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lil wayne or wathever
sorry if you’ve answered this before!! What do you think education looks like on Eden? Obviously lots of propaganda, but what’s the real world grade level equivalent? Or in the COI?
Education on Eden, Simon's Knowledge & Skills: A Masterlist Deepdive
NOTE: I am extrapolating from canon. These are all just headcanons and theories as I try to make the most sense out of Iron Lung! I'm also tangent-ing a little bit, but it all leads up to a point. I do my best to make it seem plausible in-universe, and back myself up with movie scenes.
To answer this, we have to look at Eden's original purpose. This is all about context.
Based on some quick math, I assume Simon was around 15 years old when the Quiet Rapture happened (and if we also assume he's Markiplier's age, 36 at the time of Iron Lung). As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Eden was originally a bright and booming Mars colony, who fell into mass psychosis after the Quiet Rapture. The first generation of people sent there were incredibly skilled, brilliant scientists. Nobody was actually intending to live on Eden full-time; it was meant to be a "mothership" or a trading hub. Everybody was focused on Mars.
The Station was named Eden in the same way the Apollo/Artemis were named after Greek Gods. I don't think there were truly any "serious" religious overtones happening at this time. It was named Eden because it was the first Martian agricultural center. No shit, people from Earth would name it that.
Then the Rapture happened, and the world vanished from under their feet. It would be like driving out to another town to buy food and hang out, only for the entire planet to suddenly disappear out from under you, and you're stuck with everyone who just so happened to be at the grocery store with you at the same time. It was that jarring. Of course, I'm being hyperbolic a little bit. Because of this sudden catastrophe, Eden had to immediately pivot and turn every single available resource inward just to survive.
Because it was never meant to be the "main" Mars location, Eden didn't have a traditional school structure ready. Instead, education became about survival skills, passed down through experience and word-of-mouth. You learned as you went.
Despite that, I think Simon grew up a very well-learned kid, or was on the path to become one. I see him as a great pilot in another universe where things were better, and I've tried to extend his love for navigation into his time on Eden as a fanatical soldier, just as Iron Lung punctuated his incredible ability to navigate and read/interpret maps. My personal headcanon is that his mom was part of the science team and was absolutely hellbent on raising a smart child to uphold their legacy. (I actually wrote a scene about this in Terminal Lucidity, where Simon remembers being a rowdy little boy slacking off on school and stealing his mom's ship to go orbit and 'get away from it all'):
Honestly, I think all the second-generation kids on Eden were essentially on an IEP (Individualized Education Program). These weren’t normal citizens up there; they were the children of scientists trying to preserve their knowledge. Their parents were their teachers before they all spiraled into a cult.
Simon was likely doing leaps and bounds in advanced schooling up until around the 10th grade—Sophomore Year. By our standards, he’s essentially a high-school dropout with a very specific skill set.
Speaking of skill sets...
Simon's Skills
I've compiled a list of some things you might want to consider adding to Simon's background!
From Pre-Rapture Mars/Eden...
Simon understands orbital trajectories, gravitational slingshots, and stellar mapping on a base level. Most people who engage in active space travel would know this. This is the equivalent of knowing how to drive a car, these days.
He would also know how to space-walk if need be, for outer shell repairs or emergency situations. Everyone on a space station should have inherently known how to do this.
Since Eden was possibly a Martian agricultural center, Simon would have basic-to-intermediate knowledge of closed-loop life support systems, chemical water purification, and maintaining soil/nutrient balances in artificial environments. If you don't know how to garden on Eden, you're a shame on the family name.
Simon was not a gardener, that being said, and there's a big reason why he didn't get on with the cult thing very well. He was a soldier who watched people "garden" for ~21 years. Agriculture is an "in-theory" guessing game to him.
He has a high-school level education, just the same as most people. In fact, he's quite offended when the COI assumes he can't read; guffaws like it's a ridiculous thing to say.
Going into headcanon territory pretty hard here: He would have an inherent knowledge of how to protect himself from dust, the cold, and of the traversal of barren, rocky terrain on Mars. He may have been a child on Mars, but his mother never let him go outside without something to protect his face with; note the high collar on Simon's hood. He doesn't trip often; he's heavy-footed when he walks. Buncha rocks on Mars.
Because he grew up there, Simon can navigate the sectors of Eden completely by touch and sound. He knows exactly how many paces it takes to get from his living space to the airlocks to the gardens. It is home. He can wander it the same way someone wanders to their fridge with all the lights off for shredded cheese at 3 AM.
From Post-Rapture Eden...
In a scarcity crisis, there are no spare parts. Simon knows how to jerry-rig if he needs to, but it's basic and born from stubbornness. Simon refuses to let his own tech fail on him. He's not an engineer by any means, he just knows how to do the equivalent of kicking a vending machine until it works again.
Simon would be very good at resource allocation. I think most people in the IL universe would be. He can stretch the bare minimum as long as he needs to, however, when things get desperate enough, he will act on impulse. We see him do this with the water in the movie. There's a nuance here. Base human need wins out in the end.
Simon's navigational skills have tipped me off on the idea that he sports good piloting skills from before the Lung entirely. He didn't read the manual of the SM-13 until he was forced to, because he just assumed he didn't need them; the cockpit was incredibly rudimentary (I also sort of stole this trait from Mark, who has repeatedly mentioned his favorite scenes in IL being the mundane task of driving around).
To survive the mass religious psychosis on Eden, Simon learned how to completely shut off his emotional responses during high-stress or horrific events and take control of a situation. He can witness horrors, perform terrible acts for survival, and maintain a poker face through it all, despite feeling horrible about it. Simon starts to crack when he truly realizes there's no way out of the Iron Lung, and they are not coming to save him. He did genuinely believe he could take control of the situation in Iron Lung and get out of there. He was so confident, at first. I also caught him doing this "poker face" at Ava.
Simon knows exactly where clothes wear out first in a space station—the knees, elbows, and shoulders from brushing against narrow, metallic corridors and ladders. He would know how to harvest and utilize scrap cloth to his advantage (as we see with the MANY patches on his clothes.)
Keeping shoes from falling apart on hard metal flooring without replacement soles is an art form. He would know how to use industrial adhesive (salvaged from maintenance bays) or melted plastic to recast worn-down heels, and how to fashion makeshift structural inserts out of scrap to keep the soles rigid. I mean, have you seen this guy's shoes? He's practically wearing trash on his feet, but you can clearly see that it works:
He'd know the basics of converting raw, Martian-native produce into something shelf stable and filling. Notice how everyone in Iron Lung is skinny except Simon. Simon's huge. Simon ate good on Eden; he knew what the hell he was doing. Dude's a foodie on the down-low.
Simon can chew and swallow things that are texturally horrific, though, much to his dismay, he's got a strong stomach. Slimy, bitter, or completely flavorless without gagging. His palate has been entirely deadened by ~21 years of eating for survival rather than pleasure. Note that Simon only finally lost his stomach after getting vaporized by the Anomaly, and it was blood. Very well could have been radiation poison.
Simon will do what he can to stay clean with no water. He possibly may have resorted to using things like industrial cleaner or non-body safe chemicals just for something. Note my passage from Terminal Lucidity, where he also has to wash his clothes in the shower, and he has 16 seconds to wash up:
I took this detail from a captivating article on what it's like to live in a sterile, limited-resource environment from a Royal Navy marine.
From Being the Butcher...
You don't get a name like "The Butcher" without knowing exactly where a body's weak points are. He likely possesses an understanding of human anatomy in some way.
Fighting inside a space station means no loud, high-caliber firearms (unless you want to blow a hole in the hull). Simon would be an expert in close-quarters combat using blunt instruments, blades (his ritual knife), or environmental hazards.
He can use an environment to his advantage, judging from how resourceful he was in the hemorover. Simon has flashbacks in the movie to standing on piles-upon-piles of bodies. He's dangerous.
You would think Simon would be prison smart and traumatized from the bigger and badder, but he's not. He was the guy people had to be prison smart to avoid. At his worst, he knows when to abuse his own reputation for his own benefit. (You want the Butcher?)
Simon can look at someone and know how to make them fold instantly, just from being observant. He notices your limp, your sore muscle spots, your eyes deadening at certain topics, exactly how dicey you might be on just body language alone. He has gotten incredibly good at reading people because, what's humanity's biggest threat if not itself? People were eating each other on those stations. Being observant is hard-wired into him.
I hope this gives writers everything they're looking for and thensome on Simon's education and know-how!
This must feel so good to do as a seal
tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse
imagine youre a fat horse and your new neighbour is a personal trainer
horse that reads Marcus Aurelius
I was wrong. they didnt rock lee him. this horse is literally Gai. and i wish he was my dad
divert all power to the funk engine
THE BUTCHER / THE BUTCHERED
THIS GUY HAS A REDBUBBLE. Holy crap, the moment I have money, I want to buy maybe a pullover or a shirt with this.
I LOVE the way the logo warps like it's underwater!
searching for a memory
here's part 2 of this stupid brainrot if you're unfamiliar here's part 1 🎉
part 3 now up
The Alamo comment got it 😂😂
Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”
So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”
Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.
Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.
Jonathan Joss was an Indigenous, gay man who was murdered on the first day of Pride month as well as Indigenous History Month. He died protecting his trans husband. Homophobia and racism aren’t marks of the past, and this is a heart breaking reminder of that.
Praying for a safe journey back to the spirit world, Uncle ❤️🩹🦅
Today is the anniversary of the death of Jonathan Joss (King of the Hill, Parks and Rec). Jonathan Joss was an Indigenous, gay man who died protecting his transgender husband, on the first day of Pride month. Today we remember him and how he protected his family.
New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk
Literally all time fav
Bro is cooking