted the roomie to ask how she knew and her only response was:

“We have lived together for two years.”

That’s a fair point I suppose.

[dysfunctionalroommates]

Roommate Problems #1

You at some point stop finding things to talk about.

Me: So have I told you about the time I broke my broth-

Roommate: Yes

Me: Or when I got stuc-

Roommate: Yes

Me: O-

Roommate: Yes.

[amusedduer]

That awkward moment when you thrust your boobs towards your roommates face whilst demonstrating how you opened the bathroom door.

(For context I am on crutches)