The days between Christmas and New Years
when you don't know the date or how to greet people, and the sun sets at 2 pm
art blog(derogatory)

Andulka
YOU ARE THE REASON
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
will byers stan first human second
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â
d e v o n
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
$LAYYYTER
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shark vs the universe
we're not kids anymore.
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@fanomom
The days between Christmas and New Years
when you don't know the date or how to greet people, and the sun sets at 2 pm
i can't even focus on my daydreams
There is a photo of us
On the official social media for work.
It is a good photo
You are laughing
I'm smiling
And it is totally safe - we are not into each others space at all
I'm admire it many times a day
I'm as antsy as a teenager
Can't focus on any of my usual timekillers
Take what you need and pass it on
Strong hug
Soft blanket
Warm drink
Soft lights
Hot bath
Buried in bed
Friend hangout
Snow day
Sunny day
A touch on my hand
many years ago
Is still on my mind
I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.
So here's the thing:
I see a lot of neurodivergent people talk about small talk as this baffling and meaningless waste of time that neurotypicals do for some unknown reason, and as an autistic person in an industry that is extremely based on building relationships and engaging with others, I've actually found a few really key important pieces to small talk.
1. Small talk can make interactions feel less mercenary or transactional. Having even brief exchanges about something beyond the reason that you're interacting can make it feel less like the only goal of the interaction. Especially for relationships that are not fully transactional (e.g., coworkers), this can help build a relationship with them.
2. Small talk can be a way to find commonalities and help bridge cultural or power divides. Recently I was on a call with a couple of Indian colleagues, and while we were waiting for everyone else to join I asked them where they lived in India. They didn't expect that I had heard of it, but I knew it because my dad had traveled there for work every couple months for a year or so, so we could chat about it briefly. Even for a couple of minutes, we were able to connect on this unexpected commonality. If I hadn't had that connection, I would have been able to learn about somewhere, helping narrow the privilege gap of them being expected to know more about where I live than I am about where they live.
3. Small talk can show knowledge about a person, which both builds connections and indicates that you see their life as important enough to remember about. The stereotypical "How's the wife?/How are the kids?" shows that you know the person has a wife/kids and have enough interest in their life to even ask.
4. Small talk can ease tension and reduce pressure from others, especially in a professional setting if more junior members are expected to speak. Especially for junior staff members, it can be difficult to be the first person to talk and break the silence, so engaging in small talk beforehand allows for a lower-pressure transition from silence to whatever the presentation is about.
5. Small talk provides a low-risk way to identify commonalities. While conversations about religion, politics, etc. may lead to tension or discomfort, even if they bring out commonalities, small talk is specifically structured to minimize tension while still providing the opportunity to learn more about each other. A conversation about the weather can reveal that you both like hiking when it's nice out; a conversation about the weekend can reveal that you both have family in the same state.
Small talk in many cases is signaling, a way to indicate certain things to people. It's a more indirect version of it than many autistic people like, but it is one.
But, you cry, I don't know how to do small talk!
Small talk actually has some pretty clear guidelines, even if they are often unspoken.
You are generally always safe starting with a question.
Weather, traffic/travel, and non-political events are generally a safe bet, because those are commonalities even if you are in different locations. "It was so nice out here this weekend. What's the weather like near you?" "I got stuck in that big traffic mess on my way here. Did you get caught in that?"
If you have some knowledge about that person, use that to inform further questions. I knew my coworkers lived in India, so I asked where in India. If I had just known that they didn't live in the same country as me, I could have asked where they lived.
Let them offer information about their family before you ask about it. Family can be complicated, and if you wait for them to offer that will indicate what sort of information they are comfortable sharing. You can then mirror their language (e.g., if they mention a wife then you can ask how their wife is doing, if they mention a partner then you can ask how the partner is doing). If "how are they doing" feels too personal, language like "what are they up to these days?" can be a bit more neutral and feel less invasive. If you're really not sure, feel free to avoid questions about family altogether.
When asking about where someone is from, don't ask "where are you from originally?" unless you know for a fact that they are not from where you are. Instead, you can ask things like, "Did you grow up around here?" which is a more neutral phrasing. This is especially common for the area where I live where a huge percentage of people are transplants (including me) and so people who actually grew up in the area are a bit of a rarity.
Politics, religion, and money are generally not good starting points for small talk
Weather, traffic/commutes, non-political events, and weekends/time off are generally safe bets
Help!
I have a crush.
It is reciprocal.
I've known for 10 years.
I'm 40+.
I have a family that is too good to break up.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Thatâs actually incredibly sad.
The solution here is to remind them to look at different sources. If one source claims X, but every other source claims Y, that says a lot. Of course, it is still possible that X is true and all sources claiming Y are wrong. But 1) it's not very likely and 2) in such cases, one must look at motive and context;
Do the sources claiming Y have a vested interest in doing so?
Are they working on outdate information, while source claiming Y is basing its claim on more recent research?
etc
Another thing here is the importance of tech ltieracy, and teaching children the difference between a web browser (Chrome, Edge, Firefox, etc), a search engine (Google search, DuckDuckGo, etc), and LLMs such as ChatGPT. Children HAVE to be taught that an LLM cannot tell them fact. It is essentially a text predictor, like the thing in your phone that guesses what your next word is gonna, but with a bigger database and more computing power - which do not give it the ability to distinguish fact and invention.
I had the exact same type of conversation as OP. with a grown-ass adult. who works at an organisation that makes billions of dollars. who was doing research for said organisation. using their internal version of chatGPT.
ChatGPT is a very cool computer program but everyone implicitly or explicitly selling it as a search engine, personal assistant, or in any other capacity a source of knowledge about the world should probably be executed.
Hey, don't cry. Five thousand fanfic daydream scenarios inside your head about the super-obscure fictional character you've latched onto like an orphaned duckling, okay?
Anyone having the feeling that
if you were a fictional character, a huge fandom should have shipped you with someone else than your partner and co-parent?
I'm going on 10 years with this feeling, with the same fan-pairing going strong
I'm back
at an old place of work. I know it was stressful, and a lot of issues there, but now it feels like I'm among old friends but in a new role.
I feel like a funny and appreciated colleague, I find my words for witty banter and it I'm just so much more at ease at work than I have been the last years.
Just wanted to share a bit of happiness with you.
Take care of yourself - if you work is making you sick - find another place of work
I have a job interview day after tomorrow
and my current employer doesn't know that I have something lined up. However, they know that I'm not happy.
Idk if im excited or nervous
right now..
it feels like i would like to ban all screens and all sugar forever for one of my kids. It sucks.
the fact that they had to say this is so funny
like do white supremacists just see that the band is swedish and assume theyâre also shitheads. did they just hear the phrase âshipment of slavesâ out of context in a sea shanty and assume ybp are vehement antiblack racists did they hear the line âwhich pa brought from the orientâ forgetting that jens âwanchouzhongâ choong was credited on that album. did they hear these are their lyricsâŚ
Every time I read or watch Lord of the Rings I canât help but think about how Tolkien had survived one of the bloodiest, most cruel, most dirtiest and darkest wars in human history, came back and wrote this:
âThe world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.â
And this:
"'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.
'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'"
And this:
"I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend."
And this:
âMany that live deserve death and some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be so eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the wise cannot see all ends."
And this:
âTrue courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.â
And clearly they were all written partly because he survived the war, because of what heâd seen and done and learned. But at the same time the unwillingness to lose faith, the courage and strength that this man had to believe in these things after going through hell! It makes the nihilists look so cheap, so uninteresting! People whoâve went through concentration camps and wars believe in humanity anyway, isnât that proof that hope and love exist? And many, many, many of them did not return or returned broken and cruel and traumatised to the point when no faith in others was possible for them, and nobody can blame them. But there were many who refused to lose faith and hope. They have seen some the worst that life has to offer and came back believing that we shouldnât be eager to deal out death and judgement and should love only that which the sword defends.
No matter how many people say that humanity is horrible and undeserving of love, and life is dark and worthless, and love doesnât exist I remember this and have hope anyway. Because there were people who have actually had all reason to believe in the worst and still believed in the good, so the good must be real. The good is real, even despite the evil, and we must trust in it.
I appreciate everyone who is still creating content for the Tolkien community and everyone that reblogs it to keep this community alive