You could be the King, but watch the Queen conquer

Katie | 23 | AUS

[jacobnordby]

[ally-thorne]

[alltimevirgilant]

who told you that you could call me out like that

[book-keeper]

[fleurdufeu]

That feeling when you watch Fellowship of the Ring and realize that the lotr soundtrack seeped into your bones sometime in your childhood and became a physical part of you

[vincentvanleggo-deactivated2018]

Even tho i don’t own a cat i find humor in the fact that even if a cat could understand the concept of capitalism or financial limitations they probably still wouldn’t give a fuck and demand wet food

[wizardposting666]

Feeling so blessed that I own like. The only cat on the face of God’s green earth who cannot STAND wet food.

She demands the Cronch.

[ruinedchildhood]

[yyunglame]

[77lllll]

[theyarenotaboy]

Put this in the MOMA

[witchdaggers]

a year later this is still the funniest video on the internet and i can’t even adequately explain why

[lewisaur-deactivated20210222]

wow

[onion-souls]

It’s a perfect blend of several major kinds of comedy: confessional, relatable observation comedy (who hasn’t had someone make an incorrect presumption based on your appearance?), absurdist prop comedy, and character comedy revolving around her looks, voice, and mannerisms. And reclining (almost) out of frame is the perfect button on the skit. It’s comedy genius.

[catchymemes]

execute DRINKWATER.EXE

[buzzfeed]

“Her breasts jounced their agreement.”

[justhurtingalot]

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

[christichris]

This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

[digitalzzombie]

Great! How do I uninstall it?

[covertlydesperado]

“great! how do i uninstall it?” carries the same vibe as “thanks! i hate it” but more ACTIONABLE bc we gettin our shit together in 2k18

[5starbando]

[bunney]

*white parent voice* i cant believe kanye and kim named their baby North West!! thats ridiculous!! oh no, its almost 4:30, i need to pick up my kids Mackaylikiah and Ashleighyie from their water polo practice!

[blonded004]

[kyliesparks27-deactivated201810]

I always reblog this post so fucking fast every time it comes on my dash my phone shuts down the tumblr app and reboots

[imericschneider]

McKarty 64 is my favorite Mario Kart game.

[stevetomjohn]

My favorite part is that the blog post the photo was taken from detailed this mother’s decision-making process and chose this name because her husband saw it on a road sign on the way home

She named her daughter after a road sign

a road sign

[characterlimit]

[proletarianprincess]

there was a girl at my school called “zona” cause he parents went on holiday to spain and saw it and thought it was a nice name. IT LITERALLY MEANS ZONE

[carpegin]

“47 month old”

[dragongirltitties]

this is my four year old rayman origins

[jennytrout]

“Who’s doing your surgery?”

“Dr. Rayman Origins.”

[rustydanger]

THE APP REBOOTED FOR ME!!

[amari-skies-deactivated20190610]

i met a kid once whose name was “Ryce” and his mum said it was pronounced “Reese”

the best part is she was originally going to spell it “Rice”

[mudskipmcqueen]

My auntie knows a family who decided to name their daughter Owen, but they spelled it “Oin” and they made her middle name the first sound that her big sister made which happened to be “Oogok”. her name is literally “Oin Oogok Puscus”

[suicunesrider]

Oin Oogok Puscus is my favorite dwarf from the Hobbit

[allmenarerapists]

Yo I work at a rec center in a rich neighborhood and these are some real names of white children:

Salter Tryge (pronounced Trig) Loots Pocket Aughyst (pronounced August) Taileigh Lotiss Leviathin (yes spelled like that) Bacchus Daniyal (a girl, pronounced like Daniel)

All real

[the-epitome-of-sophistication-d]

This shit is hilarious

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

@kaiiwooo

[kaiiwooo-deactivated20180323]

I can’t

[onlyblackgirl]

47 month old.

[bando--grand-scamyon]

Nayvie….. Bish whet????

[i-sucked-dick-on-accident-deact]

this is from my kid’s valentine’s list this year like this corny fake unique name thing is no joke yall this is all of the boy names 

[xoverlyxclusivex]

47 month old.

[crimeshetyped]

I refuse to go on knowing someone named their child “Salter” I’m so done ✌🏿️

[mesaymeep]

Treyton lls, I’m dying…

[bird-mom]

I know a person from college who’s name is literally “Smile”, l can’t even explain how ridiculous that is…

[yourlocalsadbean-deactivated201]

47 month old

[nugret]

47 month old

[technicolortessi]

Damn suburban moms love to put unnecessary “Y’s” in names.

[anthony-carmelo-deactivated2017]

<b>47 month old<b/>

[validuskong-deactivated20170416]

47 month old.

[fishy]

Somebody named their kid Pocket?!?!???

[bbcwhereareyou]

I am cry wheeze laughing at this post, and then when I got to the bottom I had apparently already hearted it at some point in its life?

Anyway, bless little Christopher’s parents. My god.

[tsg2k15]

47 month old tho

[unfriendly-black-redhead]

One of the classes I subbed in had a kid named Glarison. I’m sorry, did you misspell Garrison?????

[ladyfabulous]

OMG IT IS BACK! I CAN FINALLY POST THE ASK I GOT ABPUT THIS!

[slytherenne]

[amusewithaview]

I went to college and took religious studies courses with a girl named Storm Pagan. She never understood why I found that both funny and oddly appropriate, and I never felt like taking the time to explain.

[aniseandspearmint]

for the love of your future children, look up what a name means in all languages before you saddle you kid with it until they’re old enough to legally change it.

I took latin in middle school. I don’t actually remember much now, but i’m telling you, it was IMPOSSIBLE to look this girl I knew in passing in the eye because her name was Latrina. 

Latrina.

(For those of you who have no idea why this is unfortunate and hilarious, ‘latrina’ is one of the latin words for toilet)

[lightningparadox]

What the fuck that even sounds like ‘Latrine’ like who looked at that name and went ‘what could possibly go wrong’

[natural--blues]

Kids I actually went to school with: Nipponia (Her parents were really enthusiastic about Japan and thought no one would know.) Foreverina  Twins – Heavyn-Leigh and Eterni-Teigh Khayrliy (Carly) MyckEnziey (yes, spelled like that.) Every last one of them was white n blonde.

[b-morevony]

Naming your kids after gods seems like s BAD PLAN whether you believe in them or not. Especially Odin and Bacchus.

[ao3feed-thorki]

People need to look at this thread before deciding their kid’s name. Please, spare your child from a lifetime of explaining your choices. If my parents gave me a name that was constantly misspelled and mispronounced everywhere I went, I would have it legally changed the moment I was old enough to do so. I guarantee you there are some famous Hollywood kids with really weird fucking names that have done just that. Remember that one kid named Pilot Inspector? Yeah, I bet his nickname is Bob. 

[freckledz]

My sister is a professional photographer and not so long ago she got asked to take pictures of children with santa so she said yes but some of the names of the poor children were so terrible. My two favorites come in pair since they’re twins. Angle and Demon. And least but not last, Billylux and Kelometeor.

[everyone-anyone]

Fuck UTAS

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

   I just drove my uncle and myself to the hardware store, and he said to me “Molly, I want you to know that being Catholic doesn’t change anything. If you someday get married, your wife will be welcome in this family. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

  That is really nice, but I am not gay???

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. SPOILER ALERT 2012 ME; YOU’RE SUPER FRICKING GAY.

[discreet45]

[fiztheancient]

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

[jerkstorecalling]

I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.

[toolusingmammalgirl]

Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

[onceland]

[turtletotem]

I have long said that in order for any comedy to truly succeed as a story, there has to be meat beneath the jokes. There has to be that moment when it is not funny any more.

This. This is that moment.

[agooduniverse]

#honestly even though this is one of the best scripts there ever has been  #that is the greatest line  #it’s /groundbreaking/ in terms of how it frames vengeance quests; temptation beats; inigo as a comedic figure throughout the movie  #you know because this is a happy book (film) that inigo will get his revenge  #but will he get JUSTICE  #will he get ABSOLUTION  #will he get CATHARSIS  #those are the things we don’t know  #and that line sells it more than any of the previous scene (x)

[teenwitched-archive-deactivated]

also:

[deactivated-this-account-deacti]

well now I’m crying

[breelandwalker]

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

[fairytaleofdust]

Best movie ever!

[like-a-wild-potato]

Also might be crying. @violetoccurrences!

[pdlcomics]

Everyone

[everyone-anyone]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think