. M O O N C H I L D . @eviphantomhive - Tumblr Blog

being with you has opened my eyes.

i've got a stutter and a shaky hand and a fat lump in my throat, but i was taught real good how to push it so far down it's like a stomach bug.

#gonna tag everything under hollanov #because i am lazy #hollanov #i would die for this man

ilya-rozanova

HEATED RIVALRY | ROSE (1.04)

#hollanov

themoonandmyman

One of the core parts of Ilya’s identity is that he knows he’s hot, he knows he’s sexually desirable and he’s incredibly sexually literate.

What holds him back is he doesn’t believe he’s desirable romantically. He especially doesn’t believe that he deserves Shane. That insecurity and that low self worth given to him by his family, the one group of people who are supposed to love him unconditionally, is what drives their miscommunication.

He’s staring himself down in the mirror, disgusted with himself for needing Shane so much. Of course Shane doesn’t want him outside of sex. That’s all he’s good for. Of course Shane found a nice, sensible, beautiful woman.

Shane is a ‘good boy’. He’s going to settle down and get married and do all the things a professional hockey player should be doing.

Ilya is so deeply hurt and embarrassed that he thought for even a second he could be something more for Shane. Embarrassed that he wanted that.

He opened himself up for the first time in his adult life and got a knife through the heart- because of course he did. That’s what always happened when he was a kid. When he played a game and expected his father to be proud of him, only to be dismissed and belittled at every turn.

His brother calling him a ‘whiny faggot’ for expressing even the most surface level emotions.

I’m sick about this sad bisexual Russian man.

#hollanov

decomposedmaw

Today’s a bit off.

natureell

anfiachceol

I would howl at this moon, for sure.

hudsonswilliams

#hollanov

skodasforge

I don’t think we’ve talked about how the front half of the episode has Ilya mostly as the passive partner in his sex with Shane. Shane is riding it like he stole it, Shane is straddling him on the couch and asking “are you gonna cum for me?” and of course competitive ass Ilya isn’t going to just give it to him (“fucking make me”) but he’s letting a lot of control slip from him to Shane and what a way to show the characters relationship developing through sex. Ilya was the one fully in control in the first two episodes but now that he likes Shane, now that he feels comfortable with him, he’s willing to drop the constant performance of dominance and let Shane happen to him. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence when everything in his life is so rigidly structured by other people and he was taking back control when he was having sex with Shane at first. This is a different type of losing control, it’s letting go and trusting someone else. No wonder it terrifies them both.

#hollanov