All my fandoms and thoughts

[mikkaeus]

I-

thank you twitter, this is the only recommended topic post I’ll accept

[kingsofeverything]

[cuddlef1sh]

You think that’s bad? At my work I do noncon! (I ship items that are non-conveyable on moving belts)

[doodle-dog-diary]

Y-you ship noncon…

[cuddlef1sh]

*sigh* this is where the call out post starts, isn’t it

[positive-memes]

Native Americans Sent Ireland $170 as 1845 Famine Aid, Now Ireland Has Given Back With $3.1 Million Coronavirus Fund

story here

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are weird “Tears for Everything”

Hey all. Didn’t think I would get this sort of response, but since I have. I have decided to do at least one of these “Humans are Weird or Humans are Space Orcs” every day. If you have any ideas you’d like to see me write, I’d be thankful for suggestions. 

Alien: *walks in to mess hall sees human sitting at a table crying*

Alien “Human, what is wrong. Why is your face leaking.”

*human looks up wiping eyes* 

Human: *Sorry, I’m just really upset. This is what happens when humans are upset, we cry….. There was a bombing back home, none of my family is answering.”

Alien: *walks back in later, human still crying*

Alien: “Oh no, human, are you ok? What is wrong?”

*human looks up wipes eyes again*

Human: “Oh sorry.” grins “my family just called back and they’re ok.”

Alien: *in confusion* “Why are you upset about that?”

Human: “Oh no, you misunderstand. Humans also cry when we’re happy or relieved 

Alien *rolls eyes but doesn’t question. Humans are weird after all 

Alien *returns later to see the humans in s big circle, all of them are crying so hard they are almost bent double. They have to be upset.*

Alien: “What’s wrong now?”

human: *regains breath and wipes tears from eyes, “Nothing, nothing, Jim just told a really funny joke. Laughed so hard I cried.”

Alien: *annoyed now. Walks away shaking his head*

Alien: *walks in to lab and is nearly hit by a metal trey flying towards the wall*

human: *screams in anger tears rolling down their face*

Alien: *tentatively peeks out from behind shelf* “are you alright, human?

Human: “NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT. I’M PISSED OFF!” *turns away wiping eyes*

Alien: *hurried from the room to scared to be annoyed*

human: *sneezes*

Alien: *turns around to find human’s face leaking again, exasperated* “What NOW? Why can you possibly be upset, happy, or angry NOW?”

Human: *looking confused* “I’m not any of those, my allergies are just really bad right now.”

Alien: *Sputtering in exasperation*

*out on a mission, the planet is freezing cold*

Alien: *looks at human*

Human *dribbling from the eyes and nose. this Cannot be laughter or allergies, they have to be upset*

Alien: “What’s wrong human?”

Human: *wipes nose* “Nothing, just cold.”

Alien: “You’re ****ing kidding me.”

*Human yawns. wipes eyes*

Alien “What now! What now. How can you possibly be doing this now. Are you hungry, horny or frustrated WHAT! WHAT IS THIS RIDDLE!”

*human: holds up hands wiping eyes* “nothing just tired is all”

Alien *screams in frustration*

Alien: *glares at human as human wipes their eyes*

Human: *Sees the look* “Sorry, eyes are burning. don’t know why”

Alien: *stands up* “Don’t know why. Don’t know why. Of course you don’t know why” *storms out. Opens human behavior log. scribbles our years of dedicated note taking. Writes In big bold letters*

WE KNOW NOTHING

[anachronic-cobra]

Alien: how did you humans survive long enough to form a functioning society? You have no claws, sorely lacking physical strength as a species, no physical defenses…

Human: we just walked quickly after things that were faster than us until they died or got too tired to run away anymore and accepted death.

Alien: what the he-

Human: Yeah, badass, right? There’s a reason we’re top dog on Earth.

Human: *trips over own feet, gets foot caught in a bucket, yanks ladder down onto self trying to stay upright, falls in a pile of limbs and pain*

Alien: …are you sure

[alphatrekkie]

imagine instead of a peaceful and graceful first contact, aliens are pissed at us and the first contact is just them complaining how hard it is to study us.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO STUDY YOU PEOPLE!?!?! OURS BIOLOGISTS HASENT HAS SLEEP IN WEEKS TRYING TO STUDY THE ECOSYSTEM YOU KEEP CHANGING! one generation its on the verge of collapse, with clear intentions of killing it. then the next generation you are hell bent to repair it! dont get me started on how much of a headache it was that you kept reviving extinct species you killed! we look like total idiots having to go back and change reports to the empire! not to mention are engineer also wants a word with the person who keeps changing tech so that they have to start almost from scratch studying it! like you went from not knowing anything about space to ‘oh we know the composition of near by exoplanets, how they formed, and how the universe was created’ and ‘we should colonize and terraform this planet.’ WITH IN FOUR GENERATIONS! YOU EVEN LANDED ON YOUR *(&(*^(^*&^& (translation unknown…likely to be a swear worse then any word we have) MOON WITH IN TWO DECADES OF DISCOVERING THE TECH TO GO INTO SPACE! oh and our scientists studying human culture wants kill you all herself  because you keep changing culture almost on a daily bases!!! and not to mention you somehow DOUBLED YOUR LIFESPANDS SOME HOW. AND OUR GEOLOGIST IS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE YOUR PLANET DIDNT EVEN HAVE OXYGEN ORIGINALLY AND A FREAKEN CORAL MADE ALL OF IT, FROM WHICH OTHER LIFE FORMS ADAPTED TO THE OXYGEN! oh and dont even get me started on your ‘internet’!”

this would then launch a new golden age of human progressiveness and technological advancements greater then anyone has ever dreamed for one goal, and one goal only. to troll the aliens as much as humanly possible. 

it will be the galaxy’s greatest prank.

[thefreegladelancer]

Humans in Space are surprisingly safe

When Aliens first got access to human ships the thing that surprised them most was the sheer number of safety systems on board. Surely a species as tough as humans would not need to be protected from anything? But everywhere they checked they found multiple failsafes, safety protocols, and safety nets protecting everything from the weapons system to the coffee machine. Some of these systems were so specific they wondered why or how the humans had come up with them and why they spent the effort fitting them to their ships. Their questions were answered when humans first started working on an alien ship. Within the first month the human crew members had: Burned themselves Stabbed themselves “Strategically amputated” an arm (then reattached it without much fuss) Spaced themselves on more than one occasion Been electrocuted by the food despenser Exploded four computer terminals And secretly grown a cat in one of the science labs After that the Aliens sent a request to the human council for a copy of their safety protocols And also learnt the meaning of the term “idiot proofing”

[injuries-in-dust]

Give a bored human a screwdriver and you’ll find a pile of scrap where your ship used to be, with a proud looking human sitting nearby. 

[disappointingcake]

Humans are unstoppable...Until they aren’t.

I’m not the most eloquent writer, but I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while and figured I’d put it out into the universe.

A lot of the basis for the “humans are space orcs” stuff is the idea that we’re pretty durable compared to many species, yeah? When it comes to physical trauma, we can bounce back from most things that don’t kill us outright, especially given the benefit of hypothetical space-age technology, and adrenaline is one heck of a drug when it comes to functioning under stress. 

But that doesn’t make us unkillable, and even though we can survive debilitating injuries and not die from shock, it doesn’t mean it’s fun. Dying of shock sucks, but at least it’s probably quick.

So - Imagine a ship, adrift in space, slowly being drawn into a star or something. In order to save the ship, someone has to repair the hyper-quantum-relay-majig on the hull or in the engine or whatever. Bit of a problem though- there’s a ton of deadly, deadly radiation (Wrath of Khan style) or poisonous fumes or, I dunno, electrical current, between the crew and the repair. Like, enough to kill most species instantly, so the crew is just like, ‘welp, guess we’ll die then’. But then.

BUT THEN

They ask the human. Because everyone’s heard the stories - you’re basically unkillable, right? Could you survive long enough in there to fix it? And their human goes real quiet for a second, but still says ‘Yeah, I could fix it’. And the rest of the crew is like, ‘Whaaaaaa, it won’t kill you?’ and the human repeats “I can fix it” (which isn’t an answer, but no one catches that, not yet at least), so they send ‘em in. And the human fixes it, they come back, the ship flies to safety, and the crew is thrilled to survive. If the human is a little quiet, well, they’re entitled after pulling off a miracle. Everyone else is just excited to get to the nearest station’s bar to tell their very own human story, cuz, ‘those crazy humans, amiright?’.

The good mood keeps up until the human is late for their next shift. At first it’s just faint unease, but- but they earned a bit of a lie-in, right? No reason to begrudge them some extra rest, even if it is a little weird for them to oversleep. They’ll be fine. Humans are always fine. 

(Right?)

(…Wrong.)

- What is… help. Help!-

- ake up! You have t-

- been days. You need sleep, you-

- nother transfusion. We could-

- out of sedatives!-

A week later, the crew finally reaches the station. They stumble into the bar, haggard and haunted. And over the next months and years a new rumor about humans starts to make its way through space. A rumor unlike any before.

‘Be careful with your humans’ it whispers. ‘Their strength is not always a blessing. Be sure they don’t do something they can’t come back from, because when a human dies… they die slowly.’

[imnotspeakingtoyou]

Ginger

The highlight of the long days at Shell Cottage is her nightly walk with Ron along the coastline. She doesn’t need to hold his arm, not anymore, but he always offers it anyway and she always takes it.

The other tradition, as unspoken as the first, is that their conversations are light and casual, and about anything but the seemingly impossible mission at hand.

Tonight they stroll in silence, contemplating Lupin’s news.

“A baby,” Ron says finally, his voice full of wonder. “Do you ever think about having kids?”

“Not lately,” she says ruefully, before realizing that is veering dangerously close to their invisible line. “But I used to, yes.”

“Me too,” Ron says. “I don’t think I want a lot of kids like my folks had. Growing up in the Burrow was fun but it was a bit of a zoo at times. So maybe just like… four.”

“Four?!” Hermione says, laughing. He gives her a puzzled look. “Some people would argue that four is a lot, Ron.”

“Why, what are you thinking?” Ron says.

“Maybe one?”

“One?” It’s Ron’s turn to be the incredulous echo. “That’s not even enough to play a game of Quidditch!”

“You certainly have odd criteria for making important life decisions.”

“But it’s ridiculous!” he says. “How am I going to continue my family’s plot of ginger world domination if I only have one kid?”

She laughs again. “Well I hate to rain on your planned ascendancy, but red hair is a recessive trait so there’s no guarantee that the children would even have red hair to begin with. But now one of my grandfathers had red hair so - ”

She tails off as it dawns on her that they aren’t talking about his kids or her kids, they are talking about their kids. The ones they would have together.

Given the relaxed, non-flushed appearance of his face, this fact hasn’t dawned on Ron yet.

Unless maybe it has.

“- so I might carry the genome,” she finishes carefully.

“Aha!” Ron says, looking pleased. “Ginger domination. But anyway, don’t let it trouble you. I wouldn’t mind a brown-haired child, as long as they are ginger in spirit.”

She tucks her hand a little tighter into his elbow, feeling lighter than she has in weeks. After everything they’ve faced, before everything horrible that’s still to come, Ron can still think about the future and a red-headed Quidditch team all his own.

And apparently, so can she.

[sobforsirius]

the well known Harry Potter cycle

Step 1: thinking Snape is a bad guy

Step 2: thinking Snape is a good guy

Step 3: realising as you mature as a person that Snape was actually a terrible person after all and was an abusive bully who didn’t grown out of this stage even into his late 30s and an obsessive person who thought he was entitled to Lily just because she showed him friendship and no matter how many bias memories of his you are shown you will never see him in any different way 

unfortunately some people are still stuck in stage 2

[madamairlock]

Step 4: Realizing Dumbledore was manipulative and abusive as well and not the infallible person everyone believed him to be.

[ellisonavenue]

Step 5: Discovering that the only person as golden as their reputation portrayed and knew what the fuck was going on was Minerva McGonagall and she was amazing.

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

Step 6: Wondering why the fuck anyone listened to the old man obsessed with woolen socks, candy and an 11 year old boys?

[excepttheeyes]

‘You ran away from home?’ ‘When I was about sixteen,’ said Sirius. ‘I’d had enough.’ ‘Where did you go?’ said Harry, staring at him. ‘Your dad’s place,’ said Sirius. ‘Your grandparents were really good about it; they sort of adopted me as a second son.’

(and I know this set will probably be confusing to some people since a lot of people like Kristin Scott Thomas as Walburga but she’s always been Mrs. Potter to me)

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

This is EVERYTHING! I wish JKR would give us the maruaders story.

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

Hogwarts requirements:

• Magic abilities • Wand • Books & Quills • Black Robes • Extra Weird First or Last Name. ( Hermione, Weasley, Malfoy, Longbottom Etc.)

[sparkleyfairypoop-blog]

• Mental stability for numerous near death experiences

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

• Love of three headed dogs

[mangoapplepie]

But what if Remus did raise Harry?

What if, after Peter was confirmed as Secret Keeper, James knew that if they were betrayed, they’d be betrayed by Peter (which obviously wasn’t going to happen, but just in case it did), so he arranged that Sirius and/or Remus would get custody of Harry, so long as they weren’t the spy?

And since he used binding magic, when all the shit went down Dumbledore realized that Remus would be the best option for Harry and he convinces Remus that he has to be in charge of Harry, now. Hogwarts will take Harry, and the Shack will take Remus, at every full moon of them, but otherwise, it’s to be the two of them?

Remus having access to the Potters’ bank accounts. He would never take any for himself, but Harry needs a home and food, and so they get by. They don’t live well, but they live good enough (better than Harry would’ve at his aunts, especially) and because Remus doesn’t feel bad about spending money on Harry (obviously, James would have spoiled his son), Harry grows up with all the toys and games he could ever want. 

It’s as happy a childhood as could be expected, under the circumstances. Harry gets a dad who loves him, with all his heart, but he also grows up knowing about his own world, and his real parents, and magic, and his role in everything. 

When Harry turns 11, he’s going to miss Remus terribly and cries on August 31st. Remus tries to stay strong, but it’s hard. He manages by telling Harry to convince the hat he must go to Gryffindor, but of course, if he ends up somewhere else, he’ll still be loved, regardless. (No green and silver in the house, though, it would just clash.) And perhaps Harry could visit him in the hospital wing after full moons, so long as he doesn’t tell his friends what he’s up to. Harry loves the idea; he’s terrible at it, though, and by October, Ron knows Remus’s secret and comes to visit, too. 

Third year, Harry’s ecstatic when Remus comes to teach. Finally will he get to learn defense, and obviously, Remus will be the best teacher ever. Remus had been weird for the last couple weeks of the summer though, and wouldn’t tell Harry why. A few weeks in, he realizes that Sirius was the other best friend of his dad and his real dad, and he gets it. Harry, with Ron, spend all year trying to figure out a way that Sirius might not be guilty, because how could he just turn on Remus like that? And Harry’s parents? It makes no sense. 

When Fred and George give Harry the Marauders’ Map, he immediately shows it to Remus. “Look how cool this is! I can’t wait to use it to sneak around!” Remus lights up and tells Harry to use it well, otherwise, the owners would not be very happy. He’s very evasive when Harry then asks if he knew the owners, making Harry suspicious. 

After about a month, Remus can’t take it - he asks to borrow the map and of course, Harry gives it to him. He sees Peter’s name and can’t believe it, the map can’t be wrong, the map is never wrong, and all of a sudden - it clicks. Everything, the truth, finally falls into place. After DADA the next day, he asks Harry and Ron to stay after. Ron’s a little confused when Remus asks to see his rat, but Harry tells him to pass Scabbers over, so he does. Before the boys know it, Scabbers has disappeared and a naked, disheveled man appears in his place. Before they know it, Remus has muttered Petrificus Totalus, and the man freezes in place. Remus asks Harry and Ron to run and go find Dumbledore, and bring him right back. They do, and the truth finally comes to light. Sirius didn’t kill Harry’s parents; it was Pettigrew all along. Dumbledore announces this to the Wizarding World and forces a reluctant Fudge to pardon Sirius Black. 

Remus writes to Sirius, apologizing for believing him guilty all this time, and perhaps Sirius would like to come out of hiding and meet him in his staff apartment at Hogwarts? Sirius shows up three nights later, looking worse than Remus has ever seen him - straggly, shrunken, dirty. But his smile when he catches sight of Remus, well, that’s all that matters. Remus forces Sirius to have a proper shower, so he does, and they stay up all night talking, reminiscing. Sirius does not talk about his last twelve years, but he learns all about Harry and how wonderful he is, how proud James and Lily would be. 

The next morning, at breakfast, Remus is missing, so Harry goes to check on him, make sure he’s okay. Remus is showering, though, when he arrives, and even though he shouldn’t, Sirius is too curious not to answer the door. So he does, and falls into a bit of shock when he meets Harry, but Harry figures out who he is, and smiles and introduces himself, and he looks just like his dad and Sirius doesn’t know how to react, but he lets Harry in, and they start talking. 

When Remus gets out of the shower, fifteen minutes later, he notices Harry sprawled out on the couch the way he likes to, and Sirius sitting in a chair next to him, both of them deep in conversation, looking so very happy. ‘This could be my life now,” he thinks, and grins, before going to join them. 

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

Harry accepts the handshake (AU)

What if Harry had accepted the handshake from Draco and they had made friends, but Harry still got sorted into Gryffindor and stood friends with Draco.

What if Draco, Harry, Hermione and Ron were all friends and Draco grew up wanting to be on the good side!

What if when Sirius returns he takes Draco under his wing, understanding what it’s like to not be the Pureblood your family wanted!

What if after fifth year when Sirius dies, Draco runs away from home and is accepted by Mr. And Mrs. Weasley until he finishes school.

While living there he becomes very close with all of the ginger family and even attends Bill’s wedding.

Dumbledore is never killed, Fred never dies, Remus and Tonks all live because Draco returns home in sixth year as a double agent and tells them everything he can find- which means Harry can start finding Horcruxes sooner and Voldemort is mortal way before anyone dies in the battle.

And in the ends Draco ends up with Hermione, While Ron Marries Luna and Harry Marries Ginny, all living happily ever after with little to no loss….

[harrypjily-deactivated20140506]

REASONS TO HAVE A MARAUDER-ERA TV SHOW

jily

marauder friendship

pranks

jiLY

hot sirius

WHAT HAPPENED WITH SNAPE

more jily

let’s deal with this marlene and dorcas and alice and frank shit shall we

magic and love and ugh everything

most depressing season finale of all time

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

At the hospital

Lily: We'll name him Lumere.

James: But why?

Lily: it's from my favorite childhood story! Beauty and the beast. It means light.

James: let's just name him Lumos then?

Lily: James that's not the same!

James: I want to name him Sirius.

Sirius: you can't that's my name! Let's just call him Harry.

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

5th year

[gryffindor-tower-2015]

Remus: Please stop, Padfoot.

James: Yes, I agree.

Sirius: Prongs, you have to admit Belinda has the nicest arse in fifth year.

Peter: I agree with you, Pads.

Remus: *Rolls eyes* I wonder why you're all failing this class.

James: Look, the only arse I have eyes for is Evans'.

Sirius: It's flat.

James: *Hits Sirius in the head* It's perfect and don't you look at it again!

Remus: Sometimes... Just sometime I wonder what would like be like if it were just Peter and I.

Peter: That's sweet of you, Moony!

Sirius: Well, the two of you would be rather chubby and sad.

James: Don't forget lonely.

Sirius: Chubby, lonely and sad...

Remus: I said wondered, not wished.

Peter: Why am I friends with any of you?

Sirius: Cheer up, Wormtail! We love you mate, foul smells and all.

Peter:

James: Lily looks so beautiful today.

Sirius: She's okay, if you're into that whole smart and controlling thing.

Remus: *Snorts*