I reeeeaaalllyy don't like how widespread gender realism is in supposedly feminist circles on this website. You are one step away from becoming a radfem.
"Woman" is a socially constructed category and "women" have nothing intrinsic in common, other than viewing themselves as whatever "woman" is defined as in their society, or being judged by the standards of whatever "woman" is defined as in their society. Gender is as "real" of a category as race or neurotype, which is to say, it's not objectively real at all. It's an artificial category created on the basis of perceived shared traits among certain people. The people came first, they were grouped into their artificial category later. There are no intrinsic differences between men or women or nonbinary or multigender people.
Watching the queer way of interacting with gender go from "Gender is a social construct that can be fun to play with but at heart is a dangerous toy because it has been used for generations to oppress and divide people." To "Everyone has a perfect crystal of true gender which you must deeply introspect to discover, and you can be wrong about its nature." Has been a disaster.
As a trans person this view I feel is deeply harmful and wrong. I do believe gender is a real and not socially constructed concept. I feel no one “gave” me my gender and people telling me my gender is a construct is insulting to who I am and how hard I worked to discover myself. Not everyone has the same experience as I do but to say as an objective that gender is made up is extremely presumptuous and rude. In my personal spiritual beliefs I feel every person’s soul comes with its own relationship to gender that isn’t given by society. Do not try to tell me my religion and my relationship with myself are made up. That’s not your place. Believe your beliefs and let others believe theirs. It harms no one.
Gender is undeniably a social construct. Your spiritual beliefs are also a social construct. Both was created and shaped by society and people's understanding of it changes constantly. A medieval Catholic's religious beliefs and experience of church were completely different from a modern Catholic's.
Children aren't born having a full understanding of gender or religion — they have to be indoctrinated into it. It might be inherent to people to seek out some kind of gender expression or spiritual belief, but the way we do it is not innate. We aren't born knowing that skirts are for girls and big trucks are for boys.
Money is also a social construct. That doesn't mean it isn't real or that it doesn't matter. It's just that people made it up and assigned meaning to it. We have no choice but to participate in it, so money is still important and meaningful to pretty much everyone in society because it defines our experiences of existing as humans right now. Still a social construct though, and has very recently changed from being exclusively bills & metal coins in your wallet/under your mattress to numbers in an app. Children have to learn how to interact with money and most people are pretty bad at it and it cases a lot of problems. The same could be said for gender.
The example that got my (really quite Catholic) mother to understand social constructs as both important and made up was days of the week.
There is no law of nature that proves it is Wednesday. Days are real - the Earth rotates, the sun rises and sets, that’s physics. Deciding to build our entire westernised lives around 1/4 of the moon’s orbit is made up. There is no law of physics that links this moment in the lunar procession to ‘Wednesday’.
And yet it really is Wednesday. Mum, you need to go to work and later your choir who practice on Wednesdays will be pissed if you skip practice because ‘Wednesday is a social construct’.
It’s also completely valid to have a favourite day of the week - Sunday for my mum since she goes to church, doesn’t work and avoids domestic chores on Sunday. And all those feelings about Sundays are completely valid in the absence of any law of nature which proves ‘it’s Sunday’.
what every fanfic writer deserves to feel comfortable saying:
I will write these characters however I want and I will write whatever I want. if you don’t like the way I write them or the things I write about, you are free to write your own fics. you are free to not read my properly tagged works. but you don’t get to tell me how to create my art. I create for myself first and foremost. I don’t create to please anybody
*clean out the oldass canned shit that's been sitting in the pantry for literal years because sometimes there really isn't any food and so throwing anything out that's still unopened is basically the eighth deadly biblical sin but honest hand to god that shit is never getting eaten
Hey. Hey not to make a jokepost deep but some of this shit was in my go-bag from before I moved out of my parent's house.
I first packed it up in ziplock freezer bags along with matches and a tarp n other junk in case shit went south and I needed to lay low in the woods a couple days.
And now I'm an adult, living in my own apartment, paying my own rent with my own career in a job I enjoy, with my own towels and plates and shampoo I bought because I like the smell.
My (limited) understanding is that a yandere is like a stalker while a tsundere is like, mean to you to hide that they like you? I may have gotten the nuances wrong but I gotta say I prefer the former solely because the intentions are at least legible. When I was getting sorta stalked (not actually, he'd just watch my social media and then suddenly show up when I posted about being in different places) I Knew What The Deal Was, whereas I've apparently lost out on a lot of opportunities bc someone decided to go the negging route and I responded with disproportionate anger
Listen. Someone tells me they want me so bad they wanna cut my legs off? Clear communication, firm and open, no rhetorical tricks, I appreciate it even as I am rapidly buying a gun. Someone calls me an idiot? I'm saying things about their mom nobody in their bloodline has ever heard before. AND they like me? Well damn TALK to me then, Jesus
idk how to say this in a way that doesn't remind me of fucking terf talking points but a big problem with nodyssey is. it is. in its core. trying so hard to be a Man's movie
all of the originally complex and important female characters are stripped down to barebones useless caricatures, the colour and flourish and folklore and like. base aesthetics of greek myth and culture are shied away from in favour of the same dusty and muddy tones and undyed linens and leathers and grey metals as every badass "period" war piece regardless of the fucking millenia. the gods are fucking absent, other than a soft edgeless representation of athena later revealed to perhaps be more ptsd flashback than actual goddess. circe simply accepts to turn the men back into men after about 4 minutes, she's got no will, no substance, no personhood. it's all action and barely any myth. it's fucking bleak, in a way only achievable by a man so afraid of femininity in any way he's rid his artwork of all fantaisy and emotion and added a little misogyny to an ancient text for flavour
so yeah. you'll never catch me actually uncritically man hating. i don't think being a man is making you a bad artist but i know hating women is
Not to be all "the children have forgotten the sacred texts!" but I just saw someone refer to a ship between two people who are good friends in canon as a crackship.
Hon. No. Crackship doesn't just mean "not canon". It's difficult to imagine two people who spend significant canon time together as a crackship. Crackship is when you write Galactus getting fucked by Tony the Tiger.
You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like
And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants
hi. i hope this ask is not an imposition and that you're doing well. (side note, i still remember you fondly from the nano region, and as being a really good moderator, so thanks for that.)
how did/do you learn to deal with bipolar?
having to keep a sharp eye on my moods is exhausting, and i'm wondering if it ever gets easier.
(i'm currently undiagnosed because they're trying to figure out if it's bipolar with psychosis or schizophrenia. i've had one confirmed hypomanic episode this year and at least two others that were probably hypomania, along with sustained depression through my younger years. i'm 23 and there's history of unipolar depression but neither bipolar nor schizophrenia in my immediate family as far as i know. they say i'm having persistent psychotic experiences, but i'm not sure i believe that. anyway.)
also if you have any tips or resources or things you would've liked to know, i'd love to hear them.
Well hello there! Thank you for the compliments, they mean a lot. And thank you for reaching out to me. I'm so sorry that you're looking at this as a potential diagnosis, but I'm super fucking happy that you're looking at it so young, because the earlier you know, the easier (IMHO) it is to start understanding and living with it.
I would like to invite any of my friends with bipolar to contribute in the comments or reblogs if they wish.
My bipolar background real quick for context: diagnosed at 27, now 43, medicated since age 27, a number of hospitalisations since the first one, mainly due to depression, one due to a mixed state episode (more about those later). Two family members with bipolar before me; jury's still out on anyone else in my same generation. I predominantly experience low moods (depression), with occasional hypomanic episodes and rare psychotic episodes.
The biggest thing I can think of is that yes, it gets easier. It gets boring as well, and periodically it gets really frustrating, but that's true of managing any chronic condition. I get sick of monitoring my moods sometimes too, but I also get sick of pain management for my osteoarthritis, and unfortunately, we've just got to battle on and keep doing it. But from that first diagnosis, spending a month on the ward and then a couple of months in recovery at home, I'm now capable of recognising impending trouble and nipping it in the bud without it necessarily being a huge deal.
My brother once told me to check myself but not bully myself (that was essentially the phrasing, but I don't remember exactly). I do a daily mood check-in (more on that shortly) and try not to harass myself about how I'm feeling. I try to look at the logical and illogical reasons behind it, resolve problems if something specific is messing me up, and let go of the things I can't change.
I think the approach that my former psychiatrist took when first getting me onto medication was sensible, which was to worry less about the specific label and more about treating the symptoms. Meds can vary hugely in what they do for people, but I have personally always done better on them than not. I have a regular antidepressant as part of my morning meds and then a mood stabiliser and antipsychotic at night. I'm personally very in favour of meds for bipolar, having seen how adversely being unmedicated can affect people. The caveat is that most of the times I have been hospitalised since the first time (2010, when I was diagnosed), it's been due to meds issues. All I can say is to be extra aware of yourself if you're trying different medication.
Tips:
It's SO boring sometimes, but keep a mood diary. I use Finch for this, along with tracking meds and a few other things. It can really help to see the patterns in your moods; it's how we established there's a seasonal component to mine, and so my meds get bumped up in winter (I do know people whose symptoms get worse in summer, though, so that's one reason it's better to track your moods for a while). I do a daily check-in and on Finch it's literally just a scale of 1-5 with emotes, so it's very low-pressure.
Let your doctor(s) guide your medication, but don't hesitate to speak up if you feel totally flattened out, or excessively wired up, or like it's just not working. Not everything will work the first time.
Read up on your medication side effects and interactions. Try not to get too hung up on them, but also, if you're getting shitty side effects, there's frequently going to be an alternative medication you can try.
Be kind to yourself. Get to know how your bipolar affects you personally, because it affects people so differently. Get to know your warning signs. I know I'm headed downhill if I feel too wrung out at the end of the day to brush my teeth and shower. I know I'm experiencing hypomania if I'm functioning on less sleep than I ought to be, my mind is racing, and I suddenly have a bunch of ideas for creative projects, especially if I'm looking at buying lots of stuff for them. It doesn't mean they're unequivocally a bad idea, but it does mean I should write down the project and the components and give myself thinking time, rather than jumping straight onto eBay.
Do the art therapy or singing group or whatever thing is on offer on the ward if you end up in inpatient because if you stay in your room all day your social skills will atrophy. Also, go outside if you can.
Go outside in general. Nature is so good for mental health. I am actually very bad at following this advice, so callout post to myself here.
Just because it's not curable doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
Resources:
I found The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David J. Miklowitz to be a very good read that provided a lot of information without getting too dense or horrifying.
Having a good therapist/psychologist to talk to in addition to whoever is prescribing you medication is really good. I've gone through a bunch of them simply due to people moving to practice elsewhere, retiring, and so on, and it can be very frustrating to have to recap everything to a new therapist, but if you can get on someone's books, try to. The bulk of the therapy I've undergone is cognitive behavioural therapy.
I've called Lifeline before when I've needed to because sometimes crying down the phone at a stranger is enough to reset my awareness of my mental state. 13 11 14 or Lifeline.
Take online self-tests with a grain of salt, but Black Dog Institute's information sheets are generally pretty useful.
Health Direct has some information and some further links.
Things I wish I'd known:
Bipolar disorder, or bipolar affective disorder, or manic-depressive psychosis as it was back in the day, is a horribly reductive name, because in fact there are (at least) two other potential 'poles': rapid cycling, which means switching between depression and mania very quickly in a short period of time, and mixed state/episode, which means experiencing symptoms of both at the same time. I don't tend to get rapid cycling, but I do get mixed episodes, and they fucking suck.
Meds aren't supposed to fully flatten you out. Actually, I was somewhat aware of this going in (again, other family members had their diagnoses before me), but it's pretty key in finding meds that work for you without making you nonfunctional. Especially if you go down the antipsychotic route, which could apply whether it's bipolar or schizophrenia. A good psych will start you on low doses and go up if needed.
It's worth trying the stupid coping mechanisms at least twice (once to see if it does suck, twice to see if you were wrong the first time) despite how stupid they sound at the outset because sometimes they actually are stupid and sometimes they turn out to be incredibly helpful. I thought breathing exercises (some examples at Beyond Blue) were pointless because if I was spiralling into, for example, an anxiety attack, I didn't think I could focus on my breathing. As it turned out, practicing them often enough has made them become an instinctive thing and I can stop myself from what would otherwise be exhausting crying fits with them.
It's okay to ask for help. The first time I was hospitalised, after months of struggling with deepening depression, I had to be told that that was the necessary step. Later times, I reached out to family and my partner and my psych. The most recent time I went into inpatient, I actually called Triple 0 and had police come do a wellness check on me that led to them taking me to the emergency, which I don't recommend for everyone, but because I knew I was only (potentially) a danger to myself, I took that step.
If you have any other questions, please ask and I will share experiences.
Also, it's Tumblr. If I try to tell anyone about your knock-off Wish-quality sex toy there’s going to be a horde of Autistic lesbians doing a power point presentation in the notes about safe sex toy material and correct battery storage.
Which I am 100% down for, but it will not get you any sales.
I was trying to figure out if you were someone important on a other platform, because there's no way in hell anyone actually thinks you can be classified as "Influencer" if you have a big Tumblr blog.
And then also think advertising to this mob would be a good idea
There are actually lots of people who sell stuff successfully on here, usually drop ship stuff.
They’re just not disclosing it as ads, which they are supposed to do, and instead it's marketed in a very Tumblr-esque way which can be summed up as “omg guys look how CUTE this is” followed by a different account underneath going “omg found it!!” and it links to a drop ship site with the item(s).
And the link usually has an affiliate tracker in it, which you may or may not be able to spot unless you’re familiar with them, which is also something you are legally supposed to disclose.
I used to get a lot of offers from around 2016-2020 to sell “moon lamps” on here, y’know those orb lights that look like a moon? Yeah. I was offered a higher kickback to make it look like I wasnt posting an add because these sellers know Tumblrites don’t like ads.
They wanted it to look as organic and hyped up as possible and then I’d just so happen to be like “omg you guys it's on sale” and post a link. Which is skeevy as shit and also illegal af in the US.
It’s like the insta/tiktok girlies saying “link in bio” to get around saying “here’s a product I make money on if you buy it” because they want to sound like your friend because people are more likely to impulse buy stuff if a “friend” is recommending something.
They’re also trusting that everyone knows “link in bio” means “affiliate link” which is technically not enough of a disclosure but whatever.
This is why I tag all my own book promos with “affiliate links” because depending on which storefront you buy Hunger Pangs from, I may get a kickback from the vender which I do to help mediate the fees I lose from distribution. It’s not much—literal pennies in some cases—but I’m still legally required to state it.
It’s also why when I do post products I use or like, I make a point of letting people know I’m not an affiliate and not sponsored because despite the legal ramifications these people are flirting with by not disclosing their affiliate status, I want to be fully transparent with my followers when it comes to me trying to sell them things.
Y’all keep my lights on by reading my work and through my ko-fi and patreon. I am not about to risk that trust for the sake of some shitty vibrator sales from a sketch-ass drop shipper who wants me to pretend I’m not selling you things.
So, yeah. People do successfully sell stuff on here. A lot of us small indie creators sell our own work all the time.
But there are also drop-ship sellers on here who get enough of a kick-back from affiliate links to make selling cutesy kitsch stuff worth their time on here. They’re just making sure you don’t know you’re being marketed to.
Throwback to when I openly talked about this and got blocked by several huge “meme” blogs that were actually drop shippers who didn’t like me lifting up the rock and exposing how they hide their ads in plain sight lol
parents will throw a fucking tantrum about how you have to respect their views while having disrespected you your entire life for no reason other than believing they had the right to control you
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