harangue

just here to talk and scream about whatever shit comes to my mind and bangtan

[bloedgetuige]

ohhh october be kind. on god be kind

[bloedgetuige]

im handing out chocolate and tea to everyone reblogging this. good luck friends i wish you all the best

[euphorigmaa]

Is there a concept that says if you have a problem, and someone else has a problem that's bigger than mine, then mine doesn't matter?

Like i think it's so fucked up. Just bcos someone else has a problem thats bigger than you then how does it become that yours dont matter? Like no one knows what you're going through. Then how can they say that what you're going through is smaller or doesn't matter compared to someone else?

Even if it's something like the eyeliner you put so carefully, smudged, it will hurt. But someone watching or hearing will find it silly but it's a big loss for someone else right?

You put so much effort into drawing the eyeliner to make it perfect and it gets smudged. There is effort and there is loss so it's something big even though you laugh about it, inside somewhere it does hurt you.

No one knows the depth of what you're going through. And no one will understand how much shit matters to you. It's always just you and yourself.

[euphorigmaa]

There are people. People who make you feel like you're not worth it. And then later you start internalising it. You start believing that you're just some dumb stupid person who doesn't know anything.

[euphorigmaa]

Them : how can you be obsessed with someone's hands?

The hands in question :

[euphorigmaa]

You know that feeling,,That feeling when you're so damn turned on that you're dizzy. Like your head is foggy and all you can think abt is their touch? Just their hands roaming all over your body, their mouth kissing, licking, sucking at all those sensitive parts on your body? You want them so bad that you can't even see or talk properly. Just want to feel. Feel their hands and mouth exploring your body. Feel their body over your body. Feel the heat radiating from them.

[euphorigmaa]

Them : how can you be obsessed with someone's hands?

The hands in question :

[euphorigmaa]

Heyyy people... It's been a while. Been busy with life. This stupid life..

Now I'm busy with uni but just wanted a break for sometime.

It's sooo depressing. Gawd sometimes I'm like woah this is good. But sometimes it's just really fkcing depressing.

Ugh. Whatever.

Uni is uni. Since i was not here for a long time its a bit hard for me bcos all my friends got closer with others and I kinda feel left out. But most of the time they include me. It's alright. I don't feel alone.

Hopefully it will get better next sem.

[euphorigmaa]

It hits you later huh.

[euphorigmaa]

Yes. Please this is sooo beautiful. I've been having a very bad few days and this made it a little better. Cheers to everyone who's been going and pushing through life. You've made it till here. IM PROUD OF YOU. Be proud of yourself. You deserve that. You deserve everything the universe has to give you.

Be happy. Find your happiness and try to be with it. Try to be happy with it. Cos it's all just temporary. We don't know when we're gonna leave this place so let's just try and live to the fullest.

Listen to your favourite bands. Sing along to their songs no matter how bad you sound. Dance to their songs like no one's watching, like you're the superstar. Watch them and let them make you happy. Stick to what makes you happy.

[euphorigmaa]

Um......ok i guess????

Cos like it makes soooooo much sense.

[thewildetyme]

“We read to know we're not alone.”

— William Nicholson, Shadowland.

[euphorigmaa]

To know that it's not just us going through all the sh*t.

[euphorigmaa]

Oh my god this is real worlds are manic too Jungkook by drawingspaces

The way Tae describes Jungkook in this fic is just surreal. I cried reading this fic gawd.

I'm crying 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[euphorigmaa]

I've been MIA for a few days. Tryinh to get into a better mindset. Trying to feel sth other than what i feel rn. Be back.

[euphorigmaa]

Get well soon my babies🥺💜 ilysm😭

[euphorigmaa]

Get well soon my baby bun🥺 i love you so much.

[euphorigmaa]

If this ain't the whole of BTS

[euphorigmaa]

No because the problem is I've been told that my feelings and whatever I'm going through is too small to consider cos there are people with bigger problems than mine. And when i achieve something all i hear is 'good but you know the other kid was here and they got two marks more than you, they got 1st place in this exam, they got in at this uni and they did that and this and what the fvk not. And now I've internalised it. So whenever i achieve something all i can think of is 'no i don't deserve this' ' why did I get it when someone who's worked harder than me could've gotten it' ' I'm too dumb and I'm just not worth all this'. I've just become so used to invalidating my own feelings that even my achievements don't feel as achievements to me and rather some big thing that landed on me due to some fricking reason i can't place. It's cos whatever i felt was never validated. Never. Everytime 'it's theres bigger things to look after and not your bullshit'. Why?? Like isn't my bullshit bullshit enough?? Why are my problems not problems too? Why are my achievements not good enough?? Ive never got a single 'im proud of you' from anyone in this mfing world and maybe that's why i ended up like this. Depressed, anxious all the frickin time, and with syndromes i cant even pronounce properly.

The imposter syndrome is real alright.