*singsong voice* UR AN ASSHOLE

I'm Benjamin. Don't do anything I wouldn't do for money. sc: xiiiregen insta: bitchybitchyben10

[cannibalchicken]

[mandatory-ftmbreeder]

bro don't waste money buying a fleshlight I'm literally right here

[comedownstairsandsayhello]

Affirmations:

- my hair is thick and fluffy

- everyone likes me

- I'm never going to go bald

- I'm never going to die

[milfzatannaz]

having a cat is so miraculous. this little guy wants to sleep in my bed with me and purr on my chest. it’s his favorite hobby. no one told him to do that he just Loves His Mommy

[milfzatannaz]

nevermind he’s extremely naughty and has terrorized multiple people this morning

[important-animal-images]

[cottoncandylesbo]

squeezing my pussy and concentrating all the microplastics in my body to print a perfect tiny figurine of a fruit bat

[the-lumpfish-queen]

[fullmetalfisting]

Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, I’d decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then I’d invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.

My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?

[ellakas]

reblog to thank ur mutuals for providing enrichment to ur enclosure

[rylandsgrace]

i will never be as funny as the person who wrote the fun facts for the golden globes, they're my icon

[rylandsgrace]

a masterpiece

[animusrox]

[caats]

[tastemyhoneypot]

wydm you dont sexualize me and fantasize about fucking me raw? i thought we were mutuals

[wizardshark]

Good morning! I- *bites you* *bites you* *bites you* *bites you*

[wizardshark]

[selfhealingmoments]

[snoppy]

[byjove]

resteraunts will call themselves gastropubs and eateries so they don’t have to spell restarunt

[dapperdonuts]

[byjove]

[vanillacherie]

kitty artist 🌈🖍️

[gr0sse]

shyguy feels dead inside after a long, sensual night with captain toad

[krackoland]

the job was simple: seduce and murder captain toad. but shyguy never anticipated growing so attached to a target.