[OMEGA SPOON and THE BORED VOID are having a DISCUSSION in a PUBLIC BATHROOM]
SPOON: My friends, I have some news to share with thee
About the state of my own health of late!
Discoveries most vexing I have made
Of spores of mold a-lurking in my bed,
So hidden that I cannot rightly know
How long it is that they have shared my rest
And haunted slumber with their poison'd breath.
VOID: Egad! Dear friend! A prayér for your health!
That you might rally swiftly 'gainst this foe!
I beg of thee, resist the madden'd song
Of ideologies most vile and wrong!
I hope you will not follow on the path
Of that transphobic witch whom we despise!
SPOON: Worry not, dear heart; be reassured,
I do not share that dread affliction's curse
The spore that I have found inside my home
Is colour'd white and grey, you see, not black.
[Enter ACCIDENTAL OCCIDENTAL and KISFOR KEROSENE]
OCCIDENTAL: What is this I hear upon the breeze?
My friend the Spoon sleeps 'pon a bed of mold?
SPOON: My bed is fine! My sausage is what ails!
SPOON: Wait, I could have phrased that better!
That is to say, the sausage that I keep
Upon my pillow while at night I sleep
Has grown itself a coat of winter fur.
I must confess, I am myself surprised
That such a spreading growth occurred so quick
Despite this item's place within my sight.
KEROSENE: This answer does not set my heart at ease!
Thou keepst a sausage on thy pillow? Why?!
VOID: 'Tis not so strange to sleep in such a way!
Myself, I slept beside a hefty stone
And felt no ill for seven years or more.
All the same, I ask of thee, dear Spoon,
Is if you kept your sausage in its case?
SPOON: Of course I did! Do I appear a fool?
'Twas of a kind of sausage bought in summer
Wrapped in plastic, safe against the world.
VOID: I would ask three questions:
VOID: Firstly, did the sausage have a name?
Second, was its form anointed thus
With googled-eyed adornment 'pon its face?
Finally, and most important: why?!
SPOON: Three questions asked, three answers I shall give:
A-no; a-yes; and out of idle mirth.
VOID: Do you intend to eat the sausage now?
Food is food, and want is born from waste.
SPOON: I cannot in good conscience eat this thing!
Even if it were not once my friend,
And even if its poison plagued me not,
I have no love for food of fungal ilk.
VOID: Again, I must declare that food is food!
A little mold has never done much harm!
I myself have never fallen ill
From eating of the rotten fruit of life!
KEROSENE: Both of you are mad beyond repair!
SPOON: Though true, this is not relevant right now!
[There is a sound of a FLUSHING TOILET. VEXILLOLOGY ISENJOYABLE exits one of the ignored BATHROOM STALLS. All are awkwardly silent for a long moment as they wash their hands.]
VEXILLOLOGY: Shocking that such discourse has occurred in naught but seven minutes by my watch! I am reminded of the fabled plays where fools were taught to boil a cup of tea! I have no doubt that others will enjoy the tale of madness that I witnessed here!
[Exit VEXILLOLOGY ISENJOYABLE]
SPOON: DO NOT SPREAD THIS TALE YOU WRETCHED FIEND!
THE BARDS MUST NEVER KNOW OF THIS DISCUSSION!
[Exit OMEGA SPOON, chasing VEXILLOLOGY ISENJOYABLE]
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