Eldritch-Observer @eldritch-observer - Tumblr Blog

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

batsandbutch

beardedmrbean

luobingmeis

a guy walks in with two puncture wounds on his neck like “u should see the other guy” and then a vampire walks in covered in those cartoony lipstick kiss marks

luobingmeis

i’m really glad this post was a hit with the gays

trianglart

I had to draw this

canadianno

@aroace-get-out-of-my-face

frailgun

at any given moment between 40 and 100 percent of my mental bandwidth is occupied with thinking about the cover photo and title of shel silverstein's 1973 album Crouchin' on the Outside

artoftcbaldwin

I did not know famous song writer and children's book Author Shel Silverstein was also The Rake

tothechaos

hi my name is Paint and my favorite hobbies are Getting On Your Skin and Getting On All Of Your Belongings because i want to be closer to you PLEASE let me get inside your mouth

tothechaos

clingyduoapologist

Your friend’s unpublished fic idea is kind of a dead wife

dazzling-galaxy

i also want to read this guy’s dead wife

i-fuck-audis

MY FUCKING CAR

just-your-average-lenjoyer

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

the garlic. it beckons you

thesweetestsupervillains

It occurs to me that "1920s gangster doing a cooking show while holding you at gunpoint" is an untapped market.

We've had normal cooking shows. Now we need period piece cooking shows in character.

palant1r

Recently i did this with like 5 extra heads of garlic i had for reasons and put the extra garlic in a tupperware and for days i just had free umami. Highly reccomend

hppjmxrgosg

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

homunculus-argument

In the night there is a light A firefly, or lightning bug In the night, it flashes a light To announce: "I seek to fuck"

mini-mushroom-leaf

In the day there is a bird

Singing loud to try its luck

In the day, it will be heard

To announce: ”you want, som fuc?”

fella-lovin-fella

i hate it when people mistake "etymology" with "entomology." like, i know where they coming from but it still bugs me

innerchildabortionclinic

today, a severe thursday watch will be in place.

remember everyone...

thursday watch: the conditions for thursday are here, but a thursday incident has not yet been confirmed

thursday warning: thursday has arrived

lakevida

walking around the dashboard at four in the morning stepping on all the creaking posts loud as fuck

varteeny1234

i think if you are in a position of power and use that power to tell people that you see their every move and are going to do what you deem "appropriate reactions" to them breaking your personal preference rules in private spaces AND ALSO tell them you have spies watching them just in case they try to hide then that makes you a bad person

varteeny1234