PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle
will byers stan first human second
Today's Document
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taylor price
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Claire Keane
Peter Solarz
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blake kathryn
oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day
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seen from T1
seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Panama
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@emjtreader
why do Tinamou eggs look like that. i want to eat them whole
im going to swallow these like a snake
I was seized with a primal need to know what this bird looks like and I’m not sure what I was expecting but:
I am EXTREMELY pleased with everything about this animal.
Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)
Ugly, Bitter, and True by Suzanne Rivecca
John Mulaney on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2020)
THAT is big dick energy
THE GREATEST JOKE ADVENTURE TIME HAS EVER WRITTEN
People like to make fun of animators but jokes on them…
WHY’D YALL LEAVE OUT THE BEST ONE?
Can’t forget this gem.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
Maya Angelou (via minuty)
Once upon a time, there was a girl with eyes as white as starlight and a boy with eyes as black as night.
They grew up together as children, though they seemed so different to look at. The boy would follow the girl around, and she would let him, with a small smile on her face. She would sit in the sun with her face towards the sky, and tap the ground next to her for him.
As a child, he would sit in silence, not knowing how to talk to her, not knowing what to do. For in her light he felt like a shadow- but what she never told him was that without him there, she felt like it was easy to float away.
They were each others anchors, and their friendship was something that would never break.
As they aged, their friendship deepened, turning to something more. The field where they once spent their afternoons watching the clouds became their sanctuary, the place where they whispered their cares and dreams to each other.
Though time seemed to freeze while they were together, the clock still moved and they still aged. And the girl with starlight in her eyes knew that time was running out, time in which she could be free.
One night, while the moon was hanging in the sky, she knew it was time to go. She untangled herself from his embrace and kissed his forehead before walking out of the room.
She left her heart behind.
The girl had always loved adventure. Loved travelling and learning and feeling alive. She loved hearing the rain at night, feeling the wind on her face, smelling grass after a storm in spring.
She just loved…being.
But she spent years travelling the world, and it felt empty. Every time she saw something beautiful, saw something that stole her breath, she turned to her side to talk to someone- the boy she had left behind.
She missed him. Leaving him had changed who she was, and so had the years in between. No more was she the girl with starlight in her eyes, she was the woman with the sun in her gaze.
But the sun burnt, and it needed to rest, and she wanted the boy with eyes as dark as night back.
And so she went back, and after years apart from him, she did not know what to find.
When she saw him, she felt her heart for the first time since she had closed the door behind her. She took a step towards him and he looked up.
She stopped.
She remembered what it was like to look into his eyes when they were younger. The endless darkness had not been scary; she could look in his eyes forever and feel like she could sink into him. She had not been afraid.
But now…the night had turned into a void, one that would capture her and keep her there. One that held nothing inside, no love, no joy. Not even hate.
It scared her.
He took a step towards her; she took one back.
But then she thought- she had done this to him. She had left him without the stars. She had left him without the sun.
So she took a step forward. And another. Until she was face to face with him, and she could see the sun reflected in the darkness.
But she couldn’t say a word to him. Didn’t have anything that could bring him back. So she raised her hand to his cheek, stroking it before turning around.
Voices behind her- he had company. Shouting she blocked out- because it was not a male voice doing the shouting.
She started to walk away, and she felt the loss of her heart once more. She couldn’t breath she couldn’t think.
She couldn’t do anything, not when she heard the boy she had lost shout, not when she heard the noise that didn’t register with her. Not when it started to hurt, when she looked down to see red in her side.
Shot, she thought, distantly.
She had been shot. Her knees hit the ground first, then her vision started to fade, then she started to panic. She didn’t want darkness. She needed to see the sun and the stars and the moon and the sky. She didn’t want an adventure to end.
Hands around hers, a warm body curling round, a cry, a voice she didn’t think she would hear again, apologizing, over and over and over again.
Jealousy, she heard him whisper, is the worst of us all. A stolen life to ensure I stayed someone else’s. When I had been yours all along.
The boy with eyes as black as night was hers and always had been, but she was leaving.
You can’t go. He whispered. I won’t let you.
And she felt it, him clinging to her so much that he was holding her together. If he was to let go, she would float away.
He had always been her anchor, and she had been his.
Light around her, so bright it blinded, and she saw a woman with fire in her eyes holding hands with a boy with ice in his stare.
There is a way. They said together. For you to stay together.
The boy looked up to them, and the girl felt tears dripping onto her cheeks.
Tell us how. He begged the pair. Please.
You take our places. The woman said, stepping forwards. But our job is a cruel one, and it changes who you are. Once my love had eyes of pure water, but his heart froze over the years. And once… I did not burn so much.
I’ll do anything.
Then take our hands.
The boy reached out and took the woman’s hands, and the man reached down and clutched the girls.
His eyes met hers, and he smiled. A life. He said. For Life. A death. He said. For Death.
Light around them, so bright it blinded, and when it faded the couple were gone- and so was the ground they had been on. Instead, the woman with the sun in her eyes and the man with night in his stare were looking down to earth.
Life. And Death. Watching over the world forever.
NOW WHO EVEN GAVE YOU AUTHORITY TO DO THIS IM CRYING WHAT EVEN THIS IS NOT OKAY NOT OKAY
This isn’t That bad.
I mean.
I could have written about how, after many years of Life, the sun had faded from her eyes, leaving an empty sky.
She was so tired of watching over a world that was never silent. She was so tired of giving up new born babies for Death when they could not survive. So tired of being Life, when it gave her nothing but grief.
And the boy with the night in his stare, who turned cold and silent. Not because he was Death- no, his job was easy, for he was sending people to a new adventure- but because he did not know how to help the girl he loved.
And I could have written about how, many many years after they lost their lives to become Life and Death, many years after the world they knew had become unrecognizable, the boy with the night in his eyes looked to her and said its time.
And how she nodded, and they turned to earth, where they could feel Death being called, to a boy and a girl in love slowly fading away. And how, when they asked the children to make a choice, they said yes without hesitation, not knowing the years of silence.
And I could have written about how the girl with starlight in her eyes, and the boy with the night in his stare finally faded away into the new adventure, together and finally at peace.
Oh, sorry, let me get this entire tree out of my eyes
its like…. you expect something happy from me.
Damn, save some for the rest of us
Alternate Names for Animals (photos via Imgur) Related: Name Improvements for Everyday Stuff
Instruments Renamed for Accuracy (via WalkingSoliloquy) Previously: Animals Renamed for Accuracy
oh my gdO CAN YOU DRAW GODZILLA MOMMA CARRYING LIKE A HUNDRED LIZARD BABIES ON HER BACK FOR TAKE YOUR CHILD (lizard) TO WORK DAY
oh SHOOT well i cant swing 100 but how bout
If I don’t always reblog this assume I am dead
start of a comic i am doing. it might be a big one, since i’ve not felt so sure of a feeling for so long in a while, even if it’s a little negative.
I love the phrase “what the entire fuck” because it implies that there exists some scenario that warrants only a “what the partial fuck”.
Well, since there are clearly scenarios which warrant giving zero fucks, it seems plausible to infer that there exists a 0 … 1 scale of fuckitude, containing a potentially infinite number of fractional fuckery scenarios.
Fractional Fuckery Scenarios is going to be my first short story collection.
I heard vine compilations were a thing
I actually laughed so hard I cried at “when I was gay I thought I was in the third grade”
@leatardian milk girl
bootycheck
That’s some fierce booty.
booty game HELLA STRONG
@thatsthat24
