Certified Hater

Jewish ∘ Lesbian ∘ Adult ∘ Writer ∘ Leftist ∘ Various fandoms ∘ Original writing ∘ Check out my commissions and my ao3 ∘ About for Mobile

[edenaziraphale]

If there's one thing I want you to know about me, it's that I'm a hater

[edenaziraphale]

Got two free tubs of creatine lets gooo

[asnowyplover]

bro it sounds like maybe you need a reminder of the glorious interconnectedness of all things?

[championofdogs]

Hi pervert! I've ô’btained an item...

[sluttynurse]

[dailycatsblog]

[greelin]

“when i was little” brother you are 5’3. so you must mean yesterday. or five minutes ago.

[segamascott]

“i'll be there shortly” yeah. we know.

[goodgirlcoded]

i know this is tumblr and we’re all playing perverts but i just think some of you would be excellent company for a late night walk and a four hour conversation about absolutely nothing

[captain-price-returns]

Taking a break from building planes, 1942

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

used to think it terribly silly (and kinda funny) when fantasy or sci-fi stories would have people refer to major recent historical events as The Flood or The Incident or The Revolution, and im sure historians fucking hate that because it's not helpful or descriptive, but we sure do be calling it The Pandemic

[lostsometime]

Also the new linguistic quirk of just saying “it was 2020” as like. The full end of a story. You say “it was 2020” and everyone knows what you mean.

“I was going to get my masters degree but then it was 2020, so yeah”

“I was cast in a play and then it was 2020”

“my boyfriend proposed but then it was 2020”

[the-quasar-hero]

We all got that one mutual that be going through the most treacherous situations a person could endure and then posting a few minutes later about why such and such should get fucked through a concrete wall.

[the-quasar-hero]

Mutual: my situationship partner just got caught in a tornado at a broken glass factory where they were cheating on me with my landlord who just increased my rent by 6000% and my pet marmot has a disease so rare they’re naming it after him and all my bones are becoming apricot jelly which I’m allergic to.

Same mutual 16 minutes later: Do you think Ronald McDonald and the Burger King ever explored each other’s bodies?

[drops-of-universe]

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

[hollowboobtheory]

why do people think victorian orphans were like. the peak of sheltered pure innocence

[hollowboobtheory]

"imagine feeding mountain dew to a victorian orphan" they'd probably appreciate the pick-me-up before their shift as junior osha violator at the accident factory

[hollowboobtheory]

"imagine showing a victorian orphan vtubers" they'd say "this is boring i wanna watch public executions"

[burr-ell]

#that victorian orphan works as a chimblysweep to buy lifesaving medical cocaine and chloroform for his sister and yall dont even smoke weed

[scribeherself]

Collect small astonishments. The first tomato of summer. A dog dreaming in its sleep. Someone laughing before they finish the joke. The moon arriving before the sun has quite departed. We keep waiting for life to announce itself with trumpets, but it has always preferred quieter instruments.

[insaneandlovingit]

You would not believe your ass

If ten million largemouth bass.

[problemnyatic]

desired you while the women flee

[dogpuppy]

[sevenmoreminutes]

kurtis conner video: This Conservative Influencer is Crazy

drew gooden video: The us governments obsession with integrating ai into every facet of our daily lives is going to bring about the collapse of society if we don’t get of our ass and start taking action

danny gonzalez video: Buying Food on Ebay

[sevenmoreminutes]

eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month