Ridiculous

[thruces]

me before endgame vs me after endgame

[cap-rogrs]

[bramblepatch]

Nicholas J Fury spent one weekend in the 90s hanging out with a cool lesbian and then spent the next twenty years trying and failing to find another superhero with her general degree of competence or emotional maturity

[shakespork]

nick fury watching the events of civil war unfold: carol wouldn’t do this to me

[tartts]

in this house we love, cherish, respect, and use the oxford comma

[getsawaycar]

lowkey can’t wait for there to be an especially dramatic episode of brooklyn nine nine where andy sambergs character gets shot and everyone dubs mmm whatcha say over the scene and we come full circle

[thefunnydeepandrandom]

Bold of you to assume that B99 won’t do it themselves

[itoldyouthings]

some of you weren’t old enough to run and catch the school bus while blasting fearless on your ipod touch and it shows

[hotboyproblems]

anxiety: hey its time

me: for what

anxiety: its time

me: ?????????

anxiety: :)

me: ????????????????????????????????????????????

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[racingbarakarts]

me: i literally couldnt care less about what people think about me

also me: 

[vivalatinamerica-deactivated201]

can someone please explain how it’s possible that every single month this year ended as quickly as it started and yet this whole year has felt like an eternity

[cmonandhauntme]

[biologybutch]

me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds*

me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat

[twilightmademegay]

In the Twilight universe, “vegetarian” vampires have golden eyes from drinking animal blood, a more ethical source than human blood, which would give them red eyes. It has also been established that a diet of human blood makes vampires physically stronger. So, if the Cullens wanted to become stronger without jeopardizing their morals, could they consume mosquitoes instead? How many mosquitoes would they have to eat to survive? Since mosquitoes drink from both humans and animals, what color would their eyes be? Orange? In this essay, I will

[gaydenali]

on average an adult has about 4.5-5.5 liters of blood circulating in their body. a female mosquito, when completely full, can hold up to 0.001-0.01 milliliters of blood in their abdomen depending on the species. if we take the average of both (5 liters & 0.0055 milliliters), it would take around 909,090 mosquitos to equal the amount of blood in a single human. although there isnt an exact number of the entirety of the mosquito population, we can use fermi estimation. there is about 57 million square miles of total land area on earth, while say 50 million square miles are habitable for mosquitos. with a rough of estimate of 1 mosquito per 50 square feet (overestimate due to area and time of year). after multiplying the numbers and fixing the units, there is a rough estimated 70 quadrillion mosquitos. theoretically, if a vampire lived in a mosquito dense area, such as brazil, indonesia, malaysia, thailand, etc, and could sustainably hunt around a million mosquitos to fill themselves every time they needed to feed, there would be enough mosquitos to survive on due to their large population and fast reproduction.

[twilightmademegay]

This is honestly everything I have ever wanted thank you for your contribution to the cause

[forlovefromfear]

Hey guys I think I figured out why vampires can turn into bats

[audrocur-deactivated20221128]

real estate agent: so what kind of property are you looking for?

me: a simple cave with fewer goblins than most

[universeofmemes]

[softbull-deactivated20181230]

not to sound like a soft bitch but i’m really in the mood to fall asleep in someone’s arms

[polarizeglow]

only americans know the true pain of hearing this

[ankle-beez]

Imagine kid you watching your favorite kids’ network. It goes to commercial. Every single time it cuts to commercial this whole thing plays in its entirety. You’ve seen it so much you know every word, every piece of music, all the words and the exact entonation in which they say it

That’s hell. Having the Shirley temple little darling dvd collection commercial permanently ingrained in your brain.

[misscokebottleglasses-deactivat]

it has been many years since i have seen this commercial, and i can recite it word for word. op, what have you done

[unpretty]

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

[bandomfandombeyond]

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

[luischocolatier]

It’s a soothingpasta. Let’s make more of them