The Ethical Falconeer

Ethics, fairness, mostly feminism. Sometimes Italian happens. Not too often, though.

[falconeer]

[foggyrailroads]

Here in America, in every single state, they have a set of standards for every subject, a collection of lessons that the teachers are required to teach by the end of the term. But the greatest lessons you’ll ever teach us will not come from your syllabus, the greatest lessons you will ever teach us, you will not even remember. You never told us what we weren’t allowed to say, we just learned how to hold our tongues.

Now somewhere in America there is a child holding a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and there is a child holding a gun. But only one of these things have been banned by their state government, and it’s not the one that can rip through flesh, it’s the one that says fuck you on more pages than one! Because we must control what the people say and how they think, and if they want to become the overseer of their own selves, then we’ll show them a real one.

And somewhere in America, there’s a child sitting at his mother’s computer, reading the homepage of the KKK’s website! And that’s open to the public, but that child will have never read To Kill a Mockingbird because their school has banned it for the use of the n-word. Maya Angelou is prohibited because we’re not allowed to talk about rape in school. We were taught that just because something happens doesn’t mean you are to talk about it.

They build us brand-new shopping malls so that we’ll forget where we’re really standing: on the bones of the Hispanics, on the bones of the slaves, on the bones of the Native Americans, and on the bones of those who fought just to speak! Transcontinental railroads and Japanese internment camps, there are things missing from our history books, but we were taught that it is better to be silent than to make them uncomfortable.

Somewhere in America, private schoolgirls search for hours through boutiques trying to find the prom dress of their dreams, but the kids on the South Side spend hours searching through the lost and found because winter’s coming soon and that’s the only jacket they have! Kids are late to class for working the midnight shift: they give awards for best attendance, but not for keeping their families off the streets! These kids will call your music “ghetto”, they will tell you that you don’t talk right, and then they’ll get in the backseat of a car with all their friends singing how they’re “‘bout that life” and “We Can’t Stop.”

Somewhere in America, schools are promoting self-confidence while they whip out their scales and shout out your body fat percentage in class, where the heftier girls are hiding away, and the slim fit beauties can’t help but giggle with pride. The preppy kids go thrift shopping because they think it “sounds real fun” but we go because that’s all we’ve got money for, because Momma works for the city, Momma only gets paid once a month.

Somewhere in America, a girl is getting felt up by a grown man on the subway! She’s still in her school uniform and that’s “part of the appeal”, it’s hard to run in knee-socks and Mary-Janes, and all her male teachers know it too! So just cover up star players raping freshmen after the dance. Women are killed for rejecting dates, but God-forbid I bring my girlfriend to prom. A girl gets blackout-drunk at the after-party; take a picture before her wounds wake her; how many pixels is your sanity worth?

What’s a 4.0 to a cold jury? What you learn in class today, don’t walk fast, don’t speak loud, keep your hands to yourself, keep your head down, keep your eyes on your own paper, if you don’t know the answer, fill in C, always wear ear buds when you ride the bus alone, if you feel like someone’s following you, pretend you’re on the phone! The teacher never fails, only you do.

In every state in America, the greatest lessons are the ones you don’t remember learning!

[foggyrailroads]

One of the most feminist videos you’ll ever see. I am crying the warmest tears I cried in a long while.

[falconeer]

The ethics of introducing people to BDSM.

I understand this is not gonna sound "cool", because people love "seduction" and smooth initiation stories. But whenever you introduce someone to BDSM, someone who knows nothing about it, you are supposed to be aware of how fucked up our society is and how weird it can be for BDSM power-exchange dynamics to mimic and reproduce (and validate) abusive dynamics that are part of this society. And if you are aware of how deeply conditioned so many of us are to the idea of dominance and submission, you should know that they are the weak spots of so many people and they are the MAIN backdoor for every good manipulator to get inside someone's head and make their long term life miserable in many cases without them even knowing for a long time (months, years). Sure it feels INCREDIBLE in the short term, and that's part of the trick. But the long term damage is immense.

So my point is, whenever you introduce someone to BDSM you can either be ethical, or not. If you choose to be ethical, you have to understand that people need to be given as much info as possible about the dynamics, about what is going to happen, about why we like it and why we do it and try to have them question themselves about WHY THEY would be willing to engage in it. Our society does not give ANY tool to people to process these information and these needs, in fact it tries to shame them and hide them, and this is where emotional predators operate and get into a victim's bloodstream without them even knowing.

Without knowledge there cannot be consent.

As I said it is not cool because it takes away from the magic, but to slowly fascinate someone about BDSM and make them willing to try and so on, is a form of manipulation. You are luring someone into the world they are most likely unable to process and it's simply going to operate on subconscious parts of their brain and their sensitivity, in many cases (not all) fueled by minor or major traumas. OF COURSE this is not always the case, but how many times do people really stop to ponder that? And Grey certainly doesn't in the stupid movie.

So to conclude, I don't care what everyone say. I've been in the lifestyle for ages and I've seen people, so many people, willing to adventure into BDSM, or submission, numbed and made silly bold by desire and arousal, if not deeper needs. But given the intrisic intensity of these kind of relationships, that's just not acceptable. For a BDSM relationship to be CONSENSUAL it requires both parties to know beforehand what it is all about, and that in many cases requires slowing down things and demanding that a person does some serious self-analysis and introspection before getting into it with someone more experienced.

To me, everything else is the foundation of manipulation. Not saying that it always devolves into manipulation but that the ethical way to "initiate" someone to BDSM is to slow down and require them to research as much as possible and to ask themselves hard questions before stuff that they can't control or even understand will make them completely open to abuse, exploitation and emotional harm and even self-harm, which certainly were not the initial goals. This is why 50 shades is BAD. Because he manipulates her using her confusion (her complete lack of knowledge) and her emotional weaknesses as weapons to get her addicted. It's the story of tricking someone into becoming a junkie who depends on the drug you sell by giving them the initial rush "for free" and conveniently forgetting to mention the potential crippling long term health consequences.

So,

tl;dr - without knowledge there cannot be consent. There's so much abuse hidden under the now-popular BDSM umbrella. And the worst kind is the kind that even victims have a hard time recognizing, because every time you get horny while being abused society tells you it's not abuse anymore. Which is the most disgusting and harmful lie. Sdly, you'd know if it happened to you. http://www.kinkabuse.com/articles-essays/i-never-called-it-rape-addressing-abuse-in-bdsm-communities/ http://www.salon.com/2012/01/29/real_abuse_in_bdsm/ http://www.salon.com/2012/06/03/a_bdsm_blacklist/

[foggyrailroads]

[falconeer]

"Yes means yes"

“I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although it is a kind of rape of the spirit - a dishonest portrayal or distortion of my own desire in order to appease another person. I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it - deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. That is such a messed-up way to live, such an awful way to love. So these days, I say yes only when I mean yes. It does require some vigilance on my part to make sure I don’t just go on sexual automatic pilot and let people do whatever. It forces me to be really honest with myself and others. It makes me remember that loving myself is also about protecting myself and defending my own borders. I say yes to me.” — Margaret Cho, “Yes Means Yes” ( http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/ )

[sundrybloodysundry-deactivated2]

I want to see a fat girl in a leading role of a film.

I want to see a fat girl in a leading role of a film that isn’t about her weight.

I want to see a fat girl wearing mini skirts or just whatever the fuck she’s comfortable in.

I want to see a fat girl kick some bad guy’s ass.

I want to see...

[falconeer]

Su violenza, e violenza di genere.

La violenza e' attuata e puo' essere attuata da qualsiasi forma di vita nei confronti delle altre forme di vita. Penso sia innegabile che tutte ne sono capaci.

La violenza-di-genere invece si riferisce invece agli animali umani ed e' attuata dagli uomini nei confronti di tutto quanto non sia uomo in quanto, appunto, non-uomo.

La mia lotta personale non e' per sconfiggere la violenza-qualunque o analizzare perche', in questa societa', le persone sono stronze e prevaricatrici. Mi interessa smantellare un sistema, Patriarcato, che veicola, propaga e perdona la violenza-di-genere. SIAMO D'ACCORDO che il patriarcato favorisce e sponsorizza anche altre forme di violenza, cosi' come credo siamo d'accordo che la violenza-qualunque NON sia un'invenzione del patriarcato. Ma credo che la violenza-DI-GENERE sia invece strettamente correlata al dominio culturale e materiale-fisico che gli uomini hanno avuto, hanno, e intendono continuare ad avere.

Sappiamo tutt* che NON ogni uomo partecipa al Patriarcato, ma ogni uomo che NON combatte il Patriarcato vi contribuisce e lo rafforza che lo voglia o no. Questo vale anche per chiunque non sia un uomo, quindi anche* le donne (*scusate la confusione ma io contemplo piu' di due generi sebbene non ci sia ancora un nome per tutti), per cui e' giusto dire che ogni donna che NON combatte il patriarcato rafforza il patriarcato, ma tuttavia **NON sono le donne ad attuare la violenza di genere**.

Non c'e' bisogno di ribadire OGNI VOLTA che non tutti gli uomini sono maschilisti. Farlo, per assurdo, contempla e da' forza a una delirante idea di misandria che invece non esiste. Certo, non tutti gli uomini sono maschilisti e non tutti gli uomini sguazzano nel patriarcato (sebbene restino comunque privilegiati), ma non e' prioritario in alcun modo spendere energie a elencare le eccezioni ogni volta che viene attaccato l'unico gruppo (non gli individui) che ha il potenziale per attuare la violenza-di-genere e non fa niente per fermarla. Il gruppo, non gli individui, ok?. Ogni uomo veramente antisessista che si senta chiamato in causa ogni volta che una femminista attacca "gli uomini" deve secondo me rivedere di brutto il proprio percorso antisessista.

Il motivo per cui io non accetto e non digerisco questi nuovi percorsi di dialogo con i sostenitori e le sostenitrici del patriarcato e' perche' la ritengo una strategia sbagliata- Peggio, a considero addirittura nociva per la lotta. 

Non ritengo che il cambiamento avverra' o possa avvenire cercando di comprendere queste persone e usare un linguaggio piu' equilibrato. 

No.

Il cambiamento avviene assicurandosi che le persone che ancora collaborano con il patriarcato pur convinte che sia il nemico, smettano di farlo e acquisiscano i mezzi per difendersene e contrattaccare. A quel punto i maschilisti, cosi' come in un sacco di posti e momenti storici e' stato per i razzisti, saranno travolti. Il cambiamento avviene prima smantellando le insicurezze che ci CI hanno inculcato per mantenerci deboli e complici, che cercando di smantellare le sicurezze che GLI hanno inculcato per mantenerli forti.

Considero il dialogo con un/una anti-femminista un grave errore perche' offre solo il fianco a strumentalizzazioni. Continuamente, sempre, e sara' sempre cosi' (si e' visto anche di recente mi pare). Non nego che possa essere utile sul piano PERSONALE, ma sul piano collettivo e della lotta lo ritengo un grave sbaglio che indebolisce tutt*.

Quindi per come la vedo io non si tratta di difendere le donne a tutti i costi. Le donne possono essere stronze e spesso lo sono (come qualsiasi altro essere vivente). Le donne possono essere violente e spesso lo sono (come qualsiasi altro essere vivente). Credo che lo sappiamo tutt*.

Ma le donne non praticano la violenza di genere ne' la misandria, e ogni volta che questo concetto viene ambiguizzato (anche involontariamente) in pubblico (!) si rafforza il patriarcato. Potrei non intendermene di femminismo, ma me ne intendo di patriarcato e so di cosa si nutre. E come e' abilissimo a sfruttare le aperture e manipolare l'auto-coscienza altrui.

Quindi, attent* alle parole che usate. E a come esprimete e esternate i vostri importantissimi e rispettabilissimi percorsi personali. All'interno hanno un valore. All'esterno completamente un'altro.

Io la penso cosi'. E concludo come ho cominciato.

La violenza e' praticata da tutt*

La violenza di genere e' praticata dagli uomini. Magari tra tremila anni sara' in un altro modo, ma in questa era geologica e' cosi' e non ripeterlo a chiare lettere ogni volta e' per me un grave errore. Poi, dopo averlo ribadito, possiamo parlare delle eccezioni.

Drew

[falconeer]

"What makes us Queer?" *********************************************** BE CAREFUL! NSFW! Lots of sex in this video so do NOT watch it in places where that would put you in trouble and do not watch it if you are not comfortable with humans and human bodies pleasuring each other. I mean it, watch it under your responsibility.

*************************************************

[falconeer]

Families

I feel like making this statement: blood bonds mean close to nothing to me. Chosen families are what I care for. I handpick my relatives, brothers, sisters, partners and lovers, and I consider it a huge deal when they choose me. Why yes, the keyword here is choice, choosing, being free from traditions and free of creating your own paradigms. So yeah, I love my family so much.

[falconeer]

For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It

‎"What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter?

What if women were the ones who started wars?

What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly?

What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun?

What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs?

What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis? What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands?

What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes?

What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons?

What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence”?

What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey”?

What if you had to inhale your boss’ stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job?

What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running? And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?"

—  For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, Carol Diehl

[falconeer]

"This is my body". Fuck patriarchy.

[lovelylilthing]

[falconeer]

This might be controversial, or simply disagreed on, but I still think it deserves to be shared. The author is a  young Australian sports model and fitness professional named Natasha Hutchinson. Source: lovelylilthing:

“Women need iron.

Not the vitamin. The barbell.

We are trained by the world around us to have fucked up ideas about our bodies; iron unfucks them. We are supposed to be as thin as possible, as small as possible, perhaps until we disappear; iron teaches us to take up space. We are taught that the only good direction for the scale to go is down, and to agonize ritualistically when it goes up. Ironteaches us the power of gaining weight for strength and gives us another weight to care about – the weight we are lifting. We are taught to eat small amounts daintily and treat food as sin and pleasure. Iron teaches us to eat heartily, to see food as fuel for life, and to seek out nutritious food rather than avoiding sinful food. We are taught to think of our bodies as decorative, an object to be looked at; iron teaches us to think of our bodies as functional, our own active selves, not passive objects for another’s regard. Whole industries exist to profit by removing from us our confidence and selling it back as external objects. Iron gives us confidence from within through progressive training and measurable achievements. We are taught to be gentle and hide our strength or even to cultivate charming physical weakness until we start to believe our bodies are weak. Iron teaches us how strong we can be.” -Natasha Hutchinson

[falconeer]

TWEET THIS YOU SMALL-MINDED MOTHERFUCKER!

 ---------------------------------------------------------------

“You're a dirty carpet munching cunt that belongs in my kitchen, washing my dishes and cock. Write a poem about that....”

So I took his advice and wrote the poem.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------

Obviously you are a rotting dick/an ass wipe an open sore existing among the worst tumors that plague humanity you are an apology someone should have made to women centuries ago today you remain a very good reason abortions should be legal and available to every woman who finds herself carrying the figurative fetus of your fetid misogyny get the fuck out of my womb you hater of your own origin you forget you came from some woman’s cunt the pussy you so deride provided path for you to get here spewing such sick soliloquy your existence makes a good argument for capital punishment only I hold myself accountable to a more compassionate code of ethics so I refrain from advocating for the archaic quartering of you I will also resist the urge to imagine you shackled in sequestered servitude kneeling at the altar of some woman’s holy cunt washing her feet with your mouth only I would not wish her the degradation of your tongue on her flesh your feet on her floors you are the thing I will spend my entire life trying to protect my daughter from/the slime of your ignorance the sweat of your hate coward that you are hiding behind the intangible shroud of the virtual your keystrokes are the only ones with any power impotent unimportant little man you splatter the male identity with the putridity you exude rotting apple/gonorrheal wound refusing to heal/you would have us conclude that most people with penises are like you but for the stellar examples of men in my life I would think you the norm your actions would inform the love I cradle for the small boys in my circle earnestly learning how to be better than the monster you are far and away fairytales and fiction pervade what they know of vaginas valuing virginity over the virtue of being fair bravado over advocating for equality you make me wish I had a son to personally prove your antithesis possible Frankenstein you frighten me with your ability to keep breathing your inclination to replicate to recruit to keep pressing the boot of your discrimination upon the necks of generation after generation after generation the only thing that prevents me from raising arms and going guerilla after you with guns is our collective dedication to the eradication of your kind across all the borders of feminism and race and spaces held wire against the throat of equality women resist heart and body cunts and collarbones kitchens and bedrooms we rebuke all you offer as fact the act of tweeting something does not make true   you are only a narrow opinion constructed poorly one hundred forty characters/your cavalry is not nearly as committed as mine you and your cronies were contrived to keep the best parts of us broken these poems you and your drones continue to encourage these litanies I continue to compose will stand as evidence your crumbling tyranny time will hold your actions your utterances as shameful as it was with every disease before you the strongest/most admirable parts of being human will keep adapting/over and over history has already shown us what doesn’t kill us/will make our resistance stronger however unpleasant the uphill task of surviving you as pandemic can only make our species more immune

- [StaceyAnn Chin] (Please note everything above belongs to StaceyAnn Chin. She wrote it all, and it's her in the photo).

[falconeer]

Click above for the full article. ***BE CAREFUL - TRIGGER WARNING*** Strong images, video and description.  

[falconeer]

After a stranger exposed himself to her on her trolley ride home from work last week, a 24-year-old Boston woman confronted her wrongdoer in exactly the righteous sort of way that most us only ever have the opportunity to rehearse angrily in front of a bathroom mirror — she forced him to his feet and shamed him in front of the other passengers right up until police came to haul him away. (click title for article and video).

[skeletoncatwithablog-deactivate]

As long as women’s natural body hair is called disgusting and inappropriate while men’s isn’t, I am a feminist.

As long as I can’t watch an episode of a popular sitcom without having to sit through multiple sexist comments or “jokes”, I am a feminist.

As long as women have to face the rational fear of being sexually assaulted every time they walk home past dark while men don’t, I am a feminist.

As long as misogyny exists in any country in this world, I am a feminist.

As long as women are being raped, then stoned to death or forced to marry their rapist, I am a feminist.

As long as companies promote men to manager when there are women who are equally as or better qualified, because they find that men look more authoritative, I am a feminist.

As long as women (her choice of clothes, her friendly nature, her weakness, her choice to drink alcohol) get blamed when men rape them, I am a feminist.

As long women’s opinions on online social networks are dismissed with phrases like “tits or gtfo”, “get back to the kitchen”, “are you pms’ing?”, I am a feminist.

As long as dressing like a woman is degrading for men and as long as men are insulted with phrases like “you throw like a woman”, clearly implying that being like a woman is shameful, I am a feminist.

As long as both men and women are expected to work, but taking care of children and the household are still largely considered a woman’s job, I am a feminist.

As long as boys and girls are treated differently, expected to act differently, and surrounded by different toys and colours from the day they are born, I am a feminist.

As long as topless women aren’t allowed in public unless they’re on the cover of a men’s magazine, I am a feminist.

As long as women who have sex frequently are generally told they are “sluts”, “lacking self-respect” and “lacking morals” by both men and women, while men who frequently have sex are “just being men” and it’s “natural for them”, I am a feminist.

As long as there are places where women have to pay more for health insurance than men, I am a feminist.

As long as men experience situations with equal gender representation as female-dominated, and don’t consider a group discussion equal unless there are significantly more men than women participants (as has been proven), I am a feminist.

As long as there are men who think it’s their wife or girlfriend’s duty to have sex with them whenever they want, I am a feminist.

As long as the word feminism (“the movement aimed at equal rights for women”) has a negative connotation, I am a feminist.

As long as misogynistic people exist, I am a feminist.