يَا هَوى يَا هَوى @fairouziyat - Tumblr Blog

hi i am alive. i miss being on here so bad but like idk its just like idk what to rb n post abt n stuff... uhmmmmmmmmmm. yeah

fairouziyat

feb 5 2025... havent been here in a logn time. heyyyy

hi i am alive. i miss being on here so bad but like idk its just like idk what to rb n post abt n stuff... uhmmmmmmmmmm. yeah

i miss being on thmblr but its not working out for me like its not doing it gkfjfkfk

cant say this anywhere but here. anyways i have a second date w this girl tmrw n my ex also has a date. why tf does she have a date. i can have a date bcs its wtv im the heartbroken one but she broke up w me so why is she on a date she should be in her room reflecting on her mistake. im upset 😒😒😒 like good for me im trying to heal n move on but she shouldn’t be like. she should be beating herself up about what she did to me. idk i’m a little bitter n resentful lately. i miss her a lot :/ i really really do. why does it have to be like this. i’m so late on school work i risk failing 3 courses. i miss her so bad u guys its pathetic maybe idk. i miss her ): i miss the comfort of having her there n i miss having a safe space n i miss the encouragement and support n like having this constant positive presence ughhhhhhhh fuck

#idek anymore #i’m gonna talk to my laptop camera n record myself for two hours repeating the same thing

mothercain-deactivated20231124

chips1977

I don’t like getting kicked in the head anymore

glowcowboy

i want to be a sweet and friendly girl but there’s all this anxiety. and the horrors

iremluna

and rage

glowcowboy

yeah and also the rage

fairycosmos

ping ponging back and forth between seeing immense beauty everywhere and feeling deeply like i am in hell

cheruib

it’s a serious thing to be alive

desiringhim

𓆟𓆞𓆝𓆜𓆛

omg im so miserable it’s embarrassing sorry u guys just been posting negativity for 2 weeks now xxx

i dont feel good nothing feels good to me rn n i cant distract myself from thinking abt the break up n i cant stop finding new ways to blame myself even though… it isnt really my fault but im struggling to see how its not my fault. n im sick of talking to ppl about it bcs i feel annoying and i feel invalidated and its like everyone’s talking to me like im a kid who knows nothing and my arm hurts from writing in my journal. and i miss her lol. and i dont want to see anyone bcs im either not present or im talking abt her or something n i cant enjoy my time w anyone rn and i dont wanna go clubbing and go party and go get drunk!!! but its bad that im isolating myself so i rlly dont know what to do ): i just miss her n its so hard spending my weekends at home its so draining n i regress every time. n when we were tgt i would sleepover at hers every friday or saturday so at least id get a bit of time out of the house. but now im home during the entire weekend and i miss her i miss her i miss her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s been two weeks lol. i want to d1e

it is so humiliating to watch everyone around you be in relationships and function like a normal person seemingly so easily while ur stuck getting ur heartbroken n still having to muster up the energy n motivation to go to therapy n work on urself like i don’t understand… why not me!!! why not me. why is it so hard FOR ME!!! this isnt fair like this just isnt fair why do my friends who dont go to therapy and who dont work on themselves so proactively get love and long term relationships and stuff while im like… ive been so proactive abt healing for two years and it just… doesnt last like i wanna kms a little i don’t understand why im so hard to love i rlly hate to think about myself like this but idk like idk how else to explain it. why does no one stick like why why why why why why!!!!!

#if she moves on or forgets me or something im going to end it #sorry #this isnt good but im spiraling a little i cant help myself rn

sicknessinmotion

I MISS A LOVE I NEVER HAD; ON LONGING

unknown // haruki murakami // unknown // lucille clifton // emily palermo // mahmoud darwish // frank o’hara.

firstfullmoon

Hanif Abdurraqib, in “Why this poet sees grief as its own kind of spiritual practice”

its so crazy that like. my life is real rn and i have to experience this pain and like its so much pain theres so much pain. i dont understand why theres so much pain

#i envy my friends who have these stable long lasting healthy relationships i envy like... their mundane experience idk #it feels like everything i experience is always at extremes #nothing is ever just fine just normal just enough its always sooooo much its always so big so consuming #the highs are high but the lows are so low. so so so so so so low.#n it just feels like nothing lasts nothing ever lasts i cant stop thinking about how ive never experienced permanency.#nothing in my life has veer been permanent #except this like... fucking like... grief and pain which has plagued my mind since august 2014. happy 10 years soon #n every time this happens im like ok it cant get any worse like it has to get better from here n like im better n im going to therapy #and i have these tools and im making this crazy effort #but like... then it does get worse somehow. and its so hard to hold on to hope and its so hard to keep making the effort #i have a dbt therapy workshop that starts next week n lasts until nov 8. its about managing relationships (platonic romantic family wtv)#but like. why would i go. why would i go???#when we were still tgt n i was done w individual therapy she kissed me a thousand times n told everyone hse was so proud of me n she #took me out and she held me and it was so nice it was so nice to have someone recognize that effort. n then she was excited abt me going #to the workshop coz she was like ur gonna learn stuff that we can use and we can both learn from it #n it was so motivating bcs we both wanted this to work and were putting in the effort #and now its gone and its done and shes about to engage in bullshit behaviour that she told me she regrets and i cant even do anything #to stop her but i care sm i dont want to see her do that. but like... ugh ugh ugh uhg uhg #nothing is easy everytign is so hard rn </3 #rant #sorry ugh im so embarrassed at this

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يَا هَوى يَا هَوى