Tiny Punk Anxiety Lesbian

She/They/That Bitch Professional Them Fatale and Problem(TM)

[human-pet-they]

[vulkun]

me turning the page and seeing johnny truant's fuckass footnote continue for several more pages

[saturnisfilledwithbees]

“Put him on his knees give him something to believe in” has the exact same energy and depth of meaning as anything Hozier puts out on the regular but since it’s sung by Megan Thee Stallion no one takes it seriously. In this essay I will-

[saturnisfilledwithbees]

To flesh this out a little bit more: both Megan Thee Stallion and Hozier write and sing really sexual songs, but they’re different in that Hozier’s music is typically “let me worship you” while Megan’s is usually “I’m worshipping myself,” which makes all the difference because it’s an acceptance of power rather than the giving of it. He’s the sinner, she’s the saint. However, taking their difference in genres out of it, people don’t usually seem to take Megan Thee Stallion’s music seriously in comparison to Hozier because a) her lyrics are more overtly and blatantly sexual and b)she’s claiming her sexuality for herself, and that scares a lot of people. The secret, no-one-wants-to-talk-about reason is that she’s a confident black woman, which terrifies people way than sex does. In conclusion, Hozier and Megan Thee Stallion are two sides of the same poetic, sexual coin, but people just don’t want to admit it. Which is WHY a collaboration between Hozier and Megan would be so powerful that it would change the timeline as we know it yes I will elaborate 

[odysseusfunnyhat]

I've only had Heinreich Unheimlich's 60 euro chair for two episodes, and if anything were to happen to it, I would kill everyone in this fandom and then myself

[kirbybaker-the-alch]

Ive seen people be like in modern fantasy like "oh the pritagonists can just look up spells on their phone how do you solve that"

Imma be honest most people who go on recipe websites and book every recipe they see don't even use them lmao why would with be different

[queenmelodis]

Given how terrible most recipe websites are i can only imagine how bad spell websites would be

[tigergirltail]

Having to navigate someone's entire life story of how they became a witch in order to get to the part where they actually talk about the gods-damned banishing ritual

[bixbythemartian]

the number of 'easy 3 step spell to fly' that at best do nothing, and have a good chance of doing something very bad to you is non zero

[friendlyloner]

Three words "BuzzFeed Spell Hacks"

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

five minute witchcrafts

[jabberwockypie]

Can not emphasize enough that there are IRL articles about spells and witchcraft that read like that. It would not be that much of a stretch to go full recipe blogger.

[lasrina]

Me in the dungeon, typing into Google: "How to cast a light spell"

Remembering that time I waded through "This is my family's super-secret can't-miss light spell! When my grandmother was a child in Lithuania, she had a pet pony named Brambles" only for the spell to call for six candles and a bottle of holy lighter fluid

Delete delete delete delete

Me in the dungeon, typing into Google: "reddit how to cast a light spell"

[caffeinewitchcraft]

Trying to figure out if the "moon fed rosemary" is really an important part of the spell or if regular rosemary will work and the author is just trying to get me to spend $19.99 plus shipping

[occudo]

Not Quite Dead is a podcast

[eat-the-rude]

I am so normal about these silly little vampires in their silly little podcast

[memorydatas]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[memorydatas]

for context:

[dragonquestv]

[an-actual-lion-deactivated20200]

“Beep Beep Bitch, You’re Gay!”

[leolikesaccountability]

Updated the lesbian flag and added nonbinary, pan, ace, and aro for all your tacky LBGTQ+ barcode needs.

[non-binary-ary]

Hope yall  like my abomination

[thegrimmlovely]

That last one is fucking moving istg

[silverjirachi]

at last. the gaydar

[cargopantsman]

[anathemaegg]

[effeminate-wastrel-deactivated2]

The only pride flag I care about anymore

[moonsfavoritedaughter]

awesome, just awesome

[treesaspen]

More things that get left out of Dracula adaptations

Van Helsing pulls 29 year old Dr Seward's ear like he's still a schoolboy

There's a relationship-establishment flashback between Van Helsing and Seward

In it, Van Helsing accidentally gets cut with something unclean. His then-student Seward immediately drops everything to start sucking on the wound raw

Dracula has a big scar on his forehead from Jonathan Harker's shovel

At one point, Seward asks to become his "pet student again."

Arthur Holmwood saying "Tally ho!"

Transylvanians conclude that the delirious, amnesiac Jonathan Harker is English due to "his violent demeanour."

Despite attempts to keep low profile, Dracula gets into the news twice in two months (in one of them as a missing dog)

Dracula getting misreported as a dog because English people have never seen a wolf

London newspapers treat Lucy's vampire attacks on children as a meme among kids because they don't believe in vampires

Dracula gets sworn at by a British sailor solely because he thinks Dracula is French

Van Helsing is baffled why British sailors keep talking about blood and bloom to him (it's swearing)

Van Helsing is friends with real life turkologist traveller Arminius Vámbéry, who is his main source on the Dracula family

Van Helsing is friends with Hans Christian Andersen and references The Ugly Duckling

Van Helsing getting one-upped by Mina every single time he says something sexist about her intelligence

Dracula failing to destroy the evidence against him because Mina backs up her files

Mina and Jonathan kissing on the mouth in front of everybody

Quincey Morris spontaneously gifting Mina the Victorian equivalent of a MacBook Air

[vertigala]

You thought you could just hide this in the tags huh @the-dumb-smart-friend

You caused this 🫡

From this post.

[1st image ID: two furbies are sitting on the desk before a 1995 computer monitor. One says "Jon, this is NOT what I was expecting when you said you found 'bodies' for us." The other one says "Well... at least we can blink now?" Jonah laughs at them from the monitor. End ID.]

[2nd image ID: a screenshot of a tag from user "the-dumb-smart-friend" says: "#I think it would be funny if they uploaded their consciousnesses to like #furbies or something." End ID.]

[kayotic-catgirl]

ok but imagine the OIAR employees reactions when they come into work to see "norris" and "chester" as furbies. how many glass objects do we think colin will break when he finds this shit

[moldfucker]

diversity win! this office is all women because the it guy got eaten by a computer, and the only other male employee fell through a wormhole in space!

[lavender-wiitch]

“fell” did celia write this?

[mantisliberationfront]

I think venus flytraps should be intelligent and ambulatory. I think they should get into the cupboards. I think they should purr when you pet them.

[prismatic-bell]

OP there is an entire Broadway musical explaining why you don’t want that

[bbcwhereareyou]

There’s a Broadway musical about them, too.

[subversivegrrl]

[applejuicewerewolf]

[willowrosenboob]

BTVS 4.07 I’ll take her apart. I don’t care how brilliant she is.

[catty-words]

#this is genuinely so funny like #buddy #how often did you think about buffy summers getting a research grant #spike is just laying there in bed with dru and shes like idk dripping sexy candle wax on him #and hes like. dru. ducks. what if the slayer got a giant taser. wouldnt that be fucked up. (via @yoursummerfrost)

[counterpunches]

#also he’s met so many slayers! like not ‘when slayers got funding’ but buffy in particular#he heard about buffy using the rocket launcher and was like this bitch? this one’s going places @faithandbuffy

[transmutationisms]

i need people to understand that making a blanket statement about what corsets were or what purpose they served is like if you made a blanket statement about panties and why people wear them and you didn't specify whether you meant g string thongs or boxer briefs or a jockstrap or cotton bikinis or

[transmutationisms]

like imagine if 150 years from now some people were like "panties were uncomfortable constrictive aesthetic garments women were forced to wear" with a pic of an overpriced katherine hamilton set and then some other people were like "actually they were completely benign and functional" with a picture of beige high waisted granny panties sold in a 6 pack and then some other people were like "they could literally give you diseases" with a picture of a crotchless candy thong from spencers and then someone else was like "no they were necessary protective devices for physical activity" with a picture of an athletic cup. that's every argument about corsetry and some of you are not even using real sources

[fragmentedink-archived]

YALL. Holly Black has a list of resources she's used for writing her books on the fair folk. I'm OBSESSED. I love her work and world building. it's so true to the heart of faeries

[void-botanist]

Some other resources that might be worth checking out (not strictly about faeries but related):

The Corpus of Electronic Texts, or CELT, a collection of Irish cultural materials. This includes English translations of Irish myths.

Mary Jones - similar to CELT, and a resource we used for translations in the Irish mythology class I took in undergrad.

An Encyclopedia of Fairies by Katherine Mary Briggs, a British folklorist.

The Folklore of Cornwall by Ronald M. James. Unfortunately this book is harder to access and is often only in university libraries, but if you're interested in piskies it's a potentially very helpful read.

Traditions and Hearthside Stories of West Cornwall by William Bottrell.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

British Goblins by Wirt Sikes is THE encyclopedia of Welsh faerie mythology

[feluka]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[ex-riddlecats]

party rockers in their bed tonight. every body just have a good night

[ex-riddlecats]

and we wont let the bed bugs bite. we just wanna see you... sleeping

[kausijuoppo]

That time of the year