f0rg0tten

my therapist calls it maladaptive daydreaming, I much rather call it being a vessel to my ocs' corporality

[f0rg0tten]

"it's not that deep" to YOU, maybe it isn't; but loving things philosophically has always been one of the things I philosophically love the most about myself. I'll keep revisiting concepts you take for granted with wonder and see something new about them every time

[partywithponies]

Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???

[f0rg0tten]

having ocd will wreck you from the inside out but it can also be so fucking funny

I've started worrking on a very fancy jewelry store, was handed a little bag of at least 13 of my salaries worth of gems to give to the proper gem people because that's my literal job and my brain, legitimately and entirely unironically mind you, went:

oh my god I don't trust me with this shit, what if I ✨️accidentally✨️ steal it????????

bitch what do you mean ACCIDENTALLY. I had and have no intention of ever stealing gems because, among many reasons, I would be the most incompetent criminal alive - yet all I could think of was how small and easily stealable the bag was... whay if I tripped and unconsciously started a heist? these are real concerns people

[f0rg0tten]

paris paloma please unrelease "stem the flow", I don't wanna be one of those people that cry to breakup songs thinking about their parents

[f0rg0tten]

mine (a semi-poetic vent)

I've probably had OCD my whole life, despite not always understanding or knowing how to name it, and with intrusive thoughts, compulsions, and spirals I learned that my thoughts aren't mine.

...I was sexually assaulted as a kid and learned that my body isn't mine.

...I was raised in an environment that expected me to be have been born fully fledged and capable of solving everything, and learned that my purpose isn't mine.

...And since my purpose was never mine, I've spent my life trying to adapt and figure out the best courses of action according to the needs of the world around me, and learned that my actions aren't mine.

I've always thought my utopia of existence was to be an amorphous consciousness, heartess, brainless, bodyless, understanding the world without really being in it... but maybe, I've been living in it all along: the joy of understanding, learning, and exploring new things is the only thing born from within me unasked, unthanked, and unseen. all that exists beyond comprehension has never been mine, and the weight of that translates into the constant feeling of being watched, of being judged, of being violated, of being seen, of constantly yearning for a utopian world in which nobody, anywhere, knows absolutely anything about me; a world in which I'm no one's, and can finally just be mine

[f0rg0tten]

I have been told once "the way I learned to not be so harsh on myself and feel like I'm behind the curve is to think about how, if I'm 20, I'm just a 2 year old adult because I've only been 18+ for 2 years, I'm still figuring things out!" and while that's a very lovely sentiment I simply cannot compare to child me, she was gifted way beyond her peers and I have to stop myself from having a panic attack every time I stumble upon someone I recognize on the street

[f0rg0tten]

do you ever get a major revelation about your trauma on a random ass sunday because you decided to google a silly little question you could've sworn until 2 seconds ago had nothing to do with said trauma or did I finally get an original experience?

[f0rg0tten]

update: so, itturns out EVERYTHING has everything to do with said trauma unfortunately

[f0rg0tten]

do you ever get a major revelation about your trauma on a random ass sunday because you decided to google a silly little question you could've sworn until 2 seconds ago had nothing to do with said trauma or did I finally get an original experience?

[f0rg0tten]

I think the worst part of having OCD for me is how it makes it so glaringly obvious how little some people around me care about me in general and specifically about me being comfortable and feeling safe; knowing that being slightly inconvenienced is too high of a price to pay to not put me through hell and my rage and sorrow about it will always be automatically read as dramatic and selfish

[f0rg0tten]

really proud of how I organized my unnamed fanfic drafts 😌

[f0rg0tten]

I like to think about the Lords in Black from the Hatchetfield universe as little kids having playdates:

If you've ever played with kids more than once, you'll probably encounter certain toys that have a specific character attached to them, with a name and personality that stays fairly consistent throughout different playtimes. You may also be familiar with the very faulty and inconsistent storytelling kids use to spread out their imaginations: at some point, character A might go through a whole "storyline" where they end up losing their house, getting divorced, dying or any major life event that should have ample consequences and then, by the next playthrough, the kid is so fixated on a new scenario they wanna play that the "storyline" is dropped like it never existed, only to show up whenever it is relevant to the scenario the kid is playing through or completely changed halfway through; basically, the character's life is changing in real-time as the kid decides what they want to happen. I say all this, because I really like (in a "this is a horrifying concept" way) to think that this is basically what every citizen of Hatchetfield has to go through. At some point, the Lords in Black decided the city would be their playground, they had all these new toys with pre-written explorable storylines to play with, and now they are just putting them through scenarios they think would be fun and molding the world to their desires. Every "play session", the citizens of Hatchetfield get "reset-ed", falling into whatever role they are playing in the storyline at hand, changing their memories, stories, wants and needs to fit a new narrative until the Lord in Black playing gets bored and it's someone else's turn to play... like a purgatory version of a Sims game, where technically people can made their own decisions but is it even free will when all your traits are specifically chosen for you and all your options are limited to a certain number of programed actions? a sims game, where everyone is unknowingly just a pawn whose every though, action and decision can be modified at any time, erased at any time, made completely nonsensical at any time... all for a cosmic being's amusement.

It's also fun (in a "this is a horrifying concept" way) , through this lense, to imagine that the Lords in Black aren't even necessarily evil. There are no stakes for the Lords in Black during playtime, they are just doing shit in order to entertain themselves, seeing every person, animal and plant as an object as a literal toy whose whole purpose is to play their roles.

It's more complicated than that, and there's a lot of truly fascinating lore to dive in specially through characters that are able to break the mold like my beloved Miss Holloway, and I have (many) more thoughts but I feel like this meme right now so that's all you're getting

[ggghoulish]

posting this here cause I’m still not over it. people who write instructions I love you you’re so funny

[evilwizard]

we need to team up… to put together the WB4723 48-Inch Workbench With Power Outlets and Lights… it will take all of our power… and though you are my greatest foe, i can’t do it without you !

[janthony-anthony]

@averagesteamuser1 your age has rendered you infirm but no less a foe. be ready we put this together at dawn

[f0rg0tten]

I love myself some enemies to lovers/there was only one WB4723 48-inch Workbench With Power Outlets and Lights

[f0rg0tten]

help the blorbos have taken over my mind and now I'm rewriting songs

thought you guys would appreciate this more than tiktok

[throughtimeandstarlight]

[f0rg0tten]

very mild lantern rite spoilers

"This is heaven's will. There is no need for guilt; and no place for hope."

"Should another raise a war banner against the heavens someday, let my name be set upon its cloth."

I'M SORRY????? I DIDN'T KNOW THEY PUT MY RELIGIOUS TRAUMA ON THE GAME, HOLY SHIT

[f0rg0tten]

just watched 'We need to talk about Kevin' and thought "wow, that must be a real conversation starter about, idk,

1. the societal imposition of motherhood and it's impact on not only the mother but especially in the child that grows up knowing they are unwanted;

2. ambiguous love you can still hold for someone who doesn't deserve it or even want it;

3. complicated processes of grief that are intermingled with crippling guilt and lack of a solid place to place that blame;

4. the ideia of 'boys being boys' making space for the banalization of cruelty in young men and where that may lead;

5. negligence, complicated parent-child relationships, and whether or not you can ever truly blame someone for feelings they can't control;

and more!!!! can't wait to see what the tumblr folks are talking about it!!!!" only to be met with everyone just wanting the fuck the serial killer

look, I'm not saying Kevin should immediately burn at the stake and be sent to hell, there's a lot of nuance and discussion to be had there about how much of him is a product of his environment and deep-seated complicated feelings that arose from his developmental stages but PLEASE for the love of GOD let's stop romanticizing serial killers as angsty emo dark romance misunderstood boyfriends, it feels a little weird

[f0rg0tten]

my cat has decided out of the blue that he will no longer sleep the night beside me and I don't think I'll ever spiritually embody the feeling of being a scorned lover more than now

[f0rg0tten]

HE'S BACK :')