Primarch political marriage AU where the Emperor attempts to make the primarchs care more about humanity by forcing them to get married. Thankfully, they're allowed to pick their own consort and because Big E can't do anything without being extremely extra (and because it's an excellent way to generate a hell of a lot of good press), there's going to be an elaborate series of parties to display the best that the imperium can offer in the way of potential mates.
- the entire Death Guard becoming the Mortarion Primping Squad (led by Typhon) in the hope that getting laid might cheer Mortarion up
-Fulgrim fully understanding the assignment and DOMINATING the entire first night. He really doesn't want to have to pick another wife, though.
-Dorn becoming absolutely fascinated with shapewear- he hadn't ever thought that clothing could be engineered like that before.
-Ferrus Manus trying to hide against the wall, since he has no idea how to talk to women
-Konrad Curze is strangely popular, and gets more popular after he starts predicting the deaths of anyone who dares approach him- the girlies love some fortune telling
-Bobby G calling his mom to ask for advice on how to woo women
-Magnus becoming dejected that women don't flock around him like Fulgrim and Sanguinius. He hasn't put it together that it's because he keeps being a giant nerd about magic and no one has any idea what he's talking about.
-Perturabo is determined to be married before Dorn, so he's brought in Caliphonie to help him pick what to wear. He proceeds to ignore her advice about how to actually win over women.
-Lion getting dancing lessons from Luthor
-the imperial press being flooded with augmented pictures and bios of the primarchs, all to make them seem like romantic heroes. The imperial press in general is just out of control the entire time...
-Malcador really wishing he told the Emperor that this is His worst idea yet
-the Alpha legion getting in a lot of cross-dressing practice.
-Leman Russ refusing to marry any woman who cannot wrestle him to the floor. He doesn't care that they're all baseline humans, any woman worthy of bearing his children should be strong!
-the Mournival taking bets on who's going to get married second (because obviously Horus is going to be the first)
-Sanguinius getting overwhelmed by the amount of attention he is receiving and cocoons himself in his wings at some point in the night. He refuses to come out, even for snacks.
-Lorgar doing well until he tries the whole 'God is telling me that you're my wife' line.
-Horus using the worst pickup lines imaginable and getting away with it.
-Vulkan being delighted by the chance to do something that's not war related for once. He has an absolute blast dancing, although he might be a little too enthusiastic.
- Corvus trying to escape and having to be dragged back into the party by the custodes (under the Emperor's explicit command)
-Jaghati showing up with a whole-ass herd of horses to prove his fitness as a mate
-Magnus is the sluttiest-dressed in the entire room, scandilizing Lion and Lorgar. He even pierced his nipples for the occasion.
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