cluster b and shit

[egotoxica]

Intro

Okay hey, im Salem, i have npd, hpd, and bpd. Im also pangender, love he/him prns.

I really like making cds, discovering music (all types), aesthetically pleasing things, poetry, perfumes, jazz, chess, money, and creating things. Im in theatre right now and it definitely exercises a lot of those interests. I also really like arguing with people so if u wanna send me hate idc ill eat that shit up.

This is pretty much a cluster b posting blog. Itll probs have other stuff like my interests and whatnot but the general idea is that im a narcissist give me attention.

Tagging system:

Npd-ego

Bpd-contrast

Hpd-attention

Queerness-odd

Punk-crusty

Fandoms-obsessions

Other-misc

Anyway idrc who follows me as long as ur not an asshole

[paperch33wyy]

Mama a girl behind u

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *explodes and dies*

[narcdoll]

me after i give somebody a compliment but they don't compliment me back so now i have to kill them with a gun

[egotoxica]

Been a while since i posted anything! But i was thinking about my mind and wanted to share.

How my internal social hierarchy works

Lowest rank (strangers): This refers to people who I don't know. Complete strangers who would not affect me at all.

Second rank (also strangers): People in my environment. Like people who go to my school who I don't know. Wouldn't notice if they dissapeared.

Third rank (familiar): People who I notice but aren't associated with. This could be people who everyone knows, or just people who stand out to me but o rarely or never interact with.

Fourth rank (known): This includes distant family members and friends of friends.

Fifth rank (need): This includes people i associate with for reasons other than just wanting to. For example, if they're the only person who strikes up a conversation with me in my class, then I will spend time with them in that class so that I don't seem like I have no friends. I associate with these people for specific reasons.

Sixth rank (chosen people): Chosen people are those who pplwNPD associate themselves with but don't see as equal. These are people that may have minimal influence on me. I could have the ability to pity them, may take their opinions into consideration but won't ask directly for them.

Seventh (interest): These are people who I hang out with because they're deserving of it and because I want ro understand them. They're interesting enough for me to want to spend time with and be friends with them because I want to pick apart their mind and examine it. These people are actually a necessity because life is boring without them. These are people who aren't quite chosen people but aren't equal either. I may treat them like an equal person but not see them as entirely equal.

Eighth rank (equal people): Self explanatory. Equal people are those who I actively hang out with because I genuinely like and enjoy them and their presence and I believe they are as good as me. I take their opinions into account, care about how they feel, and put genuine effort into the relationship.

Other (ego threatening): I don't place these people higher, because I don't actually care about them and they don't mean much to me, so it wouldn't make sense to put them as the ninth rank. Anyway, this is anyone who threatens my ego. Someone who I may have history with, who has a better social standing, someone who's smarter than me, an authority figure, etc. I avoid these people because it is physically unbearable to be around them. These people hugely negatively impact me.

[cheeseburgers4life]

[egotoxica]

Swear to god im gonna fail science this year, and everyone keeps telling me its okay and that its not the end of the world but it literally is?? I can tstand feeling so stupid no one fucking gets it

[cheeseburgers4life]

[aurawra21]

they're gfs

[egotoxica]

Ugh i js want someone to give me attention

[egotoxica]

Hey so i wanted to talk about how to tell the difference between npd, hpd, and aspd both for self diagnostic purposes and also just to infodump, because these three are very ego based and can be hard to differentiate.

NPD

Npd, in simple terms, is the inability to regulate your own self esteem. PplwNPD don't really have that voice in their head that goes 'you GO girl 💜', unless our ego has been fed into by other people. It's similar to that emotional impermanence that pplwBPD describe where, if their fp isn't actively expressing love/affection towards them, then their fp hates them/doesn't care abt them. In npd, we replace that with admiration. If no one is giving us admiration or praise, it's hard to feel like we're worth anything, because we can't regulate that self esteem on our own.

So basically, npd ego is based on people's opinions and feedback.

HPD

In hpd, ego is based on attention as a general idea. Instead of self esteem coming from people's opinions and feedback, it comes simply from being paid attention to. PpwHPD can regulate their self esteem without the approval of others, but only through the medium of having people's attention. No attention equals no sense of self worth.

ASPD

In aspd, their self esteem does come from within, but has to do more with achievements relating to power, pleasure, or control. It's not about what people think about them, but what people can do for them. Keep in mind, I don't have aspd, so if I'm wrong, please lmk.

So, remember, npd=people's opinions and feedback, hpd=people's attention, and aspd=power, pleasure and control

Also, when we say someone has _pd with _pd traits, that person has symptoms of the latter pd, but the driving force that causes the symptoms does not line up with the actual disorder. For example, you could meet the basic symptomatic criteria for hpd, but if the reason behind your symptoms isn't attention, but instead positive feedback, then you would have npd with hpd traits.

[shitborderlinesdo]

The Histrionic Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Histrionic Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following: 

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section II Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I get uncomfortable when I am not the center of attention.

When I interact with others, I often do things to make them pay attention to me. (For example, sexual behavior.)

I have rapid mood swings.

I often use my physical appearance to draw attention to myself.

I have a style of speech which is impressionable and lacking in detail.

I am incredibly theatrical or hyperbolic in how I express myself.

I am easily influenced by others or circumstances.

I often misread relationships and consider them to be closer than they actually are.

__ / 8

Section III Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

Section IV Common Symptoms and Behaviors (not required for diagnosis):

Unless I am directly interacting with someone who is giving me attention, I feel unappreciated.

I em very enthusiastic and can be very exciting to be around.

I’m a very open person and enjoy forming close bonds with others.

I tend to commandeer social situations and take charge.

I often require attention from others because I can get horrible anxiety when left to my own devices.

I often “fish” for compliments.

I can be easily distressed by pictures of me I find unflattering.

I don’t respond well to criticism and can be incredibly distressed by it.

I have self-harmed or considered/attempted suicide.

I have difficulty planning for the future and am instead more attracted to short-term satisfaction.

__ / 10

If you did not meet the minimum, you may want to look into anxiety disorders and Bipolar Disorder. If you met the criteria for Sections I and III but not the others, look into other personality disorders. 

[shitborderlinesdo]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity issues, and I depend on others in order to define myself. My self-esteem depends on others as well. How others view me influences how I view myself, which is why I try to present myself as important or powerful.

I have difficulty settings goals for myself, and how I set them really depends on the praise I receive from others. I tend to set goals unrealistically high in order to see myself as exceptional, or contrarily too low so I can feel more powerful when the task is easy.

I struggle to identify with the feelings and needs of others, and I tend to underestimate the effect I have on others.

I have unstable relationships. I can become so focused on my own anxieties and problems I forget the needs of my partner.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check BOTH of the following:

I can be self-centered, and I feel entitled to good treatment from others, as I am dependent on it.

I like to be the center of attention, and I seek admiration from others.

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I tend to exaggerate my achievements and talents and like to be praised for them.

I am often preoccupied with fantasies of my own success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love life.

In a way, I believe I am “special” and unique, and I like to surround myself with other people who are “special” and unique.

I require excessive admiration.

I set unreasonable expectations for both myself and the people around me.

I tend to take advantage of situations and am opportunistic. 

I struggle with empathy and have a difficult time relating to others.

I am often envious, and I covet what other people have.

I can have an arrogant or haughty attitude.

__ / 9

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors (not required for diagnosis):

I can have either low or high self-esteem. I find it depends on the people I’m with and how they’re treating me at the time.

I tend to overestimate myself, which can often lead to disappointing myself.

I can become anxious and spiral into a depression if I don’t receive praise or admiration.

I hate being alone for too long.

I find I compare myself with others often, having no other means of defining myself unless I can use someone else as sort of a “measuring tape.”

I often feel incredibly misunderstood by others.

I find I like to have the Best of everything. The newest electronic, the most expensive brand of something, etc.

I like to constantly be moving up and making progress and can become obsessive with it.

When talking myself, I tend to ramble.

I think a lot of people are jealous of me.

I am incredibly sensitive to criticism. I don’t usually show it outwardly, but being criticized can leave me feeling humiliated, degraded, and empty.

When upset, I tend to withdraw from others.

I find being competitive is very difficult for me because there is a chance of losing.

I am often depressed and/or anxious.

I try to read people’s weaknesses while hiding my own.

__ / 15

If you did not meet the minimum criteria for this checklist, you may want to look into anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. If you experience the symptoms above but only in episodes and not persistently, you may want to look into Bipolar Disorder. (Narcissistic traits could be a side effect of a manic or hypomanic episode.) If you met the criteria for for Sections II and V but not the others, you may want to look into other personality disorders.

[shitborderlinesdo]

The Borderline Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Borderline Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity problems, including: I have an unstable sense of identity, I have poor self-esteem and excessive self-criticism, and I often experience dissociation when I am under stress.

I am unstable in my goals, aspirations, values, and/or career plans.

I have a heightened sense of empathy and am hypersensitive to the feelings and needs of my peers, although my perceptions are often biased towards negative attributes.

There is a lot of instability in my relationships, in that I am needy, mistrustful, and anxious.

__ / 4 Total

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty retaining information and remembering people and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings and how they affect others.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check ONE or more of the following:

I am very impulsive and often act on things without planning.

I engage in dangerous, risky, and/or potentially self-damaging activities with no concern to my personal limitations.

I am easily angered.

__ / 3 Total

Must have at least FOUR checks TOTAL by the end of this section, including ones from previous section (If you checked two above, you only need two here, for example):

My emotions are incredibly unstable, and I change moods often (sometimes within minutes), feeling things more intensely than others seem to.

I experience intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, panic, and/or anxiety. I have fears of the future and of falling apart or losing control.

I get separation insecurity and fear abandonment.

I am frequently depressed and feel hopeless and have a difficult time recovering from such moods.

__ / 7 Total

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I have a fear of abandonment and do my best to avoid it.

I switch between idealizing and devaluing the people in my life. My relationships are often unstable and intense.

I have an unstable sense of self and often question my identity.

I am impulsive.

I have attempted suicide and/or I self-harm.

I have frequent mood swings.

I often feel empty or depressed and have doubts about my future.

I am hot-tempered.

When stressed, I am paranoid and/or I experience dissociation.

__ / 9 Total

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning 

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

-

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in borderline patients.

If you did NOT meet the minimum, check out Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. If you checked ALL of Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum in other sections, look into other personality disorders, especially other Cluster B’s.

-

Section VI Common Symptoms and Behaviors associated: 

I have disordered eating patterns.

I am sometimes obsessive.

I sometimes get intrusive thoughts which I am unable to ignore.

I become attached easily.

I often “bait” people in order to start a conflict.

I have trouble sleeping, or I sleep too much.

I have a child-like curiosity.

I am dependent on others.

I sometimes mimic or mirror others.

I have nightmares.

I have difficulty processing information.

My appearance changes often.

I have an extreme need for acceptance.

I have a natural rejection of people in authority.

I constantly feel like I need to prove myself over and over again.

I very much live in the moment, to the point where past actions don’t matter. How I judge others (and myself) depends entirely on what is happening right now.

I isolate myself, even when I need social interaction.

I am often defensive.

I have anxiety/panic attacks.

I experience memory lapses.

I consider myself a perfectionist.

I react very strongly to mundane experiences.

I have a difficult time making decisions.

I have difficulty completing tasks.

I often feel misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.

When I am upset, I am unable to calm down without help.

I castrophicize my problems and see the smallest things as the end of the world.

I often see my problems as unsolvable and hopeless to fix.

I hold grudges.

I alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against me.

I have a hard time recalling someone’s love for me when they’re not around.

I change my opinions depending on whom I’m with.

Sometimes the slightest provocation will make me feel abandoned.

I feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of time.

I rush into relationships based on an idea of a person rather than the person themselves.

__ / 35

[spaghettimakesflags]

empathyflux pride flag

[rose-chateau]

Those "how to defeat a narcissist" articles are so stupid because if people didn't have a general conscious of narcissists being Bad People, these articles would just be abuse tactics.

"How to destroy your partner." "How to break down your girlfriend's self esteem." "How to collapse your boyfriend's ego." "How to break your partner so they stop being so disrespectful, know their place, and know their own worth in comparison to yours, as an alpha gamer."

Literally sigma male podcast shit.

[egotoxica]

Would be so flattered if u guys did this

[beetlepilled]

npd culture is oh you think im a bad person? *twirls my hair* nghh can you say that again? can you call me a monster again? *kick my feet and giggles* oh yeah i disgust you? *blushs hard and bites my lip* mhmm you really want me dead mhm?