When We're Too Close

side blog used to try and order my thoughts about the enmeshment my mother and I have going on

[thepeacefulgarden]

If healing and breaking the cycle makes you the black sheep of the family, then wear that title proudly.

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Seeing the diagnosis of PTSD on my paperwork is super validating lol

[vivisected-broken-wings]

The whole mentality/excuse of "I didn't have anyone else to talk to!!" When you confront a parent who parentified you into a little therapist for them is so disgusting. Because, Its a lie.

They had other people than their 13 year old child to complain to and whinge to about their shitty abusive husband- who they were actively subjecting the child to anyway. Adult people who could've supported them and taken care of them, given them advice and recourses to leave perhaps?

But no.

They actively made the choice to put their needs above yours and use you for their own comfort, no matter the cost to you. Did they protect you? No. Not from the terrifying man you were forced to live with, let alone themselves. They just wanted someone to make them feel better about choosing to continue to live in misery.

Their partner wasn't giving them positive or kind emotional attention so how about they make their kids do it instead!! Sounds very normal and healthy and not gross of boundary crossing at all.

[64mpg]

what do you mean my childhood affected me

[64mpg]

i have terrible news

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Been feeling very anxious and hyper vigilant lately and I think I should probably go back to therapy so I can calm down

[animentality]

[largishcat]

*at a family gathering* you’re all like coworkers to me

[largishcat]

there will be layoffs

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

TFW the only sibling you're in contact tries to take advantage of you and now you have to wonder if you should just throw the whole family out :/

[manda-kat]

I think parents don't understand how punishing a child isn't for when they make you upset, it's for when they do something wrong. Like, you don't just punish them for stress relief, it's so they can learn right from wrong.

So if your kid learns, for example, that helping mom make dinner = getting in the way, but not helping = being lazy, but asking if mom needs help = being annoying and asking stupid questions, then you have basically trained a person to see the only option that doesn't lead to scolding as 'hide and don't be thought of until dinner is done'. So now what relationship is your kid going to have with cooking or cleaning or chores in general? How is that going to affect them as an adult?

If there is no right answer regarding the things that bother a parent, then your kid is going to associate those things with being punished no matter what they do. If talking during a car ride is bad and annoying, but being quiet and staring out the window is bad and disrespectful, then what are they going to do every time they're in the car with you but count every word they say? If texting is suspicious, but why don't they have friends, but going out with people is irresponsible, but why don't they ever leave their room, but their friends are all bad influences, but why did they stop hanging out with them, they were nice kids, then what are you even doing?

If playing video games is lazy, going outside is unsafe, playing is ignoring chores and doing chores is being in the way, then YOU'VE CREATED A CHILD WHO'S LEARNED THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID BEING SCOLDED IS TO DISAPPEAR WHENEVER YOU'RE IN A BAD MOOD! You've created a person who is hardwired to feel guilty no matter what they choose to do. You turned them into a confrontation ninja, who can vanish as soon as a hard conversation enters the picture. You've trained a person to disregard why rules exist and instead focus on who they can placate and suck up to in order to make the rules change. Because to them, rules and punishments are just who gets on the bosses nerves at the wrong time.

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Accidentally threw my sister for a loop by telling her that her reactions are a trauma response

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Merry Christmas to those who don't block all posts that contain the word Christmas. Couldn't be me.

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Shit ass grandma sent me 25 dollars

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

My mom sent me the mug I used to drink coffee out of for Christmas. Not sure if she was trying to make it personalized or if she just didn't wanna spend money on me lol. I'm probably just gonna give it to a neighbor. I don't want to look at this shit.

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

My therapist telling me to compliment myself out loud once a day and I'm just like bro I can barely even do it in my head

[pigswithwings]

"male socialized" this, "female socialized" that. I WASNT SOCIALIZED!!!!! #straydog

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

You know you're fucked up when the idea of possibly having cancer makes you wanna laugh hysterically because as a kid you used to wish you had it because you thought it was the only way you'd get attention

[traumasurvivors]

You’re allowed to grieve the childhood you didn’t get. The safety you were denied. The peace you had to earn the hard way. Grief doesn’t have to mean that you're stuck. And it’s okay if it takes time to let go of something you never even got to have.