Alice's pet

── .✦ incorrect quotes

[fallenfawnsworld]

Agatha: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things

Rio: Hi, I’m ‘things’

[fallenfawnsworld]

Rio: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth

Agatha: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth

[fallenfawnsworld]

Agatha: Lilia, I…

Agatha: I love you!

Lilia: Not my problem

[fallenfawnsworld]

Lilia: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with

Rio, referring to herself and Agatha: Even us?

Lilia: Especially you guys

Agatha:

Rio:

Agatha: Petition to kick Lilia out so they stop insulting us

Rio: Seconded

[fallenfawnsworld]

Jen: So what’s the plan?

Alice: I don’t know. You’re smart, points at Rio she's mean, come up with something

[fallenfawnsworld]

Rio: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Agatha: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy

[fallenfawnsworld]

Rio: is wearing silk pants How does this look?

Agatha: Like its slips on and off really easily

Rio:

Agatha: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Lilia: We know what you meant

[fallenfawnsworld]

Agatha: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Lilia is? Because Lilia is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

[fallenfawnsworld]

Jen: Rio, you'll be working with Agatha and Lilia

Rio: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: blank stares

Rio: ...Of people on a team

[fallenfawnsworld]

Rio: angrily presses Agatha against a wall WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Agatha: ...

Agatha: Are we about to kiss-

[fallenfawnsworld]

Alice: Hey, Lilia?

Lilia: Yeah?

Alice: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Lilia:

Lilia: Where’s Rio?

[fallenfawnsworld]

Agatha: Come on Lilia, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...

Lilia: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars

[fallenfawnsworld]

Alice: Hey guys, what are your favorite kinds of pudding?

Agatha: Pudding deez nuts in your mouth? Is that what you were about to say? Do you gain joy from tricking your innocent cohorts? What if I actually wanted to tell you about my favorite pudding?

[fallenfawnsworld]

Lilia: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter?

Agatha: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes

Rio: Because I condone murder and cannibalism

[fallenfawnsworld]

Alice: Is the pink panther a lion?

Jen: Say that again but slower

Alice: I don’t get it

Jen: He’s a PANTHER

Alice: Is that a type of lion?

Jen: No, it’s a fucking panther

Alice: googles panther They aren’t pink?

Jen: AND LIONS ARE?!

[fallenfawnsworld]

Agatha: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake

Rio: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear

Agatha: ...

Agatha: You mean ring bearER, right?

Rio: ...

Agatha: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding

[fallenfawnsworld]

Alice: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight