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Hi, welcome to Hell, may I take your order?

Half shitpost, half serious, fully rancid blog. Partial to posting literally anything I feel like posting.

Everything you see is queued. Daily posts at 7AM and 3PM until I feel like stopping. With random posts sprinkled throughout.

Do I know anything about computers? No. Am I learning about computers? Also no. I made references to computers in my username and heading for absolutely no reason. I will also not be responding to the pleas of the Tech Priests to work properly.

I do not functionally exist. Do not refer to me. And if you’re going to slide into my ask box, do it off anon. No, I will not answer.

Tags to navigate this unblessed mess:

#archive of fame

#personal favorites

#resources for later

#watch later

#error speaks

#error plays

#error crafts theory

#error reads

#error gets serious

#error gives advice

[liirker-at-thresholds]

I really like how the scientology speedrunning trend is developing, in this clip we see that the participants are

Not deterred by the closed door

Working as a group

Protecting their identities

Inflicting material costs to the institution via property destruction

Getting away at the end

These ideas were not all here from the beginning. They are genuinely gaining experience that can be applied elsewhere

[liirker-at-thresholds]

The church of scientology is on tumblr and they are sending me anon asks telling me that they can't even commit to reporting a post

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: three four people

[birdandmoon]

Heat waves.

[skellydun]

how sexy and awesome would it be if something good would happen soon

[inthefallofasparrow]

Love the fact that in any other time period or country, a presidential assassination attempt is constant headline news worldwide, but at this point it's like, "oh, someone took another shot at trump? ... he dead?... no, then why are you bothering me?... Let me know when he's dead."

[k-wame]

[phaeton-flier]

So many little ways that hatred of some underclass — immigrants, the homeless, the young — requires making things worse for everyone so those in the under class don't get anything nice either. Whole smorgasbord of shooting yourself in the foot out of spite

[thedreadvampy]

Everywhere I go I'm reminded how much the desire to punish homelessness and migration and other Undesirablenesses make society markedly worse for everyone

like why is the park locked after 5pm so I can't go and sit under a tree after work? to punish rough sleepers for the terrible crime of being homeless and alive

why do I have to buy a drink, beg for a code and fuck around with an awkward keypad for 5 minutes in order to take a piss? because fuck homeless people

why do I need to provide proof of address and photo ID to do everything? because we had to create a really hostile environment for migrants

why can't you sit anywhere? well because god forbid people sleep when they're pushed out of shelter. can't risk that.

every day governments, councils and businesses make your life worse as a side effect of making vulnerable people's lives WAY worse. if you're ok with that you're a fucking idiot and if you're in favour of it you're a vindictive cunt cause again literally the ONLY payoff for your life getting worse is other people's lives getting worser.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

A whole lot of military films will be coming out soon. You'll see older ones showing up on streaming service and new ones soon to follow. Sure, a few are, in fact, very good movies. But here's the caution:

Any film featuring the US military is paid for by the US military. They have the final word on what comes out. These films are recruitment tools. Same applies to TV shows, and doubtless many will soon be showing up.

Do not be fooled by these films and shows. They are designed to bring in new recruits. When these are released, there is a surge in new people enlisting in the military. These recruits swiftly discover they were fed bullshit, but now they're stuck due to a contract. Going AWOL, away without leave, is desertion. You will be caught and put on trial for desertion, and they are not light with the sentencing.

Please, for the love of fuck, do not enlist with the military. You are cannon fodder. They do not care about you.

Recruiters are told to lie. To do whatever it fucking takes to enlist new people. Do not fucking fall for it.

These films and shows are recruitment tools paid for by the military. It's why they're so big, glamorous, and quickly made. Enjoy what you see, but don't sign up. It's a fucking lie.

[vamprisms]

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

[redfagdiver]

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait

[m0ose-idiot]

I love this so much! Also it triggered a memory and I spent far longer than I want to admit trying to find this 2002(ish) pic from Aussie cartoonist Judy Horacek

[anosci]

i love this!

i did a bit of digging and found that some bloke named Simon Brooke used the OP's joke as his email signature at least as early as March 14th, 1995 according to this quoted text. it takes a while to find a preserved copy of something Simon said but here's an example from mid-96:

[redfagdiver]

My bad

[doomsday-dj]

There was recently a copyright infringement case in YA and I need everyone to know that the following sentence was in the legal decision:

“Hot, sexy, dangerous boys, central to virtually all young adult romance novels, cannot be copyrighted.”

[ivafakename]

YOUNG MAN!

There's no need to feel down,

I MEAN YOUNG THEY!

I forgot your pronoun,

[ivafakename]

Prev do you think it's okay to just go on other people's posts and be funnier than them?

[tallahasseemp3]

face makeup is evil. i don’t care. like eyeshadow can be a fun and creative thing and it’s not like anybody is going to think you genuinely have purple eyelids but face makeup that’s made to look “natural” just ends up making you think your normal skin is something to be covered up and distorts your perception of your face. the whole “it makes ppl more confident!” thing is a lie because it’s not that the makeup itself is making you feel confident it’s that it creates an association with confidence and the results of that is you end up hating your face which is the opposite of building your self-confidence.

[tallahasseemp3]

i keep getting (and blocking lol) comments like “let people do what they want with their appearance!!!” on this post when like that’s literally my point makeup should be a thing you wear because you feel like you want to be creative and fuck it why not have black eyelids and purple lips today. foundation and contouring and colour correcting that look “natural” are the opposite of that! you’re not doing it because you want to you’re doing it because you feel like your face is lacking without it after wearing it for so long and makeup companies prey on that. it’s a good business model because a foundation bottle is something you’re gonna have to replace once a year if you wear it every day but eyeshadow and lipstick will last you several years even with daily use like i’m a goth i wear heavy black eyeshadow on my eyelids every time i do my makeup and i haven’t had to replace it in years. “but foundation helps people go out in public because they have low self-confidence!” is a myth, and just because it’s a coping mechanism doesn’t mean it’s a good one like it will in the long run make you think your naked face is lacking which is fucked up because it’s your FACE. there’s nothing wrong with it and the industry that is selling you the foundation that “empowers” you is actively working to make sure you need to be empowered 

[tallahasseemp3]

“let’s totally erase cultural makeup!! you’re evil and mean!” i know the reading comprehension on this site is low but come on you know that’s not what i’m talking about at all. ah yes the ancestral and sacred practice of contouring your face and covering every single blemish you’ve ever had because god forbid someone sees you have acne like a real human person

[daco-showman]

why can rockstar games institutionalise you for life like nikita kruschev for being autistic

[transhuman-priestess]

He didn't steal 10 million dollars. They made that number up as a loss, they never fucking had it. Rockstar has spent more than a billion fucking dollars on GTA VI and will likely make billions more when it gets released.

Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.

Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.

And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?

Capitalism is disgusting.

[fuckblast]

Nobody should buy GTA til they free Arion Kurtaj

[transhuman-priestess]

What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.

[error-invalid-name]

I am not living la Vida Loca

[tpwrtrmnky]

"Making peace with not transitioning because your partner wouldn't like it is valid" is an attempt at conversion therapy btw. Just so you know.