erysdren

23 - it / she / they

[erysdren]

wrote a new big blog post the other day that is very relevant to my interests. you may be interested in reading:

"IF YOU LOVE IT, DOWNLOAD IT."

(the art above was made by my lovely wife evie)

[tmbg2000]

Screenshots from TMBG Quake add-on.

[yourneighbortoasty]

sinkdog's dream

[pissmoon]

People with most mainstream tastes imaginable should not open their mouth on how anti piracy they are btw. Yea no shit you can depend on legal sources to watch Marvel and listen to tswift and Maroon 5. Thank you so much for signing the petition to close that platform that was the only one i could download this 2008 romanian dungeon synth ep from

[football-in-tuxedos]

Cheryl Dunye’s directorial debut, The Watermelon Woman, was out of print between 2000 and 2018. Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace was only available to watch on a pirate channel on YouTube until last year. There is still no way to watch the X-Files spinoff, The Lone Gunmen except to own a dvd box set that has been out of print since 2005. Or to pirate it. It’s on YouTube.

Piracy is incredibly important to keep media that’s weird, or out there or just embarrassing to someone in power, alive. We need piracy and we need to stop being snitches when someone pirates stuff.

[garbage-empress]

[kentrix11]

[erysdren]

going live on Indiepocalypse Radio in a few minutes!! won't be me at first, there's another guest before me, but TUBE IN!! https://www.twitch.tv/pizzapranks

[erysdren]

im gonna be on Indiepocalypse Radio tomorrow (Saturday January 18th) from 2 to 4pm EST! feel free to tube in and listen to me chill with people and talk about games!!! will be live here: https://www.twitch.tv/pizzapranks

[erysdren]

i made a tool that lets you build POV-Ray scenes in the TrenchBroom level editor! it's heavily work-in-progress, but you can make cool stuff with it already!

https://github.com/erysdren/trenchbroom-pov-ray/

[erysdren]

forgot to mention, but i finally published a guide on my website for running Half-Life 2: Survivor on the Steam Deck! if you're at all interested in Survivor (and have a Steam Deck) i highly recommend playing it this way. it's pretty fun!

software, gameware, strangeware

[erysdren]

i can't say for certain, but i may be the first creature to ever get Half-Lfie 2: Survivor (the Japanese arcade version of Half-Life 2) successfully running on Linux with Proton! i searched around the web a bit and couldn't find any evidence that anyone else had ever done it before. will write up a short guide later on my website. in the meantime, enjoy these screens!

[erysdren]

today i got a basic multiplayer chat system up and running in my Triad Arena project (running on the FTEQW engine) https://github.com/erysdren/TriadArena

[erysdren]

BITCH HELL

A NEW NIGHTMARE BY WIFESOFT GAMEWARE… me and my wife evie_src have been working on this game for a long time now... and it's finally done!!! please enjoy our feature presentation <3 available to buy on itch.io

[planetarytransformation]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[karyogenesys]

here is a surprise desktop wallpaper for karyogenesys! comes in both 1920x1080 and 1600x1200 flavors. and dont forget to check out our game on itch.io! key art by calypsomiami, logo by evie-src

[animatorfun]

the mane six but dressed hlvrai characters :)

:33

Rarity was a bit of a case of me grasping at straws xp but the rest im quite happy with. We ALMOST had a Forzen Dash and a Starlight Benry but starlight and twilight have a different kind of antagonism going on,,, so no starlight. As much as i love her

[erysdren]

im still a little bit disappointed that Valve didn't add achievements to Half-Life for the 25th anniversary update

its not a vital thing but i've 100%'d ever other HL game >:(

[cuunos]

im so fucking serious when i say that no one is crueler to visibly disabled people than girlies with blue wolfcuts and sharp eyeliner wearing hundred dollar sweaters from shein.

[cuunos]

like. there's a weird misconception that it's old people, but i have never once had an issue with anyone over the age of, like, 55. they are fine with me muttering to myself or making weird faces or not hearing them the first five times they call my name. that's not a problem for them. when my brother goes out with a cane, they're the ones who compliment it, and tell him the spikes and ribbons are a cute addition.

[cuunos]

yesterday this pink haired girl in the bathroom told me that i needed to stay away from movie theaters if i was going to act like a schizo. ten minutes later an 80 year old woman complimented me on my bright red hearing aids and said she wished she had that confidence when she got hers.

[cuunos]

anyways to the anon who just said that maybe i shouldn't be in public spaces. thank you for proving my point

[cuunos]

no offense but if you're low support autistic or adhd and you're thinking of adding on your story, i very much cannot stop you, but i beg of you to remember this post was about psychosis and physical disabilities. there's a problem with people taking over posts about physical and more stigmatized disorders and making them about low support autism and adhd

[cuunos]

hey okay addressing something ive been seeing in the comments.

the blue hair wolf cut is not the point. what im trying to say here is that alt girls, especially queer alt girls, especially queer alt girls with autism or adhd or anxiety, have a tendency to claim they are above ableism. they say that they cannot be ableist because they are a woman, because they are queer, because they have autism or adhd or anxiety.

[rndmpunk]

yes!!! My school is a prime example of this. I go to an art school full of queer neurodivergent alternative people, so I assumed it would be a supportive environment of my disability. Nope! They photograph me and post it online, record me and other disabled people and neurodivergent kids with higher support needs, they write graffiti about how I’m faking. But then those same students will turn around and proudly call themselves leftists.

[crip-wizard]

I love my friends, and I love my family, but oftentimes they act like I need to try harder, or take some ibuprofen and suck it up. Even in a family of left leaning people, who are all ND, I am treated differently.

My younger brother has incontinence issues and my other siblings tend to bully him for it ruthlessly, going so far as to tell his friends about it as if it's some moral failing.

I have very progressed mobility issues, and still my friends and family act as if I do not, or treat them as exaggerated.

I am autistic. I stim, my family and friends act as if it is gross or embarrassing.

I have tourettes, I ticc. My family and friends act as if it is embarrassing for them to be near me, and I am told to cut it out, or to calm down.

I have P-DID. I am unable to speak to my family about this, as they believe my trauma and pain are not enough to "count". That the trauma OF pain is not traumatic enough.

It tends to be the younger, left, alternative, progressive, "activist", queer, ND, who treat disabled people as worthless, as uncomfortable, as if their "comfort" matters more than my livelihood.

I hold nothing against my family, and nothing against my friends, but it is up to them to realize and reform those ideas.

To all able-bodied people, to all people without a stigmatized disorder/disability, to all the people who call themselves an ally, a supporter, to all the family members and friends:

You are not immune to ableism.

You are not immune to being an asshole just because you have anxiety, ADHD, LSN autism. You are not better than high support needs people, psychotic people, physically disabled people, people with stigmatized disorders and disabilities.

You are not better than the teen with fibro.

You are not better than the adult who uses AAC.

You are not better than the kid with a rollator.

You are not better than the person with psychosis.

You are not better than the autistic person with HSN.

You are not better than the person in a power chair.

You are not better than the person with a G-bag.

You are not better than the person with a feeding tube.

You are not better than the person with hearing aids.

You are not better than the person with visual impairments.

You are not better than the person with seizures.

You are not better than, worth more than, or deserved more than a disabled person. No matter how uncomfortable they make you.

You are not better than us because you're "special".

You are not immune to ableism.

[determinate-negation]

so many holocaust movies are voyeuristic endeavors that sensationalize the most extreme suffering but in such a manner that the real horror is not conveyed. zone of interest is a very well produced break from this that shows none of these scenes which weve unfortuately seen a million times now, but focuses on the unnerving atmosphere of a nazi family living an idyllic life right outside of auschwitz. the sound design is sinister and genuinely disturbing, im a bit confused at reviews that come to the conclusion that the holocaust is merely “being reduced to background noise” because the “background noise” in question is kind of the basis of the entire movie. very interesting and had a lot of historically accurate aspects that arent usually included in holocaust movies. corporate cooperation with nazis and major companies role in the holocaust, lebensraum and the nazis settler aspirations in the east, and the appeal fascism had for germans seeking upward mobility and an increased standard of living, and how this was actualized through theft of jewish wealth and property and through nazi leisure programs. its a disquieting mediation on the mentality of perpetrators, complicity, abstraction. since the center of this movie is the extreme cognitive dissonance it takes for this family, self described pioneers of the east, to live in a villa next to a concentration camp, i see why it hasnt gone over with the zionist crowd