doctors appointment from entry 19/05/2026
it was supposed to only be a vaccination appointment, but because i had to do it anyway, it ended up also being one of those last routine checkups u have to do as a teen before not going to the kids-doctor anymore.... we booked this less than a week before, so i didnt really have time to prepare mentally???
when i got there, i had to undress aside from my tshirt and yk underwear and all, and my mother was in the room so i told her to turn round. got the usual measurements that never fail to disappoint
had to remove my tshirt when the doctor came in. OBVIOUSLy the doctor saw it, it was pretty old but still, she saw it and asked me if my mother knew WHILE my mother was in the room w her back to me, and i shook my head and doc sent my mother out.
she literally went on a tangent about how im not alone, should talk to someone and spend less time on my phone cause humans dont need phones but human connection??? fully spammed questions, like why i do it, whether i can talk to my mother, if i have friends to talk to, if i talk to them, and i just silently either shook my head or shrugged or whatnot, and like. the entire time i could only think about how i needed her to shut up because i didnt wanna be interrogated. she offered to come to her if i wanted help, and the appointment went on.
now i know good intentions and all, but i cant help but dislike her? like. i never liked her, shes been my doc since i was a kid, never liked her. and im just pissed? and embarassed i guess? like it isss sorta pathetic in a way.
and now im also paranoid/anxious or whatever, bcs yk i got a shot (stupidly on my dominant arm) and every time it hurts, for some reason my brain interprets it as "someone knows" and i feel dread and when i think about the feeling, its like a bunch of eyes staring at me as if everyone around me knew about it now. genuinely, i met eyes with one of my teachers more often than usual and for some reason to me that meant that my doctor called my school to warn them??????? idfk its so surreal but i feel so watched now
