parents will throw a fucking tantrum about how you have to respect their views while having disrespected you your entire life for no reason other than believing they had the right to control you
My woke take, as someone who has worked in both a public library and a school library, is that we desperately need both more books that are at a higher reading level but a less mature subject matter, and more books that are at a lower reading level but a more mature subject matter, because 8 year olds who are advanced readers are still 8 year olds and don't want to read about graphic violence and torture, and teens and adults who have learning difficulties or who are just later readers for whatever reason are still teens and adults and don't want to read about Billy the Bunny going to school or whatever the hell.
Shoutout to people in the notes also mentioning people learning the language, I should've mentioned that really, given that I've been stuck reading German picture books myself while learning German.
The boi + the fit - I have been itching to draw Ed in this since I saw ittt. I did end up simplifying some of the bling for the purposes of my own sanity
Iâve got a mustang fantasy fit Iâm working on next so stay tuned
signs at stores? ĂŠmail? menu ?? instruction ? post online ? caption with andswer to question ? group hand outs ??? street sign ??? no. The Written Word Is The Enemy
#The number of compliments i have gotten for reading a thing
The ability to occasionally Read A Thing will make you a hero in your workplace, especially if it is for example an error message that tells you what you need to do differently, or instructions on unjamming a printer.
I work in tech, and much of what I do is support sales reps within the company by resolving errors with the software they use.
There is one sales rep who, every single time I send her a message or email with extremely specific instructions that will resolve her issue, does something completely different from what I tell her. Every time. Without fail. It is so glaringly obvious that she has never read even a single word that I have written to her.
So one day, she sends me a message that says little more than "(software) is broken, help"
So I do my standard song and dance of asking her what she's trying to accomplish, and what specifically is stopping her from doing that. And eventually, after much unnecessary back and forth, she tells me there's an error message. I ask her to send me a screenshot of the error message. She does.
The error message basically says, "these two required fields are blank. To resolve this, please fill in these two specific fields, and then click save."
So I take a few deep breaths.
Then I lie to her.
I message her back, saying "hey yeah, for some reason it's not loading that screenshot on my end. Could you type out the full text of the error message for me?"
Client is reporting that Some Thing Program doesn't work. I ask if there's an error message with further information about what's not working. Client says "no". I go over and ask Client to open Some Thing. Client double-clicks on the icon for Some Thing, it starts to boot, an error message dialog flashes up on screen, Client closes error message before I can read it, Thing closes after the error.
"What did that error message say?" I ask.
"What error message?" asks Client.
I tell Client to open the Some Thing again and then not click anything else. Client opens Some Thing, error message appears, Client clicks it away again.
I tell Client to stand up, step away, and give me physical control of the computer. I open Some Thing, start looking at the error message without closing it, and Client says "You should close that." I tell Client that I am reading the error message. Client is apparently accustomed to treating error messages as a kind of spam email that should be deleted as fast as possible, and gets agitated that I'm reading it.
I read the error message. It tells me what the problem is. I fix the problem. Some Thing works now.
---
Later, I start thinking about how such an error message might perhaps be engineered to be more attention-grabbing and close-resistant as a way of making people read it. It's not important for some random program here, but there are more important systems (medical, etc) where it would be reasonable to demand the user's attention because people's lives depend on paying attention to the error message.
But then people with a perverted intellect would still be thinking about ways to avoid reading the message, like dragging it off edge of screen or hiding it behind another window. So maybe the dialog box could have an always-in-front feature to override other windows, and the alert could use the computer's hardware "beep" functionality that can't be switched off by muting the regular sound system, and keep beeping... shit, I realize I'm reinventing pain, and get philosophical about it.
She was a computer programmer / analyst, a... Long Time Ago. Called in for a system she'd installed before, the office folk said they kept having problems where it Didn't Work Right (no error, a malfunction)
She investigated, and told them that could only happen if they did 3 specific things in a specific order, which they should not ever do.
So, she asked, did they ever do that?
No! Of course not, was the answer.
So she made a couple of small changes, packed up and said that should be fine, but they should call her if there were problems.
The next week
She had a call saying "We're getting a strange error message on the system, can you help?"
Is it a big deal if a radio announcer/TV host/guest thereof says swear words?
American continents (not US) - Yes, it will/may get bleeped/cut out
American continents (not US) - No, they may apologise but it won't be bleeped/cu
Europe - Yes, it will/may get bleeped/cut out
Europe - No, they may apologise but it won't be bleeped/cut
Afria - Yes, it will/may get bleeped/cut out
Africa - No, they may apologise but it won't be bleeped/cut
Asia - Yes, it will/may get bleeped/cut out
Asia - No, they may apologise but it won't be bleeped/cut
Oceania - Yes, it will/may get bleeped/cut out
Oceania - No, they may apologise but it won't be bleeped/cut
Not applicable in my language.
I'm in the US where swear words will be bleeped/cut
Remaining time: 3 days 5 hours
Sorry there's not much room for nuance, I wanted to divide this by continent so that limited the options. Please feel free to expand on your response in the tags!
this is NOT about not being productive, i cannot believe how many people in the notes are telling me that pursuing hobbies isn't a waste of time i KNOW that. what i mean by "complete and utter inaction" is doing nothing. not only am i not being productive or pursuing any goals, i'm also not doing any of the myriad things i know would bring me joy. i'm not doing hobbies, i'm not hanging out with friends, i'm just sitting around rotting away for no discernible reason
Loop 2.0: Ham and Cheese on Rye, Tomatoes, Onions, Extra Pickles, Hold the Mustard
Index: (Chapter 1) / (Chapter 2) / (Chapter 3)
Archive of our Own: (Chapter Link)
Note: This is definitely the time loop that's gonna fix everything. I can feel it in my bone.
---
âWe are in a time loop,â Purple said. âYou and I are in a time loop. There are alien imposters on the ship. Theyâve taken over two of the crew. They are going to kill everyone.â Purpleâs grip tightened, fingers digging into Redâs stiff shoulder. âAnd I cannot tell you which two crewmates are the imposters, because I think they change, every time.â
There was a long and horribly sticky moment of silence and nothing, which was a great pocket of prison-bar space for Purpleâs brain to rattle and gnaw in, like a caged catmate teased by the wayward hoppings of a clueless free sparrow. And that sparrow was Red right now, with their blank expression, and their single-footed side-step of Purpleâs spilling punch puddle, and their gaze drifting to Purpleâs hand clenched to their shoulder.
Red took a sip from their own punch cup.
âWoahâŚâ Red said.
âI sound insane, I know. I know,â Purple continued, and their desperation was ill-becoming of a previous debate-club captain. âBut Red, if I have ever been serious about anything in my life, I am serious about this. I will do whatever it takes to proveââ
âA time loop?â
âYes! A time loop. Something is trapping us inâ"
âWhat is my time loop code phrase?â
Purple caught their own half-spilled words in all the ways they did not catch their spilled punch drink. It felt like barely not tripping down the stairs. Red took another sip of punch.
âYour what.â
âMy time loop code phrase,â Red asserted. âI have a code phrase which I have never told anyone. In the event some mate comes up to me claiming to be in a time loop that I do not remember, I give them the code phrase. Then, on the next time loop, they tell me the code phrase, which would be impossible for them to know without the prior time loop interaction, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt we are, in fact, in a time loop.â
âYou had that ready to go?â
âDo you have any idea how boring it is to pilot the ship all day?â And when Purple did not answer, Red rerailed the conversation. âWhat is⌠my time loop code phrase?â
âI donât have it,â Purple answered with the tone of swatting away a pesky gnat. âThis is my first time telling you about the time loop.â
âHmm. I guess there does need to be an initiating loop,â Red said, index finger resting contemplatively on their chin.
âSo do youââ
âHam and cheese on rye, tomatoes, onions, extra pickles, hold the mustard,â Red declared. Andâin the interest of fairnessâit was now Purpleâs turn to stare in the silence of a missed beat of conversation.
âIs thatââ
âI love mustard. I would never pass up the opportunity for mustard on a sandwich. The only reason I would utter that phrase is as the time loop code.â
Purpleâs heart rate was ticking back down into something resembling normalcyânot because the danger had passed, but because the situation was stupid now, and stupidity was exhausting.
âNow,â Red continued, âwhen you find me next loop, you can tell me the codeââ
âIâm not trying to find you next loop, Red!â Purple cut in. âIâm trying to not die this loop. Iâm serious. Weâre in a lot of danger.â
Red was still half-looking at Purpleâs hand on their shoulder. Self-consciously, Purple released their grip.
âAliens?â
âYes. Two of them. On the ship, right now, disguised as two of our crewmates, and they will kill all of us if we donât kill them first.â
âHuh. Uh huh,â Red said, and then said nothing else.
âSo do you believe me?â Purple pressed.
âIf Iâm honest? It does not sound likely, Purps.â
Purple let out a frustrated swallowing of sound. They glanced across the pizza party, and everything Purpleâs visor drank in felt plasticâa mirage, not there, like it was acted and barricaded behind a screen. This was no different from a scene in a movie that had been rewound and rewatched twice because someone had sat on the remote.
Cyan noticed Purpleâs attention and waved. Purple did not wave back. And whether that refusal was because Cyan wasnât real or because Cyan had watched Purple bleed to death moments ago, Purple wasnât sure. But it did fill Purple with a feeling like walls closing in. Knives to the throat. Some two couldnât be trusted here, which meant no one should be trusted.
And that included Red.
âBut uh, hey Purps, if you wanna⌠maybe guard the crew a little extra hard in case of aliens, then I say have at it,â Red said with an enthusiastic swing of their hand, and a wandering of their gaze that suggested they were looking for an escape from the conversation.
Purple stared hard at Red, who could be an imposter and could be looking for an excuse to slip out and kill White and could just kill Purple next. Purple festered in their thoughts.
Red made an awkward side-shimmying step to leave.
Purple blocked them with a step in mirror.
Every imposter possibility aside, Purple was filled with one single certainty that felt like drowning: whatever bloodbath Purple was about to endure, they didnât want to do it alone again.
âThe first time we did this loop, Red, you actually figured out both imposters. You defeated them both. And you were really really cool doing it.â
Some absolutely electric something snapped behind Redâs blank faceâa silent, frozen, complete transformation that reminded Purple too uncomfortably of a sniper bullet passing whisper-quiet through back and front of skullâif bullets could make someone silently giddy. Too forcefully, Red jammed their punch cup out for Purple to take, which Purple did. Red straightened their party hat, possessed with a new purpose that marched them waywardly and directionlessly forward. âWho are the imposters? Where? Show me. I can do that again.â
ââthey came with me on the ship. Everyone loved them. White? WhiiiiiteâŚâ
Despite having just freed the captain from their grip, Purpleâs hand shot out once more. They grabbed Red on the sort of instinct that one would use to snatch the dogmate-leash close when curbside tires come squealing past.
âUh⌠Purps?â
âWhiteâs dead.â
âHuh?â
âOh, there they are.â
The cold shiver of the cafeteria door opening was an unscrubbable stain in Purpleâs memory. They hadnât realized how deeply imprinted the sequence was until it played itself forward, again, Purpleâs breath hitching like the stutter-click of old film.
Rewind.
Again.
White staggered in. And Purpleâs capacity for shock had been snuffed out under ashtray grime, a bitter carcinogenic choke to their lungs that quieted any horror. Instead Whiteâs teetering motions, their rasping gurgles, were objects of terminal pity. They were a half-dead intermediary of roadkill. They were a sorry sight that couldnât be helped and beseeched only the intervention of a kinder, quicker death.
Purple could do nothing about it. So they only held the captainâs shoulder firm and stared well past White into the hall. Because maybe there would be the shadow of a culprit outside, a trailing limb, a hint of color, an artifact of dropped party hat or clothing like a detective game might offer. But from Purpleâs limited vantage point, only the empty hollow halls of the Skeld framed Whiteâs entrance.
Whiteâs throat split like the unzippering of a bag of honey. The blood that leaked first was thick, and polite enough to contain itself to the collar of Whiteâs shirt, and mistakeable, still, for the kind of incident that had a solution. Purple felt an involuntary tug of Redâs shoulder, but Red was paying no attention to Purpleâs grip. They were wholly, inquisitively entranced in Whiteâs entrance. Purple ran a quick inventory of the party goers, gaze shooting one end of the cafeteria to the other, and frustratingly, irritatingly, everyone was accounted for.
Then Whiteâs head split. And in some ways it was worse this time, like waiting for the eruption of a balloon Purple knew was inflated past its puncture point. Purple could only flinch, in a way unnatural and incongruent from the rest of the screams that pealed from the living crewmates.
Red writhed under Purpleâs grip, a decision below base consciousness to break out into a screaming run. And while it was not an intentional abdication of the alliance Purple was trying to sew, it felt enough like one for Purple to yank them back, and flip them around, and plant both hands on Redâs shoulders, and lean in close enough to threaten the clinking of their visors.
âDo you believe me now?!â Purple asked.
âWell what happened?! Who did it?!â Red asked, gaze flitting around like a trapped fly.
âI told you we donât know. Itâs changed each time. It was Green and Orange first, then Cyan and Black.â
âI always kind of thought Cyan had it in them,â Red remarked.
âIt wasnât them though. At least. I think not?â Purple fumbled on their words. Cold and icy flashes of memory spun behind their visor, the hollow titter of Cyanâs laugh. It had spoken in third-person, hadnât it? And then the thing inside Black had called itâ  âAn infection, I think, is what itâs like. The alien imposter takes them over, and I donât⌠actually know what happens to the crewmates. Green and Orange and Black and Cyan might have all been dead when it happened.â
"So two of us are already dead?"
The thought stung hard enough for Purple to pull a fraction off of Red. "Maybe! I don't know.â Purple released Red for real this time. The scrambled horror of the cafeteria was beating down, overwhelming, hot and interrogating. Black was watching them, Purple noticed after a furtive glance over their shoulder. Purple dropped their voice. âBut WE need to focus on surviving. Call a meeting to get this under control, and then Iâll tell you everything I know."
And Purple felt the pressure of something just slightly off. Because despite doing things right this time, and handing Red the captainâs control of the meeting they desperately wanted, Red simply⌠did not. Red stared. Purple felt like biting off their own skin.
"...Just to check. How do I know it's not you?" Red asked.
Purple felt their heart rattle in their own chest, bruised and raw still from sitting at the meeting for Blueâs murder, with votes and knives stacked against them.
âHow do you know Iâm not the imposter?â Purple asked.
âYes.â
Purple faltered. "You... you can't know that. But it's NOT me. Why would I have come to you for helpâand told you everythingâif I was the imposter?!â
âBecause the least suspicious person is the most suspicious person. Common diversion tactic.â
Purple let out a frustrated noise. âWell the imposter might also be YOU. Youâre just as likely to be the killer as me, soâ"
"Not true. Youâre way more suspicious than me right now. You said someone was gonna die, and White walked in here dead, and that's kinda something a murderer would know."
Purple let out a frustrated noise. âI didnât kill White!â For the third time in too short a period, Purple grabbed Red again, at the collar now, hand balled and scrunched tight enough for Redâs button to scrape Purpleâs knuckle. âSo you can either believe me, or you can vote me out if you think it's me."
Purple felt Red go tense under their grip. Redâs gaze faltered. They looked around, elsewhere, uncomfortable, and maybe Purple was being far too optimistic in their reading of shame in the captainâs loosening posture.
More gently than Purple was expecting, Red peeled Purpleâs grip from their jacket.
"Don't give me orders, Purps. Everyone, non-emergency meeting!"
...
Somehow, despite the situational gravity that Purple was at no risk of forgetting, this part of Purpleâs plan felt like a childâs mission.
Purple moved with a lash of sneaking-around shame. Like stepping around construction barriers, like skipping class, like slipping back in a bedroom window before either parent could harangue Purple for being out late. These were all things Purple had not done in over a decade, and so it felt like wearing the ghost of their teenage self now, as Purple used the smokescreen of Redâs meeting to exit from the cafeteria, and snake a square-shape through the Skeld halls, and duck back into the kitchen via the back service-hall.
Redâs voice had petered out and now came back booming as Purple entered the back of the kitchen, which only artificially separated Purple from Redâs meeting by the wide bay opening between kitchen and cafeteria.
âOrange and I will be following Blue to medbay to fully assess the situation, but first there areâis it 37 pages?â â38 pages!â â38 pages of official MIRA guidance on workplace incident and injury protocol which I will be reading some or all of to you depending on what I feel like.â
Purple had half a mind to get lost in Redâs wordsâbecause they were different, and that intrigued Purpleâand because Red was alive, which pulled the strings of something deeper and wetter still squirming in Purpleâs chest. Purple shook off the urge. Red was cooperating, and providing a distraction for Purple right now, and distractions were a rare commodity on a ship where everyone was in everyone elseâs business.
So Purple focused on their own mission, which was to duck their head and shimmy their feet in a mockery of the worldâs least prepared heist star. This was because Purple needed to remain out of view, because it would be abundantly easy for anyone in the cafeteria to notice Purple rooting around in the kitchen if they so much as glanced over, and somehow Purple suspected that Redâs recitation of the MIRA handbook would not hold rapt attention.
But this was necessaryâall scuttling and ducking and shimmying includedâbecause Purple needed to see for themself if the salt stores were truly gone, and they needed to do it without any imposters taking notice. If Purple was so lucky, maybe the imposter salt sabotage last loop was a fluke, and the flakey salt would be sitting prim and proper and ready to be dumped into a half-baked holy water weapon. Though, it wasnât likely. Purple was never someone who could be called âso lucky.â
Purpleâs heart joined in the scuttling at the sight of a tin, chewing tobacco sized, laid out on an industrial metal table smeared with the dried clay of pizza dough flecks. Purple kept their head low, moving with a crab like shuffle to the table. They stuck their head up a bit like a dogmate begging at a mealâand once sure no one from the cafeteria was lookingâPurple grabbed the salt tin.
Purple dropped to a hunch. Undid the salt tin top. Let out a huff of horribly disappointed air.
Empty.
Purple resealed the tin and humored their own defeat with a few seconds of keeping their head pressed between their knees. They stuffed the empty salt tin in their backpack. They rose back into a hunch to scurry away before anyone could call them on the earned suspicion of sneaking around in the kitchen alone.
Purple reached the back door to the service hall and leaned a palm against it, though they paused at the glint that caught their attention from the corner of their visor. Purple turned, and they drank in the sight of the chefâs knife, recently cleaned, resting lovingly on a spread-out towel to dry. The sight of it was ice-water down Purpleâs bone. It was the same knife as Red had grabbed, last loop, useless against Black and useful only to be driven into Purpleâs abdomen.
Purple approached it. Purple traced the carving of its handle.
The knife was a liability, almost certainly. It was a weapon that could not hurt an imposter but could be turned on a crewmate.
But still, Purple's hands itched. Wandering around unarmed felt like a nakedness begging for an imposter tongue to carve through their unprotected organs. A knife felt like protection.
Purple reached down, snatched the knife by the hilt, and dropped it into their backpack alongside the salt.
...
Redâs arrival at the security doors was no surprise. It was, in fact, distinctly impossible to catch Purple by surprise as long as they kept their nose buried so close in the camera screens that they practically risked falling right into the monitored rooms. Purple waited, anyway, for Red to knock before remotely unlocking the security doors.
The doors shivered open, noise like an isolated surge of summer rain, and Purple shared in that momentary shiver as Red stepped inside.
âJust got out of medbay with Blue and Orange. White is, in fact, super dead.â
âAaaand there is a mysterious pink residue on Whiteâs body, and Blue wants to do scans of the whole crew to figure out where it came from, right?â
Red went fumblingly quiet in a way that suggested they were mentally unhitching one train of thought and rigging up a new one.
âYes, actually. How did you know?â
âI told you. Time-looper. Do you believe me now?â
The challenge soured Redâs expression. They tossed their attention to Purpleâs line of binoculars in protest of looking at Purple.
âOr you could have heard us through the medbay security camera, which is a very single-timeline-y thing you could have done.â
âHow could I have heard you without sound?â
âMaybe you read our lips.â
âWhat are you even talking abo--â Purple shook the thought off. âWhatever! Doesnât matter. You at least believe me that something is going on, right?â
Red stewed on this unhappily, in a way that their foot would have driven a divot into the floor if Croc rubber had any edge over metal flooring.
âIt might be that nothing is going on. I still think itâs possible Whiteâs body just did that.â Red fell silent, and then added reluctantly, âButâŚâ
âBut?â
âBut Blue saidâquoteââCrewmates donât just split mysteriously in twain.ââ
âRight, alien imposters split crewmates in twain, and other shapes.â Purpleâs attention pivoted back to the screens. They flashed through each camera. âThe imposters have no bone, and they also explode in space, so a crew-wide vote is the best way to get rid of them. Blueâs scan will tell us what we need to know.â Then, attention to the medbay camera, like a curse under their breath, Purple added, âAs long as Blues stays alive long enough.â
âWhat?â
âNothing.â
Purple spun in place to Red, one hand extended. âLet me see your captainâs handbook.â
Red went visibly stiff. âMy what?â
âYour captainâs handbook.â
âI have no idea what youâre talking about. I would never have a need to consult--â
âYou have a handbook, and you consult it constantly. Give it to me.â
âMaybe youâre thinking of other MIRA captains. But me, personally--â
âYou canât lie to me, Red. I know about the handbook. Time-looper, remember?â
Red bristled. âOh sorry, I guess I forgot you just know everything ever! Guess you can just solve this whole thing on your own, canât you? Why bother consulting me?â
âRed--â
âTell me this then, little Mx. Time-looper-knows-everything. What color is my underwear?â
âPink thong.â
Red went silent in a way that made other silences jealous.
âWait...â
Purple let out a noise of frustration, and moved off their chair to step forward and slip one hand into Redâs unzippered backpack, which earned a yowl from Red, and an attempted swatting away of Purpleâs hand like a catmate being prodded on its stomach. Purple had already snatched the book clean from Redâs backpack.
âHey!â Red protested, as Purple took aggressively to flipping through the first few-dozen pages.
âGive me that back,â Red tried again.
And then, like a correction to a game of Simon says, Red clarified, âAs captain, I order you to give me that back.â
Purple kept flipping.
âI just need to see something,â Purple said.
âItâs not your book.â
âI know itâs not.â
âItâs not my book either, actually, because I would neverââ
âI donât care that you have it, Red. Itâs fine. I know all this, already. We got over the book thing already.â
Red made a noise of half-swallowed disgust. âYou donât know everything.â
âI donât. I just know what I know from the previous time loops.â
âTime loopsâŚâ Red said with disdain. And after several long moments of flipping pages and Redâs festering silence, Red cut in, âYou could have figured out the underwear thing from the cameras.â
âThe black-and-white cameras? I figured out your stupid pink underwear from that?â
âCould have been a good color guess!â
âI donât use the cameras like that, Red. I use them to do my job! Which Iâm trying to DO right now, before we all die, so can you FOCUS?!â
âOh, Iâm sorry,â Red bit back, arms folded. âI guess Iâll just be more focused while youâre out here knowing weirdly invasive things about me AND going through my backpack AND taking my handbook AND making me go along with the fact that youâre aâtime-looperâwhich Iâm being a REALLY great sport about, might I add!! So yeah, let me just put on my best smile and get real helpful!â
The single lash of shame slit Purple at the stomach, and all at once the pent-up anxiety and energy and adrenaline poured out of them, awash on the floor. Purple stuck a thumb in the handbook and let it shut, head lowered, long breath exhaled.
â...Sorry, Red. I do, in fact, really appreciate your help here. I uh... I tried to do this alone last loop, and it didnât go well. So... thanks.â
And when Red didnât respond, Purple glanced up nervously. The anger on Redâs face had gone elsewhere, and they were staring with a sort of snuffed-out confusion thatâto the best of Purpleâs readâwas because they hadnât expected to get their way.
Purple cracked the handbook back open, its spine protesting like stiff twigs. They thumbed through slower now, until they finally found what they were looking for. âRULE #214â. Purple smoothed a thumb over the image, and it was an almost comical rendition Purple decided, in light of how Orange and Green and Black had lookedâthe simple little alien with its simple tongue, impaling a crewmate. âALIENS ARE REAL AND THEY LIKE TO KILL.â
Purple met Redâs visor, and noted the way Red stared back, aware of the page, and gauging Purpleâs face for a reaction.
âI know you know about the aliens,â Purple said.
âI mean... the handbook is a little outdated. I was hoping maybe the aliens were like, a last decade thing.â
Purple flipped the page, and their heart skipped a beat at the dense gathering of text on the backside of the alien page.
âThereâs something here, wait--â Purple stuck their finger to the text, skimming along as they read aloud, âAlien hijacking of a MIRA Corporation vessel is an unlikely but possible event. Captains of alien-infested ships are advised to proceed with the following knowledge. 1. Crewmate death by alien falls outside the bounds of the MIRA Corporation Death and Dismemberment clause of employee insurance and as such do not entitle the employee to compensationâaaAAAAAGH, really?! This is just about how to fuck us over in death?!â
Purple skipped to the next page. It was a new subject about apron care.
Purple snapped the book shut with a noise like a popped firecracker. They buried their head and rubbed at their visor. âClassic MIRA!! Aliens are real! Theyâll kill you! But we wonât tell you about the salt thing or how to.... not be in a time-loop with them!!!!â
Purple dropped back into the security chair. Their energy was evaporating like morning mist. The silence percolated with it. They extended their hand out, book offered, for Red to take back.
âThanks for letting me check anywayâŚâ Purple muttered.
Red took the book back in their hands. Â
âHam and cheese on rye, tomatoes, onions, extra pickles, hold the mustard,â Red said.
Purple raised their sticky attention back up to Red, watching them stuff the handbook back in their backpack.
âWhat--â
âFor the time-loop thing,â Red clarified. âJust making sure you remember.â
âUgh,â Purple answered, and let their head dip again.
âWhat uh, what salt thing?â Red asked.
Purple snaked a free hand around to their own backpack zipper, a motion which startled Red in its suddenness. Purple yanked the zipper open along wiry teeth, and reached in, and grabbed the empty tin of flakey salt. They proffered it to Red, who approached and gathered it in their hands.
âItâs empty,â Red remarked, as they popped the top off.
âSalt kills the aliens. Which is WHY they got rid of the salt. Theyâre leaving us unarmed.â
Red shifted the container between hands, a bit like a toddler in a touch museum. Purple watched them long enough to see Red lift the container toward their mouth and lick it.
âThereâs like, a little salt still in here,â Red remarked.
âNot enough to kill an alien. Let alone two.â Let alone more, Purple thought bitterly, with the realization that other alien eggs could hatch if the imposters werenât eliminated soon.
âWhy do you have it then?â Red asked, handing the container back to Purple.
âI donât know. In case?â Purple answered as they slipped it back into their backpack.
And after a hanging moment, Red added, âThere has to be more salt somewhere, right? Itâs salt.â
âCyan used to have salt but... itâs probably gone too. It was gone last loop.â
âHave you asked Cyan?â
Purple stayed silent a moment. âIâll rummage through Cyanâs stuff next. There wasnât any sign of any other salt in the kitchen.â
And if Red noticed the deflection, they courteously did not draw attention to it. âI kinda thought the pizza sauce was bland...â
When this did not yield an answer from Purple, Red added, âOther things have salt.â
âLike what? Maybe... trace amounts in food? Thatâs not gonna be enough.â
âSalt is a rock, right? And Black is a geologist. If I talk to Black, Iâm sure Iâll come up with an idea to replenish the salt and eliminate those aliens in no time.â
Purple was understanding that memories could be mud pits. They could sweep in like flash floods and infiltrate the nose and mouth and windpipe, aggressively unseating air, and space, and all uncrushed feelings.
That was what Purpleâs memories were doing now at the captainâs suggestion. Purpleâs mind was dominated by the sight of Black, splitting wide open, oozing out flesh like fluid filling out blistering skin. And the sight of Red, sliced down the center, bulbous and greasy inner flesh straining at the duodenum, which had just barely not slit open because the evisceration had stopped short at Redâs stomach. Purple had seen it all so close, shoved up against Red, languishing in their shared bloodâthe sight and smell and stink of a crewmateâs stomach slit open like burrata, gastric fluids mixed with greasy oils and blood. Purple had been forced to understand it, to see it all, right before Black--
âPurps?â
Hand on their shoulder. Purple was breathing hard enough to wheeze at every exhale. They found enough sense to be embarrassed as their visor found Red, and their shaking hand landed atop Redâs knuckles on their shoulder.
âIâm fine.â
And Red seemed unsure how to answer this, so they said, âIâll go talk to Black.â
Purpleâs hand tightened on top of Redâs. A vise clamp. It wasnât intentional, but even as Purpleâs sense caught up to them, they could not dare to let Red go.
âYou... donât want me to go talk to Black.â
âItâs not safe,â Purple said, blandly.
âYou think Black is the killer.â
âI donât know who the killers are,â Purple answered. âAnd that means the more people we go to for help, the more likely it is that weâve told the imposters everything. We canât trust people, Red. Everyoneâs dangerous.â
âIncluding me, right?â Red asked, and they asked it simply, and without a hint of malice. It was, by Purpleâs embarrassed account, far more gentle than Purple deserved. âYouâre talking to me.â
Purple let out a held breath. Red slipped their hand off Purpleâs shoulder, and Purpleâs trailing fingers let it leave.
âWhyâd you tell me?â Red asked.
Purple took the opportunity to pinch their fingers tight at their visor. An offshore storm of a headache was rolling in toward Purpleâs sinuses, and Purple could feel this would not let them off easy.
âYou⌠really came through in the first loop,â Purple said. âI honest to god did NOT trust you but, you just, you really came through.â
âWhat did I do?â
âYou lured Orange out and got them ejected after they killed Lime. You had my back when I needed your help to take down Green. I made enough mistakes the whole way that you could have ditched me, or turned on me, or voted me out but⌠you didnât, for some reason. So. I donât know. I want to believe I can trust you.â
And speaking with this amount of honesty all felt like wet sludge in Purpleâs throat, so it a little bit pissed them off when Red responded with a very stupid and very simple, âOh.â
It was the kind of nothing response that made Purple lower their hands and lift their head properly to the captain. Red was looking in Purpleâs direction, but not quite at them anymore. There was an unfocused distance in Redâs visor, an absence that indicated they were completely inside their own head, lost in thought.
âOhâŚâ Red repeated, a little bit longer, a little bit breathier, and with an upward lilt of hope that sounded almost like a question.
Then, when no one said anything else, Red asked, âAnd I was cool?â
You were concussed, Purple thought of answering, which would be an accurate description of Red in the days after the fight against Green. But, even tactless as they were, Purple could understand that that response would take down the room.
âYou were⌠admittedly⌠kind of cool.â
Purple felt just a little bit bad recognizing how directly theyâd linked the concept of embarrassment to the captain, like a word association game, as Purple caught the distinctly unsubtle way Red rocked and bounced on their heels. A happy petmate, told âgood doggy.â
And maybe this all made for a good opportunity for Purple to say more, but between the headache and the loop fatigue, they couldnât take any more swallowing-glass of complimenting the captain. Especially not as the reality of the situation sunk back in slowly. No salt. No leads. No plans.
That was slightly wrong. Purple had one single plan to fall back on, and that plan was turning back around in their chair, and mouse-wiggling the screens back to life, and scorching their dark-adjusted visor with the nuclear monochrome radiation of the security monitors.
Purple did that. They clicked through each cam. And clicked through them again. And Red hovered.
ââŚSo whatâs the plan?â Red asked.
And under better circumstances, Purple might have appreciated the personality break-through of Captain Red asking for someone elseâsplan. These were not those circumstances.
âWell⌠considering weâre back to square one and have no salt, no leads on Whiteâs killer, and no one whoâs gonna believe us if we say âtime-looping and aliensâ, Iâm just⌠gonna do the job I got hired by MIRA to do⌠and watch cams.â
Purple completed another rotation of the cameras. They stopped now, intentionally, on medbay. Brown stood on the scanner. Yellow stood to the side talking idly with Blue âa ghost of a conversation, which Purple inferred only by their pantomiming gestures.
âIs there like, a specific alien imposter clue you can see from cams?â
âNot really,â Purple answered, all a little bit haunted-feeling watching Blue. âWell⌠yes actually⌠if you count the clue of them transforming into giant flesh monsters when they kill someone.â
âAre we looking for that?â And then when Purple didnât answer, Red added, âAre we waiting to see who the imposter kills?â
ââŚYes,â Purple answered after letting free a long-held breath. âIf Iâm honest, this is the thing I most screwed up on the first time. I wasnât on cams when Blue was killed⌠or Black orâŚâ Purpleâs thoughts drifted sideways. âIâm trying to not screw that up again.â
Purple flipped the camera. From the edge of their vision, Purple noticed the way the camera image stamped itself inverted in Redâs visor.
ââŚJust to double check,â Red started, âthat plan, where we stand here and watch the cameras until the imposter kills someoneâthat plan is one where someone gets killed, right?â
Purple glanced side-long at Red.
âJust checking,â Red tacked on.
âItâll be a lot fewer people killed than the last two times,â Purple muttered, and they rather hated hearing the morbidity in their resignation. It echoed and rattled in their head like bad microphone feedback.
Red at least didnât argue. But they did something arguably worse than arguing, which was getting that hop-skip momentum back into their feet as they trotted to the security doors.
âWhere are you going?â Purple asked, loathe to break their attention away from cams, but willing to do so to glare at Red.
âYou keep doing your job, Purps. Iâm gonna go do my job,â Red said, all bravado. They slammed a hand out against the internal door switch. The security doors slid open like parting mist. âWhich is to be really cool.â They took one step past the security threshold, and then stopped just out of sight. Red then took the step in reverse back into security. âAs captain. As the captain who always comes through. Thatâs my job.â
Red took the step forward again, just in time for the automatic resealing of the security doors to not nip at their heels. Purple buried their head forward on their desk and let out the kind of guttural noise of frustration animals make to tell each other to fuck off.
Purple lifted their head and flicked the cams, and they passed the next few seconds watching the monochrome captain bounce down the hall toward storage.
âThat idiot is gonna get themself killed,â Purple said with all the tired annoyance in their heart.
And then Purple shoved back their chair with enough force for the temperamental wheel to detach, and they broke into a jog that followed the ghost of Redâs footsteps to the security door.
I think that part of what irks me about AI being used even for "small" stuff like meme graphics (aside from all the larger problems obviously) is like.... the time spent on it was part of the humor. "this is a silly inconsequential joke but I had to stop everything and spend 5 minutes making it" was, at least for me, part of the joke. Someone really took time out of their day to make me look at something silly they took time out of their day to make. Now it's like someone took time out of my day to make me look at something no one even made. Stop wasting my time if you aren't wasting yours too.