This Blog & Me
TL;DR and content warnings at the bottom.
Like many before me, I am a trans woman who likes robots.
I had a dream about a week ago that changed my perspective on things. Being trans, I often have dreams of being in my preferred body, usually doing benign and mundane things in my settings I write in. This one was different, though. I remember it vividly -- I was in some kind of charging pod, and my husband was there, pulling a lever that caused it to open. I looked at my hands, and there I was, metal plating for skin and wires for nerves.
It turned out, I had been a robot all along, and the skin on the outside finally just fell off and they had to put me in a pod to make sure I was okay, and repair all my broken bits. But the most striking part was how nothing changed.
I don't know how common it is, but for me, my depression / anxiety can get so bad that I just don't feel physical sensations. I recognize they're *there*, but they don't really incite anything. A delicious steak on the pan? Nothing. A soft blanket? Nothing.
They told me in my dream that my robot body was broken, and that I wouldn't be able to feel things normally for a long time, but I told them it was okay and I was used to it. They told me I'd get a human body eventually and that made me happy, but for now I could exist as a robot and do whatever modifications I needed to be happy, and it was fine since I already felt like a machine beforehand.
Of course, I was sad when I woke up. I should clarify: I know I'm not metal. I don't want to *be* a robot. But sometimes, that's the best way I can describe it.
I'm gonna post on this blog sporadically to vent my thoughts. It'll be sexual in nature sometimes, and sometimes have CNC or other stuff. It also won't always be sci-fi or robots. I love fantasy too! Also feel free to ask. Or don't.
I've never really used Tumblr before so I don't know how a lot of stuff works.
Always remember that someone out there loves you.
