Perfectly Imperfect

I am who I am and who I am is me♡ Our toughest battles are our greatest opportunities for growth. Don't let any moment go to waste. There is beauty in everything.

[scarsandbroken]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[hplyrikz]

The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

Unknown (via hplyrikz)

Is it a daydream or is the reality of it to beautiful for me to bear right now? Will I ever be ready? You who lit a fire that burned like no other. You who drifted in like a calm summers breeze, who captivated me so easily. You who left your mark, and left a hole I only realized existed after you departed this place. Maybe you were always meant to be a feeling and nothing more. Still... that fire burns and I feel my soul stretching and tugging me in your direction. One day maybe, or perhaps never. Whatever this life holds in store, I will always look fondly upon this emotion you've created within me. Strong and passionate, yet effortless and as natural as the sun set and sun rise. You will forever be my muse.

[timid]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[wildsunshine]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[fearlings-deactivated20190809]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[farsidepixie-blog]

How I live my life❤

[farsidepixie-blog]

The education and empowerment of women throughout the world cannot fail to result in a more caring, tolerant, just and peaceful life for all.

Aung San Suu Kyi

[farsidepixie-blog]

[farsidepixie-blog]

"You are the Rose of me, In you have I lost myself utterly, Your fragrance, as a breath from Paradise, About me ever lies; I crush you to my heart with subtlest ecstasy And on your lips I live, and in your passionate eyes You are the Dream of me, My visions many-footed flit and flee Beneath the jewelled arches of Life's grace But through lone nights and days, One form I follow, and mine eyes but see The dear delightful wonder of your love-lit face You are the Greatness of me, My thoughts are Beauty shaped exquisitely To the rare pattern of your loveliness Exceeding all excess: And the strange magic of this mystery, Steals weight from burdened hours, and woe from weariness"

Govinda Krishna Chettur

[farsidepixie-blog]

It is impossible to stay comfortable in a hospital bed

Me after laying in a hospital bed for 3 days

[farsidepixie-blog]

I did it! Yesterday 2-7-2017 at approximately 7:00am I went into surgery where they removed my left kidney to put inside my dad. I was told it was a beautiful kidney and has been functioning awesomely since it was first attached to it's new owner. I'm super happy about that to say the least. I finally made my way up to my dad's room about an hour ago by wheelchair and the reaction on his face said it all. It was literally the moment I've been waiting for, for the last 5 years. He looked so much better. I know he was happy to see me and see for himself that I was okay but it was like I could see life back in him again. For the last year, especially, I would look at him and see the pain hidden inside. I saw him grow sicker and sicker and saw him lose his appetite for days at a time far too frequently. If you didn't know him well you wouldn't see it, but he's like me and I'm like him, and I felt him starting to slip away. We aren't mushy or touchy feely but show our love and affections through our concern, our care and our actions. I know no one lives forever but yesterday I gave my dad a piece of me that will keep him here with me longer than the machines that were draining his body of toxins while also draining it of life. Yesterday I gave my dad a kidney and gave myself my dad back and today I look forward to the future. On the other side of these healing wounds are so so many possibilities and memories to be made and for that, I would do it all over again the same♡

[farsidepixie-blog]

Hey guys, as some of you might know if you read my last post, I am going into surgery next week to donate a kidney to my dad who has had CKD for the last 5 years. His kidneys only operate at 7% currently and he wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for going to dialysis 3x a week. I have been at my job for 6 months now and am only part time. They have been supportive and amazing about holding my position for me until I return, however because I have been here less than a year I can not receive FMLA. I have set up a gofundme just to help cover my lost wages while I am out. I still have bills to pay. My full recovery time is 6 to 8 weeks but I will only be out 4 because honestly I can’t afford more than that, I can’t really afford the 4 but this is literally saving my dad so there’s not really a choice to make. Please check out my story and at least share if you aren’t able to donate. I would really appreciate it. Love and light to you all♡♡ LINK IN MY BIO #livingdonor #donatelife #kidneydonor #kidneytransplant #ckd #beadonor #fatherdaughter #givelife #bannertransplantcenter #arizona #lakehavasu #Phoenix #inspire #hope #love #life #family #raiseawareness #donate #gofundme #aspiretoinspire #familyiseverything #share

[farsidepixie-blog]

One week from today I will have the privilege to do one of the most important things I have ever done. I have been blessed with the opportunity to donate a kidney to my dad. My dad has had high blood pressure and diabetes my whole life so and he's never been the most health conscious person. He's a a big burly guy, with a beard, "beer belly" and scattered tattoos. On first site he looks like a classic biker dude, big and intimidating but reality is far from that. My dad will strike up a conversation with anyone. Though at home he's a man of few words, socially he's about as friendly as they come. Anyone who grew up around my dad will tell you his story telling skills are legendary. That's the first thing that comes to mind when they reminisce about the old days. He's never been the one to be mushy and affectionate but rather show his deep concern and care by giving the shirt off of his back if he has to. When I was 15 my dad was on a road trip with his friends on their bikes when he caught double pneumonia. We didn't know immediately what was wrong when he got back but we definitely knew something wasn't right. When we got him to his Doctor they immediately called the ambulance and rushed him to the hospital. They told us one more day and he wouldn't have made it. From that point on it was constant downhill turns, health scares and trips to the emergency room. Then when I turned 21 and was pregnant with my daughter he had another huge health scare. I rushed him to the hospital one day and they told us his kidneys were failing, like due to his diabetes and he would need emergency dialysis. He had a tube inserted into his chest until they were able to grow a vain in his arm, large enough to use for dialysis (they refer to this as a fistula). After beginning dialysis they told us he would want to get on the transplant list. It wouldn't be a cure but it would help him live more comfortably and leave him with more of a life to live than dialysis. Dialysis takes such a toll on the body, they say typically every year on dialysis takes 5 years off of your life span. During his testing to be evaluated and placed on the transplant list they found a mass on one of his kidneys. They took a biopsy and found out it was cancerous. This lead to him undergoing a partial nephrectomy (partial removal of the kidney) to cut out the cancer. Thankfully it was all removed without him having to undergo chemotherapy or having to take any cancer meds. Now, however, he would have to wait 2 additional years to be placed on a transplant list to make sure the cancer didn't return. Had he not been diagnosed with kidney failure and had to undergo these extra tests the cancer likely would have been caught too late. This was all a blessing in disguise, even though none of it felt that way at the time. Watching my dad got though these ailments made me realize I never wanted my daughter to go through the same thing so I started taking better care of myself and focus on bettering myself physically, mentally and spiritually. It was hard and at times I broke down and cried out to God asking him why? I couldn't understand and my heart felt like it couldn't take much more. Since I was 15 I've lived in constant fear of getting a phone call that my dad didn't wake up one morning, or had a heart attack caused by anther heart issue, or hear that the cancer wasn't gone and now it was worse. I am 26 now, I'll turn 27 in June and today my dad is still cancer free and I am now a week away from giving my dad back some of his life. Every day isn't easy, it's not a walk in the park. Some days feel hopeless and unbearable and like everything is falling apart and everything is going wrong but please take heart. If you get anything out of this part of my story, please know that it will get better, the dark doesn't last forever and above all there is HOPE. I have overcome a lot, Ssomehow kept pushing when I wanted to end it all, and kept my faith even when it seemed impossible. There is so much more light in this world than darkness if you just allow it to shine in. Have courage and know that you are not alone. Stay strong, keep your head up and grab hold of the life and happiness you deserve. Love and light always♡

[farsidepixie-blog]

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

Andy Rooney

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"We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears"

—François de La Rochefoucauld

[farsidepixie-blog]

Sometimes love sticks. It’s an unrelenting hold that grabs you immediately and refuses to break it’s hold. Through deceit and pain, fire and rain it hold you hostage. But sometimes it’s light like a breeze, it takes you by surprise. Sometimes you find it in the places and people you only just caught a glimpse of. Sometimes it comes in those who hold a short fleeting place in your life. You find yourself ensnared in an ever confusing cycle. Their presence was brief but the impact was lasting. You catch yourself lost in thought over what might have been but never was. You catch yourself waking from a dream only to wish you could easily slip back into it and stay there a while longer. You catch yourself wondering and hoping that they are doing the same…

[farsidepixie-blog]

So my daughter was playing a game on her tablet and kept losing. The goal of the game she was playing was to make it from one end of the course to the other while trying to dodge all the obstacles in the way (think frogger if you know what that is lol). Anyway, she would get a ways across and then run into something or get hit by something and have to start over. I heard her laughing and watched as she made it so far and once again got knocked over. Skeptical of whether she actually wanted to reach the finish line or just thought smacking into chickens and getting run over by hay bails was funny, I asked her “are you trying to win the game or do you just like getting knocked over?” She told me that she wanted to win but she still thought it was “hilarious” running into the obstacles. So I told her if “you lose, you lose though, you can’t win if you keep running into things” and she replied to me by saying “then I’ll just have to keep trying”. It’s little things like this that serve as motivation and reminders and make me feel super proud of the little human I’m raising (and she’s not even 5 til next week😜😆😊). Too often we get so caught up in getting to the finish line that we sprint for it, trying to get there as fast as we can, and miss the joy in the journey. Or we go for it, but as soon as we hit a wall we give up, or let it set us back so much we are forced to start over again. Life is a journey, we will never achieve perfection because if we’re honest we can always do better, push harder, and go farther. Knowing that, stop focusing on the end, because really, there isn’t one. Embrace your path and learn to love and appreciate it, each step is making you a little better. And as for that wall, those setbacks, and obstacles… climb it, push through it, and overcome. Nothing will ever come easy but would you really want it to? All of my proudest moments, moments of strength and feeling like a total bad ass have all come after overcoming my biggest obstacles and getting through some of the toughest parts of my life. Satisfaction doesn’t come from having something handed to you, it comes from knowing you put your all into earning it. Don’t let the challenges break you, let them transform you into a better, stronger version of yourself. Enjoy your process, and give yourself credit for being the ultimate bad ass by pushing through those things that make others quit.

[farsidepixie-blog]

A cool, clean wave of optimism, under the sun's warm a reassuring rays. A monsoon disguised by periwinkle clouds in the distance, muffling the thunder and hiding the sharp, violent stabs of lightning. Her booming voice concealed in the softest of whispers, never fully realizing it's potential. A life caught in the current grasping at rocks, and branches, struggling to changed direction. Struggling to float. Struggling to breath. Struggling to feel. Struggling. Struggling....