dumb waiter

[motherhenna]

Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something

some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.

[motherhenna]

Some of my favorites include:

Shaft of Delight (1700s)

Womb Sweeper (1980s)

Master John Goodfellow (1890s)

Nimble-Wimble (1650s)

Corporal Love (1930s)

Staff of Life (1880s)

Spindle (1530s)

As good as ever twanged (1670s)

Gaying Instrument (1810s)

Beef Torpedo (1980s)

and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble 

[motherhenna]

And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:

Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)

Poontang (1950s)

Spunk Box (1720s)

Ringerangroo (1930s)

Ineffable (1890s)

Itching Jenny (1890s)

Carnal Mantrap (1890s - a busy decade apparently)

Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)

Rough Malkin (1530s)

Socket (1460s)

and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.

[theymightbegiantsquids]

@antique-symbolism

[jumpingjacktrash]

this alone has justified the internet

[vastderp]

Dilly-dally shilly-shally (2005)

[captainbarrabear]

[bunjywunjy]

great news everyone only the Irish are allowed to name new species, effective immediately. 

[twinkothydrake]

can’t believe i gotta wait until july for more

[zephyrine-gale]

full piece for @yoimafiazine !!

[zephyrine-gale]

hap borth @yaboybokuto !!!

[zephyrine-gale]

if you don’t think shuri would use her bracelet to astral project memes then what is the point???

[mylifeisroosterteeth]

you know what you shouldnt do? constantly tell your child how expensive they are to take care of. because eventually, that child gets scared of asking for money, and doesnt feed themself at school, doesnt go places with their friends that require money, because they dont want to be expensive. it really does get into their minds, that theyre too much money and that they shouldnt do anything.

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

Bonus: don’t spoil your child out of guilt and then tell them how expensive spoiling them is and how “unappreciative” they are because that will mess them up mentally too.

[irregularcollapse]

Maybe the gayest reaction I’ve ever had to something was when I was like 14 and reading ‘Twilight’ for the first time, and when Bella first said she was in love with Edward I was like, “what the fuck. Since when? He’s your friend.” I legit thought she was interested in him out of like,,,,,,, professional curiosity smh

[irregularcollapse]

I’m gonna write ‘Twilight’ fanfic in which Bella is a lesbian and Edward is gay, and they’re best human/vampire mates who solve murders together. I’m going to change all the character names and publish it under the title ‘Blood Buddies’.

[irregularcollapse]

[not]Bella: I know things were probably pretty dire in the 1800s, sex-wise, but you could’ve… I don’t know, been an Oscar Wilde boy toy. You’re pretty enough.

[not]Edward: Do you enjoy this? Do you enjoy causing me pain?

[not]Bella: …you’re the oldest twink in the world. How does that feel?

[gothic1997]

[rachelisanerd]

young justice + tv tropes b01: robin i/dick grayson

“you’re overwhelmed, freeze was underwhelmed, why isn’t anyone ever just whelmed?” 

[ulsaez]

We were the best, Richard.

[toxzen]

please just watch this

[gamegeneral-deactivated20150114]

“It’s one second.” I said “It can’t possible be that great.” I was wrong.

[chaifootsteps]

NYEM

[thecheshirecass-deactivated2018]

I turned the sound on and laughed so hard it hurt

[seatrench]

Curious Blue Shark

(source)

[bunjywunjy]

this shark is the most earnest creature on the entire planet

[cactusrabbit-deactivated2019120]

WHAT THIS

WHAT IT DO

BOOP

[mosaicprince]

@why-animals-do-the-thing ???

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

This is probably investigatory behavior! As we talked about a couple years ago on the blog, sharks have lots of little sensory organs around their nose and mouth called Ampullae of Lorenzini. 

(Photo Credit: Chris Huh)

They’re basically little gel-filled pores that sense electric current, and they’re why sharks investigate everything with their faces. Sharks bump things with their nose to put their ampullae near them in an attempt to learn about them - like finding out if you’re animal, vegetable or mineral, and if you could potentially be edible. 

From the video linked, we can see the shark is swimming around checking out the divers (who appear to be hanging out at a decompression stop), before coming over closer to the guy who is filming. This isn’t aggressive behavior - it looks like simply curiosity. It’s not a shark kiss, it’s a shark question: what are you?

[polmcarts]

Practicing some squatting poses.

I might color it. Perhaps.

[buttwyattarchive-deactivated201]

[theendofaspark]

this is never going to not be funny 

[epitomeofnerd-blog]

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

[grapes-of-plath-deactivated2017]

Bless you, Chris Pratt

[drowningz]

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in so long

[edwardspoonhands]

♫♫That’s not something that props can fix…that’s gonna be a little harder to fix.♫♫

[seafoam-aliens]

It’s bACK.

[scumbagsblog]

I’ve seen this a thousand times and I just realized he knocks the fucking Mac of of the counter too

[pyramage]

Rami Kadi, Haute Couture F/W 2013-14

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win

i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move